Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:24:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2020 3:39:20 GMT
I agree. The cops would write a report and you would give that to insurance. As it is now, he can deny he did it and you can't prove that he did. This would be my concern. It is now a he said-she said kind of situation. You can turn it into insurance, but I don't think they will do anything as there is no proof.
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Post by originalvanillabean on May 26, 2020 0:49:41 GMT
I would exchange right away. That is what insurance is for.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:24:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2020 1:11:18 GMT
Here is what I would do. I would get an estimate. I would send it to my brother with a letter that says *please leave me a message and let me know if you wish to handle this with the repair shop directly or if I should turn it over to my insurance. If I don't hear from you by DATE, then I'll just go ahead and submit it to the insurance company to handle.* Then I would set my brother's ring tone to silent so that he has to leave a message. And if he doesn't get back to you by that date, turn it over and let the insurance company be the bad guy. Your brother is being a dick. You are going to have to update us on this. You know that right?
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 26, 2020 11:05:13 GMT
Stop being taken advantage of by your brother.
He makes you feel like shit by bullying you and you cave do as you not like to “rock the boat “.
Call him up and TELL him how it’s going to go down—that he either willingly gives you his insurance info, or you’re going to report it without him.
Stop disrespecting yourself by letting him control what happens.
He’s already got your mom in a controlling cuckhold and it’s not going to get better.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,070
Member is Online
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on May 26, 2020 12:37:50 GMT
You should contact adult protective services for your mom. I’m pretty sure it can be anonymous.
Who knows what he does to her if he flies off the handle like that over something he did.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on May 26, 2020 15:43:21 GMT
Have Judge Judy sort this out. Perfect case for her TV show!
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Jun 8, 2020 20:01:11 GMT
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Post by Legacy Girl on Jun 9, 2020 4:29:10 GMT
If he lives there he should be cleaning the house. In my family, my brother would bend over backwards to pay it before I even asked, my older sister would offer to pay or pay my deductible, my younger sister would say she’d pay then never bring it up again and hope you forget about it. He has his own house down the street from mom. He only showers and sleeps there though.
Wait. WHAT??? He has his own house down the street where he showers and sleeps, but he dumps all his crap in your mother's house and refuses to clean? Between that and his reactions to the situations you've described in this post, I suspect there are some mental health issues in play here. And my reaction to all of it would be, "Not no, but hell no!" I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope your insurance can work something out so you can minimize your interaction with him re: the damage to your car. And ETA, I also think you would be wise to call social services into play. Let others go head to head with your brother over the things that are wrong, while you care for yourself and your mother's needs.
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Post by koontz on Jun 9, 2020 9:32:42 GMT
That is a real dent. I`d want to have that fixed too, and both my siblings would immediately ask me to get an estimate so they can decide to pay or get their insurance involved. Your brother sounds like a very difficult person. Is your mom scared of him? Can you pick up your mom for day trips outside her house, or for a visit at your place?
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jun 9, 2020 15:12:25 GMT
I would turn it into my insurance, and tell them who did it and let them go after him. It's not like you're going to damage that relationship further. I saw where this was going based on how he treats your mother's home.
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Post by MZF on Jun 9, 2020 15:26:48 GMT
No question, I would definitely give my insurance info immediately.
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Post by houstonsandy on Jun 10, 2020 2:17:35 GMT
When I talked to my mom a week later, she told me that the car is covered on her insurance. So....he does not have insurance. I asked her if she would give me her insurance info then, so I could proceed. She said she would "have to look for it". Well, if they are driving the car it should be in one of theirs possession. Either in her wallet or his, or in the car?
But...she is 90....she is starting to get things confused. She offered to send me money to pay for it, and I tried to explain to her that I don't want money! I just want the damn insurance information. I swear! Why is this so difficult to understand? lol....
Then she asked me "well, why didn't you move your car?". Welp, had I known he was not going to look where he was backing up I guess I would have!
So its been another week and she hasn't said anything more about it. I hate to keep bringing it up because then he will just start on a rage again. I don't want her to think she has to send me money. She just doesn't understand why I want her insurance information when she wasn't the one driving the car....sigh.... I most likely will just end up paying my deductible and get it over with.
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Post by scrapbookwriter on Jun 10, 2020 6:39:12 GMT
Could you just check in the glovebox for an insurance card?
Or, as others have suggested, turn it over to your insurance company and let them handle it.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 10, 2020 6:52:14 GMT
When I talked to my mom a week later, she told me that the car is covered on her insurance. So....he does not have insurance. I asked her if she would give me her insurance info then, so I could proceed. She said she would "have to look for it". Well, if they are driving the car it should be in one of theirs possession. Either in her wallet or his, or in the car? But...she is 90....she is starting to get things confused. She offered to send me money to pay for it, and I tried to explain to her that I don't want money! I just want the damn insurance information. I swear! Why is this so difficult to understand? lol.... Then she asked me "well, why didn't you move your car?". Welp, had I known he was not going to look where he was backing up I guess I would have! So its been another week and she hasn't said anything more about it. I hate to keep bringing it up because then he will just start on a rage again. I don't want her to think she has to send me money. She just doesn't understand why I want her insurance information when she wasn't the one driving the car....sigh.... I most likely will just end up paying my deductible and get it over with. And you’ll let him walk over you again. With this and your employer, you’re giving both of them permission to treat you the way that they do.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jun 10, 2020 10:55:03 GMT
Can your insurance agency help you get their info? You likely have all the info on the car make, model, plate number...i'd think that it's possible that the insurance company could use the info to get in touch with their insurance company?
Families are such fun!
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,019
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Jun 10, 2020 11:33:00 GMT
I'd also recommend going through your insurance company. It seems like it will be so much easier than trying to get information from your family. You shouldn't have to pay for damage you didn't do. Your brother is a dick. Make him suffer the consequences of his behavior.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jun 10, 2020 11:56:18 GMT
When I talked to my mom a week later, she told me that the car is covered on her insurance. So....he does not have insurance. I asked her if she would give me her insurance info then, so I could proceed. She said she would "have to look for it". Well, if they are driving the car it should be in one of theirs possession. Either in her wallet or his, or in the car? But...she is 90....she is starting to get things confused. She offered to send me money to pay for it, and I tried to explain to her that I don't want money! I just want the damn insurance information. I swear! Why is this so difficult to understand? lol.... Then she asked me "well, why didn't you move your car?". Welp, had I known he was not going to look where he was backing up I guess I would have! So its been another week and she hasn't said anything more about it. I hate to keep bringing it up because then he will just start on a rage again. I don't want her to think she has to send me money. She just doesn't understand why I want her insurance information when she wasn't the one driving the car....sigh.... I most likely will just end up paying my deductible and get it over with. You seem to want this to be a drama event. She's offered you money, that you won't take. You won't take the obvious action, because you don't want to make trouble. Now this event can be another card in your "poor, me" deck. Shrug. Why not just act the adult yourself and turn in the claim to your insurance and be done with it? Stop expecting them to do the right thing. Sounds like the dynamic has been this way for years, this should be no surprise. And . . . shame on you for allowing your mom to continue to live in a hoard. Senior services should have been called long ago. You showing up to clean a countertop or two and the bathroom once in a blue moon as a "gift" is useless and continues your victim narrative. It does nothing for her. Meanwhile she has lived for years in an unsafe environment. Sorry so blunt. Panty up and advocate for yourself and your mom.
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Post by Skellinton on Jun 10, 2020 15:16:38 GMT
You absolutely need to contact your insurance, and they can and will figure out the insurance info for the other car in about 5 seconds. Does your mom drive?If not, why is she paying for insurance? Does anyone have power of attorney for her finances? This sounds like a nightmare for your mom and I am kind of shocked you are allowing your brother to treat her this way. She may be a vibrant 90 and able to care for herself, but from what you posted it doesn’t seem like it. Someone should be protecting her and taking care of her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:24:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2020 16:05:31 GMT
An honest question:
Why do you still deal with them?
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,255
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jun 10, 2020 17:49:52 GMT
Honestly, I’m frustrated for you - and AT you.
You could get this handled by turning it over to your insurance company.
Expecting your mom and brother to do the right thing is an exercise in futility. If you want this resolved, do something that will move it forward and quit waiting on either of them.
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Post by houstonsandy on Jun 10, 2020 18:18:40 GMT
An honest question: Why do you still deal with them? They are the only family I have...My brother never married, My parents were older at the time they got married, so all my cousins on my dad's side of the family are all much older than me so I never really had "cousins" I was close to.
All aunts and uncles are deceased.
As dysfunctional as they are, they are all the family I and my daughter have so I try to make it work for my daughter's sake.
DD never knew any other grandparents. My dad died when she was a baby. Her paternal grandfather died before she was born. Her paternal grandmother died when she was four. Her father (my ex) has a brother she hasn't seen for about 15 years, and three sisters who have never liked me and as a result have never gotten close to my dd. All her cousins on my ex's side of the family are much older, married, have kids and live in other states. So...its these two nuts or nothing.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 3:24:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2020 18:55:05 GMT
An honest question: Why do you still deal with them? They are the only family I have...My brother never married, My parents were older at the time they got married, so all my cousins on my dad's side of the family are all much older than me so I never really had "cousins" I was close to.
All aunts and uncles are deceased.
As dysfunctional as they are, they are all the family I and my daughter have so I try to make it work for my daughter's sake.
DD never knew any other grandparents. My dad died when she was a baby. Her paternal grandfather died before she was born. Her paternal grandmother died when she was four. Her father (my ex) has a brother she hasn't seen for about 15 years, and three sisters who have never liked me and as a result have never gotten close to my dd. All her cousins on my ex's side of the family are much older, married, have kids and live in other states. So...its these two nuts or nothing.
. Aw sweetie 💗😥💗. I can tell you from experience that hurt isn’t worth it.
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Post by needmysanity on Jun 10, 2020 19:22:40 GMT
You can file a claim with your insurance company and give them his licence plate number. They will contact his insurance company and take it from there. They have a whole department that deals with stuff like this all the time.
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Post by artgirl1 on Jun 10, 2020 20:30:25 GMT
As dysfunctional as they are, they are all the family I and my daughter have so I try to make it work for my daughter's sake. This is sad. I don't know how old your daughter is, but have you asked her if they bring any value to her life? And if you are trying to keep the peace for your daughter's sake, then what happens if you are gone? Do you really think that, based upon your relationship with them, that they would look out for her (or would she be expected to look after them)? You need to analyze your relationship with them. I know from what I speak. My late husbands family decided they didn't want to have a relationship with my daughter and I after his death, when she was four, and have not seen or communicated with her for 35 years. My siblings "appreciated" me for the 10 years I cared for my mother alone, not once helping with a Dr. appointment, or care in any way. Since then, we only talk when I make the call. And none have ever reached out to my daughter, or even bothered to go to her wedding or acknowledge her son. When I had open heart surgery (twice)and was hospitalized for 4-6 weeks each time, none of them visited even once. Although they all live between 5 minutes -1 hour from me. If not for friends, who have also adopted my daughter, into their family... And my daughter, while living in another state, has established her friends as family, and have given me the joy of my 'bonus daughters". I say this a someone who worked hard to get through the hurt and guilt of the one-way road of the relationship. Turn it into your insurance, talk to your daughter as to what her expectations of the relationships, and your perceptions of it, and be prepared to move on. Life is to short to live with guilt over your views of their failures, and to be the victim.
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