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Post by MichyM on Oct 31, 2020 17:07:06 GMT
Let's pretend that COVID isn't a factor. I know...I know...
Just curious. Son lives on the opposite coast from me. Partner's family lives in the mid south in a state I've never visited. I don't think the family has ever been to my state. The couple has been together for 3 years, living together for one. In a situation like this do you make plans to meet the other family, maybe in the city where the couple lives, or just wait until wedding festivities (no engagement on the horizon as far as I know). Remember: pretend that COVID is a non-issue.
How did it all work out with your kids' SO's family? Thanks!
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 31, 2020 17:27:21 GMT
I haven’t been in this situation - but I would think once they got engaged you would arrange a get together. Otherwise at a shower or other festivity.
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Post by auntkelly on Oct 31, 2020 17:51:14 GMT
Assuming covid wasn’t a factor, I probably would have already been nagging my child and his partner to arrange a meeting between the parents. It seems like the obvious place would be where the couple lives. (I’m assuming that the partner gets along well with his parents. I wouldn’t insist on meeting them otherwise).
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leeny
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,760
Location: Northern California
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Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Oct 31, 2020 17:52:13 GMT
I met dd #1's MIL at the bridal shower and FIL at the wedding. He is disabled and does not leave the home often and she takes care of him. Haven't seen them since (dd been married a year). I met dd #2 MIL once when she was dating her now husband and haven't met the FIL. They don't see either of her husbands parents much at all. This is so different then my IL's. My mom always invited them to Thanksgiving when they were alive.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Oct 31, 2020 17:54:17 GMT
My OH has one parent here in the UK and one in South Africa. My family have met the one here (his mum) but are probably never going to meet his dad. If we ever manage to have our wedding I guess they might, but who knows at this rate.
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Post by Skellinton on Oct 31, 2020 18:00:30 GMT
I would think it would be at some sort of pre wedding activity, it seems odd to me otherwise since it sounds like plane travel would be involved. If you lived in the same city or even day trip away I would think it would be nice to have a dinner together after 3 years.
Not all people get married either, do you think that is something on the horizon for your son and his partner? If there was no wedding looming that does make it more difficult. I have a friend who doesn’t believe in marriage, so she will never get married. I know she are her boyfriend go to her parent’s house all the time on mini vacations. His family lives in the same town, so she just sees them a lot naturally. I don’t think the parents have ever met and they have been together for years.
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 31, 2020 18:15:57 GMT
Well, my kids are barely of marriageable age and neither have had a significant long-term relationship for several years.
I met DS’s HS girlfriend at a robotics competition. I met her parents when we took photos for prom. For DD, I knew all of the families before each of her relationships, so meeting them was never awkward.
For DH and I, we went to MS and HS together, so I knew his parents for years and vice versa. Yeah, I’m of no help, am I!
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Post by tommygirl on Oct 31, 2020 18:21:00 GMT
I think I would wait until they are engaged before meeting. If they are living together, they may not be planning on ever marrying. If so, I would just meet them at an event (holidays with your son, new baby, etc).
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Post by KiwiJo on Oct 31, 2020 18:38:56 GMT
I’ve never met the family of one of my daughters-in-law. She is from Romania and all her family is still there, we are in New Zealand. She and my son live in the Netherlands so we only see them in real life very very rarely; I don’t imagine we will ever meet her family, The other daughter-in-law is from Scotland and we have met her parents once, when they visited New Zealand.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 31, 2020 18:45:59 GMT
We live in Texas DIL's family lives in Ottawa, Ontario. We met at a Christmas gathering in Virginia. The wedding had been set and it was a way to meet before the wedding.
Other 2 sons--their families live in Texas. One we met at the wedding weekend (in ElPaso, which is 650 miles away) and the other son lived with his SO for about 8 years before marrying her. We met one weekend in the midst of all that time. By then they had a child together and were bringing the child to Texas to meet the grandparents.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 9:23:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2020 18:55:46 GMT
No wedding bells for my kids for a LONG time (ages 17 and 16 LOL), but I know my parents did not meet my in laws until the day of the wedding. They did not meet my husband until then either. LOL. We were both in Puerto Rico and my family was in the States, so I was the only one traveling back and forth for Christmas. DH did not get included in my travel plans until we got married. We did spend 2 weeks with my family before the wedding so they could spend some time with him - we got married in Indiana and went back to Puerto Rico after our honeymoon. I knew my DH's parents for a couple of years before we got married.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 31, 2020 19:01:37 GMT
My daughter and future SIL had a gathering at the house they were sharing and invited both sides. Two years later, my son and future DIL did the same thing.
My friend just met her in-laws-to-be via zoom. Friend lives in NY and future DIL is in UK.
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Post by bianca42 on Oct 31, 2020 19:08:04 GMT
DH and I were together for 6 years before my family met any of his family...the week of the wedding.
We live in NY, along with my family. MIL is in TX. BILs in GA and CA. His extended family is in CT.
I can't imagine my mom demanding that some travel was arranged to meet them outside of the wedding.
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Post by nlwilkins on Oct 31, 2020 19:42:49 GMT
My older daughter has been married almost twenty years and we have met her in-laws only once. They do a lot of visiting with their various children so there would have been ample opportunity to visit with them through the years but never had the urge. They are more impressed with themselves than we are with them. They never had an interest in meeting us either. They live in Colorado while we live in Central Texas.
The one time we met was when when our grandson was born. My daughter was very explicit that the first two days home from the hospital were mine to have time with the baby and to help her since she had a C-section. She has a small house and not much room for visitors.The MIL agreed with the situation. (They had half a dozen grandkids already and this would be our only one.) We were there for the birth and got to hold our grandson in the hospital room and had a marvelous experience. The in-laws were not there at that time though they were visiting a son less than an hour away. When daughter and grandson were released from the hospital, we drove down packed to stay a few nights in a hotel room, the in-laws were already there and monopolized the situation. It was not a very relaxed situation. We hung around an hour or two and then went to the hotel. The next morning they were still there. The MIL said she just couldn't wait to hold her new grandson. I barely got to hold him. The whole situation just was so out of whack. She is the epitome of a Karen. I did what was best for my daughter and we left. I did not want to cause a scene or make it uncomfortable for my daughter
(We got plenty of visiting in once she was able to travel with him. Once a month she brought the grandson to stay a few days with us. She wanted to be sure he got to know his PaPaw and MiMi. )
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 31, 2020 19:54:18 GMT
I met our son's MIL when his then girlfriend gave birth. I saw her and FIL at granddaughter's birthdays. DS & DDIL married 3 years later.
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Post by jenjie on Oct 31, 2020 20:04:08 GMT
I was literally just thinking about this. Bc DD’s boyfriend just today asked for permission to propose! (He also called and asked permission to date her.)
We live about 5 hours apart. I’ve talked to both parents on the phone on a group call and have met mom and a few siblings. Mom and I had a nice visit together, we met halfway so I could pick dd’s stuff they brought home from college along with his stuff. I really like her, both kids say we are the same person. Dd told me when she stayed with them, that the only top his mom complimented her on was one I bought for her. 😁
I remember il’s invited my parents over for dinner but we were only an hour apart.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 31, 2020 21:12:51 GMT
My son met his fiancé in 7th grade. Ha. We've known each other since around then.
I think it depends on how much each set of parents wants to meet each other. If neither one suggests it, it could be until a wedding if there is one.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 31, 2020 21:53:13 GMT
Oldest daughter has been living with her boyfriend for 3 years. He celebrates all major holidays with us and there's no plans to meet his parents. Nobody has ever said anything about it - they live in the southeast, we live in the northeast. I don't feel any compelling necessity to meet them yet.
Second daughter has had a serious boyfriend for 2 years. No one has brought up meeting either of his parents yet (divorced) and it's not anything I'm feeling I need to do.
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Post by Tamhugh on Nov 1, 2020 0:04:48 GMT
We had a sort of unique situation. I actually met FDIL's mom before I met her.
DS and FDIL met through her sister, who was dating my nephew at the time. So I had met her mom a few times at family events prior to meeting her. We met her dad and step-mom a few months after they started dating seriously, but probably a year and a half after they had met. By that point, we already knew they were headed for marriage.
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Post by MichyM on Nov 1, 2020 0:37:55 GMT
Thanks so much for your replies, I appreciate it. I haven’t asked to meet partner’s mom or siblings, and don’t plan to. I was simply curious about what your experiences have been
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Nov 1, 2020 0:51:10 GMT
Our parents lived 2 states apart (7 hour drive). They didn't meet until after we were engaged. My family drove down to DH's hometown for a weekend of wedding showers and parties. After that they only saw each other a handful of times. They were of different generations and didn't have much in common. If DD were to come up with a serious boyfriend, I wouldn't feel a need to meet his parents unless there was an impending wedding.
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Post by lisae on Nov 1, 2020 0:55:21 GMT
In the case of both of Dh's daughters, we did not meet the son-in-laws' families until the weddings. However, neither girl had a really long relationship before marriage - about 18 months for one and less than a year for the other. I haven't seen any of them since either wedding - many years ago. DH has had some brief contact with the other family members when picking up or dropping of grandchildren for visits but that is all. My stepdaughters visit their in-laws at least once a year, sometimes more.
Do people really spend time with their son or daughter-in-law's families? Even with my grandparents living in the same county, they didn't really visit each other very often and we tended to visit them separately. Everyone liked each other fine. I just never thought of my mother's mother visiting my father's mother that much. My grandmothers did chat on the phone once in awhile when they both got older.
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Post by idahopea on Nov 1, 2020 2:07:57 GMT
We met ddil's family about 45 minutes before the ceremony started due to covid making travel very difficult. I knew they would be great people because she's a great person and ds likes them. I was right! I would actually love to spend more time with them in the future so I hope it works out. In normal circumstances there would have been a bridal shower or other events before the ceremony where we could have met but everything was different for this wedding.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 1, 2020 2:13:46 GMT
My kids are too young for this (the oldest is 18), but my husband and I had west coast/east coast families, and they only met on an arranged visit after we were engaged. The thing is, I'm guessing if they were around each other a lot, they'd make more of an effort to understand each other, but, as it is, they have only otherwise seen each other at our wedding and the older kids' bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, and guess what? They hate each other. It's fine -- they never see each other, so it makes no difference -- but I'm glad we didn't put more effort into trying to force a relationship .
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Post by gryroagain on Nov 1, 2020 3:39:10 GMT
My youngest is married and I’ve never met his family. I’m in Korea and they are on the east coast, so logistically it’s a challenge. Hopefully we will meet someday soon.
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Post by FrozenPea on Nov 1, 2020 3:58:36 GMT
My daughter got married this summer at Peace Arch Park. We weren't able to go. Her husband has been here before they were engaged. She was living in Seattle at the time & he in Canada. We have not met his family yet, as they live in Canada. We would have met at the wedding. We did meet over zoom when we watched the wedding.
Now with covid who knows when we will met. The new couple lives in Canada and we can't even visit.
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Post by ntsf on Nov 1, 2020 5:06:46 GMT
my daughter got married in new zealand and we met her wife's parents the week before the wedding. they had a second wedding here in SF, and her parents came for that. so we did get to spend some time together. we are all facebook friends and send christmas gifts. I met her brother and family in new zealand
my son is engaged.. and her parents live on the east coast. so we have not met them or talked to them. my son has met them. they are of a different generation and we have extremely different views. so I expect at least we will meet them at the wedding in a year. I am facebook friends with her mom..but I mostly ignore it as our views are too far apart.
my parents and my husband's parents knew each other a little, never hung out much but were friendly.
it is what it is..
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Post by smokeynspike on Nov 1, 2020 6:10:15 GMT
I think in the 23 years that my DH and I have been together our entire families have only gotten together one time, at our wedding. We don't live near either of them now as we live in another state and our families live 6 hours apart in the state we grew up in. It hasn't been an issue.
Melissa
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Post by malibou on Nov 1, 2020 6:55:04 GMT
My parents and Dh parents have never met. We've been together 30 years. Dh parents live about 2.5 hours away, my parents are in the mid west. We eloped.
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Post by compeateropeator on Nov 1, 2020 10:42:20 GMT
Both of my Grandmothers got together for lunch every now and then. They both went on a trip to Hawaii with my family. Also, while I was living in Florida both of my grandmothers took a trip together and drove down to see me.
My family gets together with my sister-in-law’s family (including her sister and family) at least 4 or 5 times a year. We were all invited to and went to my sister-in-law’s sister’s wedding.
Sister-in-law’s family all live in the same town as they do and we do not. My parents live about an hour away from them (and me) and I live about an hour away from my brother and from my parents (a big triangle with a mountain In between). We are all in the same state.
We like my brother’s in-laws, and my parents do talk to them and have seen them without my brother and sister-in-law being there. If they were closer (and not across the mountain) I think they would get together more.
I think marriages often bring whole families into each other’s social group especially if they all live fairly close to each other.
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