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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 31, 2020 15:06:38 GMT
My friend this morning is arguing with me that he doesn't think any of the above count as being social except face to face meet ups. He is very lonely and feels like the pandemic has resulted in him be isolated from people because a lot of his friends are not interested in hanging out right now. I explained to him that I've been talking and interacting a lot more on facebook. I have a facebook group for running and weightloss. I have multiple crafting facebook groups. I have you guys here. And I have a lot of friends that I've been having a bunch of offline conversations with and video chats. So I don't feel like I'm lacking anything in the way of interaction. He claims that none of that qualifies as being social. I have asked him to explain his reasoning and he just says, that's my opinion.
So hmm...OK. I'm just wondering what you define as being social. And if you have increased your participation in other activities outside of face to face, in person contact. Do you feel like that's been adequate for you to get your daily dose of human interaction? I suggested to him that he put aside his definition and try some of the things I've suggested. I'm just curious how everyone else feels about being social.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 31, 2020 15:08:28 GMT
I only count face to face.
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 31, 2020 15:09:18 GMT
I feel like social interaction is live. I definitely interact on here, and on other social media, and that helps with social connection, but when I think of “being social,” I think of a back-and-forth where you are reacting in the moment.
I don’t think that needs to be in person, though. Calls, video chats, live texts all are social in my view.
ETA: I am an extrovert and this is really hard. I find texting, video chats, and phone calls all a little stressful as compared to in-person meetups.
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tracylynn
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 31, 2020 15:12:45 GMT
I think phone calls, video chats and face to face are all social interaction. So is online interaction really, but probably less satisfying as actually talking to someone or seeing their face on a phone, etc.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 31, 2020 15:13:10 GMT
To me it sounds like an issue of extrovert vs introvert. I fall on the introvert side, but I’m closer to the middle since I do like some things in person vs virtual. Virtual crops do absolutely nothing for me. I like the energy of bodies in a room during a crop. My book club is virtual, but so much better in person. I mostly interact via text or email. Not a fan of phone calls/video chat. I can stay at home with no outside interaction, but, I don’t live alone so I see and talk to my family.
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Aug 31, 2020 15:15:28 GMT
I think of anything where you are specifically interacting with another person. Message boards and FB Groups are great but they're more of a group chat, you don't always get someone responding to you.
I guess I'm an introvert, I'm quite happy with chats via messenger or WhatsApp, I don't have to see someone in person to consider myself being social.
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Post by katlady on Aug 31, 2020 15:17:54 GMT
I am an introvert and consider all of those being “social”. But for a couple of my more extroverted friends, they need to see people in person.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:03:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2020 15:20:42 GMT
I really ride the line on introvert/extrovert, but for me, I really miss that in person visiting. I do like the virtual crops, but I miss in person ones a ton. I realize I did a LOT of stuff with friends that doesn't happen now. It sounds like his social needs are not being met with virtual stuff which is really common for an extrovert I think.
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TXMary
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Post by TXMary on Aug 31, 2020 15:22:11 GMT
I would consider all of those things to be socializing.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 31, 2020 15:24:42 GMT
I think phone or video chat can be some what social. But definitely none of the other stuff. Face to face is definitely different and can be extremely important to some people. I wouldn't discount his feelings at all.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 31, 2020 15:25:17 GMT
I am an introvert and consider all of those being “social”. But for a couple of my more extroverted friends, they need to see people in person.  I wish my mother would do Skype or Zoom so we can actually see each other, because she can't hear properly down the phone so she has no idea that I'm trying to reply to her. I'm not fussed about anyone else! |
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keithurbanlovinpea
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Aug 31, 2020 15:26:28 GMT
I think you can make any interaction with another person (or people) social.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Aug 31, 2020 15:26:36 GMT
I could SAY both but I’m missing HUMAN to HUMAN socializing.
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Post by peano on Aug 31, 2020 15:27:55 GMT
Well, I think they’re all social but some are more rewarding than others. When zooms were a thing, I was often left feeling more lonely and isolated than I did going into the zoom.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 31, 2020 15:30:47 GMT
I would consider all of those things to be socializing. me, too- I don't consider posting on my own facebook page to be 'socializing' necessarily (to me that's more like talking into a room where people may or may not be listening, lol), but if you're posting on someone else's wall, then you're interacting with them, and it's a public setting, so it's socializing. I think any sort of interaction is 'social' basically. To differing degrees, of course- sending someone an e-mail isn't 'instantaneous' like actual in-person interaction, but it's still interacting. A group chat thread, Face Time video, message board participation, whatever-- it's still all different ways of interacting, which is what I consider to be socializing / social. (and I'm an introvert-- I don't know if introvert / extrovert really colors the way people view online interaction as being or not being socializing.) ETA: I can be at an in-person scrapbooking event or at work at the office and still, I might NOT be social with the other people there. So 'in-person' isn't the main criteria for me. |
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Post by myshelly on Aug 31, 2020 15:32:56 GMT
I agree with your friend and I’ll try to explain my reasoning.
Anything that happens on technology is a representation of an actual interaction, not an actual interaction.
I wouldn’t take a virtual museum tour and say I’ve actually been to the museum.
I wouldn’t play a NASCAR video game and say I’ve actually driven in a NASCAR race.
I wouldn’t watch a video on surgery and call myself a surgeon.
I wouldn’t type words on a computer and call that human interaction.
Have you ever seen the movie WALL-E?
Being on Facebook or message boards or zoom meetings is like when all the humans were sitting in their chairs on the ship and interacting with everything through screens instead of in real life. It’s not real. It’s not human interaction. It’s a sad, poor approximation of the real thing. Only face to face interaction is the real thing.
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Post by peachiceteas on Aug 31, 2020 15:33:23 GMT
I think this is a bit of a subjective question. As humans, we need to socialise, but everyone's definition of that is different, and what they need to feel socialised is different.
For me, anything that involves communicating with someone I personally know - whether that's seeing them in person, texting, messaging or calling them, counts as socialisation.
For that reason, I don't consider messaging on 2peas to be socialising. It is, to some extent, but because I don't personally know anyone here, it doesn't hit the same sweet spot like socialising with a dear friend does. I find it really rewarding to connect with people who have the same hobbies and interests as me, but it ends when the computer is closed or phone is put down.
Socialising for me, and satisfying that 'need' for socialising, comes from communicating to people I am close to.
That means I also find it redundant/a waste of time to socialise with people I don't know for example, at a party. I'm not really interested in just chatting to people I don't know for the sake of it, unless I will see that person again, or for some reason we click. I have some very close friends and I don't feel the need to socialise to make new friends at parties or gatherings. I'll chat, if I'm put in the situation, but I rarely seek out conversation with new people these days.
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Post by teacherlisa on Aug 31, 2020 15:36:28 GMT
I am an introvert and consider all of those being “social”. But for a couple of my more extroverted friends, they need to see people in person. I agree with this. It all "counts". I have several online only relationships with people that have lasted more than 20 years. We have a connection through a common interest usually, but I for sure love those people and look forward to interacting with them. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 31, 2020 15:38:33 GMT
I think phone or video chat can be some what social. But definitely none of the other stuff. Face to face is definitely different and can be extremely important to some people. I wouldn't discount his feelings at all. I didn't discount his feelings. I am an extrovert. I get that face to face interaction is better than other things. But I have filled my life with activities that I can do solo. Sure it's more fun to go to a restaurant every Wednesday night with my friends and do yarn crafts together. But I can do that solo and on zoom for right now. I encouraged him to try out some of these other things to see if they can meet his needs better. As I feel right now that these things are meeting my needs. We are in the midst of a pandemic right now so we don't have the same access to people we once did. We have to at least try to make the best of it. And I'll be honest with you. I am an extrovert. I interact with people a lot. But covid has really stressed to me that I am nearly always the host. There is so much work that goes into any social gathering for me that I often feel like I need to recover from it. And that's not even counting the holidays. Christmas I host every year. The sheer amount of work I have to do to pull off that holiday is craziness. No one ever invites me and I get to show up with a bag of store bought dinner rolls. So honestly this break is really showing me that there's a lot of imbalance in my life as far as invitations go. And he definitely shined a light on that because I haven't invited him to a single bbq or bonfire this summer. That's not my fault. And our friendship is definitely unbalanced. He was complaining. I was trying to offer suggestions. |
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Post by Merge on Aug 31, 2020 15:39:42 GMT
In the past I would have said socializing could be online or in person, but since COVID, I find even as an introvert I crave that in person interaction. I think healthy socialization can’t be done entirely online long term, but in a crisis, it’s better than nothing.
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Post by manda on Aug 31, 2020 15:40:28 GMT
I’m not sure if introvert versus extrovert has anything to do with this since that is how you feel re-energized, not how you socialize.
I am an introvert and while I can find things to do these days, I am miserable and depressed after 5+ months without face to face time with friends. I am the worst at keeping up via text and phone in the best of times and now it’s so much worse.
Sure, I can do other things and I do, but my mental and emotional state right now is very fragile. I get very upset with my fiancé who tells me to ‘just do...’.
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pancakes
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Post by pancakes on Aug 31, 2020 15:44:00 GMT
As an introvert, all of the online social activities don’t take much effort nor do they really drain me emotionally. So I don’t really throw those into the social bucket.
Phone calls, video chats, in-person...those all count for me.
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Aug 31, 2020 15:46:00 GMT
Face to face. Phone or video where you can hear them if face to face can't do. Typing is not social. Even as an introvert who can spend lots of time alone, typing is not connecting like talking.
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 31, 2020 15:48:48 GMT
“Being social” I would count face to face.
“Social” as in social media has a different meaning of course.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 31, 2020 15:50:05 GMT
maybe it also depends on whether you go out for any reason, or have a significant other that you still interact wtih in-person?? I haven't been sitting at home for 5+ months by myself; my DH is here every day, and I do still go out to the grocery store, etc. If someone isn't going out at ALL, and also lives by themselves, they might be less-apt to classify 'online' interactions as being social.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 31, 2020 15:52:07 GMT
I think healthy socialization can’t be done entirely online long term, but in a crisis, it’s better than nothing. Absolutely agree with this. We just have to make do and try some new things. ETA: right now he's choosing the virtually nothing option. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 31, 2020 16:08:42 GMT
jeremysgirl I wasn't suggesting you were discounting his feelings, just emphasizing that a lot of people are really struggling. We pretty quickly realized that zoom/phone/texting etc was not working for my daughter. We tried it all and ultimately made the decision that her seeing a few friends face to face outdoors was best for our family. I hope your friend can find at least one friend that can meet him face to face regularly. I walk weekly with a friend and it makes all the difference to me. And sorry about being the host, I get it, I have had phases like that and it definitely gets old! ETA man alive I cannot spell jeremy! Third times a charm.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Aug 31, 2020 16:09:08 GMT
Face to face. I call and text many people daily but I still feel the isolation acutely. I do take socially distant walks with friends, but I would really like to sit down and have a coffee.
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Post by jlynnbarth on Aug 31, 2020 16:09:25 GMT
I consider face to face social.
I’m pretty ok with just phone/FaceTime myself as I’m pretty introverted and don’t mind being alone, but my alone includes my dh.
My stepdad on the other hand.... I call him everyday and he’s always so sad, no matter what we talk about, there is an underlying sadness. My dd went to visit him for a few days a couple weeks ago and the change in him was palatable. You could hear it in his voice, see it in his face (via FaceTime) the difference was night and day. A few days after my dd left? Back to sad and alone. I think some people forget that having a spouse or children in their home or bubble or whatever you want to call it are absolutely not the same as living completely alone and getting phone calls once a day or interacting on social media. I hurt for the seniors at this time, especially the ones that don’t have the know how or capability to interact more using technology.
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desertgirl
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Post by desertgirl on Aug 31, 2020 16:24:03 GMT
All of it. In a world where not much “normal” still exists, we are creating new paradigms and finding ways to meet our own personal needs. I’m meeting friends in parking lots and parks with a lot of open space and we are talking with our own thermoses of coffee or iced tea. That same friend and I email and text. The former is 2nd best to what was normal interaction pre-Covid 19. I call people just like I called before. And it does take more thought and effort.
Whatever works for each person is okay. I do worry about a level of depression in some of my friends. But I try to contact those friends more often. I initiate contact.
Do I love and adore and champion this kind of society? Not in the least. But I need contact and all of it is social to me.
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