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Post by candleangie on May 7, 2020 7:08:14 GMT
Okay.
My SIL and I have super different parenting philosophies. Her kids are AMAZING humans and I love them to pieces, but they’re loud and rambunctious in ways that my kids just aren’t. At a family get together, we asked one of them not to throw a handheld game, and since then she seems to have decided that we don’t like her kids.
I live in a duplex owned by my in-laws. Her Xh (my BIL)lives in the other side (this is maybe 6 months recent.) The kids have never been in a living situation where they shared a wall before.
I fully expect them to be kids, but it’s midnight and I just barely caught something falling off of my shelf above the desk. It would have landed on my crazy expensive laptop if I had gone to bed at an appropriate hour.....
Dad is useless. The other day I was studying and texted him to see if they could simmer down just a little. He said “oh, sorry. They were jumping rope...”
JUMPING ROPE. In the house. In a duplex, with a shared wall 5 feet away. On a sunny day with a concrete patio RIGHT THERE.
I totally expect to hear them playing and laughing and being silly kids. There’s a reasonable amount of noise and bumping to be expected with a 11, 14 and 19yo next door. My noise tolerance is VERY high. But omg. It’s really bad.
I don’t feel like I can address it with SIL, it’ll just make her all mama bear. BIL obviously doesn’t get it. MIL..... 🤷♀️ I feel weird going to her about this.
Okay, so if you’re with me this far THANK YOU. What say the peas?
Talk to SIL? BIL? MIL?
Before anyone says make DH handle it, that’s not how our family dynamic operates.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on May 7, 2020 7:17:44 GMT
It doesn’t really have anything to do with SIL if they’re divorced. You need at address it directly with BIL. If he won’t do anything maybe try asking the kids directly to keep it down. They’re old enough and you’re related, it’s not like you’re a random neighbor.
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Post by gillyp on May 7, 2020 7:18:41 GMT
Depending on your lockdown restrictions could you invite BIL into yours when the noise is particularly bad so he can hear for himself? Or record it but that wouldn’t have the same impact.
I’m sorry, it can be so frustrating when you hear it all the time. I find people in the thick of it don’t really hear it because they are not in a quieter place iyswim.
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Post by candleangie on May 7, 2020 7:22:07 GMT
Depending on your lockdown restrictions could you invite BIL into yours when the noise is particularly bad so he can hear for himself? Or record it but that wouldn’t have the same impact. I’m sorry, it can be so frustrating when you hear it all the time. I find people in the thick of it don’t really hear it because they are not in a quieter place iyswim. I totally get the noise deafness thing. My kids are just a year apart, so at one point we had a 2,3 and a 4 year old. Lol. They’ve just always lived with shared walls, so they were used to being much quieter in general. Asking him over is a GREAT idea. Thank you! |
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Post by Legacy Girl on May 7, 2020 7:35:08 GMT
Oh, my gosh. I thought you were going to say they were 4, 6 and 8 or something. Why on earth are 11, 14 and 19 year olds jumping rope inside the house??? In a duplex??? In May???
I'm with Crack-a-lackin. I'd have a conversation with BIL and say, "We've found that duplex living works best when everyone is willing to talk about concerns that arise while living in a somewhat 'shared' space. Since nieces/nephews are new to this arrangement, I was hoping we could go over a few things that they may not be aware of."
Sounds like he may well appreciate the guidance as he's not used to doing the parenting thing alone, and he may not want to seem like the bad guy during the limited amount of time they're with him. If that doesn't work, I guess I'd take it to MIL, the landlord. Hope you can find some relief, one way or the other.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on May 7, 2020 7:45:43 GMT
I live a very quiet lifestyle at home. I also have noise sensory issues.
To me a lot of other peoples home(especially ones with children or teens) seem excessively loud, noisy and chaotic. But, it's actually their everyday normal.
The next door neighbors/family members probably don't realize how loud they are, nor do they think they are being loud.
I've had people comment to me "it's so quiet in here, how do you stand it? don't you put music or tv on for background noise?". To me, the quiet is my normal, doesn't bother me at all. I don't need constant background noise.
I would address the issue, directly with the source...your brother in law and the kids.
Maybe have him pop over for a listen, when the kids are being really loud.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 23:28:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2020 7:52:17 GMT
Can you not speak to the kids directly? “Hey guys, I love that you’re my neighbors now. I know you’re cooped up but when you’re super loud or rough inside, it’s super loud inside my house. Would you work on not being so loud inside?
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 7, 2020 11:29:27 GMT
Can you not speak to the kids directly? “Hey guys, I love that you’re my neighbors now. I know you’re cooped up but when you’re super loud or rough inside, it’s super loud inside my house. Would you work on not being so loud inside? I like that idea given the kids’ ages. |
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Post by pierkiss on May 7, 2020 12:07:37 GMT
Brother in law since he is the parent that lives next door to you.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on May 7, 2020 12:28:06 GMT
My son is 17 and when the crossfit gym was closed down he jumped rope inside during the day. He had a program that he followed. He did an outdoor routine as well. Since you said it was during the day then I know the landlords around here can't enforce a quiet time then, I think after 11 pm they could, and yes we don't have a duplex and the jump rope was a bit over the top for my head, but I let him do it. I did draw the line with tap shoes inside with my daughter.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 23:28:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2020 14:16:21 GMT
Is she your ex SIL on your husband’s side who no longer lives next door? I think if this is your in-laws, then your DH should be addressing the noise issue with his brother. If you are paying rent, then he can also mention it to his mother. I wouldn’t even say anything to ex SIL.
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Post by jenjie on May 7, 2020 14:29:41 GMT
My son is 17 and when the crossfit gym was closed down he jumped rope inside during the day. He had a program that he followed. He did an outdoor routine as well. Since you said it was during the day then I know the landlords around here can't enforce a quiet time then, I think after 11 pm they could, and yes we don't have a duplex and the jump rope was a bit over the top for my head, but I let him do it. I did draw the line with tap shoes inside with my daughter. Is there nowhere outside to jump rope? Same question for OP. I know we are all in different areas of the country and have different living arrangements, so we all have different circumstances. I’m in NJ which is locked down pretty tight. But we can go outside, take walks, and without a mask. We have pretty much everything where I am - there is big city, farmland, and beach all within very close driving distance. I’m in a suburb. I have a driveway, patio, and sidewalk. My gf lives in an apartment complex. There’s no sidewalks where she is. Long before the quarantine, she would drive to my neighborhood to walk. I only know that because I happened to be outside one evening when she was passing my house. All that to say, if one of my friends or their kids needed a place to jump rope, I would welcome them to use my sidewalk. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 7, 2020 14:39:03 GMT
I would talk to BIL and the kids. I also like the idea of first having BIL actually come into your living space when the kids are being obnoxiously loud so he can hear for himself exactly how much of their noise is making it into your space. That would drive me insane.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by schizo319 on May 7, 2020 14:40:25 GMT
Is there a reason you can't speak directly TO the children? Explain to them what happened with the laptop and ask that they do physical activities like jumping rope outdoors? The kdis (at least the 14yo and 19yo) probably have cell phones, I'd be sending THEM a text when they got too out of control.
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Post by maryland on May 7, 2020 15:47:01 GMT
That's frustrating! Especially if it doesn't really bother your husband, so you have to be the "bad guy". Noise bothers me a lot more than it bothers my husband and kids.
I thought maybe the kids were toddlers, or under 10. Does your bil have full custody or does he split 50-50? Do you have a good relationship with him and the kids? Maybe ask if they could quiet it down, especially after a certain time. You could always ask them if they have any issues with anything you are doing, that way you sound like you want to be a good neighbor too. I have never had to share walls so I can't imagine how hard that could be. I hope your talk with them goes well and you get some quiet.
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Post by nlwilkins on May 7, 2020 16:06:32 GMT
I understand that the kids are not going to bed at usual times, but midnight is way too late for rambunctious behavior. I would talk to them about having a certain time like maybe 10 PM for a cease and desist on noisy behavior. If they have smart phones I would be texting them to ask for quiet anytime after this deadline. They are old enough to police themselves, in fact they are too old for this kind of behavior anyway. If they were living in a duplex with someone other than family, they would not be getting away with this kind of behavior.
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Post by NanaKate on May 7, 2020 16:36:09 GMT
I would think at 11, 14 and19 (an adult, really) the noise would be minimal. Sounds like you are in a real pickle here. I agree with maybe speaking to the kids directly but I doubt much will change if this is what they are used to...
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Post by busy on May 7, 2020 16:38:30 GMT
Honestly, at that age and with that living arrangement, I'd talk straight to the kids. Kindly and lovingly, but they probably just don't realize that it affects you.
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 7, 2020 17:33:59 GMT
It really has nothing to do with SIL. Talk to BIL or the kids.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 23:28:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2020 17:44:51 GMT
It really has nothing to do with SIL. Talk to BIL or the kids. That's what I was going to say. This isn't about SIL and her parenting at all. |
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Post by bc2ca on May 7, 2020 18:43:58 GMT
I'd address the noise with both BIL and the kids.
Not to be pessimistic about it, but my in-laws are loud. If you addressed a situation like this with them, they might tiptoe around for a few days, but things would slowly (or not so slowly) go back to their normal. Because they are just loud.all.the.time.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 23:28:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2020 19:12:57 GMT
Well I would tell the kids to knock that shit off, they are old enough to be told to behave.
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Post by Lexica on May 7, 2020 19:24:48 GMT
Ok, I expect some noise from the 11-year-old, especially if it is a boy. But the older two should certainly know better. I agree with the other post suggestions of talking directly to the kids. I know this SIP is hard on me, I can’t imagine how kids are dealing with it. I would suggest that they go outside to jump rope and any other loud and rowdy fun. You can explain that you don’t want to stop them at all, you just don’t want things falling off your shelves. And I would mention how close you came to losing your laptop. I doubt they realize that things were falling off your shelves.
You might want to give them some suggestions for fun but less rambunctious things to do. Maybe invite them over for a game night or to teach them a craft? Something quiet like knitting!
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on May 7, 2020 21:05:01 GMT
Is there nowhere outside to jump rope? Same question for OP. I know we are all in different areas of the country and have different living arrangements, so we all have different circumstances. Plenty of room but his "routine" is such that it's easier inside. We have ample space for it. |
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Post by jenjie on May 7, 2020 22:46:10 GMT
Is there nowhere outside to jump rope? Same question for OP. I know we are all in different areas of the country and have different living arrangements, so we all have different circumstances. Plenty of room but his "routine" is such that it's easier inside. We have ample space for it. That’s great! I’m still curious about OP’s nieces and nephews. |
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Post by leannec on May 7, 2020 22:53:03 GMT
Can you not speak to the kids directly? “Hey guys, I love that you’re my neighbors now. I know you’re cooped up but when you’re super loud or rough inside, it’s super loud inside my house. Would you work on not being so loud inside? This is what I would do ... they are old enough ... just let them know that noise after about nine pm is not being a good neighbour  |
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Post by smasonnc on May 8, 2020 11:32:37 GMT
I don’t get this part. Is this his brother?
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