Scrapbooking Dilemma on AITA SubReddit

Yeah I'd be pissed if someone did that. It's one thing if the BF had a collection from the time and made a scrapbook for his partner but to use the other person's collection with out permission is wrong.

Fwiw I think the AITA OP is male not female.

It sounds like a controlling gaslighter, but I might be projecting my own issues on the subject.

But dang dude can’t respect boundaries and when gently confronted he deflects and if I read that right this isn’t the first time, he previously decorated a space.

All I see are huge red flags in that relationship

I think this is a bit of an extreme assumption to make. Along with the 'huge red flags'.

I completely understand why the OP is upset. I would be too. But his boyfriend had good intentions and has just lashed out because he's hurt. He put a lot of time and effort into something he thought would be appreciated and unfortunately it wasn't. Maybe he's given other gifts in the past that haven't been well received so feels sensitive.

They will get over it and move on. It sounds like they may be in a new-ish relationship. My husband would know not to go through my things and make that decision for me. You can't expect someone to know your boundaries without communicating it with them.

A lesson will be learnt here and I hope they'll come out the other side stronger for it.

It's particularly difficult when it's photographs because on some level, everyone has an appreciation for photographs, so it makes it even more baffling when someone cuts up original photos that weren't their photos to cut!

I saw a video online a few days ago where someone cut up all the fronts of the engagement cards they had received, made a collage and threw away the rest. It made me cringe. I place a lot of value on the written words in the card and have kept all my engagement cards away in a special box. The thought of cutting them up makes me feel a bit ill.

We don't all place the same value on these 'things' and what is to one person worth cutting up is worth preserving to someone else.

I hope you find a way to salvage the photographs.

Disclaimer: I didn't read the story from the link in the OP.

When it comes to personal belongings, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to respect your privacy. I don't think you should have to set any ground rules about that. I would expect that to be a given. Anyone who would violate that respect wouldn't be someone I would stay with; and I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who took my property, no matter what lovely thing they made with it.  Having said that, I do understand that some people are not taught those things when they're young, so setting ground rules might be necessary.

I would never hand over precious photos to someone either. Period. Get copies made if you can't make them yourself, and hand those over. I would also need to know what the person was planning to do with them.  

My MIL has a terrible habit of picking up any mail we have on the table and looking through it. We've spoken to her many times about it. I was always worried about hurting her feelings, but this is a matter of privacy and respect. Now when she comes upstairs (she lives downstairs from us), I actually pick up any mail that's on the table and put it in our bedroom. Yep, right in front of her. She's commented about it, and my husband didn't hold anything back when he told her why I was doing it. There's even more back story to this one, but I'll save it for another time.

Oh elegantsufficiency , I am so sorry...I feel for you. I certainly don't blame you for being upset, and just wanting to throw the offending object away. It would definitely be something that would bother me a lot.

When my partner's father passed away we were looking for photos for the ceremony, and my partner's mom had tons, just in boxes and tins, not particularly organized. SIL suggested that we scrapbook them for her (SIL is not a scrapbooker) and I just cringed. It really isn't something I would want to tackle for someone else without them really wanting it. Even so, I don't know if I would actually scrapbook them, or just put them into a simple album with photo corners so as not to do anything permanent. It really is something where you would not want to risk disappointing someone with the final product. I would hate to do something that wasn't their taste.

This is interesting. Reddit OP's qualifying edits changed my thoughts. His best friend encouraged the BF. So the BF didn't just take the time to do something special for his BF, but he asked his BF's best friend their thoughts. That is really important.

I get that the OP feels upset, but I think the BF did something with the best of intentions and it was a thoughtful gift. While I wouldn't have wanted something like that, my best friend would also KNOW that for sure.

ETA: Not sure why anyone would think this BF is controlling? Did I miss something? 

The AITA subreddit is my guilty pleasure so I thought of the Peas when I read this too! I'm glad someone else shared it!

When I read stories like this (or stories where a parent/sibling/partner throws away someone's cherished items), I have to try really hard not to put myself in the person's shoes because I get so sick to my stomach if I imagine it happening to my belongings. My family's house burned down when I was 13, so I know full well what losing treasured memories/mementos feels like. I can't imagine the additional betrayal if someone I loved did this to me on purpose, rather than it being an act of nature.

This is my thoughts as well. Anyone with access to my personal belongings already knows my boundaries.

I don't think the OP is an asshole but if you want your boundaries respected, you do have to communicate what those boundaries are.

If they don't live together then the BF definitely shouldn't have gone through their things. But if they live together and the mementos are stored in a public space (ie. a bookshelf where both their belongings live) in a communal area - I don't think it's fair for someone to be expected to know what your boundaries are if they haven't been communicated.

We will probably have to agree to disagree because of course, this is all personal and how you choose to live with others.

The situation you described though, I would hate to live that way with my husband. I cannot imagine that I'd feel like a boundary had been crossed if my husband if touched something of mine that was on a bookshelf in our lounge. It's on a bookshelf in a communal place because this is our home together. If I had a box of photos on that bookshelf that I didn't want him to go through then because it's amongst our shared possessions, I wouldn't expect him to know not to look in the box unless I had said - hey, don't touch my box or hey, that box of mementos is precious to me, please don't go in my box.

To be honest, I own nothing that I wouldn't want my husband to go through and I know he wouldn't cut up my photos or mementos. We have that mutual respect established already and that boundary has been silently set. 

IDK. My stuff is just dumped in boxes. Is that what this was? Was it hidden away? In boxes the BF had to search for? Again, best friend said it was okay. BF ASKED! He was trying to do the right thing.

I agree. I think if I knew whether or not they were living together and where the stuff was, it would be clearer to me. Years ago, I gathered all my XH's basketball memorabilia and made him a really nice scrapbook. He loved it. It is pretty much the same principle, right? I didn't ask, but I knew he had it in a box and was never going to do anything with it.

But I still do not see how this is controlling at all.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are in a better place now.