Gennifer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,991
Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Jul 1, 2020 5:36:47 GMT
I know we’ve had threads in the past about whether you and your partner are in alignment politically, but this time, I’m more curious about the stages. Has one or both of you changed your leanings? Is one or both of you more invested than you were previously? Or have things always been as they are?
My husband and I were both R when we got married, but, honestly, politics weren’t really that important to either of us. It’s only been in the last 15 years or so that I began to get more involved, and have been moving more and more to the left. Luckily, my husband has moved with me, although he’s not as invested as I am... I’m usually telling him about something that’s happened rather than him telling me. I’m glad we’ve stayed in alignment as we’ve grown older.
How about you?
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 1, 2020 6:23:39 GMT
dh is more conservative than I am, but not extreme. As a hunter he is very pro-gun, I've moved him quite a bit on gun control and he's moved me a bit. He was a one issue voter and voted straight republican in the election before trump (i do think he voted for Obama)
In almost all other areas we align even if it takes one of us longer to get there.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,598
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 1, 2020 10:46:27 GMT
My husband has changed dramatically. When we first were together (we're married 32 years; together 38) he was pretty conservative. Grew up in a Irish/Italian very Catholic household. Never knew a gay person (or so he thought), never knew a black person well, never knew a Jewish person - very Leave it to Beaver upbringing; sheltered and pretty conservative. He meets me: crazy NY girl with artsy family, Irish/German Jewish and already super liberal. Family had friends from all walks of life. When we were dating, he attended my sister's wedding and whispered to me "there are two men holding hands over there"...
Then the world changes - we have four daughters, so he became ardently feminist. Turns out he has a sister who is a lesbian and a brother who is gay - becomes Mr. LGBT rights. Trump becomes President and he becomes more liberal than me (well, not quite but if he gets another 4 years? He'll be a socialist before this is all over.) He just didn't know what he didn't know and as he got more aware, he radically changed. I have not.
I would still say he's pretty fiscally moderate but socially? Totally liberal.
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Post by peano on Jul 1, 2020 11:22:00 GMT
DH and I started off the Trump presidency in a precarious place. I was so furious about everything, and he, like many pundits at the time, were going, “I know, but let’s give him a chance.” As things evolved and evidence of Trump's stupidity, lack of humanity, incompetence, and particularly his repudiation of science moved him over away from that position. He’s worked with gay people, supervises people of different colors and cultures, and so knows people beyond stereotypes. I wouldn’t call him Mr. Woke but he is open. He is a gun owner—handgun and rifles for hunting, but they are in the basement hidden and locked away, and he has never used them while we’ve been married. Even though he has never been rah rah 2A, Sandy Hook traumatized him too. I just became a registered Democrat late last year, and he is an independent. I just ordered a lawn sign with various liberal sentiments on it, including Black Lives Matter, and got some pushback, but I think it’s because he’s afraid someone will target us/ vandalize the house.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 2,990
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Jul 1, 2020 11:43:45 GMT
I was always very liberal my husband was a little more in the middle but not anymore ,the action of this administration has disgusting him so much that he joined me on the left and swear that he will never vote for a Republican ever again.
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Dallie
Full Member
Posts: 490
Feb 25, 2020 16:33:25 GMT
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Post by Dallie on Jul 1, 2020 11:56:42 GMT
My husband and I started out liberal and have stayed that way.
My parents started out dofferent. They ended up deeply.divided politically and argued incessantly over politics, especially in the Vietnam, Nixon era. I mean, they argued for hours every day. Truly hours every day. I realized when I was a kid their political differences were a reflection of their different values, mora!s, and world views. I vowed also when I was a kid that I would not have a marriage like that. I am grateful my husband and I have stayed on the same page because we would not be together.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jul 1, 2020 12:08:55 GMT
I know we’ve had threads in the past about whether you and your partner are in alignment politically, but this time, I’m more curious about the stages. Has one or both of you changed your leanings? Is one or both of you more invested than you were previously? Or have things always been as they are? My husband and I were both R when we got married, but, honestly, politics weren’t really that important to either of us. It’s only been in the last 15 years or so that I began to get more involved, and have been moving more and more to the left. Luckily, my husband has moved with me, although he’s not as invested as I am... I’m usually telling him about something that’s happened rather than him telling me. I’m glad we’ve stayed in alignment as we’ve grown older. How about you? The only time it has ever been an issue for us was when he said he was going to vote for a candidate who was anti-same sex marriage while I was actively lobbying for it. I posted about losing my shit on him on the old board and Lauren called me an asshole. It was a good day. DH talks conservative but invariably votes one party to the left of me. I vote Liberal, he votes New Democrat, I vote New Democrat, he votes Green. I swear, if I told him I was going to vote Green he would vote Marxist-Leninist. His family, otoh, are squarely Conservative.
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Post by Merge on Jul 1, 2020 12:34:43 GMT
DH and I were both conservative when we got married.
We moved to a large city, life happened, new experiences ...now I am obviously liberal/progressive. He still calls himself conservative, but if you talk to him, what he really means is that he doesn't want his taxes raised. And who does? But he's very liberal in his outlook on virtually every other issue I can think of. We don't agree on every detail of what we think policy should be, but we're in the same ballpark.
He still reflexively reverts to, "I'm not voting for anyone who's going to raise my taxes" at election time, though. It's actually caused him to sit out the last few elections because he didn't want to vote for the Democrat (whether they're going to raise taxes or not, in his head they all do) and couldn't vote for the Republican.
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Post by Linda on Jul 1, 2020 12:43:14 GMT
we've always been different in our political beliefs but in the past we often ended up in a similar place from different directions - I was a left-leaning moderate, he was a right-leaning moderate. Neither of us is affliated with a party nor ever has been.
In the past decade, things have changed. While neither of us voted for Obama (for different reasons), one of us came to see him as a good President and one of us didn't. Neither of us voted for Trump either but one of us has never felt Trump was doing a good job and one of us spent the first few years mansplaining that Trump actually was making some good decisions. One of us quietly supports BLM, one of us is on the All Lives Matter bandwagon.
It's not easy. Especially now the kids are old enough to express their own opinions. Dh no longer seems to be able to have a discussion and consider other points of view - we used to have good discussions and debates but the past few years, anything political has quickly devolved into an argument so I try really hard to avoid anything that might. I'm somewhat hopeful that might be slowly changing. I did have a decent conversation recently about the fact that white privilege didn't mean his life was easy and he didn't have to overcome obstacles (he grew up very poor), it just meant his skin colour wasn't one of the obstacles. I don't know if he got it, but he did at least let me talk. And he brought up the JKR controversy and that conversation (with me and the girls) went better than expected.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Jul 1, 2020 13:24:12 GMT
I could have written your post. DH and I both leaned pretty hard to the right when we first married and have moved to solidly left together over the years.
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edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,465
Jun 26, 2014 1:03:18 GMT
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Post by edie3 on Jul 1, 2020 13:26:04 GMT
The older DH and I get, the more divided we are politically. It is really hard sometimes. DH is a kind man, great dad, good heart all that, so it blows my mind that he can support trump and his antics. Some days it bothers me, other days I laugh. Thank God one of our sons is more like me politically, so DH voted doesnt count.
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Post by librarylady on Jul 1, 2020 13:37:40 GMT
We have both been the kind that vote for the person rather than the party. Our suburb is strongly Republican and DH would say things to align with the R. Finally one day I asked him why he considered himself a R --and named several issues where he was firmly in the D camp. I honestly don't think he had considered that. While we both still consider the person and that person's stance...........Donald Trump has made him yell several times that he could never vote for a R again. He asked me to order a Black Lives Matter sign for the yard. (I did, and it is in the yard) He donated $20 to the Democratic Party. Yes things have changed.
I still remain fiscal conservative and liberal socially.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jul 1, 2020 14:15:37 GMT
my ex was a one issue/headline reactive voter... like the front page of the toronto sun newspaper blaring something that struck a chord and that was his stance. i would *try* to talk to him about reading past the headline, looking at the broader picture, researching issues and not voting with such a kneejerk reaction. he wasn't receptive. i complained here before he got upset because i voted differently than him "you cancelled out my vote... we should vote as a family". okay, then vote the way i did - women didn't fight to get the vote for me to hand that over to *you* without a fight. i don't think so. guy i am seeing now... he thinks i am really smart. so its actually an interesting and thoughtful conversation about issues. we are definitely more politically compatible. DH talks conservative but invariably votes one party to the left of me. I vote Liberal, he votes New Democrat, I vote New Democrat, he votes Green. I swear, if I told him I was going to vote Green he would vote Marxist-Leninist. this made me laugh!!
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Post by whipea on Jul 1, 2020 14:23:11 GMT
My D/H is very conservative in voting choices, and I am the total opposite. He is a Trump supporter and I actually don't think he listens to what is going. I honestly feel he supports Trump solely based on the party he represents - scary.
The funny thing is he supports human rights, LGBT and hates racism and we share those important fundamental views. I just don't understand why he continues to support that fool. I think it may be due to his rigid upbringing and living in an homogenized rural hunting area where everyone was republican and they feared democrats would take their guns.
He has been far away from there and living in a very diverse urban area over three-quarters of his life, but still feels it is a crime against humanity to vote anything but Republican.
We never talk politics, way too toxic, but I hear him talking to his like minded friends.
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Post by kibble on Jul 1, 2020 16:05:38 GMT
I started dating my now husband right after Trump was elected. I would not have dated him if he was a Trump supporter - on my match profile I put if you were conservative don't bother or something like that.
He's always been liberal, grew up in an city so much more diverse than where I was from.
I grew up in a very small conservative town so started as a Republican. In my 20s after college I started being more independent and voting both sides. After I had my son in my late 20s I changed to democrat and have only gotten more liberal the older I get.
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Post by lisae on Jul 1, 2020 16:28:31 GMT
I'm a Democrat and always have been. DH is a Republican and has been as long as I've known him (30 years). He was a Democrat at some point before that but changed affiliation. He lived in Arkansas when Clinton was governor and apparently that influenced his change for some reason.
During the 90's we could not talk politics. For the next 16 years, we could have good discussions despite our differences. During the 2016 primary season we enjoyed laughing about what a joke Trump was until he became the nominee. DH didn't want him but he wouldn't have voted for Hillary Clinton over anyone. He never supports the stupid things Trump does/says, he agree with some policies mostly those that any Republican would support, and doesn't like Biden. He supports the choices our Democratic governor has taken regarding the virus response.
I've become increasingly engaged in politics as time goes on and more firmly grounded as a moderate Democrat.
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Post by Sorrel on Jul 1, 2020 16:36:56 GMT
DH and I are both extremely progressive. I couldn't be married to someone who differed drastically from me politically.
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Post by cmpeter on Jul 1, 2020 16:48:21 GMT
We are both progressive and always have been. I used to be more involved (volunteered to register voters, worked for political campaigns) than he was.
He’s become much more active than me since Trump was elected. We both still volunteer, but he does it more frequently. It’s partly his utter dismay with Trump and partly to work travel schedules. I took a job with more travel and he took a new one with less travel.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Jul 1, 2020 17:07:34 GMT
My husband and I were both pretty right leaning until this year. He probably wouldn’t have shifted views if not for me. I used to be terrified to broach politics with him, but I did it for my kids, for our country. And I’m glad I did. He’s become a happier person and much more open minded about civil rights which is what matters to me most. I will not live in a home of intolerance.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 1, 2020 17:48:24 GMT
I've spoken up quite a few time about my dh's and different political standings. I am very liberal. he is conservative. There are some things..very rare we agree on. When I got married, politics was the least of my worries. If I had to do it over again. I would not marry someone so opposite of me. We somehow make it work, but let me tell you, there have been many hot conversations. Over the years I think I've made him more open minded. And there are a few things I agree with him about. We have 2 young adult women, and let me tell you, they are WAY beyond what I was at their ages. So they keep him on his toes also. They are also very liberal, and very involved and educated. It seems like Democratic liberals are more focused on human rights, equality, fairness, peace, and Conservative Rep's are more concerned over their rights, government control, guns, and abortion.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 1, 2020 17:52:44 GMT
I could have written your post. DH and I both leaned pretty hard to the right when we first married and have moved to solidly left together over the years. That is us, too.
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Post by travelsoul on Jul 1, 2020 18:19:36 GMT
We got together when we were 23 and both admittedly pretty politically ignorant. Although we agreed on a lot of things socially, I have always been very socially liberal and he was more moderate. Sadly, the older and more politically involved we get, the further we grow apart. He has become very conservative in every single way, while I remain very liberal. It will be very interesting raising a daughter with him because I plan to make it very clear to her that she is allowed to love who she wants, be who she wants, pray to who she wants, do what she wants. He will do all he can to instill conservative values.
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Post by needmysanity on Jul 1, 2020 18:39:43 GMT
DH and I are similar yet very different. While I am still on the ballot as a Republican I didn't vote that way last Presidential election. I am much more socially liberal than him. He is more moderate. He is fiscally conservative - I'm more moderate. The only thing we do agree on is gun control and gun rights.
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Post by catmom on Jul 1, 2020 18:48:48 GMT
DH and I have always been fairly aligned. He tends to be slightly more conservative than me but we're pretty close to the same page. When we were first married we tended to vote more Conservative party, though there was no hard and fast rule. We've been voting Liberal or NDP in most elections for years now. Once the Progressive Conservative party became the Conservative party and adopted a more socially conservative platform they became a much less viable option. We can always talk about politics and our opinion without any issue.
There was a few minutes when DH was enjoying the Trump primary run and thought it might be 'fun' to have some new blood. Even though we're Canadian and no one actually gets a vote, I still had stern words for him re Trump's attitude toward women.
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Post by chlerbie on Jul 1, 2020 18:51:40 GMT
We've been together for 21 years and are both on the same page--both are very progressive. We disagree on a few things, but more about how things are handled than the actual issue and I'm really glad that we are so like minded. I'd have a very hard time with someone who was polar opposite than me on issues that I really care about.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 1, 2020 18:53:18 GMT
When my husband and I met, we were in our mid 20's. He wasn't politically engaged or active and did not come from a family that was, either. I was very liberal, very politically active, and from a family that actively discussed and followed politics.
He marched with me for marriage equality. He had a wide and diverse circle of friends. We traveled a lot and he seemed to be open to soaking the world up with me. I believed that our values were closely aligned.
We are now in our early 40's. My husband has become far more politically aware and engaged, and CONSERVATIVE. I am as liberal as I ever was, possibly more so with the current administration. My husband supports Trump. At least he did the last time we discussed (fought about) the president.
I sometimes find myself wondering how the man I married became the man I am married to. I love my husband, but I don't understand his willingness to support a myriad of policies that are directly harmful to me and people like me.
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Post by travelsoul on Jul 1, 2020 20:37:47 GMT
When my husband and I met, we were in our mid 20's. He wasn't politically engaged or active and did not come from a family that was, either. I was very liberal, very politically active, and from a family that actively discussed and followed politics. He marched with me for marriage equality. He had a wide and diverse circle of friends. We traveled a lot and he seemed to be open to soaking the world up with me. I believed that our values were closely aligned. We are now in our early 40's. My husband has become far more politically aware and engaged, and CONSERVATIVE. I am as liberal as I ever was, possibly more so with the current administration. My husband supports Trump. At least he did the last time we discussed (fought about) the president. I sometimes find myself wondering how the man I married became the man I am married to. I love my husband, but I don't understand his willingness to support a myriad of policies that are directly harmful to me and people like me. So interesting. I’ve always held the opinion that people who are very well traveled (and I mean who have traveled for the sake of cultural experiences and social understandings, not just to vacation and cross it off the bucket list) tend to become less socially conservative. This opinion comes from years working in the travel industry and “psychoanalyzing” my clients. But we can have an entirely different thread in that topic. But I feel ya! My husband is very much a Trump supporter because of his stance on immigration. I’m constantly reminding him that he married a Mexican American who’s great grandparents immigrated here. I’m in constant wonder!
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,520
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Jul 2, 2020 14:41:29 GMT
I read this thread with interest. My DH started as an anyone but Hillary supporter, and voted for trump for exactly that reason. While I was not a Hillary fan, I wasn't going to vote for Trump. We have interesting discussions, but what it boils down to is really reading deeper into the "news" and the news to find out what's really happening. I let him rant, sometimes I don't and occasionally call him out. It works for us. I don't tell people he's a Trump supporter, I don't need the backlash. At the end of the day I'm deeply saddened by the way our country has become all or nothing with no room for debate.
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Post by withapea on Jul 2, 2020 15:01:11 GMT
I've always been liberal but not tied to a party. My husband wasn't very engaged in politics and policy when we first got together, I'd describe him as socially liberal but moderate. He was a bit apathetic about it all. That has changed. The more time goes on the more we move left. We don't align 100% on issues but we're mostly on the same page.
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Post by tyra on Jul 2, 2020 15:09:32 GMT
We have a strict no politics talk rule in our house.
I am D, DH is R, I am certainty more liberal than he is. Actually we were talking with a VERY conservative friend a few days ago and DH mentioned that I am much more liberal now than when we got married 7 years ago. Huh? That surprised me. But in thinking about it, my hatred for 45 I am sure made me more liberal.
My entire family is conservative, DH's entire family is liberal. So when his family is over, he feels picked on some how. And they say liberals are snowflakes LOL I just leave the room when my family gets going.
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