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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 4, 2020 5:28:13 GMT
I think it's generally recommended that grandparents are not named simply due to age that seems awfully generalized we would be the guardians of all four of our grandchildren - 13, 13, 7, and 3 we are both 49 i have friend raising their own, similarly aged, children by the time the youngest is 18 we would be 65 - more than young enough to hang You are quite young for being grandparents of a 13 yo though. I didn’t even have my kid until I was 43! My mom was 40 when she had me which made her 83 when my kid was born, plus she had Alzheimer’s. MIL was 69 at the time and had recurring bouts with cancer. Both are gone now, and both of our dads passed away before they hit 65. I think a person’s health should have a greater bearing than age, because even younger people can have seriously debilitating health issues that would make parenting a young child more difficult. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 4, 2020 11:27:26 GMT
So I am an only child, and my parents are elderly (77 and 88). DH’s parents are in their early 70s and (but?) can’t deal with the kids for more than an hour. His brother and SIL are stretched emotionally with their two and almost didn’t have a second. I have literally no one to leave the kids with. My oldest leaves for college this fall and the other five range from 5-14. It’s just so many kids. They are really, really good and lovely kids, and I love my life with them, but I have yet to meet a single family member or friend who I think could or would take them. We just can’t die. We are in a similar boat. All of our parents are gone. Siblings are out of the question for various serious reasons. The only one I would truly trust lives out of state which would mean our kid would be totally uprooted if she went with them. We currently have a friend and his wife listed for guardianship but that relationship has soured in recent years so we need to find someone else but most of our friends are older than we are by at least 15 years and/or have significant health issues. Our kid is only ten, which would put them into their 80’s by the time she’s out of college and we don’t think that’s a fair thing to ask of someone who isn’t blood related. DH is kind of pooh-poohing the virus (although he does wear a mask for work, in stores, etc.) and honestly it keeps me up at night worrying about what would happen if she were to bring the virus home from school or if either one of us got seriously ill for an extended time or died. I know that it seems like having everything the same would be best, but there is some value in a totally different home, school, and routine. In some ways, it could make it easier for your DD a to move on. The #1 choice should be someone who loves her, wants to add her to your family, and can care for her. None of this is ideal, but I would have wanted my kids to be wanted for their own sakes not not just a resented burden. Also, we carried a large life insurance policy on myself. I was a SAHM and I wanted either DH or my brother to be able to hire someone to be there for the kids after school, or weekends if they wanted to get away, during the summers, for work trips, etc. OP, you could leave your brother or oldest as guardian and have your DS live with your mother. That could be a logical choice if the guardian were unable to care For your DS on a daily basis and could get around the awkwardness of naming your mom vs MIL. |
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685 
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 4, 2020 21:27:45 GMT
You are quite young for being grandparents of a 13 yo though. we acquired them - one when she was 3 the other was |
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
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Post by finaledition on Aug 5, 2020 0:24:08 GMT
We recently updated ours. Originally we had chosen my sister, but she was single living in the same state. She’s now married and living on the opposite coast. At this point it’s just almost 13 year old ds. So given the age of our parents (in-laws are in their 80s and mine are living it up in a retirement community) we selected oldest ds (24) which I’m sure isn’t optimal. But he works local and we would be able to provide for “help”. Dd has one more year in school and I’m sure she would help. So it’s a bit of a patchwork solution I hope we never need.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 5, 2020 3:25:09 GMT
we talked to ODS and I think we will name him and my mom as backup. We told him that there would be enough insurance money to pay off the house and take care of them for a while. Then they could decide what to do with the house after yds graduates.
We are also going to talk to a friend of ours. She is a teacher and they have similar values and their oldest is in the friend group of yds.
Hopefully it won't be necessary
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