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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 7:55:08 GMT
papercrafteradvocate I didn't respond at all to the time comment. So I didn't get terse. I vented. Because this isn't the first time. And I think that kind of comment is rude. What was rude? The comment about not having time? My comment? No not you. the comment about not having time. I'm sorry if I misunderstood you or you me.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 7:58:36 GMT
Wow twinks that's a lot of caramels... I definitely would find a way to say no to that.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 29, 2021 8:00:26 GMT
I have kind of a similar problem. I make Caramels at Christmastime. Years ago, when I wasn’t working outside the home, I made them and sold them. I rented out a professional kitchen for a week and made them. My profit margin wasn’t great but I had fun. I sold to a particular friend who just keeps buying them from me. However, he has not a clue of the time involved nor the effort. I have raised my price over the years but he keeps buying. He is nice but he and his wife only have contact with me when he wants something - like Caramels. We aren’t talking a batch or 2. We are talking he wants 50 boxes (about 14 batches). It ruins my whole holiday. I don’t have it to do my treats for my friends and family after filling his order. Last year, right before Thanksgiving I had a total knee replacement. It was a great joy not to have to fill his order. I had it together to do a couple of orders that I wanted to do and I got some treats for my family and friends. It was delightful and very much appreciated. I don’t mind doing things for people when they appreciate it and don’t take advantage of my time. I’ve often thought that one cannot take advantage without permission—if one is feeling taken advantage of, they need to remedy it with a “sorry, no”! I grew up being a doormat for people wanting stuff from me. I never said no. (Until a handful of years ago) now if I do something, it’s only if I want to do it, not because I feel obligated. I struggle with it at times, guilty for saying no, especially for people I care about but I had to set some “slam on the breaks” boundaries because I was overwhelmed.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 8:04:33 GMT
I am probably one of the most laid back people you will ever meet. But I have an ongoing problem with people asking me to provide crafts for them. I know I share posts about my crafting on my Facebook wall but I don't get where people have the chutzpah to just ask you to make things for them. I get it all the time with my crochet. And I finally posted on my wall after a run in with my cousin's wife around Thanksgiving last year about how long it takes me to make things and how it's my hobby and I only want to spend time making things that I want to make. But I've just returned back home from my lunch time walk and I have a Facebook message by an acquaintance asking me if I will make a scrapbook for her high school senior for his graduation next year. I gave my standard response which is no, but I'd be happy to guide you to some resources so you can do it. And then I got back the same exact response as my cousin...I don't have the time to do so. Time. She doesn't have the time. But I have the time apparently. What in the hell are people doing with all their time that they don't have time to craft but I do? She has a whole year to get it done. Anyway, that's my vent. And I know I've vented before about this topic. But I'm honestly at a loss as to what to say to these people. I just want to slap them and say what the hell are you doing with your time that I have more of it than you do? Their priorities aren't in the right place to allow them to get things done. I love to craft. I do most of it because I enjoy it. I give away stuff sometimes, I charge for stuff sometimes, I take commissions sometimes. BUT (and this is a HUGE BUT) it's on MY time and MY choice if I want to take it on or not. You can always make the price so high they'll say no. On things that I enjoy doing and are "easy" for me, I price them reasonably and somewhat low sometimes. On things that I don't particularly enjoy doing or things that take me a lot of time/skill, I price them really high. If someone is willing to pay me $500 for a quilt, sure I'll make it for them! (FTR no one ever has) LOL Lol! I totally understand this response too. I don't want to do that. So I say no with the resources comment. I thought that was being nice. I've taught many people to crochet and scrapbook over the years. And I am always open to that. I'm just not going to do it for them. You sell things sometimes so I can see where people would ask you. I've never sold anything. I've never even hinted at the idea that I would sell something. I can get over someone asking. What bothers me is that time comment.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 8:09:01 GMT
This is the God's honest truth, though. I simply don't want my time to go to their project. I want my time to go to my projects. And there is not a darn thing wrong with that. People who have the balls to ask you to do crafts for them (usually at your cost) don't need to be handled with kid gloves. I learned that lesson a long time ago. They weren't worried about offending me, so why should I worry about their feelings? I was a seamstress for many, many years before I even began to quilt. It was unbelievable how many people would ask if I did alterations when they learned about my degree and skill set. For the record, I don't even do my own alterations (save an occasional hem or button). My answer is "No. But when you find someone please share their information as I'm also looking for someone!" To date no one has given me a referral. They are all looking for a freebie. When people ask me now about sewing for them (clothes or quilts), my stock answer is "This is my hobby. Doing it for others would turn my hobby into a job, which would take all the fun out of it." That shuts them up pretty quickly! And the worst one for saying "Make me one!" when I post a photo on Facebook is my youngest sister! Sheesh! My sister is terrible about this too. I wore my Waroo shawl to a family dinner last week. And her comment to me was let me know when you get tired of this one and I'll take it off your hands. I have just learned to ignore her. I have given her plenty of things over the years. She wants everything I make.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 29, 2021 8:11:33 GMT
What was rude? The comment about not having time? My comment? No not you. the comment about not having time. I'm sorry if I misunderstood you or you me. I answered from my perspective. What I would do. I wasn’t speaking about your reaction. I’m not trying to negate your venting. I’ve often been told that I make stuff (crafts/art/cooking) look so easy and effortless when the person saying it has no artistic or crafting ability.(and it does come naturally to me and I’ve been doing it my entire life) So to ME—them stating that they didn’t have time wouldn’t get me bothered, unless they were aggressive in their request or badgering/guilting me to do it. Then I’d be twitchy!! I’d take it as a compliment that they asked me—not that I think they think their time is more important than mine (unless they made comments to that effect).
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 29, 2021 8:13:56 GMT
And there is not a darn thing wrong with that. People who have the balls to ask you to do crafts for them (usually at your cost) don't need to be handled with kid gloves. I learned that lesson a long time ago. They weren't worried about offending me, so why should I worry about their feelings? I was a seamstress for many, many years before I even began to quilt. It was unbelievable how many people would ask if I did alterations when they learned about my degree and skill set. For the record, I don't even do my own alterations (save an occasional hem or button). My answer is "No. But when you find someone please share their information as I'm also looking for someone!" To date no one has given me a referral. They are all looking for a freebie. When people ask me now about sewing for them (clothes or quilts), my stock answer is "This is my hobby. Doing it for others would turn my hobby into a job, which would take all the fun out of it." That shuts them up pretty quickly! And the worst one for saying "Make me one!" when I post a photo on Facebook is my youngest sister! Sheesh! My sister is terrible about this too. I wore my Waroo shawl to a family dinner last week. And her comment to me was let me know when you get tired of this one and I'll take it off your hands. I have just learned to ignore her. I have given her plenty of things over the years. She wants everything I make. Now that would make me twitchy and not want to do anything for her!!! I’d probably respond with “ I’ll put you on the wait list for it…you’re Number 25…” It’s a great feeling to know that people want what you make! I’ve sold my art/crafts for a long time (it’s how I put myself through college!) and I’ve done everything from assembly line craft show type, to commissions, to individual requests to where I am now—I only do it if I want, and I make sure it’s worth my time (or if it’s something very deaf to my heart) A few weeks ago I was asked to be a “personal chef” and create a meal and execute for a 25 person wedding shower for a friend of a friend of a friend. I met with them to find out what they were thinking, date, etc. they not only wanted me to prepare it, but be there just to oversee if needed (I plated but I didn’t serve) for a few hours. It’s not something I normally do outside of my own friends group, but I really liked these ladies, so I gave them a quote that made sure I would be making a nice tidy sum, plus an hourly rate for day of. I priced high because I feel that my time away from my family on a weekend has high value (we don’t normally do a lot separately on weekends) and when I price high, I’m always shocked when they accept it, lol!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 8:20:58 GMT
papercrafteradvocate said: I’ve often been told that I make stuff (crafts/art/cooking) look so easy and effortless when the person saying it has no artistic or crafting ability.(and it does come naturally to me and I’ve been doing it my entire life) Yes this makes sense too. Which is why I try to be as kind as I can when I say no. I assume people see me doing things and they think I enjoy doing them no matter what I end up doing with them. In other words, I'm in it for the process not the product. Which is absolutely true with most of my crafting. So I get that perspective totally.
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Post by christine58 on Jun 29, 2021 10:17:07 GMT
twinks Tell him you are done making them. When something isn't fun and "ruins your holiday"---stop
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 29, 2021 10:21:27 GMT
Non-crafters generally have absolutely no idea how long projects take to do. I got to the point where I resented spending my craft room time making stuff for other folk, and learned to say no. My favourite comment, which was probably the most common, was that making cards must save me so much money - lol! Even crafters don't always appreciate things as they should. I designed and cut a bunch of Silhouette cuts for someone once, posted them from the UK to the US and didn't even get an acknowledgement of receipt until I contacted her a few weeks later. I still do that though! I love all the memes about handmade cards only costing pennies (plus £200 of equipment)!
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Post by Patter on Jun 29, 2021 10:25:40 GMT
I would simply say No, I am not able to help you. Good luck with your project. Have a nice day! Takers will always take. Givers will always give. You as a giver, need to establish >>> BOUNDARIES! I love your first sentence. Perfect! I am REALLY good at boundaries at saying no. I didn't used to be, and now my girls will say to others "Yeah, she is really good at saying no." LOL! ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg)
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 10:36:28 GMT
I admit that I have had problems with boundaries in the past. Not so much with doing things for others (well, accept my kids. I probably still do too much for them. ), but with how I will allow people sometimes to treat me. I am always, it seems like, trying to smooth things over or making allowances for other people's rudeness or shortcomings. I am a work in progress.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 29, 2021 10:51:40 GMT
I admit that I have had problems with boundaries in the past. Not so much with doing things for others (well, accept my kids. I probably still do too much for them. ), but with how I will allow people sometimes to treat me. I am always, it seems like, trying to smooth things over or making allowances for other people's rudeness or shortcomings. I am a work in progress. It's because you're a kind, caring person and you want the best for people, but not at more emotional expense than you're able to give. That's entirely natural. I do think that non-crafters genuinely believe that their requests for your work are a compliment to you. They either don't think of the time aspect, or think that because you love doing it, you don't mind who you spend the time on. Does that make sense? It isn't intended as a personal attack on your choice of how to spend your time. But it absolutely does come over that way when you've heard it so many times before. Hugs.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 29, 2021 11:04:01 GMT
I do think that non-crafters genuinely believe that their requests for your work are a compliment to you. They either don't think of the time aspect, or think that because you love doing it, you don't mind who you spend the time on. Does that make sense? It isn't intended as a personal attack on your choice of how to spend your time. But it absolutely does come over that way when you've heard it so many times before. I can see this for sure. I didn't want to be rude so I didn't respond to that. I am always happy to share my love of crafting with others. I have taught many people to scrapbook and crochet over the years. And I absolutely don't mind helping people get started. I am one of those people who crafts because I thoroughly enjoy it, the process of it. The products are just the natural outcome. But I rarely ever think to myself, I really want that particular shawl for my collection so I'll just make it. Usually I pick a project because I think it will be a challenge to me. It's probably why I give a lot of stuff away. But I do have to say that after 21 years of scrapbooking, I am absolutely in love with the product. I am so, so glad I did (and do) that. It warms my heart to look back at all those photographic memories I captured. I get that other people might want that, but the amount of time and money I have put into it, well, there's no way I want to do that for others. Plus, I'll admit I've been burned a time or two, as well. One Christmas, we had the gift exchange where everyone brought a gift worth $50 or more. And then we did the pick a gift and steal gifts. I made a Christmas album for my gift. My MIL and mother basically had an argument over who was entitled to that scrapbook. My mother ended up getting it. And I have never seen it since. I don't think she ever put pictures in it. She doesn't display it. And I don't even know if she even has it anymore. For something worth fighting over, it sure seems like it would have been a cherished item. And it wasn't. Last Christmas, I made that Beltane Blessings blanket and I gave it to my SIL. Her only hobby is sitting in a chair with a blanket reading a book. And she was like, meh. To put all that effort into something and then not have it appreciated is like a shot to my heart. My sister might be a pain in my ass about wanting everything I make, but at least I know that everything I've made for her has been cherished by her. It's the only reason I keep giving her things.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 29, 2021 11:27:11 GMT
I do think that non-crafters genuinely believe that their requests for your work are a compliment to you. They either don't think of the time aspect, or think that because you love doing it, you don't mind who you spend the time on. Does that make sense? It isn't intended as a personal attack on your choice of how to spend your time. But it absolutely does come over that way when you've heard it so many times before. I can see this for sure. I didn't want to be rude so I didn't respond to that. I am always happy to share my love of crafting with others. I have taught many people to scrapbook and crochet over the years. And I absolutely don't mind helping people get started. I am one of those people who crafts because I thoroughly enjoy it, the process of it. The products are just the natural outcome. But I rarely ever think to myself, I really want that particular shawl for my collection so I'll just make it. Usually I pick a project because I think it will be a challenge to me. It's probably why I give a lot of stuff away. But I do have to say that after 21 years of scrapbooking, I am absolutely in love with the product. I am so, so glad I did (and do) that. It warms my heart to look back at all those photographic memories I captured. I get that other people might want that, but the amount of time and money I have put into it, well, there's no way I want to do that for others. Plus, I'll admit I've been burned a time or two, as well. One Christmas, we had the gift exchange where everyone brought a gift worth $50 or more. And then we did the pick a gift and steal gifts. I made a Christmas album for my gift. My MIL and mother basically had an argument over who was entitled to that scrapbook. My mother ended up getting it. And I have never seen it since. I don't think she ever put pictures in it. She doesn't display it. And I don't even know if she even has it anymore. For something worth fighting over, it sure seems like it would have been a cherished item. And it wasn't. Last Christmas, I made that Beltane Blessings blanket and I gave it to my SIL. Her only hobby is sitting in a chair with a blanket reading a book. And she was like, meh. To put all that effort into something and then not have it appreciated is like a shot to my heart. My sister might be a pain in my ass about wanting everything I make, but at least I know that everything I've made for her has been cherished by her. It's the only reason I keep giving her things. Oh my goodness! I remember how you sweated over that blanket! And she wasn't appreciative? Dammit. I'm upset for you. All crafters get burned. Maybe we'll get better at choosing who we give to, maybe we'll keep getting burned, who knows? The gift we give to ourselves is if we never lose the desire to keep going though. Keep smiling, sweet pea.
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Post by stormycat on Jun 29, 2021 11:56:52 GMT
Recently someone posted in a group I’m in this cute project. I asked her how she achieved it and she told me it was using a cricut. I don’t have one, so it’s a no go for me.
Anyway I really love it, but I would never think to ask her to just do it for me. I would gladly pay her for materials and more important her time. I value people who are creative!
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Post by cakediva on Jun 29, 2021 12:02:41 GMT
A few weeks ago I was asked to be a “personal chef” and create a meal and execute for a 25 person wedding shower for a friend of a friend of a friend. I met with them to find out what they were thinking, date, etc. they not only wanted me to prepare it, but be there just to oversee if needed (I plated but I didn’t serve) for a few hours. It’s not something I normally do outside of my own friends group, but I really liked these ladies, so I gave them a quote that made sure I would be making a nice tidy sum, plus an hourly rate for day of. I priced high because I feel that my time away from my family on a weekend has high value (we don’t normally do a lot separately on weekends) and when I price high, I’m always shocked when they accept it, lol! Ha ha - I've done that with my business. I'll get a request for a cake that I really don't want to take on (Fortnight with all kinds of characters/do dads or Minecraft - same thing). I price higher than normal to scare them away lol. And when they agree to it, at least the price makes me feel like doing it! I said something to my DH one night about this practice and my middle DD was like "you DO that?" Ha ha yep.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jun 29, 2021 12:40:24 GMT
I would say exactly what you said here—you have limited time to craft and have to be choosy about the projects that you take on.
Back when a friend and I were able to scrapbook more often, we would often make gift albums or other things for family members. As the kids got older and we got busier, I decided I wasn’t sure how much those gifts were appreciated compared to the amount of time it took to do them. I told myself exactly what I said above—if I only have a little time to craft, I want it to be projects that are for me, or that I know will be appreciated. I wouldn’t feel guilty about it.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Jun 29, 2021 13:19:28 GMT
I do think that non-crafters genuinely believe that their requests for your work are a compliment to you. I agree with this. Unfortunately once a crafter has heard it hundreds of times and/or been burned before, it is hard to see it from that point of view.
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Post by gulfcoastgirl on Jun 29, 2021 13:44:04 GMT
I, too, validate you! I work on a variety of crafts, and I have had relatives ask me to do something for them. I usually respond that while I can't do it myself, I'll gladly point them in the right direction to do it themselves. I resent comments on my spare time, too. When someone says that i have "way too much" time on my hands, i just say that I DO have too much time on my hands, and it's wonderful!
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Jun 29, 2021 15:57:44 GMT
I couldn’t agree with you more.
A very good friend told me, while we were out shopping, that she was looking for a teabag holder to carry in her purse. She mentioned that another friend of hers had been looking for one too. Not being tea drinker, I was like who knew there was such a thing? I came home, did a quick search online, found a free pattern, used some leftover fabric I had, and made them each one. I did it because I wanted to not because she asked.
I don’t want to knit a scarf, sew a apron or paint a sign, because someone doesn’t want to pay for one on Etsy.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 29, 2021 16:05:05 GMT
I couldn’t agree with you more. A very good friend told me, while we were out shopping, that she was looking for a teabag holder to carry in her purse. She mentioned that another friend of hers had been looking for one too. Not being tea drinker, I was like who knew there was such a thing? I came home, did a quick search online, found a free pattern, used some leftover fabric I had, and made them each one. I did it because I wanted to not because she asked. I don’t want to knit a scarf, sew a apron or paint a sign, because someone doesn’t want to pay for one on Etsy. That's very good of you. Wait for the requests for more to come in from all their friends!
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Post by tc on Jun 29, 2021 17:06:00 GMT
. Last Christmas, I made that Beltane Blessings blanket and I gave it to my SIL. Her only hobby is sitting in a chair with a blanket reading a book. And she was like, meh. To put all that effort into something and then not have it appreciated is like a shot to my heart. And this is why I pretty much stopped making things for my extended family. The reaction was either "Meh" or criticizing something about it or not acknowledging it at all. I gave up. You want me to just buy something off a list you created on Amazon and save myself the stress? No problem. ETA: Sorry, not sure why it's attributing the quote to RedSquirrel and not jeremysgirl.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 2, 2021 11:03:26 GMT
I had to go back and find this. I just saw something that made me think of you jeremysgirlIt was a blog post with a lovely crochet pattern for a llama/alpaca hat in multiple sizes, and obviously a LOT of work had gone into it. One of the comments was asking if the blogger would sell one because "I don't know how to sew". I'm afraid I laughed out loud.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 2, 2021 11:21:41 GMT
I had to go back and find this. I just saw something that made me think of you jeremysgirl It was a blog post with a lovely crochet pattern for a llama/alpaca hat in multiple sizes, and obviously a LOT of work had gone into it. One of the comments was asking if the blogger would sell one because "I don't know how to sew". I'm afraid I laughed out loud. That makes me giggle.
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Post by Gillyflower on Jul 3, 2021 13:39:04 GMT
I'm glad you were able to respond and get the point across.
People often ask me, "I don't know how you find the time to do these things". I tell them the truth. 11 pm.
Gilly.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 3, 2021 13:50:10 GMT
Ha ha. Often people will say “I’ll buy the materials!” for me to knit or quilt something for them, and I will point out that if they were to pay me the minimum wage here (over $15/hour), they would be paying me several hundred dollars to knit this sweater after paying well over $100 just for the materials, and that is the last I hear from them about it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 3, 2021 14:55:08 GMT
I don’t take those comments too personally when people say they don’t have time. I think what they’re really saying is they don’t have the months/years/decades it would take for them to learn how to do a thing as well as we could. As with anything worthwhile, there is typically a learning curve involved where the participants start out kind of sucking at it but they do it because they love it. The more you do a thing the better you get at doing it. Some people just want the end result they know you are capable of NOW, and know they don’t have the skills to be good enough to do the project justice, or they simply don’t have the interest in learning how to do it themselves.
I have the opposite problem. I look at something cool that someone is selling for $50 and I think, “I could do that!” I end up spending $200 on materials and way more time than I think something should take researching the project and still don’t end up making the thing I saw that inspired me to go to all that trouble. I would be money ahead to just pay the $50! (Cool glass mosaic house number sign, I’m looking at YOU, LOL. I took a class and started that thing back when we moved into our house in 2012 and it’s still sitting in a box under probably a half inch of dust now.)
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 3, 2021 15:34:26 GMT
I would say something to a scrapbook something like.. "my starting price is $500.. for the first 10 hours. and it goes up by time and material after that".. I think people truly have no idea how expensive scrapbooking and other crafts are. When I worked at a scrapbook store we had people ask us to make them albums and we charged quite a bit. If memory serves it was $100 for ten pages plus the retail cost of all materials and supplies. After those ten pages we had a per page fee. More often than not that price turned people away but there were some that would go ahead and pay us to do it. We had totals of up to $700. It flabbergasted me.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2021 16:19:03 GMT
Thinking back to my early days of card making I used to be really pleased if someone asked me to make a batch of cards for them and took it as a compliment. It was a happy thing.
After some years, I found that I was no longer enjoying making extra things for other people . Even though they mean’t well ,I began to dread being asked. I think it might have been because I was also making cards for charity as well and felt all crafted out .
It was just a reflection of how I felt at the time .
I think that ( most ) people mean well when they ask for something handmade and like others have said probably don’t realise the time and effort involved .
The odd thing I found about crafting is that it can be a pleasure or a chore depending on the circumstances and timing.
I haven’t made any cards for other people in quite a while and instead changed direction make paper things that I could put around the house. I made little paper gingerbread houses for christmas , paper flower garlands to hang inside a kitchen cupboard to go with some new crockery , and other bits and bobs ... ( currently in a crafting slump at the moment though - mojo gone )
Sometimes you just need to craft for yourself , whether it is sewing , knitting, crochet, paper craft etc and do what makes you feel content ,to recharge those crafting batteries.
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