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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 2:20:37 GMT
If they aren’t going to follow through when you tell them you need something? I’m 9 weeks postpartum, half vaccinated, and feeling the walls closing in on me. I’m sick of using Instacart and grocery pick up and miss Trader Joe’s. I’m not ready to take my son out into the world yet and we have been advised by his pediatrician to wait until he’s had a few rounds of standard infant vaccinations before we start taking him to indoor public places.
Everyone who has offered to watch him or do a favor for me is suddenly nowhere to be found. I asked my aunt if she would come over and hold the baby for an hour so I could go to Trader Joe’s for the first time in months and I was told she’s “fully vaccinated and busy making plans with friends she hasn’t seen in a year. Maybe next time. Ask again.”
Well shit, I guess I’ll stay in my house then.
And yes my husband is more than willing to help, but I wanted to go out during his work hours so I could avoid the crowds and long lines. I’m just frustrated that all of those people who were so willing to help when I was bloody, swollen, and in no state to leave my home are too busy for me now. I still need help! I’m glad my postpartum doctors appointment was over the phone so I didn’t have to find help to attend that.
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Post by greendragonlady on May 7, 2021 2:29:23 GMT
Sorry everyone has disappeared on you. Sometimes I think people say that because it's "the thing to say". Let me know if you need anything from 8-9 a.m. or 7-9 p.m. within 10 miles of my house. I'm your girl!  |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 7, 2021 2:30:15 GMT
I hear you !!i Wish I could do more for you!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Post by Scrapper100 on May 7, 2021 2:32:06 GMT
I’m sorry. I hope you can find someone snd I totally understand we have the same issue no one ever follows through. We have never had anyone we could count on. I really hope you can find someone and get out. I also only like to go there early in the day.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 2:34:19 GMT
Also my mother is a saint and she comes over every afternoon to watch the baby so I can get some rest. I’m still getting up multiple times a night to breastfeed so I really like to nap instead of using that time to get groceries. I’m just frustrated, I am already wary of letting people come over, because duh, pandemic, so when I ask someone besides my mom it’s because I really, really trust them. All I’m asking for is an hour, my local TJs is within walking distance!
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 7, 2021 2:38:13 GMT
My husband and I were discussing this very thing, in this exact context, today. His mom loves to make a huge deal of offering us help, but is never around when we actually need help. Or her "help" is way more work than it's worth. My mom died a few years ago and we don't have any other help.
I can empathize with that trapped, lonely, let down, new mom feeling. I can't imagine how much harder the pandemic makes things.
Raising children really does take a village. Too bad so few of us have actual villages.
Many hugs to you.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 2:49:32 GMT
My husband and I were discussing this very thing, in this exact context, today. His mom loves to make a huge deal of offering us help, but is never around when we actually need help. Or her "help" is way more work than it's worth. My mom died a few years ago and we don't have any other help. I can empathize with that trapped, lonely, let down, new mom feeling. I can't imagine how much harder the pandemic makes things. Raising children really does take a village. Too bad so few of us have actual villages. Many hugs to you. Oh lord don’t even get me started on my mother in law. My son is her third grandson so he’s not exactly that “new grand baby” exciting I guess. She’s made no effort to come visit and when we offered to go to her, with the stipulation she get vaccinated, she got upset that we dare to ask. And has refused to get vaccinated at all. I have several friends who have had babies since January 2020 when the pandemic was just a rumble...and we all desperately want to get together but then there’s that anxiety that comes with surviving pregnancy and having a baby in a pandemic. I think once I’m fully vaccinated in two weeks I’ll be much more comfortable. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on May 7, 2021 2:53:22 GMT
Wish I lived closer. I'll be good to go after the 16th and I would be happy to come babysit for an hour.
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Post by tinydogmafia on May 7, 2021 2:58:26 GMT
(((Hugs))
For your own sanity, next time your Mom comes to watch baby, go to Trader Joe's. Get out of your house, get some "fresh" air, see some people, buy the things you're missing from TJ. It will 100% be worth it for your mental health.
Hang in there, Mama.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 7, 2021 2:59:39 GMT
My husband and I were discussing this very thing, in this exact context, today. His mom loves to make a huge deal of offering us help, but is never around when we actually need help. Or her "help" is way more work than it's worth. My mom died a few years ago and we don't have any other help. I can empathize with that trapped, lonely, let down, new mom feeling. I can't imagine how much harder the pandemic makes things. Raising children really does take a village. Too bad so few of us have actual villages. Many hugs to you. Oh lord don’t even get me started on my mother in law. My son is her third grandson so he’s not exactly that “new grand baby” exciting I guess. She’s made no effort to come visit and when we offered to go to her, with the stipulation she get vaccinated, she got upset that we dare to ask. And has refused to get vaccinated at all. I have several friends who have had babies since January 2020 when the pandemic was just a rumble...and we all desperately want to get together but then there’s that anxiety that comes with surviving pregnancy and having a baby in a pandemic. I think once I’m fully vaccinated in two weeks I’ll be much more comfortable. I cannot imagine how stressful this is for those of you with newborns! Connecting with other parents in the same phase is so important. Just being able to leave the house is important. My kids are 7 and 3, but I remember these first weeks well. It's hard. You're exhausted. Your body feels weird. You're thrilled and in love and also nothing is the same and so much feels overwhelming. I hope someone steps up so you can get some much needed alone time. |
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Post by Gennifer on May 7, 2021 3:01:41 GMT
If they aren’t going to follow through when you tell them you need something? I’m 9 weeks postpartum, half vaccinated, and feeling the walls closing in on me. I’m sick of using Instacart and grocery pick up and miss Trader Joe’s. I’m not ready to take my son out into the world yet and we have been advised by his pediatrician to wait until he’s had a few rounds of standard infant vaccinations before we start taking him to indoor public places. Everyone who has offered to watch him or do a favor for me is suddenly nowhere to be found. I asked my aunt if she would come over and hold the baby for an hour so I could go to Trader Joe’s for the first time in months and I was told she’s “fully vaccinated and busy making plans with friends she hasn’t seen in a year. Maybe next time. Ask again.” Well shit, I guess I’ll stay in my house then. And yes my husband is more than willing to help, but I wanted to go out during his work hours so I could avoid the crowds and long lines. I’m just frustrated that all of those people who were so willing to help when I was bloody, swollen, and in no state to leave my home are too busy for me now. I still need help! I’m glad my postpartum doctors appointment was over the phone so I didn’t have to find help to attend that. I, um... understand your frustration, but I think you’ve got it pretty good, if I’m being honest. When my kids were babies, I would have freaking LOVED a grocery delivery or pickup service. Or having someone come over daily so I could take a nap. Is there a reason you can’t go grocery shopping when your husband is home? Tag-teaming is sort of what parenting is about, and your life will be much easier if you adjust to it now. |
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 3:10:45 GMT
If they aren’t going to follow through when you tell them you need something? I’m 9 weeks postpartum, half vaccinated, and feeling the walls closing in on me. I’m sick of using Instacart and grocery pick up and miss Trader Joe’s. I’m not ready to take my son out into the world yet and we have been advised by his pediatrician to wait until he’s had a few rounds of standard infant vaccinations before we start taking him to indoor public places. Everyone who has offered to watch him or do a favor for me is suddenly nowhere to be found. I asked my aunt if she would come over and hold the baby for an hour so I could go to Trader Joe’s for the first time in months and I was told she’s “fully vaccinated and busy making plans with friends she hasn’t seen in a year. Maybe next time. Ask again.” Well shit, I guess I’ll stay in my house then. And yes my husband is more than willing to help, but I wanted to go out during his work hours so I could avoid the crowds and long lines. I’m just frustrated that all of those people who were so willing to help when I was bloody, swollen, and in no state to leave my home are too busy for me now. I still need help! I’m glad my postpartum doctors appointment was over the phone so I didn’t have to find help to attend that. I, um... understand your frustration, but I think you’ve got it pretty good, if I’m being honest. When my kids were babies, I would have freaking LOVED a grocery delivery or pickup service. Or having someone come over daily so I could take a nap. Is there a reason you can’t go grocery shopping when your husband is home? Tag-teaming is sort of what parenting is about, and your life will be much easier if you adjust to it now. I do realize that I have it good, more than better than most people. It doesn’t make it any less isolating when you’ve spent a year at home alone and then looking towards another year at home with a newborn you can’t take to mommy and me classes or even take them with your partner to their doctors appointments after two months. My husband works from home and has an unpredictable call schedule, he never knows when he has to get in a call and everything is on camera so he can’t really pop up with his boss with a baby on his chest. He helps me a ton at home when he can but we would both prefer to avoid crowds for the time being which is why I’d prefer to shop during the weekday mornings or early afternoon. |
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Post by wholarmor on May 7, 2021 3:24:37 GMT
I hear you and your doctor on not taking baby out in public for a while, but if you are really itching to go out, put the baby in the carrier with the blanket over it. No one should touch or come near you during covid times, right? Take a walk with the stroller- again blanket covering any gaps. I don't think you have to hermit baby forever- just keep people from touching or getting up in baby's face.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 3:30:59 GMT
I hear you and your doctor on not taking baby out in public for a while, but if you are really itching to go out, put the baby in the carrier with the blanket over it. No one should touch or come near you during covid times, right? Take a walk with the stroller- again blanket covering any gaps. I don't think you have to hermit baby forever- just keep people from touching or getting up in baby's face. Oh we go for a walk every day! It is my favorite part of the day besides morning chats with my son. I have my usual route and it’s a nice, long walk and when I remember to grab my headphones it is even better. I don’t want to be a hermit forever either, but a couple rounds of shots is another two months from now. I’m just asking for an hour alone to go to a store to buy some goodies I haven’t been able to have in a long time. Doesn’t every mom enjoy that random solo Target trip or the solo car ride after listening to little ones scream in the car for a while? I know I’m still new to this and I have a long way to go, I’m just wishing I was able to cash in on a favor I was offered. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 7, 2021 3:35:47 GMT
(((Hugs)) For your own sanity, next time your Mom comes to watch baby, go to Trader Joe's. Get out of your house, get some "fresh" air, see some people, buy the things you're missing from TJ. It will 100% be worth it for your mental health. Hang in there, Mama. Excellent idea!! Just the one trip will help a whole lot!! Believe me.... padresfan619 |
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 3:37:50 GMT
(((Hugs)) For your own sanity, next time your Mom comes to watch baby, go to Trader Joe's. Get out of your house, get some "fresh" air, see some people, buy the things you're missing from TJ. It will 100% be worth it for your mental health. Hang in there, Mama. Thats a good idea, I’ll sacrifice the nap next time my son has a good night! He’s still a little unpredictable but sometimes he’s really nice and gives me a good stretch of sleep. I’m learning to let go of expectations, even when it comes to doing a load of laundry in a day. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 7, 2021 3:56:34 GMT
I’m just asking for an hour alone to go to a store to buy some goodies I haven’t been able to have in a long time Well.... this time of year is NOT good for sending chocolate! That is unless you don't mind licking if off the wrappers!  |
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 3:58:09 GMT
I’m just asking for an hour alone to go to a store to buy some goodies I haven’t been able to have in a long time Well.... this time of year is NOT good for sending chocolate! That is unless you don't mind licking if off the wrappers! Oh there’s no need for anybody to send me anything! That is so kind but I’m definitely able to get out to the store - I’m going to take the advice to go the next time my mom comes over and he’s had a good night the night before. |
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Post by elaine on May 7, 2021 4:06:41 GMT
(((Hugs)))
I’m sorry. If I still lived in SoCal, I’d come spell you. I’m even vaccinated!
I hate to say it out loud, but this is just the first of many times as a parent that others will not follow through on their promises/offers. ☹️ It doesn’t make it any easier in the moment, though.
I agree with sacrificing maybe 1 nap per week for alone shopping time while your mom is there.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 7, 2021 4:06:57 GMT
Well I have been eating smushed Lindor Chocolate Truffles that arrived on a hot day, rode around in a UPS truck for 12 hours. Melted, put in the refrigerator to get hard.... Taste ok, but not the same............... padresfan619 |
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 4:12:54 GMT
(((Hugs))) I’m sorry. If I still lived in SoCal, I’d come spell you. I’m even vaccinated! I hate to say it out loud, but this is just the first of many times as a parent that others will not follow through on their promises/offers. ☹️ It doesn’t make it any easier in the moment, though. I agree with sacrificing maybe 1 nap per week for alone shopping time while your mom is there. Thank you for the offer even if you aren’t in the area! I’m sorry you’re familiar with being let down when it comes to childcare. It took a lot for me to even ask for help, so to get turned down made me feel a little embarrassed so I’m too afraid to ask again at the risk of being turned down again. I get that everyone is anxious to get out and have fun after over a year of being at home, I just thought maybe my son would be one of those fun things for his great aunt. He’s awfully cute and still will willingly snuggle. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 7, 2021 4:17:09 GMT
I can relate, we’re almost eleven years in and we have never had anyone we could count on for even a night out alone for dinner and a movie together. DH and I have gone out together for dinner exactly ONCE since she was born. (And we weren’t even alone, it was a 40th birthday party for his sister with a bunch of her friends, at a restaurant we would never go to, leaving our three month old with a babysitter we didn’t know who was watching a houseful of older kids—and did I mention I literally just had carpal tunnel surgery two days prior and couldn’t even cut my own food? Yeah, suuuper fun date night!) And DD has had exactly one overnight away from us with her cousins when she was two. So yeah. I get it. padresfan619 hang in there! You’ll get through this, it does get better. I’m glad you at least have a little bit of respite with your mom, that has to help some. Hugs! |
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Post by mikklynn on May 7, 2021 4:25:31 GMT
You are so lucky to have your mom to help. My mom was great, too.
I wish I could help. I love babies! Even cranky, colicky babies.
I totally get your disappointment in the offer of help not coming through. DH's brother's wife offered help. I ask for a few frozen individual meals for when DH was in the hospital, which was a lot. I told her anything simple is awesome. Nothing.
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Post by ntsf on May 7, 2021 4:30:07 GMT
one idea for trader joes is if they close at 8.. go at 7:30 pm. often they are really slow at night. I remember thinking that going to to the store by myself was heaven.. I had three kids at home. and no help ever (except dh).
wishing you the best.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on May 7, 2021 4:35:53 GMT
I completely understand what you’re feeling. It’s been a long time since mine was a baby but I still remember the desperation to just get out of the house by myself! My family wasn’t around but the in-laws were and they said they would help but never really did. They would tell me mommy sleeps when baby sleeps but didn’t once offer to do laundry or cook. I finally broke down one day crying “I just want someone to bring me a damn casserole”. It’s really hard. I agree you should go to TJs instead of napping one afternoon. You’ll feel better.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 7, 2021 4:40:30 GMT
I completely understand what you’re feeling. It’s been a long time since mine was a baby but I still remember the desperation to just get out of the house by myself! My family wasn’t around but the in-laws were and they said they would help but never really did. They would tell me mommy sleeps when baby sleeps but didn’t once offer to do laundry or cook. I finally broke down one day crying “I just want someone to bring me a damn casserole”. It’s really hard. I agree you should go to TJs instead of napping one afternoon. You’ll feel better. Ah yes I love that advice, sleep when the baby sleeps. Do laundry when the baby does laundry... |
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Post by compeateropeator on May 7, 2021 5:00:25 GMT
I am so sorry. I have an opposite issue. I say it to people and they never take me up on it when I really wish they would. I really do want to help. I say it now knowing full well that they will never ask...but I still say it and mean it.
l Hope someone follows through and offers you help.
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Post by gar on May 7, 2021 7:50:51 GMT
Aww, that is tough and brought back not so great memories for me. I'd just moved to a new area with my husband's career (he was working 6 days a week/12-14 hour days) when I had my first and I knew no one. I was very lonely and as good and willing as my Mum and Mum in Law were, they were some distance away and couldn't 'pop over for an hour or two'. Maybe you could make yourself ask your aunt one more time? I get that you feel uncomfortable but she did offer and she did say 'maybe next time'? Don't overthink it, I'm sure she isn't, just take it at face value and ask again - you might get lucky!  But I hear you ((hugs)) The early months can be tough. |
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,147
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Post by used2scrap on May 7, 2021 8:55:18 GMT
I’m sorry you were let down. Hang in there momma.
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 7, 2021 9:04:34 GMT
padresfan619 I'm so sorry! I mean it when I say that particular sentence but I've also learnt many don't and just say it because it's "the thing to say". I wish I could help you. I don't have children or plan on doing so but I've always tried to step up when one of my friends had a baby. It's so tough. Even without a pandemic, it's important for the stuck-at-home-with-a-newborn parent to get an hour here and there to just get some groceries on their own or take a quiet bath. It costs other people barely anything to just come in for 90 minutes and hold the baby, feed the baby, maybe put some clean dishes away when the baby's gone back to sleep. I hope you can get to Trader Joe's soon! I know you want a change from your usual grocery deliveries but I also know you just need to get out of the house for a little bit and feel "normal" again. It's a hard balance to strike when you have a new baby.
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