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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 27, 2014 2:55:05 GMT
I just figured that inviting 5-7 to dinner one night would get me at least one yes. You'd think so wouldn't you! I'm sorry your friends let you down, I would have been upset in that situation. If you'd invited me I would have been there in a flash, eating out is one of my very favorite things to do! |
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Oct 27, 2014 3:07:33 GMT
I'm sorry your friends disappointed you. I also would be disappointed in that situation.
I have a friend who cancelled on me an hour beforehand this week and I was very disappointed. In our current circumstances I really thought that a short hour out would have been good for us, but I guess she didn't agree. I understand that life gets in the way of friendships sometimes, which is exactly why I didn't want to say something to her because she'd end up feeling bad, so instead I vented to my dh.
Hugs,
P.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 27, 2014 3:20:17 GMT
I seem to have this happen way more than I would like as well. I get that people are busy and things come up, but I am so sick of people either not responding to invites at all or canceling last minute. I have a neighbor/friend who is always suggesting we go out or she will accept an offer to do something but cancel last minute. More than once we have had plans for a girls night and she has cancelled, which was disappointing since I had been looking forward to it. She keeps saying we need to schedule something but I am not going to plan on her. I will invite her along with others, but not her alone. She had said she wanted to go to church with me this morning. When I texted this morning, she said she wasn't feeling well but then later posted pics on Facebook of her and the kids shopping, I don't care if she doesn't want to go to church, just be honest!
We had a birthday party for my son a few weeks ago. I had sent out invites via Facebook. Of course only a few people had responded one way or another, but a few days before the party one of the people we had invited posted on Facebook that they were having a bonfire. They invited us and most of the same people we had invited. I just responded that it was the same time as our party, so wouldn't be able to make it. She said she had somehow thought the party was Sunday, not Saturday. Yeah. Ok. They just had their sons first birthday party (we attended) so you would think they would be more aware of rsvp'ing now.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538 
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Oct 27, 2014 3:32:59 GMT
I seem to have this happen way more than I would like as well. I get that people are busy and things come up, but I am so sick of people either not responding to invites at all or canceling last minute. I have a neighbor/friend who is always suggesting we go out or she will accept an offer to do something but cancel last minute. More than once we have had plans for a girls night and she has cancelled, which was disappointing since I had been looking forward to it. She keeps saying we need to schedule something but I am not going to plan on her. I will invite her along with others, but not her alone. She had said she wanted to go to church with me this morning. When I texted this morning, she said she wasn't feeling well but then later posted pics on Facebook of her and the kids shopping, I don't care if she doesn't want to go to church, just be honest! We had a birthday party for my son a few weeks ago. I had sent out invites via Facebook. Of course only a few people had responded one way or another, but a few days before the party one of the people we had invited posted on Facebook that they were having a bonfire. They invited us and most of the same people we had invited. I just responded that it was the same time as our party, so wouldn't be able to make it. She said she had somehow thought the party was Sunday, not Saturday. Yeah. Ok. They just had their sons first birthday party (we attended) so you would think they would be more aware of rsvp'ing now. People just suck, don't they? OP, if you were footing the bill at the nice restaurant, then your friends aren't just rude, they're stupid, too, lol. Seriously, glad you had a lovely evening pampering yourself and I hope everything works out for lunch tomorrow. Enjoy! |
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 27, 2014 3:56:57 GMT
I'm sorry I would be sad too.
i think it is important to prioritize friends sometimes. When I make a plan with friends I make other arrangements for my three kids - I ask family, I arrange carpools, I skip their games and hire a sitter.. Girlfriends are important. I also think it is important to make time for nice dinners etc.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 27, 2014 11:53:13 GMT
Everyone has a busy life. To not take 30 seconds to text or email, sorry can't join you, have a nice time - is rude and inconsiderate. Sorry your feelings are hurt, maybe it's time to reevaluate these relationships. Yup. It's amazing how rude people in relationships can be to others, particularly the single people in their life. I absolutely buy the whole "waiting to see if something better came" along premise... so many people do that. When I was the single friend I was shafted by many of my friends because they had better things to do or didn't want to put the effort into going out. Thepremise of staying home with family because they don't "see" them is absolute bollocks. I don't buy it, I don't accept it and I think you're a douche to make that kind of excuse. When I was single, I found out a lot about some of my friends and how they just were lazy and didn't want to put the effort in. It made me mad and sad. Now that I am in a relationship, I am working damn hard to not make the same mistake because I know how it feels to be let down because people can't get their shit together. |
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scrappington
Pearl Clutcher
in Canada
Posts: 3,157
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Post by scrappington on Oct 27, 2014 12:02:39 GMT
Its hard. I'm still waiting to celebrate mine and my bff's 25th birthday..we are 36 now.
I'm thinking its not going to happen.
But alas I chose not to have children and everyone I knew did.
I really feel in society it makes you less of a person. Or you are viewed that way.
But that's a whole other post. I've just stop making plans. If someone calls me to do something sure if I'm available. But I don't plan anything anymore. There is no point.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 27, 2014 12:09:42 GMT
Its hard. I'm still waiting to celebrate mine and my bff's 25th birthday..we are 36 now.
I'm thinking its not going to happen.
But alas I chose not to have children and everyone I knew did.
I really feel in society it makes you less of a person. Or you are viewed that way.
But that's a whole other post. I've just stop making plans. If someone calls me to do something sure if I'm available. But I don't plan anything anymore. There is no point.
I totally get that. I was there. It sucked. People suck when they get sucked into the kids vortex and because society has become so bloody kid-centric and people fear babysitters so much, they completely abandon the people that surround them and support them. And if those friends don't have kids, well they might as well be from Mars, because living outside the norm goes by the wayside. I'm curious when the shift started towards never going out without kids and making kids such a focus in life. I don't remember it from when me and my friends were kids, it just seems recently that it has come to this "you're a bad parent if you dare to have a life outside of your kids". And it sucks. It really does. So I get where you're coming from. And I'm working hard to make sure I don't perpetuate the same assholian behaviour now that I'm in a relationship. |
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Post by jmurray on Oct 27, 2014 12:11:59 GMT
I'm sorry your friends let you down. I've got to the point where I just don't deal well with that kind of rudeness anymore. I have a good set of friends who know damn well if they did that to me I'd be telling them what a lame bunch they were! And I'd expect them to do the same to me if I'd been that rude. Saying no is one thing - that's fine, people have plans even 3 weeks out or just can't do it for many reasons. But not responding at all is pushing their luck IMO. But it does sound like you had a good dinner anyway  I totally get why you went. It's a good excuse for a mini pampering session! Besides, you don't owe anyone any justification. Enjoy lunch tomorrow |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 27, 2014 12:26:36 GMT
Its hard. I'm still waiting to celebrate mine and my bff's 25th birthday..we are 36 now.
I'm thinking its not going to happen.
But alas I chose not to have children and everyone I knew did.
I really feel in society it makes you less of a person. Or you are viewed that way.
But that's a whole other post. I've just stop making plans. If someone calls me to do something sure if I'm available. But I don't plan anything anymore. There is no point.
From what I see from my "Friends" on Facebook, it seems that people bring their kids into their friendships a lot. I only have boys, and there are many times where I have felt left out because of that. Not that I want to participate in a mommy and me cupcake making party (well, I would really like that if I had a daughter) but it seems that those friends don't make an effort to hang out with me on an individual basis or even with our kids. I have two friends who have kids the same ages as mine, although one is a girl. The girls have always thrown a fit about being with too many boys, even though the boys have never been anything but nice to them. Both of these friends post pics of going to activities with other friends who have both boys and girls. It is hard not to take it personally. But, it is what it is. I am like others where I am getting to where I don't want to invite others to do anything anymore. But, I really want to have a close connection with someone again so I keep trying. |
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Post by tuva42 on Oct 27, 2014 14:29:35 GMT
Wow, wish I was your friend. I totally would have cleared my schedule for that.
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Post by 2peaornot2pea on Oct 27, 2014 16:00:21 GMT
I'm sorry your friends weren't able to join you.
I want to respond to this. From my perspective we have always had a kid-centric society. When I was growing up my parents, and their friends with children, couldn't afford to hire babysitters so most of their social gatherings included kids. On the weekends they would take turns hosting fish fries, crawfish and crab boils, etc. We'd all eat together. Then the adults would play cards, and the kids would play outdoor games. It was a lot of fun. I can recall having a babysitter watch us only a handful of times.
When my kids were young we did hire baby sitters, but only a couple of times a month. Baby sitters are expensive. Plus, when you work full-time, the kids are in school, are involved in activites, and you have lots of extended family, there usually isn't a lot of free time available to spend with your adult friends, without your kids.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 27, 2014 17:31:57 GMT
Its hard. I'm still waiting to celebrate mine and my bff's 25th birthday..we are 36 now.
I'm thinking its not going to happen.
But alas I chose not to have children and everyone I knew did.
I really feel in society it makes you less of a person. Or you are viewed that way.
But that's a whole other post. I've just stop making plans. If someone calls me to do something sure if I'm available. But I don't plan anything anymore. There is no point.
I totally get that. I was there. It sucked. People suck when they get sucked into the kids vortex and because society has become so bloody kid-centric and people fear babysitters so much, they completely abandon the people that surround them and support them. And if those friends don't have kids, well they might as well be from Mars, because living outside the norm goes by the wayside. I'm curious when the shift started towards never going out without kids and making kids such a focus in life. I don't remember it from when me and my friends were kids, it just seems recently that it has come to this "you're a bad parent if you dare to have a life outside of your kids". And it sucks. It really does. So I get where you're coming from. And I'm working hard to make sure I don't perpetuate the same assholian behaviour now that I'm in a relationship. When I was a teen I babysat every Fri & Sat night for parents that stayed out until 1-2 in the morning. As a parent now, I have no idea how they did it  . I'm not going to get into a debate about society being more kid focussed now, but there are way more organized sports teams & leagues than when I was growing up (especially for girls) and these are mostly volunteer/family driven activities. For many families we know, their entire social life revolves around the sports team during the season. Honestly, having kids does change your priorities but I don't think that excuses anyone from not responding to invitations. Sadly, inviting 5-7 people may have been part of the problem as each one thinks at least most of the others will go, so I can get away with the last minute cancelation because I just want to be a couch potato tonight. I'd be disappointed in my friends too. |
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I totally get why you went. It's a good excuse for a mini pampering session! Besides, you don't owe anyone any justification. Enjoy lunch tomorrow 
. I'm not going to get into a debate about society being more kid focussed now, but there are way more organized sports teams & leagues than when I was growing up (especially for girls) and these are mostly volunteer/family driven activities. For many families we know, their entire social life revolves around the sports team during the season.