How do some parents go through life indifferent, but I....

Raising my teens was a nightmare for me. They weren’t bad kids, but if they weren’t all home I was a nervous wreck, to the point I knows the kids were paying and unfair price for my issue.
I wish I could say I got a handle on it, it didn’t. It lasted until they moved out. It was hell!!

Now they all have teens, the 4 younger teens still have to use parent transportation, so they are still not a worry. The 3 older teens mom did not inherit the worry gene I have.

I will say I think there is more to worry about today than when my kids were that age. We didn’t have cell phones or the internet.

I wish you peace during these years.

Focus on the things I can control and remind myself that things I cannot control won't be impacted by how much I worry about them. It is a stress management skill. Covey's circle of concern, circle of influence, circle of control is helpful to me.

I have tried to let out the rope little by little as the years go by. Letting them fail is by far the hardest thing but I am by nature a planner so that when they muck something up there is usually another path to pursue. We all learn from every failure.

What do you worry about? How big have your kids' messes been?

If you need anecdotes, I am more than happy to supply some.

I was always the one who would make plans for the worst possible outcome. Having a plan helps to deal with the uncertainty. Plus it helped to keep me calm. When my girls were old enough to start having worries and nervousness, I taught them the same thing. They would get anxious and I would ask them what is the worst thing that could happen - and discuss what they could do about it. It would calm them down and and also teach them how to face their fears and find out they were not as menacing as they thought.

Mother was a widow with four kids, she was also a missionary and had things all planned out if something were to happen to her. We knew exactly what to do and who to contact. It took a lot of worry out of the situation for young teens. I never will forget the comfort of knowing there were things planned out that way. So I made sure to give that same comfort to my family.

Our culture makes us feel like we have to supervise our kids way longer than they need it. We are taught that helicopter parenting is how we show our love.

I don’t know, I swear. A couple of weeks ago I was going into Dunkin’ to use the bathroom and there was a toddler ( 2at best ) wandering around alone in the parking lot. The guys car with the unattended kids was ‘parked’ right In the parking lot entrance and the Dunkin is on the corner of 2 busy roads. He was too fast for me so I went in & loudly annoyed that there was an unattended toddler running around the lot. Some guy goes bolting our the door ( at least he cared at that point ) but I come out of the bathroom and the guy is in there by himself again and the kids a again alone in the same RUNNING car that one ha just escaped from.

I was totally baffled like dude the kid got out once and for a coffee & donut your willing to risk it again?

I just don’t get it.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

I know people have felt we're really lax and/or lazy parents over the years - usually for allowing our children to attend (chaparoned, supervised) events without a parent tagging along. I knew they were comfortable doing so and felt that it was important for them to have those experiences.  Talking with other virtual school parents here lately - it feels like i'm the only one not reading my kids school email and google classroom feed - but I feel like she's capable of handling that herself and doesn't need me micromanaging. When I sent my daughter to college, we didn't put a tracker on her phone, it never occured to us to do so yet that seems common. And yes - I've felt judged for not being involved enough, caring enough.

LavenderLayoutLady - I think it's normal to worry to some extent but if it's an overwhelming worry/anxiety, it would be worth mentioning to your doctor. 

You're not going to fail your kids - they are fed, clothed, educated, and loved. You won't be perfect, they won't be perfect, but there's a lot to be said for resilency. Teach them how to make good decisions and what to do in an emergency - and give them opportunities to make mistakes and fail so they can learn about consequences and learn how to dust themselves off and try again. 

(((((Hugs))))

I'm somewhere in the middle of the bell curve on this one. I'm not a stressed worrier at all, but I'm far from indifferent.

I do think I've served my kids better though by not fretting over every little thing and allowing risks. I tried to create an environment that encouraged them to make their own decisions while operating in a 'safety zone' of sorts. A tightrope act at times for sure. But I truly believe it's a gift I have given them that has helped mold them into the really functional adults that they have become.

As for not worrying too much, I trust that my kids will do what is right and for the idiot things they are bound to do, they won't be too serious.

I did a lot of stupid shit as a teen and turned out fine my kids have nothing on me.

I don't know. I know there is a middle ground, but I can't seem to find it. My dd is 20 years old and went to visit a friend yesterday an hour away. She was going to be home before dark but then decided to stay for dinner and then driving home after dark. She's had her license for a little under a year and has driven plenty at night and some on the freeway but not much of the two combined. I was a nervous wreck until she got home. And it's not even winter with bad roads yet!

I remember those days so well, constantly trying to balance how much worry/care was too much or too little. My dh was good at reminding me this is just a phase, she'll grow out of it. And he was always right-they grew out of that phase and into the next one for me to worry about!

It's easy to worry too much about our kids, but impossible to love them too much.

I hope you can see that you do an incredible job loving your kids and working hard to support your family.

It's ok if your plates get a little wobbly every once in awhile; if you find yourself surrounded by shattered plates you should probably ask for some help