I need a little help with this: COVID + houseguests

Ugh, that sucks. I remember how excited you were about them coming, and it's already turning stressful. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, I just hope their visit doesn't cause you more stress than joy.

What is your risk level like? If you’re high risk then my opinion won’t apply.

I would focus on things that have them closer to 6 ft for more than a few minutes, particularly if unmasked. So shopping wouldn’t bother me but indoor dining would. The aquarium is iffy only bc i went to one in July that was way more crowded than it should have been. But I was perfectly fine with mini golf (for example). I would also ask them at minimum to wash their hands when they come home. And make sure they have some hand sanitizer in their car.

You’ll have to trust them to take precautions and assume they are or you’ll drive all of you nuts and not be able to enjoy their visit.

This.  I think you are going to have to relax a little bit or you won't enjoy their visit.  The most important thing to me would be that they wear masks, avoid people who don't wear masks and no hugging of old friends.  Even if there were no virus, you are going from solo to a 4 person household for several weeks. That can become stressful in and of itself.

Damn, I really wished and hoped this was going to go off without a hitch. I'm so glad you are finally getting to see the guys though.

I'm about where you are comfort level wise. I think I would call a meeting, in an outdoor space, and ask to go over again how this can work for everyone. You shouldn't be feeling wiggly about any part of this. I swear the aquarium will still be there next year. So that would be on my list of no. So yeah, I would make a list of where you stand about social settings and talk about theirs. From that point, hopefully the guys wouldn't have to call for each incident of social activity - this would fall under the "less you know" rubric - which will ideally alleviate some anxiety.

What is the set up regarding where they are staying? Is there adjustments there that would make you more comfortable? What about a covid test schedule, maybe once a week?

So I think this one of those times in life that I would have to chose my battles. Assuming you raised a well adjusted, considerate son (and even I know that you most likely did), I would give him some space to navigate this himself.

Not washing hands? NOPE. For me, thats a hill I would die on. I would also insist they change their clothes immediately & shower when they come in from somewhere else.

But micromanaging their every move? Yeah...thats going to get old very soon. For you and them.

I think you pick your battles and just take deep breaths the rest of the time. You want to enjoy your son & his partner. And you want them to enjoy being with you.



*all this is assuming they aren't going to concerts, and high population places like stadiums and such. Black Friday shopping? If thats what they are wanting to do, then nope. But if they are taking extra precautions (like not standing close to others at the aquarium) then I say give them some space to mange this. They're adults and they obvious care about you. 

You have gotten some good advice, I have nothing to add except to wish you a joyous holiday with your family. So glad they are there with you.

My older sister and her family flew in this summer. They rented a home to quarantine for 2 weeks and then they moved in with us. My sister and BIL were very cautious but they allowed their daughter into some homes of her friends. This made us nervous. At our house they were respectful and didn’t have anyone else inside. Then at my parents they wanted to visit in the yard and when Dh and I said we had to be extra careful I think my sister was offended.

Full disclosure, my Dh works in a hospital, my older dd was a counsellor at a day camp at the time (mostly outdoors but sometimes inside - inside in masks) and my younger dd was in outdoor day camps, so it’s not like we weren’t taking on risk. We drew the line at entering someone else‘s home or having someone in our home. My sister knew this coming in. We didn’t say anything though. Maybe it’s the Canadian in us. We just counted down the days. She asked to come back over Xmas break and we said not to our home, and she understands. She just has a diff set of friends so it would mean a totally different set of exposures. And we’re not ok with the inside anything and I don’t want to get into it.

Do you have any hepa filters in your home? We have 3 and had them on when my sister’s family visited. I would be saying no to things like the aquarium, although right now here we are supposed to be limiting our contacts anyway. Visiting outside I’d be ok with. And as far as the fire pit / getting drunk thing goes I’d be ok with it as long as they stayed outside and therefore respected my wishes. What I don’t know re: how close they were outside I’d just let go and expect that your kid respected you. I would not be ok with eating inside restaurants. If they want to see a friend inside and it’s pouring rain so outside doesn’t work, I’d ask them to mask up, have windows open and a hepa filter on in the room. And keep the group small. No more than 4 people total.

I feel for you, MichyM!
We haven't seen our kids (30 and 32) for a year so I think I understand much of what you're feeling. I sooo want to hug them!

In your situation, I'm wishing that the guys had planned to spend the first half of their time staying with you and being very careful according to your rules/comfort level, and then staying with your ex and going to aquarium, visiting friends, etc. if they still wanted to do that. Of course that would mean your not seeing them up close once they moved to stay with your DS's dad, perhaps limiting your visits to outdoor, distanced ones at that point. And I guess you couldn't host Thanksgiving and Hannukah. But that ship has sailed.

I applaud you for taking potential exposure seriously, for your sake and for the greater good! And I applaud your son and his partner for quarantining upon arrival!

If our grown kids were visiting us I would def. NOT be okay with them doing indoor activities like dining or going to aquariums/museums/ etc, or spending time too close to friends (and possibly behaving "Covid recklessly") and then coming home to potentially infect us. Having discussed your concerns with the guys in advance, I would be hurt right now that they had put you in the position of saying NO to the aquarium visit or uncomfortably agreeing to it... (((HUGS)))

The situation with their masks seems to indicate that they are not all that knowledgeable about what they should be doing, and the amount of risk they may inadvertently expose you to. I wonder what a good resource might be to help them understand better...

I hope you can really examine your heart and mind and come up with what you are and are not comfortable with, and share it honestly with them. They may need to change some plans/expectations for this visit.

We are just now making plans to drive 6 hours to spend 3 days with DD, her fiance and their three housemates over Thanksgiving, something I never thought I'd consider even a week ago. DD called to ask us about the possibility a few days ago. She and crew all work from home and are super careful. Groceries delivered, no friends in, etc. We are also extremely careful. I run to TJs and Costco about an hour before they close to do some quick shopping once in a while, have gone nowhere indoors but have had a few distanced outdoor visits with small numbers of friends in our backyard, with couples or individuals sitting about 12 feet apart. DH works from home during the pandemic and has only been to the pharmacy for a quick pickup a couple of times.

DH and I are booking a rental apartment with full kitchen a couple of miles from DD's house.
She and her housemates are extremely analytical and cautious. They have done calculations and determined that our visit would be of extremely low risk. I don't remember the details... something about microcovid units??? Their biggest concern is restrooms breaks during our travel up and back. DD would prefer that I pee behind a bush. Truly. But they're ok with ONE quick stop at a place like Starbucks during the drive up.

Trying to find an Airbnb now.

Praying for safety for all of us!

I think the same thing!  

I'll keep good thoughts that you and your family stay safe, and that you have a lot of fun with your son and his partner!

I've had to realize that I can only control myself. I can't control anybody else and if I try I'll only be driving myself crazy and creating bad feelings between my family and friends.

I try to do the best I can for myself and hope that is enough. I have had to go to work throughout this entire pandemic, as had one other member of my household, and my daughter has had to go to school. Any one of us could bring the virus home. So I do the best I can by wearing my mask and washing my hands. That's about the best we can do here.

Melissa

I think it is hard to figure out what to do. You have to figure out exactly where your comfort level falls and whether seeing your DS is worth any compromise at all on that.

Everyone I know has different levels of what they are ok with. I am in a weird place. I am still not comfortable going to eat indoors at a restaurant but I will go to my gym. I feel like I have more control there because I wipe down what I am using, take it to a corner away from everyone and wipe it all down again when I am done. I have left twice when I felt like it was crowded or a person insisted on getting to close to me. I have friends who will fly but won't get together with friends or eat in a restaurant. Others will go to work but won't grocery shop. I had to realize that we are all doing what we can to feel safe and I try not to put my own anxieties on everyone else. If I am in a friend's home, I always sanitize my hands and bring a mask. Some want me to wear it and others don't.

So my rambling is basically just to say that no one else can figure out for you what you can or should be ok with. Have a good talk and see if you can come to an agreement with the 3 of you as to what is ok. Try to enjoy your visit.