What's your definition of being "social?"

For me as an extreme introvert they all count to some degree.  Pandemic or not, I'm seriously fine with only socializing IN PERSON with those outside my home only 2-3 times a month give or take (not counting casual socializing like talking to the neighbors on a walk or chatting with the cashier at a store etc). 

I have a tight circle of friends I’m used to seeing regularly so I can relate to what your friend is saying. Since mid-March, the only interaction I’ve had with my circle is texting, phoning and the occasional Facetime. (The only family I’ve been able to physically visit is my mother, and even that is very rare because of the risks to her.) They all fall far, far short of how I regard socializing. Some people like me and your friend just need the face-to-face interaction and physical contact that cannot be duplicated by digitized means.

I agree with this. 

Hmm....interesting topic.  The FIRST thing I think of is face to face.
I am thankful for computers and phones, but I REALLY miss hanging out with my friends.
Whenever I get antsy/ lonely, DH always tells me to face time with people.  I was
being a whiney baby and telling him it's just NOT the same.  Once I finally facetimed
with one of my best friends, it was really great, but it really just made me wish we could hang out in person again.
 

Another dear friend and her DH have  3 bulldogs, and....omg, I cannot WAIT to hug them and play with them again!
She is also a BLAST and makes me laugh constantly.  Talking on the phone and/or
texting just doesn't cut it.  Part of that might be that I have realllllly started
hating all the noise/ problems with phones.  This friend also tends to talk wayyy
too loudly on the phone, and i can't understand half of what she says.  Aside
from laughing a lot, I also miss our deep conversations.  They
came over last year for her birthday with one of their ADORABLE grandbabies,
and we had a blast. DH is not as social as me, but he also had a great time
laughing and chatting with them.  I look at the photos from that day and they
make me sad. I had made her her favorite birthday cake, which they really
appreciated. I cannot WAIT to see them again when it's safe!





We had
a zoom birthday "party" for my Dad's 89th birthday, and although it was FUN to
see all the nieces and nephews, and my brother and sister, it just wasn't the same
and honestly made me want to hug all those sweet kiddos even more. 

And although I am SO, SO grateful for this board, there are times I realize I don't
like how much time I'm spending here during quarantine.   I rarely get on 
facebook anymore  because  I hate
that so many people just re-post things with no thought whatsoever. I love it
it when people post their ORIGINAL thoughts, stories, and LOVE seeing their photos !!! 
One thing I appreciate about facebook is that it lets you announce important things
to a lot of people at once.  

For example, if someone is sick/ having surgery.  No one
wants to text/ email/ call alllllll their family and friends, so posting about it there
makes it so much easier.  I remember when my brother died, I simply couldn't
handle one more call or text.  Completely exhausting---facebook helped so much with that! 

I only count face to face as "being social".

Normally I’d say face to face contact is social.

In times of covid I’d add FaceTime and phone calls and zoom, but these are out of necessity.

I don’t consider social media or texting to be social. I think of it more as anti-social because proper social norms do not need to be followed. For example someone can ask a question of someone and that person doesn’t need to respond right away. If I did that in person I’d be considered rude.

I agree. I have an older lady friend who lives states away in a one bedroom retirement apartment in a retirement facility. I make it a point to call her every once in awhile just to give her someone (else) to talk to. I’m lonely sometimes even with my kids here, it’s just not the same.

I totally understand the umm... in your post. My FIL lived with us for 16 years. We unfortunately had to move him to an assisted living home because he fell twice while we were at work and the last time broke his hip. Between that and his forgetfulness we didn’t have a choice. We haven’t seen him since March when they decided that window visits with dementia patients was just too hard because some thought masked strangers were trying to break in (sigh). So we talk to him on the phone but he doesn’t even remember that we called anymore. It’s really sad.

My stepdad walks with his buddies on Monday and Friday but it’s the being at home by himself especially at night that is the worst for him. He still is going through the grievance of losing my Mom completely unexpectedly last Nov. He truly still needs to be in grievance counseling but they still haven’t resumed those either. I’m going to see him in October for 5 days, but I’m worried. Is it better or worse for him? Will I get him sick after being on a plane etc... I have no choice though. We have to do some legal things for Mom’s stuff that can not be done via conference calls, zoom or fedex. We’ve done all those things already. He’s at the point he absolutely does not care if I get him sick. It’s so far past that mentally for him. It’s really really hard all the way around.

He sees his kids every other weekend. He broke up with his girlfriend. It sounds like you are a lifeline. Except for work, he is alone most of the time. Nobody else is making themselves available to him. Does he have the kind of job where he can talk with coworkers during the day? Does he even *like* his coworkers?

You saying all these other things, when you are the only one even texting him, sounds like something my ds22 said to me a few days ago. After 5 years alone, I’m lonely. If the right person came along I would be open to a new relationship.

ds says “no that’s a bad idea! You have ds15. You have friends A, B and C. You can get involved in X, Y or Z activity.”

While those are all well and good, it’s not the same. Even if my friends had time for me. Not that they never do. But they have their own lives.

You are NOT responsible to be his social coordinator, invite him over etc. but it’s ok to acknowledge his situation and say “this sucks.”

To be honest, I don't think it matters much what YOU consider to be social. This is how he feels and how being isolated is making him feel. He clearly needs more face to face interaction than you require. Neither one of you are wrong...you are just different human beings with different needs. And that is just fine. I am not trying to be snarky....just honest.

I totally get it! Have you tried suggesting he invite other people over?