Post by smalltowngirlie on Jun 7, 2020 22:45:06 GMT
I wish this was the start of a joke, but unfortunately it is not. My MIL passed away very unexpectedly Friday morning. She went to bed in a very good mood, feeling good and just did not wake up. Her husband and 2 sons are just not prepared for this. Unfortunately I have had practice with my own mom and my sister. I had a good relationship with my MIL, not great, her heart was always in the right place and I had to remind myself of that every now and again. She was a loving woman and loved her family and friends tremendously. If she met you, you were already a friend. Had my mom not passed away right after I got married our relationship might have been different, she made a comment that even though my mom was gone I still had her. At the time it did not sit well, as I said above, her heart was in the right place even if the sentiment was not what I needed at the time. She loved me and I loved her.
So, back to the subject of 3 men planning a funeral. There have been a few comic relief moments we have had the last 2 days. My MIL was a very happy person and found joy in much, and we are doing that even in her death. For example, my FIL was calling people and would leave messages that said, "HI, I hope you are having a good day, I only have bad news for you, call me when you can" We all looked at each other and just kind of laughed at that message. His older son explained that may not be the best message to leave, but it is so him. Everything was pre-planned so when we called the funeral home, the poor person on the other end was trying to explain things and he kept interrupting with questions, she would start to answer and he would ask another. She asked something I had the notes for so he handed me the phone (it was on speaker phone so we were all listening). From that point on she talked to me and I got answers from FIL. It went much better after that. Bless her heart for the patience she had with my FIL, he was not rude, just not focused enough to process what she was saying. Another moment of laughter, as we were going with everything my MIL had picked out the last slide said something about a memorial launched it space. I said, "If you tell me she paid to get launched into space I will question everything we just did" Her older son said said without missing a beat, she always was a little spacey. We all laughed because that would have been his exact reaction if she had been sitting next to him. There were also a few more jokes about her being in space we know she would have enjoyed.
We are going through things and they are really struggling with emotions. I think none of them really want to feel the full effect so are trying to keep everything in. I feel like I have taken over, but DH keeps saying it is ok, they all feel better someone has control. I want to make it clear, I am NOT making the decisions. I am taking the information and presenting it to them in a way they can take in at this time. It seems each decision there is one of them that has a very strong feeling about it, the other two, not so much, so we go with the one.
Bless my MIL for having everything planned out, because without that we all would be lost. So a little PSA - please let your family know your wishes, even if you just write them in a notebook they will know what to look for. It takes a lot of stress away when some big decisions have already been done.
Also, give everyone you love a hug, you really just never know.
ETA - Please pray for me, trying to plan and we have 3 people in one meeting, I am on one phone and a Pastor on another phone. They did not bring anything with and asking me what I remember. We are waiting over 2 weeks for the memorial hoping some restrictions are lifted.
Seriously, how do you plan for something like this with all the restrictions? I feel like it is going to be so cold feeling, not being able to get hugs and such.
So, back to the subject of 3 men planning a funeral. There have been a few comic relief moments we have had the last 2 days. My MIL was a very happy person and found joy in much, and we are doing that even in her death. For example, my FIL was calling people and would leave messages that said, "HI, I hope you are having a good day, I only have bad news for you, call me when you can" We all looked at each other and just kind of laughed at that message. His older son explained that may not be the best message to leave, but it is so him. Everything was pre-planned so when we called the funeral home, the poor person on the other end was trying to explain things and he kept interrupting with questions, she would start to answer and he would ask another. She asked something I had the notes for so he handed me the phone (it was on speaker phone so we were all listening). From that point on she talked to me and I got answers from FIL. It went much better after that. Bless her heart for the patience she had with my FIL, he was not rude, just not focused enough to process what she was saying. Another moment of laughter, as we were going with everything my MIL had picked out the last slide said something about a memorial launched it space. I said, "If you tell me she paid to get launched into space I will question everything we just did" Her older son said said without missing a beat, she always was a little spacey. We all laughed because that would have been his exact reaction if she had been sitting next to him. There were also a few more jokes about her being in space we know she would have enjoyed.
We are going through things and they are really struggling with emotions. I think none of them really want to feel the full effect so are trying to keep everything in. I feel like I have taken over, but DH keeps saying it is ok, they all feel better someone has control. I want to make it clear, I am NOT making the decisions. I am taking the information and presenting it to them in a way they can take in at this time. It seems each decision there is one of them that has a very strong feeling about it, the other two, not so much, so we go with the one.
Bless my MIL for having everything planned out, because without that we all would be lost. So a little PSA - please let your family know your wishes, even if you just write them in a notebook they will know what to look for. It takes a lot of stress away when some big decisions have already been done.
Also, give everyone you love a hug, you really just never know.
ETA - Please pray for me, trying to plan and we have 3 people in one meeting, I am on one phone and a Pastor on another phone. They did not bring anything with and asking me what I remember. We are waiting over 2 weeks for the memorial hoping some restrictions are lifted.
Seriously, how do you plan for something like this with all the restrictions? I feel like it is going to be so cold feeling, not being able to get hugs and such.
, so we had a clear idea on that.
