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Post by Fidget on Jun 8, 2021 13:41:48 GMT
I have a co worker who constantly interrupts me. Well it's not just me, it's actually everyone, and it bugs the crap out of me. I was speaking on a call today and she did it again and I called her out on it. What I said was "I'm not finished speaking, why do you always interrupt me?" It probably didn't come off as very nice. She didn't respond but she didn't interrupt anyone for the rest of the call.
Of course now I feel bad it probably came off as me being bitchy, there were just 3 of us on this call, no bosses, just her, I and one other co-worker.
Should I apologize for being a little short with her or just let it go?
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 8, 2021 13:48:00 GMT
That does not sound bitchy to me. I'm glad you addressed the situation.
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Post by Merge on Jun 8, 2021 13:48:11 GMT
I think you're fine. I have a co-worker who does the same thing, and I've passive-aggressively just stopped talking to her. Your way is probably better.
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crm1367
Junior Member
Posts: 81
Jun 21, 2017 16:54:48 GMT
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Post by crm1367 on Jun 8, 2021 13:54:33 GMT
I think you're fine and I wouldn't apologize. If you do I think it will possibly make her think you were in the wrong and she will go back to interrupting. I have no problem telling people I'm not finished talking on calls or meetings and I don't think it's rude. I'm just letting them know that I'm not finished.
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Post by elaine on Jun 8, 2021 13:58:01 GMT
I, too, think you are fine.
However, if you end up finding that she becomes very difficult to work with - ignoring you or being bitchy to you - you always can say something along the lines that you are sorry for the tone of what you said, that you didn’t mean for it to sound as harsh as you did, but it came out that way because you get frustrated when she interrupts you.
I wouldn’t back down or apologize for letting her know you don’t want to be interrupted. I will guess that she isn’t even aware that she does it, so it was good feedback to hear, even if the tone was harsher than you intended.
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,842
Location: Indianapolis
Jul 2, 2014 17:12:39 GMT
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Post by JustTricia on Jun 8, 2021 14:12:44 GMT
Honestly, I would apologize. Not for what You said but the choice of venue. You obviously have had an issue with it for a while, it should have been addressed in private.
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Post by mnmloveli on Jun 8, 2021 14:17:29 GMT
I would apologize. If it had been just between the two of you, there would be no need to apologize.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,377
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Jun 8, 2021 14:21:02 GMT
Honestly, I would apologize. Not for what You said but the choice of venue. You obviously have had an issue with it for a while, it should have been addressed in private. This is my line of thought too.
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Post by koontz on Jun 8, 2021 14:23:56 GMT
You can address this without apologizing for what you said and have a conversation about it. Just say 'I did not mean to sound unfriendly earlier. I want to hear your opinion, but please just let me finish first' or something like that.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,789
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jun 8, 2021 14:24:26 GMT
Yes. Say something along the lines of “I shouldn’t have called you on the interrupting in front of another, but I would appreciate it if you would dial it down.”
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Post by Really Red on Jun 8, 2021 14:33:37 GMT
Yeah. I'm along the line of you were right, but then you were rude about being right. It sucks!!
I do think you should address this. Maybe like this:
Fidget: Ina. I apologize for coming across gruffly in this morning's call. What I should have said was, "Ina, please let me continue." However, I believe we need to talk about this issue of you interrupting me (others?) Ina: You didn't have to be so rude! Fidget: I agree. It was built-up frustration from numerous times of being interrupted. Can we talk about you letting me finish what I have to say?
I know that the suckiest way to give an apology is by giving an excuse, but I think it's okay in this circumstance.
I also think that you should have addressed this kindly and behind the scenes 1:1, but that ship has sailed. I get your frustration.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 0:45:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2021 14:42:12 GMT
The "why do you always interrupt me" part said in the presence of another coworker is a bit harsh. Unlike, please let me finish or please don't interrupt, it implies a constant annoyance. I'd apologize.
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Post by mom on Jun 8, 2021 15:11:23 GMT
Honestly, I would apologize. Not for what You said but the choice of venue. You obviously have had an issue with it for a while, it should have been addressed in private. This is how I would handle it. And the fact you feel like you should apologize is a flag (to me) that you should go ahead and apologize. Not for what you said. But for your tone and where you said it.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jun 8, 2021 15:11:27 GMT
I think “Excuse me, I’m not done speaking,” or “May I finish?” or similar is to the point and appropriate. “Why do you always” crosses a line if someone else is part of the conversation. Actually, “why do you always” or “you always” or “you never” can make people feel defensive and possibly hurt even if it’s just two people talking. I’d briefly apologize.
As part of the larger conversation, I might say it’s difficult to complete a thought/make the point when being interrupted. (That’s assuming the person is a known interrupter and I’m not going on too long, which doesn’t sound like it at all in this case.)
i’ve had to work on not interrupting, which can stem from being really into the conversation, IOW agreeing, not disagreeing. It’s still interrupting, so not good. There can be more than one reason, from social awkwardness/wanting to fit in to proving people wrong to wanting center stage (thinking of a previous co-worker, ugh) but sometimes knowing what’s behind it can help deal with it. Or not.
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Post by *sprout* on Jun 8, 2021 15:14:39 GMT
I would apologize for saying it in front of another coworker, but not for calling her out on it.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jun 8, 2021 15:14:53 GMT
I would apologize
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Jun 8, 2021 15:16:17 GMT
Honestly, I don't think you did anything wrong. If what you said is the truth, and it wasn't said in a rude tone, then I would leave it be.
If she brings it up to you, fine, talk about it. Explain your frustration. But don't apologize for saying what you said.
But quite frankly, women apologize in the work force way too much when it's not necessary. If a man had said something like that (to anyone!) no one would have batted an eye.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 8, 2021 15:32:15 GMT
Someone needed to point it out and constantly interrupting co-workers is much ruder than what you said. Don't apologize. Everyone else was probably glad that you said something.
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Post by FrozenPea on Jun 8, 2021 15:39:58 GMT
My husband always says "I am sorry, I couldn't hear you while I was talking." That usually works.
If you feel bad you can tell her, "Sorry if I embarrassed you but I just couldn't handle you interrupting again."
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Post by busy on Jun 8, 2021 15:41:09 GMT
I would not exactly apologize. Saying that you weren't finished was appropriate. Continuing with the "why do you always interrupt me" in front of others was less so. I would talk to her and apologize for saying that latter part in front of others, and say you should have talked to her 1:1 about this ongoing issue. Then explore how you two can work together more effectively in the future. But do *not* apologize for "taking your time back" in the meeting.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Jun 8, 2021 16:15:36 GMT
I wouldn't apologize. Maybe I'm mean, but it sounds like it was something she needed to hear.
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Post by Zee on Jun 8, 2021 16:24:12 GMT
She should apologize for her interrupting. Let it go.
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,842
Location: Indianapolis
Jul 2, 2014 17:12:39 GMT
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Post by JustTricia on Jun 8, 2021 16:37:07 GMT
Honestly, I don't think you did anything wrong. If what you said is the truth, and it wasn't said in a rude tone, then I would leave it be. If she brings it up to you, fine, talk about it. Explain your frustration. But don't apologize for saying what you said. But quite frankly, women apologize in the work force way too much when it's not necessary. If a man had said something like that (to anyone!) no one would have batted an eye. I disagree. There are a few men in my workplace that I bat my eye at things they say pretty frequently. With one particular man I’ve said versions of the following SEVERAL times: There’s something that shouldn’t have been said in front of me! Would you like me to step out so you two can talk about this in private? I’m uncomfortable being in the middle of this conversation. I’ll leave so you two can talk. Wow! Glad my boss doesn’t talk to me like that! With all of the above I’ve said it with some humor to alleviate the situation, but I still have addressed it. My boss and I also have had several conversations about addressing issues in the office in private vs addressing them in public. Luckily we are on the same page as to where it needs to be done. Editing to add ~ the man in question above is my FORMER boss; my current boss is also a man.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Jun 8, 2021 16:55:47 GMT
Don’t apologize if you’re not truly sorry. Amd in your case, I wouldn’t be.
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Post by MichyM on Jun 8, 2021 17:43:40 GMT
Honestly, I would apologize. Not for what You said but the choice of venue. You obviously have had an issue with it for a while, it should have been addressed in private. I totally agree with this.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 8, 2021 17:45:18 GMT
I have a co worker who constantly interrupts me. Well it's not just me, it's actually everyone, and it bugs the crap out of me. I was speaking on a call today and she did it again and I called her out on it. What I said was "I'm not finished speaking, why do you always interrupt me?" It probably didn't come off as very nice. She didn't respond but she didn't interrupt anyone for the rest of the call. Of course now I feel bad it probably came off as me being bitchy, there were just 3 of us on this call, no bosses, just her, I and one other co-worker. Should I apologize for being a little short with her or just let it go? You know what your tone of voice was and whether it was bitchy or not. A third party knows whether you were bitchy or not. IMHO, it really depends on what sort of reputation you want in your workplace and relationship with co-workers going forward. Apologizing isn't being weak. You aren't apologizing for calling her out for interrupting but for doing it in an unprofessional way.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jun 8, 2021 18:00:18 GMT
In my opinion “why do you always interrupt me?” Is rude particularly in a work environment and in front of people. But people at my work environment absolutely do not speak to each other like that. I would be really taken aback if someone said that to me. I think a “I’m still speaking” or “I haven’t finished my point” is very acceptable
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Post by worrywart on Jun 8, 2021 18:05:27 GMT
I guess I might apologize for not talking to her privately about it. The fact that you snapped (justifiably!!) to me says that you probably should have addressed this earlier. Anyway, it needed to be said - maybe it will make her more thoughtful.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 8, 2021 18:11:08 GMT
I think “Excuse me, I’m not done speaking,” or “May I finish?” or similar is to the point and appropriate. “Why do you always” crosses a line if someone else is part of the conversation. Actually, “why do you always” or “you always” or “you never” can make people feel defensive and possibly hurt even if it’s just two people talking. I’d briefly apologize. As part of the larger conversation, I might say it’s difficult to complete a thought/make the point when being interrupted. (That’s assuming the person is a known interrupter and I’m not going on too long, which doesn’t sound like it at all in this case.) i’ve had to work on not interrupting, which can stem from being really into the conversation, IOW agreeing, not disagreeing. It’s still interrupting, so not good. There can be more than one reason, from social awkwardness/wanting to fit in to proving people wrong to wanting center stage (thinking of a previous co-worker, ugh) but sometimes knowing what’s behind it can help deal with it. Or not. Agreed. This is something I’m still working on. It’s a hard habit to unlearn. You did everyone a favor, including her, by telling her. But as others have said, time and place.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jun 8, 2021 18:35:13 GMT
BTW, I think it’s both brave and inspiring to post this kind of question on a forum.
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