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Post by mcscrapper on Nov 15, 2014 2:47:19 GMT
I have been dating a man for a while now and was texting his brother (G) this evening about something when he texted back asking if I had a minute to talk. He said something was bothering him about my boyfriend's adult son. We'll call him JC. My b'friend has not heard much from JC in quite some time and it has been making him kinda mad. G mentioned that he had some info about JC but felt like my boyfriend needed to know but did not know how to tell him.
Long story short, the son is gay and has been avoiding his dad out of fear and embarrassment. I think the grandparents know but aren't 100% sure.
This family is very tight-knit and not fully acceptable to the gay lifestyle. I know I'm not saying that right but can't think of another way to convey it. I know they will always love him but do not agree with his "choice."
Honestly, the very first time I met JC I thought he was gay, so did my dd. We just had a feeling.
So, here I am knowing this information but not knowing what to do. Maybe doing nothing is the right thing to do. G does not know what to do or say either but also doesn't want my BF to find this out through the grapevine either. I also think that JC is avoiding the family because he doesn't want to face his dad. My BF is a manly man kind of guy but I know he will still love his son no matter what but it won't be easy for him at first.
I think G called me because he knows I won't say anything but is also looking for what, if anything, to say to his brother.
Part of me just wants to reach out to JC but then that would betray G.
What do I do?
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Nov 15, 2014 2:52:40 GMT
The only thing you can do is to encourage G to talk to BF as soon as possible.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Nov 15, 2014 2:54:47 GMT
The only thing you can do is to encourage G to talk to BF as soon as possible. |
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Post by mcscrapper on Nov 15, 2014 2:55:04 GMT
The only thing you can do is to encourage G to talk to BF as soon as possible. I forgot to mention that G has known for about a month but BF has been in a very intense training school for the past 10 weeks so didn't want to worry him during that time. BF is very close with this brother and I told him that because they are so close that he would rather hear this info from him than anyone else. Except from his son that is. |
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marianne
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
Posts: 4,176 
Location: right smack dab in the middle of SC
Site Supporter
Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Nov 15, 2014 3:00:20 GMT
I agree with Joy. If anything, I would urge G to encourage JC to talk to his dad directly... and soon.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 15, 2014 3:06:58 GMT
Many people, for various reasons, don't wish to share their real self with the world. Not my place to tell their 'story' before they are ready though.
I always feel so bad when a person can't be themselves with their own family though.
Also, in response to your BF being a manly man, a real man is brave enough, and strong enough, respectful enough, to support his loved ones no matter who they are.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:04:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2014 3:09:10 GMT
Definitely not your place...either JC or G need to break the news.
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Post by lesleyanne on Nov 15, 2014 3:21:01 GMT
I will dissent. I would tell my boyfriend that I think his son is gay and should talk to him about it. I wouldn't drag the brother into it.
BTW, it's not a lifestyle.
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Post by Really Red on Nov 15, 2014 3:21:10 GMT
Encourage G to talk to JC. I wish I could tell you to talk to your BF, but it just isn't your place. Sucks, but it isn't. Sorry. You sound like a great GF so hopefully all will turn out well.
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Post by grammyj64 on Nov 15, 2014 3:29:26 GMT
It is JC's place to tell, but if he needs moral support, maybe G could offer to be there when he does.
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 15, 2014 3:59:21 GMT
I have been dating a man for a while now and was texting his brother (G) this evening about something when he texted back asking if I had a minute to talk. He said something was bothering him about my boyfriend's adult son. We'll call him JC. My b'friend has not heard much from JC in quite some time and it has been making him kinda mad. G mentioned that he had some info about JC but felt like my boyfriend needed to know but did not know how to tell him. Long story short, the son is gay and has been avoiding his dad out of fear and embarrassment. I think the grandparents know but aren't 100% sure. This family is very tight-knit and not fully acceptable to the gay lifestyle. I know I'm not saying that right but can't think of another way to convey it. I know they will always love him but do not agree with his "choice." Honestly, the very first time I met JC I thought he was gay, so did my dd. We just had a feeling. So, here I am knowing this information but not knowing what to do. Maybe doing nothing is the right thing to do. G does not know what to do or say either but also doesn't want my BF to find this out through the grapevine either. I also think that JC is avoiding the family because he doesn't want to face his dad. My BF is a manly man kind of guy but I know he will still love his son no matter what but it won't be easy for him at first. I think G called me because he knows I won't say anything but is also looking for what, if anything, to say to his brother. Part of me just wants to reach out to JC but then that would betray G. What do I do? The way you have worded this, that JC is gay and avoiding his dad because of fear and embarrassment, sounds like G has discovered through a third party that JC is gay. No gay person I know that is comfortable coming out to a family member is "embarrassed". Fear of losing relationships does keep many from confiding in their family even if they are open in other areas of their life. If JC has confided in G, then G needs to be supportive and wait for JC to feel comfortable coming out to his dad. It is not your place or G's to share this information. Using language like embarrassed, choice and lifestyle are not helpful if you want to make someone comfortable enough to share who they really are. |
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