Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:07 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2021 9:18:20 GMT
Aw I hear you. It is tough those first few weeks. I echo what others have said. Go when your mum is there. As much as you want that sleep when she is there it would do a power of good for you to get out for that hour or so rather than take a nap, even if it's only once a week. Mental fatigue is just as bad as physical fatigue. You'd be surprised at how much better you would feel and in turn you wouldn't feel so tired physically.
I'm sure your aunt meant it when she said it but it just happened to be not quite so convenient for her at that particular time. Ask her again and let her say when she can come over rather than you asking for a specific time, maybe that would work better or both of you.
|
|
|
Post by malibou on May 7, 2021 9:56:27 GMT
I'm gone next week and a half, but I'll be down when I get back!
I so remember feeling like you do. I had no family nearby, and worse yet, I worked with men - construction guys aren't the most nurturing bunch, much as I love them.
I just wanted a little break from the constant barrage of baby.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on May 7, 2021 10:21:02 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...”
Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering?
The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone.
I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week?
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on May 7, 2021 10:22:24 GMT
I'm sure your aunt meant it when she said it but it just happened to be not quite so convenient for her at that particular time. Ask her again and let her say when she can come over rather than you asking for a specific time, maybe that would work better or both of you. This.
|
|
|
Post by mollycoddle on May 7, 2021 11:37:35 GMT
I’m sorry that people are bailing on you. Try again next week, and meanwhile, have your mom watch the baby so that you can get out of your house. You need a bit of time to yourself. I hope that they come through next time.
ETA: I suspect that dottyscrapper is right. Your aunt probably did mean it, and maybe she already had plans when you called her.
|
|
|
Post by mollycoddle on May 7, 2021 11:39:30 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week?  Oh, that’s awful. I am sorry that someone said that to you. 
|
|
crm1367
Junior Member

Posts: 82
Jun 21, 2017 16:54:48 GMT
|
Post by crm1367 on May 7, 2021 11:53:09 GMT
I agree with this too!
When someone says 'if you need anything please let me know' that doesn't translate to 'I will drop everything I'm doing no matter what it is, whenever you ask, and be at your beck and call'.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:07 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2021 11:59:00 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? Oh gosh jenjie that's awful .What a thoughtless and uncaring attitude and so hurtful. Some people do really show their true colours when others are in need.
|
|
|
Post by coaliesquirrel on May 7, 2021 12:10:24 GMT
I, um... understand your frustration, but I think you’ve got it pretty good, if I’m being honest. When my kids were babies, I would have freaking LOVED a grocery delivery or pickup service. Or having someone come over daily so I could take a nap. Is there a reason you can’t go grocery shopping when your husband is home? Tag-teaming is sort of what parenting is about, and your life will be much easier if you adjust to it now. I do realize that I have it good, more than better than most people. It doesn’t make it any less isolating when you’ve spent a year at home alone and then looking towards another year at home with a newborn you can’t take to mommy and me classes or even take them with your partner to their doctors appointments after two months. My husband works from home and has an unpredictable call schedule, he never knows when he has to get in a call and everything is on camera so he can’t really pop up with his boss with a baby on his chest. He helps me a ton at home when he can but we would both prefer to avoid crowds for the time being which is why I’d prefer to shop during the weekday mornings or early afternoon. I'm so sorry for the isolation you're feeling, and that you haven't been able to celebrate your pregnancy and baby with all your friends, haven't been able to get out into the world and bond with others in similar stages. I remember DH and I battling for who'd go run errands in that postpartum stage, and DD is 13.5! I wanted to say that while I understand unpredictable schedules and zoom calls, one of the great things about the pandemic is that some of those expectations have been relaxed. It's perfectly normal & usual to hear the occasional dog bark, or a child singing in the background, or someone's cat's butt (HOW do they know exactly where the camera is to aim it just perfectly???). A work associate is an attorney, as is his wife. Sometimes they have overlapping calls and someone has to hold the baby, and that's just how it is. It's accepted (dare I say even MORE accepted for men than women) and most people LOVE to see a pet or child pop in the frame. Certainly, you might make a TJ's trip as quick as you can and be sure to leave the baby well-fed and freshly diapered, but I say do it during the day when your DH is home. It's pandemic reality, and the boss may be more accepting than he thinks, particularly if it's a rare occurrence and he explains that he's facilitating your less crowded grocery run to help keep both the baby AND himself well - which helps the boss. After all, if DH had to go himself (which it sounds like he would but isn't what you're wanting in this case - totally fine), or you went at a busier time, then you're more likely to catch something and pass it to DH, and surely the boss doesn't want that, right?
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 7, 2021 12:18:00 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? That is horrible!
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on May 7, 2021 12:47:05 GMT
I completely understand what you’re feeling. It’s been a long time since mine was a baby but I still remember the desperation to just get out of the house by myself! My family wasn’t around but the in-laws were and they said they would help but never really did. They would tell me mommy sleeps when baby sleeps but didn’t once offer to do laundry or cook. I finally broke down one day crying “I just want someone to bring me a damn casserole”. It’s really hard. I agree you should go to TJs instead of napping one afternoon. You’ll feel better. Ah yes I love that advice, sleep when the baby sleeps. Do laundry when the baby does laundry... I had preemie twins on oxygen and no family and at the time no one was allowed to come help because of the risk to the babies. When someone said that to me I nearly imploded. We do not do enough in this country to take care of our new moms. Just because we had to do things and it was hard doesn't mean it was right! @padresfan619 I am sympathetic to you. You need to sleep to make sure you're still sane. Sleep is very important. So is getting out. I understand your disappointment in your aunt. Do you have siblings? Friends who have been vaccinated? I used to drop off two toddlers with my friend for 3 hours and she then did the same and once a week we had a break. And once a week we had 4 toddlers! Things will get better once your baby is sleeping through the night - probably not much longer and then you can use the time your mom is there to get out. Good luck!!
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on May 7, 2021 12:49:25 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? This is just evil. I mean I cannot believe a human being would say something like this the very first time you call. I hope she is ashamed of herself and her husband is embarrassed. Wow. I agree with this too! When someone says 'if you need anything please let me know' that doesn't translate to 'I will drop everything I'm doing no matter what it is, whenever you ask, and be at your beck and call'. Well, I think if the aunt had wanted to, she would have come up with an alternate time. I don't think padresfan was asking for a specific day.
|
|
crm1367
Junior Member

Posts: 82
Jun 21, 2017 16:54:48 GMT
|
Post by crm1367 on May 7, 2021 13:21:08 GMT
This is a great point. It would have been nice if she said today didn't work, but what about tomorrow, etc.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:22:16 GMT
I agree with this too! When someone says 'if you need anything please let me know' that doesn't translate to 'I will drop everything I'm doing no matter what it is, whenever you ask, and be at your beck and call'. I didn’t expect her to drop everything or to be at my beck and call, I just asked her if she wanted to come “be a baby holder” as she has offered in the morning in the next few days. It took a lot for me to get the nerve to even ask for help in the first place.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:26:09 GMT
Ah yes I love that advice, sleep when the baby sleeps. Do laundry when the baby does laundry... I had preemie twins on oxygen and no family and at the time no one was allowed to come help because of the risk to the babies. When someone said that to me I nearly imploded. We do not do enough in this country to take care of our new moms. Just because we had to do things and it was hard doesn't mean it was right! @padresfan619 I am sympathetic to you. You need to sleep to make sure you're still sane. Sleep is very important. So is getting out. I understand your disappointment in your aunt. Do you have siblings? Friends who have been vaccinated? I used to drop off two toddlers with my friend for 3 hours and she then did the same and once a week we had a break. And once a week we had 4 toddlers! Things will get better once your baby is sleeping through the night - probably not much longer and then you can use the time your mom is there to get out. Good luck!! I do have an older brother but he’s not exactly fit for newborn care. He will be great when my son is potty trained and talking but for now he’s not really interested. Most of my friends work full time even the ones with kids but I do have one friend I can ask, I just try to not be a burden to my friends with kids now that I’ve got one and I know how difficult it is.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:27:43 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? Im so sorry that is terrible. It has really made me think before I ever say something about helping someone unless I can really do it. She did say “maybe next time” but she didn’t give any specific day or time that would work for her.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:29:56 GMT
I'm gone next week and a half, but I'll be down when I get back! I so remember feeling like you do. I had no family nearby, and worse yet, I worked with men - construction guys aren't the most nurturing bunch, much as I love them. I just wanted a little break from the constant barrage of baby. Oh wow we are very similar, I work in the construction field too so mostly men! Well I did before covid got me basically permanently furloughed. I’m so lucky to have my mom around every day but she still works too so she’s already sacrificing a lot for us to come for a couple of hours every day. And any day now I know she’s going to be expected back at the office full time and she won’t be able to come as often, I’m dreading that day! And so is she.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on May 7, 2021 13:30:26 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? This is just evil. I mean I cannot believe a human being would say something like this the very first time you call. I hope she is ashamed of herself and her husband is embarrassed. Wow. I agree with this too! When someone says 'if you need anything please let me know' that doesn't translate to 'I will drop everything I'm doing no matter what it is, whenever you ask, and be at your beck and call'. Well, I think if the aunt had wanted to, she would have come up with an alternate time. I don't think padresfan was asking for a specific day. We were close friends, so I called her back and we talked it out. I told her this is what I heard, this is how it made me feel, this is my current mental state, is this how you meant me to hear it? Because nobody knew I was sinking into depression. She apologized profusely, she was thinking she was encouraging me that I COULD do things for myself. But her dh truly didn’t have time to help, even though he offered only a week before.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:07 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2021 13:31:04 GMT
I'm sorry. That sucks.
Congratulations on the baby. Hope the baby is doing well and that people start coming through for you.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:33:22 GMT
I do realize that I have it good, more than better than most people. It doesn’t make it any less isolating when you’ve spent a year at home alone and then looking towards another year at home with a newborn you can’t take to mommy and me classes or even take them with your partner to their doctors appointments after two months. My husband works from home and has an unpredictable call schedule, he never knows when he has to get in a call and everything is on camera so he can’t really pop up with his boss with a baby on his chest. He helps me a ton at home when he can but we would both prefer to avoid crowds for the time being which is why I’d prefer to shop during the weekday mornings or early afternoon. I'm so sorry for the isolation you're feeling, and that you haven't been able to celebrate your pregnancy and baby with all your friends, haven't been able to get out into the world and bond with others in similar stages. I remember DH and I battling for who'd go run errands in that postpartum stage, and DD is 13.5! I wanted to say that while I understand unpredictable schedules and zoom calls, one of the great things about the pandemic is that some of those expectations have been relaxed. It's perfectly normal & usual to hear the occasional dog bark, or a child singing in the background, or someone's cat's butt (HOW do they know exactly where the camera is to aim it just perfectly???). A work associate is an attorney, as is his wife. Sometimes they have overlapping calls and someone has to hold the baby, and that's just how it is. It's accepted (dare I say even MORE accepted for men than women) and most people LOVE to see a pet or child pop in the frame. Certainly, you might make a TJ's trip as quick as you can and be sure to leave the baby well-fed and freshly diapered, but I say do it during the day when your DH is home. It's pandemic reality, and the boss may be more accepting than he thinks, particularly if it's a rare occurrence and he explains that he's facilitating your less crowded grocery run to help keep both the baby AND himself well - which helps the boss. After all, if DH had to go himself (which it sounds like he would but isn't what you're wanting in this case - totally fine), or you went at a busier time, then you're more likely to catch something and pass it to DH, and surely the boss doesn't want that, right? A woman at my husbands company announced her pregnancy and the boss’ response was that she was ruining her career and any chances at progressing at their company. He’s not exactly the nicest guy when it comes to kids and the whole reason everyone is expected to be on camera when he’s around for calls is to make sure people are on task. It’s a very micromanaging type situation and while I’d LOVE my husband to find a different job, despite the annoying boss, he loves what he does and the industry he is in.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:35:16 GMT
I'm sorry. That sucks. Congratulations on the baby. Hope the baby is doing well and that people start coming through for you. I don’t know if he slept longer than usual or if my husband got up with him before he had a chance to be too loud but I slept two solid four hour chunks last night so I’ll be taking advantage of my mom being here and going to Trader Joe’s later this afternoon. Thank you!!
|
|
|
Post by elaine on May 7, 2021 13:35:59 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? (((Hugs))) I’m so sorry that the wife said that; what an awful thing to say to you.
|
|
|
Post by elaine on May 7, 2021 13:38:08 GMT
I'm sorry. That sucks. Congratulations on the baby. Hope the baby is doing well and that people start coming through for you. I don’t know if he slept longer than usual or if my husband got up with him before he had a chance to be too loud but I slept two solid four hour chunks last night so I’ll be taking advantage of my mom being here and going to Trader Joe’s later this afternoon. Thank you!! Yay! You MUST get some of their limited edition Dill Pickle Potato chips. They are amazing. And were flying off the shelves. 😀
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:07 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2021 13:41:28 GMT
but I slept two solid four hour chunks last night  I remember those days of counting every minute of sleep. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!! Have fun at TJs.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 13:43:12 GMT
I don’t know if he slept longer than usual or if my husband got up with him before he had a chance to be too loud but I slept two solid four hour chunks last night so I’ll be taking advantage of my mom being here and going to Trader Joe’s later this afternoon. Thank you!! Yay! You MUST get some of their limited edition Dill Pickle Potato chips. They are amazing. And were flying off the shelves. 😀 I love the popcorn in a pickle so those are definitely on my list. I’m really excited to just let my heart speak to me while I’m there, and to see some of the crew who were so sweet to me during my pregnancy.
|
|
|
Post by maryland on May 7, 2021 13:58:54 GMT
That's frustrating! I keep telling my husband how hard it would have been to have infants and children during the pandemic because I too would be afraid to take them in public. I'm sorry you have so many that said they would help and now don't want to. And probably harder to get babysitters as many teen boys and girls are not yet vaccinated.
I wish we were neighbors because I love babies and would be happy to help you so you could run your errands at safer times to be in stores.
|
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,316
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on May 7, 2021 14:00:04 GMT
If they aren’t going to follow through when you tell them you need something? I’m 9 weeks postpartum, half vaccinated, and feeling the walls closing in on me. I’m sick of using Instacart and grocery pick up and miss Trader Joe’s. I’m not ready to take my son out into the world yet and we have been advised by his pediatrician to wait until he’s had a few rounds of standard infant vaccinations before we start taking him to indoor public places. Everyone who has offered to watch him or do a favor for me is suddenly nowhere to be found. I asked my aunt if she would come over and hold the baby for an hour so I could go to Trader Joe’s for the first time in months and I was told she’s “fully vaccinated and busy making plans with friends she hasn’t seen in a year. Maybe next time. Ask again.” Well shit, I guess I’ll stay in my house then. And yes my husband is more than willing to help, but I wanted to go out during his work hours so I could avoid the crowds and long lines. I’m just frustrated that all of those people who were so willing to help when I was bloody, swollen, and in no state to leave my home are too busy for me now. I still need help! I’m glad my postpartum doctors appointment was over the phone so I didn’t have to find help to attend that. I think your last paragraph says it best. People are generally more available/willing to help when a person is "bloody, swollen and in no state to the leave the house" rather then almost 2 months later. Of course you're still tired, and the pandemic makes this stressful, but the pandemic also makes things stressful for everyone. You need to get out of the house for the walk and get some fresh air. As frustrating as it is, outside help is probably not going to be as available as when you were first home. I know myself I would rather go to the store for someone and pick up what they need, drop it off, and leave rather then stay in their home. I think most folks are task orientated. Again, I can only relate to myself, but when I would offer to help it was more about running to the store, picking up a kid after school, making a meal, picking up dry cleaning, light house cleaning. I probably would have found an excuse had someone said "watch my new baby while I get out for an hour" which sounds terrible because that's what new moms often need, but I am not a babysitter kind of person at all. Even the most meaningful people who say "anything you need" have some sort of limits.
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
 
Posts: 9,975
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on May 7, 2021 14:02:45 GMT
Who in their right mind would turn down the chance to hold a baby?!?!?!?!?!
Seriously - I would JUMP at the chance to just come and sit with a baby. I wish I lived nearby!!
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
 
Posts: 9,975
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on May 7, 2021 14:03:25 GMT
I’m sorry. After dh died I had a lot of people saying let me know if you need anything. I didn’t ask much but one friend’s dh said it every single time I saw him. Every time. “Call my wife if I can do something...” Finally I did need his particular help. I asked his wife. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have time. Besides don’t you think it’s time you start doing things for yourself?” As I was sinking into depression. I said then can you please tell him to stop offering? The worst part was, I felt like nobody really meant it when they said let me know... I felt even more alone. I’m so sorry. Did she say ask again? Maybe she could do it next week? That story is absolutely shocking to me. I hope they are not still "friends" of yours!
|
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,316
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on May 7, 2021 14:08:49 GMT
Who in their right mind would turn down the chance to hold a baby?!?!?!?!?! Seriously - I would JUMP at the chance to just come and sit with a baby. I wish I lived nearby!! I love holding babies but I just confessed in a post on this threat that I am at a stage in my life not wanting to babysit an infant.
|
|