None
Full Member
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Sept 17, 2017 13:10:30 GMT
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Post by None on Jul 9, 2020 21:40:19 GMT
Has she started her period yet? Prior to mine starting, she turned into a child i didn't know at times. Mine got her period in 5th grade.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 9, 2020 21:44:49 GMT
I had all boys so my advice may not apply with teenage girl hormones.
One of my cardinal rules from a very early age was that any of us could "feel" any way we wanted to, but we weren't allowed to "act" on those feelings to the degree that it impacted others.
You're mad? Fine. Feel mad. But if you're stomping around, yelling, and being a pill mad? That behavior affects the rest of us. Your choice is go to the privacy of your own room where you are the only one subject to your anger. Or, control it and you can stay around the rest of us and talk about it rationally.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:43:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2020 21:52:44 GMT
You have gotten some great advice already.
DS is now 14. Year before last he and I seemed to be constantly at each other's throats. We have generally been pretty close but I can't tell you how many nights I cried wondering what I had done wrong that turned him into such a little butthole!
During this Covid lockdown, we have spent lots and lots of time talking about so many things. He told me that during that particular time that we were having difficulty, he was really, really having a hard time with a national exam he was having to take at the end of the year. He described such anxiety over this test and how he suffered so much in silence. My heart broke actually to think how much he was going through and I just didn't know. But he can be rather introverted and he is one that it takes a while to know how things affect him. He kind of chews on stuff for awhile before it cycles back out.
Looking back on it now, I can see how he just didn't know how to cope with what was going on. Not excusing bad behavior...just suggesting to see what might be behind it.
Good luck.
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2020 22:16:34 GMT
Agree with pick your hills. One of my hills was a smart mouth. I just didn't tolerate it. What worked for me was giving chores to do. Every time that smart mouth kicked in while doing the chore, another would be added, just boring stuff. Rinse, lather, repeat. A sink full of dirty dishes will do wonders for a sassy teen! Gives them time to think and sort through their emotions. So will polishing the silver! Meanwhile, just keep telling yourself that this too shall pass. They tend to become human again around 25 yrs. old. I’m serious in my asking of this... what do you do when they refuse to do the chores? She refuses to do chores and gets sent to her room for time out. The chore is still waiting when she’s done with the time out. She does NOT deescalate so the battle continues after the time out. We JUST started with a therapist when everything shut down. Sigh. It’s SO bad here right now! My dd (Almost 9) hasn’t seen her iPad since the middle of June because her room is a TOTAL sty. Like, bad. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, toys, HUGE mess. She absolutely refuses to clean it. |
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2020 22:17:31 GMT
I have to be VERY specific with my almost 9 year old. When I tell her towels need to be folded, I have to also specify that they need to be put away PROPERLY or she will be redoing it. She likes to just shove them in the closet so they fall out when I open the door. If they fall out, I pick them all up and dump them on the couch and she gets to redo them. Oh, yes!! Our current one is "I know you told me to put my clothes away, but you didn't say when." Yep. We always give a time to start it. |
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MaryMary
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Post by MaryMary on Jul 9, 2020 22:17:47 GMT
I agree that picking battles is important.
I agree that setting limits/expectations of behavior is important. I have taught my kids it in never okay to attack or disrespect me or each other.
I try to keep things pretty light-hearted, I try very hard not to yell. When I see my kids pushing back or rolling their eyes, I jokingly acknowledge it, “I saw you roll your eyes, little missy.” with a smile. They will try hard not to, but they usually crack and start laughing, too. Then we talk about whatever it is that they feel frustrated about.
I don’t know... I probably talk my kids to death, but I want them to know WHY certain rules are in place and not just RULES ARE RULES, DON’T QUESTION ME stuff I grew up with.
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Jul 9, 2020 22:20:24 GMT
Board her until she is about 22!! Just kidding, there no known cure for teenhood in girls.
I’m sorry you have reached this phase of life. It will make you appreciate the terrible twos. My only advice is to choose your battles. If she doesn’t get a response for eye rolls and the classic sighing, it will lessen their use.
I’ve gotten my revenge, all my kids now have teenagers. What fun it is to see the tables turned. Good luck. Hugs.
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MaryMary
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Post by MaryMary on Jul 9, 2020 22:21:21 GMT
For room cleaning, I have learned that kids see the mess and are very overwhelmed about where to start... so I sit in the room with them and say, “First pick up all your dirty clothes.”, “Now pick up all the toys”, etc.
I don’t do the work for them, but I talk them through the process. My 9 year old still needs this but my older kids do it on their own by now.
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2020 22:26:10 GMT
For room cleaning, I have learned that kids see the mess and are very overwhelmed about where to start... so I sit in the room with them and say, “First pick up all your dirty clothes.”, “Now pick up all the toys”, etc. I don’t do the work for them, but I talk them through the process. My 9 year old still needs this but my older kids do it on their own by now. I did that with her and she flipped her shit on me so I walked away and told her that I don’t deserve to be talked to like she was talking to me and I was done trying to help her. That threw her into more of a tizzy. I refuse to allow her to be disrespectful to me so her room stays a mess. Spiders and all. She freaked out the other night because there was a spider on her wall. I sent DH to deal with that and explain that there are spiders because of the mess. It didn’t matter. We’ve offered time on the iPad for completion and maintenance of completed stuff. No luck. She’s an amazing kid but holy hell is she a terrorist! Born this way! She’s a “leader”. 🤣 |
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Post by ntsf on Jul 9, 2020 22:26:21 GMT
the other trick is to give requests in writing.. make everything concrete and non -verbal. sit down at the best time, make a list of what you need her to do and due dates and times. post it. at the most.. just point to the list. don't engage, don't argue, don't do chore for her.. unless you absolutely must.. natural consequences. it gets old.. cause you can't argue with paper. learn not to react.. start reciting something in your mind.
sometimes, if I need a kid to do something, I will articulate it, ask them if they can do it within 5 minutes or 10 minutes.. notice I didn't ask them if they could do it.. just set the time. then put the timer on in your phone and check in when time is pass. maybe ask if they need a few more minutes.. this works again, cause you can't argue with timer.
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Post by Linda on Jul 9, 2020 22:27:44 GMT
I agree with everyone who says don't engage and pick your battles.
Also once the meltdowns start (have they yet? ours started younger) - offer protein, give space, and talk AFTER the meltdown resolves. Just like toddlers, when they're in the midst of it, there's no reasoning with them. Walk away and wait for a calmer moment to offer a hug and discussion.
(and yes, once the hormones level out, it'll get better)
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Post by ntsf on Jul 9, 2020 22:29:16 GMT
I don't care what they say.. just don't react. it is playing into their games to argue about respect in my book. they are just out to get you. now that my kids are adults they respect me. I didn't need it when they were young.
if they don't do a chore, if it has to get done now, ask them if they want to do it or pay you $5 to do it. that's another approach.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Jul 9, 2020 22:33:43 GMT
seaexplore, does your Daughter enjoy having friends over? Maybe make a new rule that friends can come over if her room is tidy.
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Post by mom on Jul 9, 2020 22:34:46 GMT
I agree with everyone, pick your battles.
BUT - we were huge on having natural consequences. For example, DS1 would be an ass all day and then expect me to take him to xyz later that night. Nope. If you're an ass all day and no one wants to be around you, then I don't want to drive you anywhere. Behave like a human and sure, I will help you by driving you. Or if I would tell DS2 to do something and he didn't do it, I took that to mean he was telling me 'no' (whether or not he actually said the words 'no'). Thats fine, but when he'd come later and ask for permission to do something, I would tell him no. Sometimes I'd wait a week before telling him no. But he knew it was coming. Do what you're asked and we have no issues.
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Post by Linda on Jul 9, 2020 22:41:27 GMT
Agree with pick your hills. One of my hills was a smart mouth. I just didn't tolerate it. What worked for me was giving chores to do. Every time that smart mouth kicked in while doing the chore, another would be added, just boring stuff. Rinse, lather, repeat. A sink full of dirty dishes will do wonders for a sassy teen! Gives them time to think and sort through their emotions. So will polishing the silver! Meanwhile, just keep telling yourself that this too shall pass. They tend to become human again around 25 yrs. old. I’m serious in my asking of this... what do you do when they refuse to do the chores? She refuses to do chores and gets sent to her room for time out. The chore is still waiting when she’s done with the time out. She does NOT deescalate so the battle continues after the time out. We JUST started with a therapist when everything shut down. Sigh. It’s SO bad here right now! My dd (Almost 9) hasn’t seen her iPad since the middle of June because her room is a TOTAL sty. Like, bad. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, toys, HUGE mess. She absolutely refuses to clean it. mine are older now but I still have chores issues sometimes. I changed how we talked about chores. Instead of saying "I need/want you to wash the dishes" (implied now) I'll say "I need the dishes washed by____(4pm, when I start dinner, before bedtime). Then they feel like they have a little control over the timing and it's not like I'm expecting them to jump up right that second to do them. I don't remind again unless the deadline passes (so no nagging). If when I remind, they still don't do the chore - then it'll depend on the chores. Didn't feed the cats? Before you sit down for dinner, you need to take of that. Didn't put away the clean dishes and my sink is full? I'll lay out another dish drying mat and wash more (DD20 called that passive aggressive the other day because there were 3 mats and a drying rack full of dishes by the time she got around to putting them away - DD13 was happy because they take turns with that chores and she didn't have to do any that day). We also have a chore day - I make a detailed list of everything that needs to be done from cleaning each toilet to stripping beds to dusting etc... split by room. We have three coloured highlighters and as we do a task, we mark it off in our colour. They like that they can pick (and avoid the worst job - funny thing, they each have a different worst job) and I like that everyone contributes (and surprisingly I haven't scrubbed a toilet in weeks although I usually do end up cleanign the litter pans) and we all know that's how we spend Monday morning and the sooner the house is done, the sooner they can go on the computer or TV etc... As for the bedroom - it sounds like she's overwhelmed - at 8? We would clean the room together and I would model focusing on one task at a time. So we would pick up all the clothes and decide if they were dirty (put in hamper) clean (put away) and then tackle one group of toys at a time. If they had too much stuff to put away, then it was time to make hard decisions. And in a pinch, I've picked up everything on the floor into bags and let them earn them back one at time (but they have to put the stuff away each time). |
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Kerri W
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Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Jul 9, 2020 23:00:22 GMT
I agree with everyone, pick your battles. BUT - we were huge on having natural consequences. For example, DS1 would be an ass all day and then expect me to take him to xyz later that night. Nope. If you're an ass all day and no one wants to be around you, then I don't want to drive you anywhere. Behave like a human and sure, I will help you by driving you. Or if I would tell DS2 to do something and he didn't do it, I took that to mean he was telling me 'no' (whether or not he actually said the words 'no'). Thats fine, but when he'd come later and ask for permission to do something, I would tell him no. Sometimes I'd wait a week before telling him no. But he knew it was coming. Do what you're asked and we have no issues. Same. Many many conversations about the right to have whatever feelings you want to have, but you absolutely will not treat other people crappy because of your mood. Go spend time in your room until you can talk it out or whatever, but you won’t speak to me nasty. If you want respect, you have to give respect—and that absolutely goes both ways. |
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Post by Lexica on Jul 9, 2020 23:00:44 GMT
A little background first: I raised my son by myself after booting his father out before my son's first birthday. As he grew up, we started a tradition of talking about how he had changed during the prior year and what he could expect to change in the upcoming year including with his body and emotions. That discussion went along with the talk about additional responsibilities and privileges he would receive. He would get extra chores along with later bedtimes and higher allowance, etc. We talked about how his palate would develop and he would grow into liking foods that he did not like when younger.
He looked so forward to these discussions. It was fun for him to look at how he was maturing and growing up into a man. There were plenty of times that I would not be quite ready for a requested privilege and would ask him to give me a chance to catch up. When he hit his early teens, this was things like staying out in the neighborhood hanging with his friends after dinner and going places with a group of kids. He was mature enough and totally ready, but sometimes I wasn't. Once in a while we would compromise until I was ready to give him the freedom he was needing. He would give up doing something and I would provide concessions until I felt comfortable letting go more. Having this background foundation of talking things over and letting him have some input really helped both of us to understand where the other was coming from and avoid some of the battles that I saw friends going through with their kids.
When my son started to go through this negative attitude phase, I sat him down and explained that we could keep repeating the dance with him rolling his eyes and doing the dramatic sighs and treating me disrespectfully and I would then respond trying to correct him to get respect considerate behavior and it would ultimately end up with him being sent to his room for the remainder of the night sometimes having events taken away if it got really bad. I reminded him that he was going through some chemical changes that made him feel differently and act a bit rebellious, wanting to pull away from me and my rules and control over aspects of his life, which was perfectly normal. It was not, however, acceptable to treat me badly and act like a little jerk. And doing that never got him the freedom that he was seeking.
We came up with the word "attitude-ectomy" for these times. When he would start in being a jerk, I would tell him he needed an attitude-ectomy to stop where things were headed before it went to the inevitable conclusion. He would stop in his tracks and turn around and leave the room. He would do whatever it took to get into a better mindset and then come back in with politeness and respect. Sure, he was faking it, but I didn't care. He was behaving better. Using this ploy got us through some pretty hairy times when he went through the early teen years. It gave us both a few seconds to think about what was really important regarding the circumstances and it cut our arguments down tremendously.
You could explain to your daughter how her hormones were affecting her behavior and that while wanting to become independent was normal and appropriate, treating you poorly was not acceptable. If you think she would respond to a freezing and abrupt change of direction, give it a try. It truly worked wonders in our house. Oh, and there were times that I was PMSing and getting irrationally angry over something out of proportion and my son would tell me I needed an attitude-ectomy! He would always say "Respectfully, Mom, I think you need an attitude-ectomy" and it was said so politely that it made me realize I was being really hormonal. We usually ended up laughing which was better than where it was headed. I really think explaining things and acknowledging their quest for independence goes a long way toward a calmer environment.
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2020 23:27:44 GMT
seaexplore, does your Daughter enjoy having friends over? Maybe make a new rule that friends can come over if her room is tidy. No friends over. We’re deep distancing. She also has no nearby friends. School is 35 min from where we live! |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2020 23:33:01 GMT
I’m serious in my asking of this... what do you do when they refuse to do the chores? She refuses to do chores and gets sent to her room for time out. The chore is still waiting when she’s done with the time out. She does NOT deescalate so the battle continues after the time out. We JUST started with a therapist when everything shut down. Sigh. It’s SO bad here right now! My dd (Almost 9) hasn’t seen her iPad since the middle of June because her room is a TOTAL sty. Like, bad. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, toys, HUGE mess. She absolutely refuses to clean it. mine are older now but I still have chores issues sometimes. I changed how we talked about chores. Instead of saying "I need/want you to wash the dishes" (implied now) I'll say "I need the dishes washed by____(4pm, when I start dinner, before bedtime). Then they feel like they have a little control over the timing and it's not like I'm expecting them to jump up right that second to do them. I don't remind again unless the deadline passes (so no nagging). If when I remind, they still don't do the chore - then it'll depend on the chores. Didn't feed the cats? Before you sit down for dinner, you need to take of that. Didn't put away the clean dishes and my sink is full? I'll lay out another dish drying mat and wash more (DD20 called that passive aggressive the other day because there were 3 mats and a drying rack full of dishes by the time she got around to putting them away - DD13 was happy because they take turns with that chores and she didn't have to do any that day). We also have a chore day - I make a detailed list of everything that needs to be done from cleaning each toilet to stripping beds to dusting etc... split by room. We have three coloured highlighters and as we do a task, we mark it off in our colour. They like that they can pick (and avoid the worst job - funny thing, they each have a different worst job) and I like that everyone contributes (and surprisingly I haven't scrubbed a toilet in weeks although I usually do end up cleanign the litter pans) and we all know that's how we spend Monday morning and the sooner the house is done, the sooner they can go on the computer or TV etc... As for the bedroom - it sounds like she's overwhelmed - at 8? We would clean the room together and I would model focusing on one task at a time. So we would pick up all the clothes and decide if they were dirty (put in hamper) clean (put away) and then tackle one group of toys at a time. If they had too much stuff to put away, then it was time to make hard decisions. And in a pinch, I've picked up everything on the floor into bags and let them earn them back one at time (but they have to put the stuff away each time). I think it might be time to do the scoop up everything and earn it back. We did that before and it got earned back but destroyed her room. When she “cleans” she just shoves stuff into drawers, bags, hidey holes, anywhere she can. Honestly, she has too many toys. Lol surprise (has a big bin), barbies (has a big bin), littlest pet shop (has a big bin). All the bins go on shelves under her bed. She’s a hoarder too. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 9, 2020 23:38:46 GMT
My youngest ds was like that from 13-15. At 15 he suddenly became this amazing person, so cooperative and very self aware. I was told that at 15 they become human. Don't know if it's true for everyone, but that was the case for us. Now he's a young adult and makes us very proud. She'll grow out of it. In the meantime, just don't put up w/it. She's testing you and also she's seeing your dh and you as the dumbest most controlling people on the planet. Yet, when she wants something she couldn't love you more. Again, you're the parents. Disrespect will not be tolerated. Set strong boundaries and learn to walk away when she's being snooty. Just as you step over a screaming toddler having a tantrum, you do the same w/a teenager. When she can't get a rise out of you then she'll shut up. If she's a march up to her room, door slammer then be grateful that she's not in the same room as you!
They do grow up and become lovely people, but right now you just have to get through this phase.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 10, 2020 0:20:56 GMT
I think the body snatchers have got my dear sweet grandson and I wish they would give him back.  . He will be 12 next month and I really don't know where my sweet, kind, caring boy has gone. We use to talk for hours on the way home after picking him up. He would tell me all about his life, his friends, his school, etc. Now all he wants to do is play on this phone all the way. If I make him get off it, he just sulks and won't talk. It makes me sad. (disclaimer: he really is still a sweet kid. I just can feel him pulling away and growing up. I know things change but still makes me sad.) My dad used to pick my daughter - his first beloved grandchild - up from school once a week, and I remember him telling me a similar story. From the moment DD walked out of the school building, into the car and then into the house she was on her phone and wouldn't talk to him. I had to gently ask her not to get her phone out when she was with Poppy. It's so hard when they leave that sweet age isn't it? |
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Post by Linda on Jul 10, 2020 3:34:58 GMT
I think it might be time to do the scoop up everything and earn it back. We did that before and it got earned back but destroyed her room. When she “cleans” she just shoves stuff into drawers, bags, hidey holes, anywhere she can. Honestly, she has too many toys. Lol surprise (has a big bin), barbies (has a big bin), littlest pet shop (has a big bin). All the bins go on shelves under her bed. She’s a hoarder too. I think she's going to need more hands-on help with doing a good clean and sorting out. Tidying up properly is a learned skill not an intuitive one and it's easy for kids to get overwhelmed by a mess. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 10, 2020 5:28:47 GMT
I think it might be time to do the scoop up everything and earn it back. We did that before and it got earned back but destroyed her room. When she “cleans” she just shoves stuff into drawers, bags, hidey holes, anywhere she can. Honestly, she has too many toys. Lol surprise (has a big bin), barbies (has a big bin), littlest pet shop (has a big bin). All the bins go on shelves under her bed. She’s a hoarder too. I think she's going to need more hands-on help with doing a good clean and sorting out. Tidying up properly is a learned skill not an intuitive one and it's easy for kids to get overwhelmed by a mess. I agree. She is perfectly happy to “help” in the sense that she watches me do it. Nope, I will help but if she is going to watch and not help, I’m out. I know, I sound TOTALLY childish but I’m not about to do a job she is physically capable of lending a hand to. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:43:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2020 8:30:29 GMT
Sorry, I'm the opposite. I've raised 4 girls and one gave us a run for our money. The one that have us a run, is doing wonderful and has actually stated she is thankful we where tough.
Address that nasty snip right away. If you ignore it she will take it as you don't care and it will grow.
If she snips at you, turn and say, we don't speak that way. Adjust your tone and try again, or excuse me apologize for the way you spoke to me.
I'd sit down and have a family meeting. Address it straight on. Recently I've noticed that you've had a snotty tone with me when speaking. I'm not sure if you realize it, but words and the way they come out of your mouth have consequences. So moving forward you will correct your behavior and the way you speak to me. If you choose not to, there will be consequences. I'd lay some out, for example, I will address it as soon as it happens and you will have the chance to correct it and apologize. When I address it and you don't correct it or it continues, I will take your phone, I will take the TV,I will give you a chore to do on and on... just make sure you have some consequences laid out and you follow through on them.
Ignoring it or choosing your Hill is not going to help, it's going to reinforce to her in her mind that it's OK to speak that way to you. It's only going to grow and allow her to do it to other. This is just my opinion amd everyone is going to raise their kids a diffrent way.
My 16 year old got snippy the other day and I addressed it right away in the middle of a store.
Let's just say she doesn't do it that often, but when she does you can see the look on her face, as she knows it's going to be addressed. I do too much for my kids to have them speak in an ill tone at me for any reason. I am their mother not their friend.
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styxgirl
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Jul 10, 2020 8:59:10 GMT
As a mother of a 15 year old dd... Is she trying to pick a fight so she can stomp up to her room and feel sorry for herself? Currently, mine picks apart my words when I ask her to do a chore so she can get away without doing it on a technicality. "You said put the dishes away, you didn't say to put them away in the cupboard where they actually belong." Hang in there, it gets even more fun... We share the same daughter!! |
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Post by *sprout* on Jul 10, 2020 10:36:58 GMT
As a mother of a 15 year old dd... Is she trying to pick a fight so she can stomp up to her room and feel sorry for herself? Currently, mine picks apart my words when I ask her to do a chore so she can get away without doing it on a technicality. "You said put the dishes away, you didn't say to put them away in the cupboard where they actually belong." Hang in there, it gets even more fun... Yes, my child of that exacting temperament is currently switching into a pre-law track for her undergrad. 😂 For the OP: I wish I had cultivated the calm raised eyebrow years ago. When she starts up, just stand there silently and calmly, with a slight smile and one eyebrow raised. Don’t say anything. She may stomp away, in which case, problem solved. She may get frustrated and say “What?!!!?” Don’t say anything. She may then fix her behavior, do as she was told etc. or she might stomp away. When you get to the point where she stops halfway through her tirade and says, “Never mind, stop raising your eyebrow at me like that!” you know you have won. This has been so successful that my girls (17 and 19) will do it to each other when they’re fighting. It’s also very effective with 5th graders at school. This is just one example, but the point is that if you can so consistently keep from getting emotional at these times, the behavior will become less frequent. Or at least you can privately entertain yourself when it happens. Defusing the situation with humor can also be really good. Hang in there, mom: the next several years are not for the faint of heart. I have to say that it’s been an unexpected pleasure having my 19 year old home for the summer. She has matured amazingly during her first year of college. I’m not going to say it’s been conflict free, but overall, it’s been incredibly gratifying to see how she’s grown in patience and maturity. Thank you so much! I love the eyebrow tip! I think having a go-to thing like that will be helpful for me. I love that your daughter's do it to each other! Thank you for the awesome advice! |
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Post by *sprout* on Jul 10, 2020 10:42:07 GMT
As everyone else has said, you will need to pick your battles. You will need to have concrete set fixed rules: for example, I need you to put your clothes away before xxxx o'clock. The clothes you left on the living room sofa. (Note: i recommend a solid time frame, not just saying in an hour because then the lines will be blurred. Make it specific). One of our house rules was to turn in all devices before going to bed at night. When they said "they need to be charged" I set up a charging station in our bedroom. Problem solved. When it seemed one of the kids had gotten a burner phone because they weren't complaining about the rule, I shut the router down. When she complained the internet went out, I asked her how she knew that since her device was charging in my room. Point was made. Additionally, prepare yourself for some of the hatred that is going to be thrown your way. You will most likely hear, somewhere along the line, "I hate you". My response was "I'm OK with that. I'm trying my best to raise decent people and I guess that's the price I pay. Oh well." Of course, I'd go cry in the shower but they didn't know that. Try to be impervious. It's hard. Also, you will hear "Well at so-and-so's house they're allowed to. . . .". My response was "Terrific for so-and-so. That's not our house rule but good for her". You get my point. Be prepared with some comeback responses (you'll probably need them). Try to rise above and not get sucked into an argument. Good luck! My twenty-somethings are amazing people and we all lived to tell about it. One of my friends fought back with her kids and the results weren't too good. She says she wished she hadn't escalated with them. Live and learn. Thank you for the great advice! Having some go-to comeback lines will be so helpful for me! I need to work on not reacting and escalating with her. Having that calm response is great. |
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Post by *sprout* on Jul 10, 2020 10:43:19 GMT
I think the body snatchers have got my dear sweet grandson and I wish they would give him back. . He will be 12 next month and I really don't know where my sweet, kind, caring boy has gone. We use to talk for hours on the way home after picking him up. He would tell me all about his life, his friends, his school, etc. Now all he wants to do is play on this phone all the way. If I make him get off it, he just sulks and won't talk. It makes me sad. (disclaimer: he really is still a sweet kid. I just can feel him pulling away and growing up. I know things change but still makes me sad.) I know exactly what you mean! Hugs!! |
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Post by *sprout* on Jul 10, 2020 10:43:52 GMT
Has she started her period yet? Prior to mine starting, she turned into a child i didn't know at times. Mine got her period in 5th grade. She has not. |
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Post by *sprout* on Jul 10, 2020 10:47:09 GMT
I had all boys so my advice may not apply with teenage girl hormones. One of my cardinal rules from a very early age was that any of us could "feel" any way we wanted to, but we weren't allowed to "act" on those feelings to the degree that it impacted others. You're mad? Fine. Feel mad. But if you're stomping around, yelling, and being a pill mad? That behavior affects the rest of us. Your choice is go to the privacy of your own room where you are the only one subject to your anger. Or, control it and you can stay around the rest of us and talk about it rationally. I love this! Definitely applies to girls. Thank you! Great advice! I think this would be perfect for my dd. |
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. He will be 12 next month and I really don't know where my sweet, kind, caring boy has gone. We use to talk for hours on the way home after picking him up. He would tell me all about his life, his friends, his school, etc. Now all he wants to do is play on this phone all the way. If I make him get off it, he just sulks and won't talk. It makes me sad. (disclaimer: he really is still a sweet kid. I just can feel him pulling away and growing up. I know things change but still makes me sad.)
