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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 24, 2019 4:16:53 GMT
Growing up, my parents were only ever concerned about keeping the number of presents per kid somewhat even. So if my sister had 4 gifts I might have 3-5 gifts or vice versa. She did not worry about the dollar amount spent per kid. My grandma and aunts were the same way and often my sister and I received the exact same presents. We fought constantly so it was safe to get us the same items in different colors.
Now, my mom's new husband has this thing about keeping the dollar amount spent the same. The only thing he was told to get his grandkids was cash (boring!) and that one grandkid wanted a video game. So he went out and got 2 hundred dollar bills. One for each kid not getting a regular present and then grandkid #3 gets a video game and the remaining balance ($70) in cash.
I think this is weird. The three grandkids are a 20 year old woman, a 13 year old boy and a 10 year old boy. So each kid is going to get a wildly different amount of things for that $100 and that bothers me for some reason LOL. The 20 year old will go buy a pair of designer jeans and that's it. The 10 year old will buy toys and sports stuff. The 13 year old is going to fall somewhere in the middle.
How does your family handle gifts? Do you try to make them equal in either price or # of packages? Or do you just get what you want for anyone and who cares about equality? Is it really the norm to just give cash to kids now? That makes me sad for some reason.
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Post by Merge on Dec 24, 2019 4:34:09 GMT
I try to keep it even in a very general way. I don't tally up numbers but I try to keep the impact for each kid roughly the same, if that makes sense.
I grew up with my parents trying keep it exactly the same between all three kids, mostly because my brother was (and is) a person who very carefully calculates the cost of everything to look for fairness or unfairness.
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Post by scrappinmom3 on Dec 24, 2019 4:38:37 GMT
I have 3 kids (now grown) and I tried to keep the dollar amount as close as possible. As they got bigger, they knew if they wanted pricier gifts, that they wouldn’t get as many things. They were always okay with that.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 24, 2019 4:38:53 GMT
Only one kid. Problem solved. I don’t see why it would matter if a kid got one thing or ten things with the hundred bucks. As kids get older it gets harder and harder to find stuff that they will actually want and actually use, and oftentimes the things they want get more and more expensive so it’s hard for one person to get them even the one thing they really want. When that starts being the case, cash or gift cards that they can save up to get what they really want and will use is the best course to take. Yeah, it’s boring but if the thing the kid eventually buys is something that will be useful to them, it’s money well spent. It’s so much better doing that than giving them a pile of stuff that will be just that—a pile of unused stuff which essentially equals a waste of money no matter what the stuff cost. My MIL was the queen of useless gifts, and what that taught us was that we would really rather have one really great gift that we needed or could use instead of a big pile of random stuff we didn’t want and wouldn’t use. My kid is 9 and pretty much hasn’t played with “toys” for at least two years. She isn’t into sports, likes art but already has a lot of supplies for that, and mostly wants to play video games or watch videos on her iPad. It was expensive, but because she uses it every.single.day for school and entertainment, it was definitely money well spent.
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Post by mom on Dec 24, 2019 4:41:46 GMT
I don't worry if we've spent the exact same but I do try and make sure their 'piles' are similar.
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Post by Skellinton on Dec 24, 2019 4:43:51 GMT
I have 3 kids (now grown) and I tried to keep the dollar amount as close as possible. As they got bigger, they knew if they wanted pricier gifts, that they wouldn’t get as many things. They were always okay with that. That is what we do in my family too. The problem comes in when you get one item for a screaming good sale price, so we just pretend that we paid full retail when it comes to toys. Clothes vary wildly on cost for kids, like I recently got a pair of super cute shoes for one kid for 5.00. I wasn’t so lucky on the other kid’s shoes, but for clothes/outfits we just do equal number.
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Post by ilikepink on Dec 24, 2019 4:48:38 GMT
I’ve always tried to keep it rather even. When I did the same for all three, they were disappointed by the time the third one opened the gift, because he knew what it would be.
One year, for whatever reason, I didn’t realize until I was wrapping on Christmas Eve that I had only one or two gifts for one child and that was it! The other two were getting everything. I think I spaced out shopping, thinking when I go to X , I’ll get him... and it never happened. He took it in good humor, but that was a mother fail moment.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Dec 24, 2019 5:02:09 GMT
In adulthood, I recall my mother always making sure we had the same number of items, and usually it would be gifts that were the same but different, like Yankee candles but in different scents, scarves but different colors, an ornament but different styles.
My parents didn't give us Christmas presents when we were kids-- only Santa did-- and I think it was at least equal in number, but I can only recall one Christmas present Santa ever brought me (a pink sweatshirt with cute little kitten appliques from a local department store that I really wanted but was not within the regular clothes budget).
My mother's parents went by their per-person budget, so the number of gifts could vary. When I was a kid, I remember making a list for them... my grandmother worked in a mall with a toy store. In their later years (by the time I was a teen), after my grandmother developed ALS and lost her mobility, they just switched over to cash, so then it was the same envelope for everyone.
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Dec 24, 2019 5:06:37 GMT
When they were younger I would try to have the same number of gifts, but as they get older, it’s the dollar amount that I spend that is the same.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Dec 24, 2019 6:19:35 GMT
I personally do equal amount money wise, per person.
Growing up and as an adult.... my Mom was all about equal number of gifts per person.
I personally would rather receive one higher priced gift that I wanted, than receive four to six gifts of various dollar amount that I didn't want or ask for and are "filler gifts" to keep me quantity equal. If I had one $100 gift (or gift card) to open, and my sisters had multiple lesser priced gifts(totaling $100) to open....it's equal to me. But some people view that as I am getting less than the others.
Some people view gift cards as "not really a gift" and impersonal. I view gift cards as the best gift ever! Going out to eat or shopping and someone else is paying (via gift card) is a gift in my opinion.
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Post by kristi on Dec 24, 2019 6:34:27 GMT
Maybe I am doing it wrong I try to keep the dollar value close for my two kids. We use Santa sacks - nothing is wrapped & the kids were not aware of the number of gifts when they were younger. Now that they are older they know they get less items if they are requesting expensive gifts.
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 24, 2019 6:47:46 GMT
I do keep the number and rough value of gifts even for my kids.
When they were younger it was more important that they had the same number of gifts and I worked hard to get the best deals possible, so even if they had a similar value, I might have paid a lot less for one over the other.
With our nieces and nephews, once the oldest hit their teens, we gave everyone the same dollar amount. My kids loved spending their money and didn't compare how many things their cousins got with the same money. Are these grandkids siblings or cousins? I really don't think these kids will be paying attention to what the other buys, but the older kids will be aware of the equity in being gifted the same dollar amount.
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Post by nlwilkins on Dec 24, 2019 6:49:56 GMT
I try to keep it even in dollar amount and number of gifts. So each daughter gets a pricey gift and then an equal number of less expensive gifts. Many times they were the same things and knew that (like each got a Yankee candle, chap sticks and a box of office supply stuff). They would then co-ordinate opening gifts. They would open the same size and shape gifts together. But there was also a few that were not the same so they still felt special.
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,170
Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Dec 24, 2019 6:59:30 GMT
I do both.
I have four kids, and they take turns unwrapping, so I make sure they have the same number of gifts. I also aim for the same general amount spent... usually within $25 or so of the others.
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Post by SallyPA on Dec 24, 2019 7:02:07 GMT
Yes, so the child who asked for AirPods has less packages to open that the other who asked for bedding. It’s not perfectly even but pretty close.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Dec 24, 2019 7:53:57 GMT
I have 2 sons, ages 20 & 26. I have a dollar limit on each of them. They can choose several less expensive gifts or one larger gift. I don't care, but they need to be respectful of my budget. We're all comfortable with this arrangement.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,294
Location: Colorado
Apr 26, 2017 6:14:47 GMT
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Post by snyder on Dec 24, 2019 8:04:06 GMT
Growing up, my parents were only ever concerned about keeping the number of presents per kid somewhat even. So if my sister had 4 gifts I might have 3-5 gifts or vice versa. She did not worry about the dollar amount spent per kid. My grandma and aunts were the same way and often my sister and I received the exact same presents. We fought constantly so it was safe to get us the same items in different colors.
Now, my mom's new husband has this thing about keeping the dollar amount spent the same. The only thing he was told to get his grandkids was cash (boring!) and that one grandkid wanted a video game. So he went out and got 2 hundred dollar bills. One for each kid not getting a regular present and then grandkid #3 gets a video game and the remaining balance ($70) in cash.
I think this is weird. The three grandkids are a 20 year old woman, a 13 year old boy and a 10 year old boy. So each kid is going to get a wildly different amount of things for that $100 and that bothers me for some reason LOL. The 20 year old will go buy a pair of designer jeans and that's it. The 10 year old will buy toys and sports stuff. The 13 year old is going to fall somewhere in the middle.
How does your family handle gifts? Do you try to make them equal in either price or # of packages? Or do you just get what you want for anyone and who cares about equality? Is it really the norm to just give cash to kids now? That makes me sad for some reason.
So are you saying it would be fair to the 3 grandchildren if the grandfather when and bought a pair of designer jeans for the 20 year old, a toy or piece of sport equipment for the 10 year old and possibly a video game for the 13 year old, with the price range from $100 to maybe $25ish for a non-popular video game? Wow!?
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 24, 2019 9:29:29 GMT
This is where the 9 year age gap is a double edged sword. When you have one kid getting electronics and video games and the other getting preschool toys it’s going to be lopsided in both value and quantity. I would try to make the amount of unwrapping equalish so I’d wrap several things together for yds and stretch out ods by wrapping everything separately (Santa wraps here too). On the other hand we had a conversation with ods as soon as he stopped believing (right around the time yds came along) that his gifts were more expensive so he would have fewer gifts. We also didn’t worry much about dollar value because the one who might be able to do the math got way more spent on him. As they’re getting older it’s easier to keep things relatively equal but in a ballpark sense not exactly science.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Dec 24, 2019 9:52:14 GMT
I try to keep it roughly even.
I wouldn't buy one kid a tv as their big gift, then buy the others a board game as their big gifts.
But I'm not counting it out to the dollar either.
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Post by justkat on Dec 24, 2019 9:54:07 GMT
I do pretty much what my parents did when I was a kid...not equal in either quantity or value but comparable. In other words,the number of gifts weren't the same nor were their prices but there weren't *huge* differences either.
I do the same. I buy gifts and don't worry that I've spent the same dollar amount per person. So long as I'm not spending $1000 on person x,y, and z but only $20 on person w it's good. lol Same with number of gifts, as long as there's not a huge difference (with rare exceptions) there are no problems.
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Dec 24, 2019 10:13:57 GMT
I have 2 sons, ages 20 & 26. I have a dollar limit on each of them. They can choose several less expensive gifts or one larger gift. I don't care, but they need to be respectful of my budget. We're all comfortable with this arrangement. I do the same thing with my three daughters and their spouses. My four grandchildren are under the age of seven. I keep the number of packages even for them.
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Post by Patter on Dec 24, 2019 11:09:09 GMT
I have 3 kids (now grown) and I tried to keep the dollar amount as close as possible. As they got bigger, they knew if they wanted pricier gifts, that they wouldn’t get as many things. They were always okay with that. Ditto. One of my girls is getting one small present and a check to make it even with her sisters. That's what she wants so she can put it towards new hardwood floors in her house. She is okay with opening one small gift while her sisters open many. I have always, always kept the dollar amount even. I never understood the everyone gets two presents for example and your two might total $50 while someone else's might be $150. That never seemed fair to me but it's all in how we were raised. I was raised that way and have passed it down because I liked it.
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Post by wordfish on Dec 24, 2019 11:13:56 GMT
I try to keep the dollar amount roughly even. I talked about this with the children one year and my oldest daughter said "Mom, I guess all I care about is that YOU think it's even and fair." Awwww. So I keep that in mind. It's also nice if the number of gifts is roughly even because we take turns opening them. I really try to keep the gifts under the tree to one or two per person these days. This year it ended up being three gifts per kid. What they really like is the stockings so there is some really good stuff in those. I usually do a subscription box all year and save up the stuff that I don't keep for them. This year I did that Fab Fit Fun thing and there are at least 8 things each in their stockings from that.
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pancakes
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,002
Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
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Post by pancakes on Dec 24, 2019 11:26:29 GMT
I would personally try to do both, but the value would be more important than the quantity. The recipient usually understands that, too, if they asked for something specific.
If you wanted to add quantity to someone who received an expensive gift, I would just buy small, clearly inexpensive stocking stuffer type items to wrap. They know their big gift is one thing and the smaller items are just nice to haves.
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sueg
Prolific Pea
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Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Dec 24, 2019 11:47:09 GMT
My two boys were fairly close in age, so growing up it was pretty easy to keep things balanced, both in number of gifts and cost. Now they are adults, they just get a token gift to unwrap, and I put money in their bank accounts - especially for the DS whose first child was born this year, cash was more useful in setting up for baby. I do the same for my DDiL.
We only have the one grandchild, and this is her first Christmas, so no precedent to go by. DS asked us to contribute to a big present for her, shared with the other grandparents, so we did. As we live in a different country to them and won't be going home for Christmas this year, that was easier anyway and saved us a fortune on postage. I did send a few smaller gifts for her to open as well, because a new high chair is not a fun present!
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Post by supersoda on Dec 24, 2019 12:14:18 GMT
Not necessarily, but I try to keep the piles about the same. If one kid needs a new laptop or cell phone I’m not going to blow my entire budget by dollar matching with the others. It all works out over time and my kids are ok with it.
All off the grandparents are very careful about keeping dollar amounts the same, but it’s mostly cash these days. That makes sense to me because they’re not in the day-to-day balance with the kids.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 24, 2019 12:42:10 GMT
I do both. But my Christmas budget among five kids is probably smaller than the average pea. So no one is getting laptops or phones or anything like that. Those are things we buy when needed. And no they aren't equal. A high school kid needs a laptop. A 10 year old doesn't. And that's just the way it works here. But I would never give something like that for Christmas.
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Post by bessieb on Dec 24, 2019 13:01:13 GMT
My brother and his family spend exactly the same amount - if the gift for one of the children is less or more they will get the exact difference (even if it is 99p) in cash. I don't bother - if it is a more expensive gift they will have less to open but I don't get caught up in the value - there will be times when one need something of a higher value than the others but over time it all evens out (e.g., 2 years ago DD1 needed a clarinet upgrade which cost a fortune, but this Christmas DS needs a new tennis racket with is way more expensive that I will be spending on the DDs). I try to reinforce to my 3 that the value of a gift doesn't represent how much I love them. DS and DD2 get that completely - DD1 gets so hung up on the 'fairness' of it all (mainly because she wants the expensive gifts and then the volume of presents as well... She is my MIL reincarnated!) - - as long as its equal but more equal for her!!!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 24, 2019 13:10:17 GMT
I think for me Christmas is not the time when I'm trying to meet people's needs. I meet their needs during the year. Christmas is when I buy that cute little extra.
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uksue
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Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Dec 24, 2019 13:16:21 GMT
I’ve always spent the same amount on each child. I think it’s a great way for them to learn value/quality vs quantity even at Christmas . My oldest son has only 4 small gifts to open as he wants money to finish a tattoo (😫), my youngest wanted expensive x box games, whilst my daughter is a sweetheart and lets me just buy what I think she wants ( it’s not hard lol) and has more things to open as they aren’t so expensive . Having watched my kids rip open tons of stuff when younger, only really to value a couple of things I’ve long since given up thinking they need loads of things to open to be happy .
ETA we’ve never done the ‘turn taking ‘ present opening . Part of the fun has been them diving into their sacks ( we don’t do stockings never have ) and ripping stuff open. My youngest is on the autistic spectrum as well, and wouldn't be able to handle that sort of attention.
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