*THANK YOU!* Need advice on responding to tween attitude

Board her until she is about 22!! Just kidding, there no known cure for teenhood in girls.

I’m sorry you have reached this phase of life. It will make you appreciate the terrible twos. My only advice is to choose your battles. If she doesn’t get a response for eye rolls and the classic sighing, it will lessen their use.

I’ve gotten my revenge, all my kids now have teenagers. What fun it is to see the tables turned. Good luck. Hugs.

I don't care what they say.. just don't react. it is playing into their games to argue about respect in my book. they are just out to get you. now that my kids are adults they respect me. I didn't need it when they were young.

if they don't do a chore, if it has to get done now, ask them if they want to do it or pay you $5 to do it. that's another approach.

A little background first:  I raised my son by myself after booting his father out before my son's first birthday.  As he grew up, we started a tradition of talking about how he had changed during the prior year and what he could expect to change in the upcoming year including with his body and emotions. That discussion went along with the talk about additional responsibilities and privileges he would receive.  He would get extra chores along with later bedtimes and higher allowance, etc.  We talked about how his palate would develop and he would  grow into liking foods that he did not like when younger.  

He looked so forward to these discussions.  It was fun for him to look at how he was maturing and growing up into a man.  There were plenty of times that I would not be quite ready for a requested privilege and would ask him to give me a chance to catch up.  When he hit his early teens, this was things like staying out in the neighborhood hanging with his friends after dinner and going places with a group of kids.  He was mature enough and totally ready, but sometimes I wasn't.  Once in a while we would compromise until I was ready to give him the freedom he was needing.  He would give up doing something and I would provide concessions until I felt comfortable letting go more.  Having this background foundation of talking things over and letting him have some input really helped both of us to understand where the other was coming from and avoid some of the battles that I saw friends going through with their kids.

When my son started to go through this negative attitude phase, I sat him down and explained that we could keep repeating the dance with him rolling his eyes and doing the dramatic sighs and treating me disrespectfully and I would then respond trying to correct him to get respect considerate behavior and it would ultimately end up with him being sent to his room for the remainder of the night sometimes having events taken away if it got really bad.  I reminded him that he was going through some chemical changes that made him feel differently and act a bit rebellious, wanting to pull away from me and my rules and control over aspects of his life, which was perfectly normal.  It was not, however, acceptable to treat me badly and act like a little jerk.  And doing that never got him the freedom that he was seeking.
 
We came up with the word "attitude-ectomy" for these times.  When he would start in being a jerk, I would tell him he needed an attitude-ectomy to stop where things were headed before it went to the inevitable conclusion.  He would stop in his tracks and turn around and leave the room.  He would do whatever it took to get into a better mindset and then come back in with politeness and respect.  Sure, he was faking it, but I didn't care.  He was behaving better.  Using this ploy got us through some pretty hairy times when he went through the early teen years.  It gave us both a few seconds to think about what was really important regarding the circumstances and it cut our arguments down tremendously.

You could explain to your daughter how her hormones were affecting her behavior and that while wanting to become independent was normal and appropriate, treating you poorly was not acceptable.  If you think she would respond to a freezing and abrupt change of direction, give it a try.  It truly worked wonders in our house.  Oh, and there were times that I was PMSing and getting irrationally angry over something out of proportion and my son would tell me I needed an attitude-ectomy!  He would always say "Respectfully, Mom, I think you need an attitude-ectomy" and it was said so politely that it made me realize I was being really hormonal.  We usually ended up laughing which was better than where it was headed.  I really think explaining things and acknowledging their quest for independence goes a long way toward a calmer environment.

Sorry, I'm the opposite. I've raised 4 girls and one gave us a run for our money. The one that have us a run, is doing wonderful and has actually stated she is thankful we where tough.
Address that nasty snip right away. If you ignore it she will take it as you don't care and it will grow.
If she snips at you, turn and say, we don't speak that way. Adjust your tone and try again, or excuse me apologize for the way you spoke to me.
I'd sit down and have a family meeting. Address it straight on. Recently I've noticed that you've had a snotty tone with me when speaking. I'm not sure if you realize it, but words and the way they come out of your mouth have consequences. So moving forward you will correct your behavior and the way you speak to me. If you choose not to, there will be consequences. I'd lay some out, for example, I will address it as soon as it happens and you will have the chance to correct it and apologize. When I address it and you don't correct it or it continues, I will take your phone, I will take the TV,I will give you a chore to do on and on... just make sure you have some consequences laid out and you follow through on them.
Ignoring it or choosing your Hill is not going to help, it's going to reinforce to her in her mind that it's OK to speak that way to you. It's only going to grow and allow her to do it to other. This is just my opinion amd everyone is going to raise their kids a diffrent way.
My 16 year old got snippy the other day and I addressed it right away in the middle of a store.
Let's just say she doesn't do it that often, but when she does you can see the look on her face, as she knows it's going to be addressed. I do too much for my kids to have them speak in an ill tone at me for any reason. I am their mother not their friend.

Not that you need any extra advice but I remember having my attitude moments as a teenager. What worked best for me was when my mother would just distance herself from me without making any type of scene or giving me some sort of silence treatment, just walking away and getting on with her own stuff. When I'd have calmed down, she would come back and quietly reassure me, telling me she understood it wasn't easy for me, before making it known that it's no fun for her to have me like that. It's a subtle but honest guilt trip. It worked.

Tween and teenager hormones are rough on girls, too. We tend to expect girls to behave nicer than boys but it's kind of unfair. I remember being almost puzzled by those mood swings. I didn't grasp the extent of the hormonal impact. Fortunately, my mother didn't hold those moments against me although she still likes to tease me about them at times.

Good luck. Keep your cool. Let the moment pass and then gently explain without getting too lengthy about it. The message does get through eventually, I promise.

Btdt 3x and survived!

Don't react. Hardest thing ever.


My pediatrician told us they do this to test boundaries and only do it at home because they feel safe. So hard to remember in the moment!

Hugs!

I always just reminded them this is the family area of the house we talk respectfully to each other here and to take their attitudes to their own room. That they can be as mad as they want there.

My dd (17 in a week) can be a little short and snippy when she's tired. I let that slide. I quickly tell her to watch her mouth and keep it shut if she says something disrespectful or nasty. She usually reels it in and is very quiet after that. I give her space. My dd does not bare her soul and gets real tight lipped if I ask her 20 questions. She knows I'm there if she needs me. This usually happens after shes been around her father and step mother too long. Different rules at my house.
As long as you nip it in bud and don't fan flames, it'll be ok. I fed into my dd's easiness when she was a toddler. I was also going through rough marriage and then divorce. When I'm tired, I need to be more patient. Once I figured that out, things go much better.

ETA: I've always apologized when I've lost it or acted irrationally. I own it. I don't apologize for yelling when necessary though. We all have bad days. Can't expect kids to be perfect when we aren't.