When did u meet your child's partner's family? LONG DISTANCE

I haven’t been in this situation - but I would think once they got engaged you would arrange a get together. Otherwise at a shower or other festivity.

I met dd #1's MIL at the bridal shower and FIL at the wedding. He is disabled and does not leave the home often and she takes care of him. Haven't seen them since (dd been married a year). I met dd #2 MIL once when she was dating her now husband and haven't met the FIL. They don't see either of her husbands parents much at all. This is so different then my IL's. My mom always invited them to Thanksgiving when they were alive.

I would think it would be at some sort of pre wedding activity, it seems odd to me otherwise since it sounds like plane travel would be involved. If you lived in the same city or even day trip away I would think it would be nice to have a dinner together after 3 years.

Not all people get married either, do you think that is something on the horizon for your son and his partner? If there was no wedding looming that does make it more difficult. I have a friend who doesn’t believe in marriage, so she will never get married. I know she are her boyfriend go to her parent’s house all the time on mini vacations. His family lives in the same town, so she just sees them a lot naturally. I don’t think the parents have ever met and they have been together for years.

I think I would wait until they are engaged before meeting. If they are living together, they may not be planning on ever marrying. If so, I would just meet them at an event (holidays with your son, new baby, etc).

We live in Texas DIL's family lives in Ottawa, Ontario. We met at a Christmas gathering in Virginia. The wedding had been set and it was a way to meet before the wedding.

Other 2 sons--their families live in Texas. One we met at the wedding weekend (in ElPaso, which is 650 miles away) and the other son lived with his
SO for about 8 years before marrying her. We met one weekend in the midst of all that time. By then they had a child together and were bringing the
child to Texas to meet the grandparents.

My daughter and future SIL had a gathering at the house they were sharing and invited both sides. Two years later, my son and future DIL did the same thing.

My friend just met her in-laws-to-be via zoom. Friend lives in NY and future DIL is in UK. 

My older daughter has been married almost twenty years and we have met her in-laws only once. They do a lot of visiting with their various children so there would have been ample opportunity to visit with them through the years but never had the urge. They are more impressed with themselves than we are with them. They never had an interest in meeting us either. They live in Colorado while we live in Central Texas.

The one time we met was when when our grandson was born. My daughter was very explicit that the first two days home from the hospital were mine to have time with the baby and to help her since she had a C-section. She has a small house and not much room for visitors.The MIL agreed with the situation. (They had half a dozen grandkids already and this would be our only one.) We were there for the birth and got to hold our grandson in the hospital room and had a marvelous experience. The in-laws were not there at that time though they were visiting a son less than an hour away. When daughter and grandson were released from the hospital, we drove down packed to stay a few nights in a hotel room, the in-laws were already there and monopolized the situation. It was not a very relaxed situation. We hung around an hour or two and then went to the hotel. The next morning they were still there. The MIL said she just couldn't wait to hold her new grandson. I barely got to hold him. The whole situation just was so out of whack. She is the epitome of a Karen. I did what was best for my daughter and we left. I did not want to cause a scene or make it uncomfortable for my daughter

(We got plenty of visiting in once she was able to travel with him. Once a month she brought the grandson to stay a few days with us. She wanted to be sure he got to know his PaPaw and MiMi. )

I was literally just thinking about this. Bc DD’s boyfriend just today asked for permission to propose! (He also called and asked permission to date her.)

We live about 5 hours apart. I’ve talked to both parents on the phone on a group call and have met mom and a few siblings. Mom and I had a nice visit together, we met halfway so I could pick dd’s stuff they brought home from college along with his stuff. I really like her, both kids say we are the same person. Dd told me when she stayed with them, that the only top his mom complimented her on was one I bought for her. 😁

I remember il’s invited my parents over for dinner but we were only an hour apart.

Oldest daughter has been living with her boyfriend for 3 years. He celebrates all major holidays with us and there's no plans to meet his parents. Nobody has ever said anything about it - they live in the southeast, we live in the northeast. I don't feel any compelling necessity to meet them yet.

Second daughter has had a serious boyfriend for 2 years. No one has brought up meeting either of his parents yet (divorced) and it's not anything I'm feeling I need to do.

In the case of both of Dh's daughters, we did not meet the son-in-laws' families until the weddings. However, neither girl had a really long relationship before marriage - about 18 months for one and less than a year for the other. I haven't seen any of them since either wedding - many years ago. DH has had some brief contact with the other family members when picking up or dropping of grandchildren for visits but that is all. My stepdaughters visit their in-laws at least once a year, sometimes more.

Do people really spend time with their son or daughter-in-law's families? Even with my grandparents living in the same county, they didn't really visit each other very often and we tended to visit them separately. Everyone liked each other fine. I just never thought of my mother's mother visiting my father's mother that much. My grandmothers did chat on the phone once in awhile when they both got older.

My kids are too young for this (the oldest is 18), but my husband and I had west coast/east coast families, and they only met on an arranged visit after we were engaged. The thing is, I'm guessing if they were around each other a lot, they'd make more of an effort to understand each other, but, as it is, they have only otherwise seen each other at our wedding and the older kids' bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, and guess what? They hate each other. It's fine -- they never see each other, so it makes no difference -- but I'm glad we didn't put more effort into trying to force a relationship .

My daughter got married this summer at Peace Arch Park. We weren't able to go. Her husband has been here before they were engaged. She was living in Seattle at the time & he in Canada. We have not met his family yet, as they live in Canada. We would have met at the wedding. We did meet over zoom when we watched the wedding.

Now with covid who knows when we will met. The new couple lives in Canada and we can't even visit.

I think in the 23 years that my DH and I have been together our entire families have only gotten together one time, at our wedding. We don't live near either of them now as we live in another state and our families live 6 hours apart in the state we grew up in. It hasn't been an issue.

Melissa