artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,393 
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Post by artbabe on Jul 16, 2021 14:17:11 GMT
I was in a relationship that I thought was going to be for life. Well, that didn't work out.
So now I have several hundred photos and a ton of scrapbook pages, including a Mexican vacation album, that I can't stand to look at.
It really bugs me, too, because those were some of my favorite pages. I had a couple that I thought were my best work. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look at them. I even have an Iris case of scrapbook supplies that I picked out especially for scrapping him and now I have that box hidden away under all of the rest of my supplies.
Has anyone else been through this? It really sucks.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 16, 2021 14:38:05 GMT
I have an ex-husband that appears in my scrapbooks. I think the passage of time helps. Maybe the fact that they are my kids books helps too. Going forward, if I were you, I wouldn't bother scrapping the pictures you have remaining. I might even be tempted to give the supplies you had planned for them away. I had one album that was full of pics just of me and my ex-husband and I gave that to DD so I don't have to look at it anymore. But I honestly think that time will help you be able to look back fondly of a trip you enjoyed even though it was with someone that you have ended it with.
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Post by KikiPea on Jul 16, 2021 14:38:42 GMT
I was in a relationship that I thought was going to be for life. Well, that didn't work out. So now I have several hundred photos and a ton of scrapbook pages, including a Mexican vacation album, that I can't stand to look at. It really bugs me, too, because those were some of my favorite pages. I had a couple that I thought were my best work. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look at them. I even have an Iris case of scrapbook supplies that I picked out especially for scrapping him and now I have that box hidden away under all of the rest of my supplies. Has anyone else been through this? It really sucks. I’m so sorry. I haven’t been though this type of situation. I know you don’t want to look at those pages, but one thing you could do is pull out your favorite LO’s and scraplift them with a current happy memory. That way, you’ll still be able to look at your favorite creations with a new memory. Big hugs to you! |
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Post by lilacgal on Jul 16, 2021 14:43:33 GMT
That sucks. I’ve not had that exact situation personally, but some similar situations on a smaller scale.
My dad’s horrendous ex girlfriend is now only pictured twice in our wedding album. Other pictures were removed and boxed up. The two that remain has one that includes the back of her head. The second one is a family shot with my deceased grandmother and deceased uncle. Having them in there outweighs her. Whenever I look at those pictures though, I’m immediately angry at the pain and hurt she caused my family through her selfishness. That anger makes me sad too because I want to look at my Gram and Uncle Rick without feeling that way.
I have some scrapbook pages of my sister joining a monastery. She’s since left the sisters and moved out of the country. Those layouts have been pulled and are boxed up too. There’s *a lot* that goes along with those layouts that I won’t post about here. Just enough to say those layouts break my heart, and I can’t look at them. I won’t get rid of them, so they’ll just stay locked up in my closet.
I wish I had some great advice for you. What I will say is to just do whatever feels right to you. If that’s leaving those layouts there, putting all of them away, or just limiting the layouts with him present, do what causes you the least amount of pain. Hugs. 💜
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Post by Linda on Jul 16, 2021 14:53:55 GMT
((((Hugs)))) If this is a recent-ish ending, I would suggest boxing the layouts/photos up and tucking away for a year or several years. Time sometimes changes your perspective and you may look back on those layouts and be able to recall the good in the future. Or you may decide to re-do them with different photos that perhaps don't showcase the ex as much or at all. Or you may decide to throw some/all away. But time helps with that decision.
I scrapbooked my sister's first wedding and I'm keeping those layouts even though it ended in divorce - it's part of her story and since my older two were in the wedding party, it's part of our family story also. I'm pretty sure she tossed the album I made for her though which makes me a little sad as I put a lot of time and effort into it but it was a gift and as such that was her right.
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Post by kmage on Jul 16, 2021 15:22:13 GMT
Just enough to say those layouts break my heart, and I can’t look at them. I won’t get rid of them, so they’ll just stay locked up in my closet. I have some loose LO and an entire book like this. I can't throw it out, nor can I look at it. The LO are of someone who was one of my dearest best friends and she passed. It just hurts too much. So they are safe, but not out. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on Jul 16, 2021 15:23:06 GMT
Sorry about your relationship, artbabe. If it ended on bad terms or because of a crappy reason rather than the amicable we-just-grew-apart, this is definitely going to keep stinging even after putting it all away for a year or so before taking another look. In that case, I'd recommend trying to do some scrap surgery on the pages that can be saved. Rework your photos digitally by cropping them down to exclude your ex, print the new ones out, carefully lift the previous ones and call it a day. If necessary, rewrite the journaling and stick it down on top of the previous one. It would probably take forever to do all of this and some LOs may not be salvageable so you could pick the best pages to play paper surgeon and then throw in a few Project Life page protectors to add extra photos of those occasions without having to redo full LOs. I hope you find some peace with your current situation and your scrapbooks. *hugs* |
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Post by karinec on Jul 16, 2021 16:53:03 GMT
It does suck. I have been through this twice.
The majority of my albums contain my ex husband, and because we separated amicably, I still enjoy looking through them. It helps me remember all the good times in our 17 year marriage. I do get pangs of sadness at times, but I’m ok with that.
The second situation wasn’t as pleasant. Someone I thought I’d be with forever and it didn’t work out. In addition to layouts, I have a completed album where I just need to add pictures of us, and it’s in a box. There was a lot of heartache after that breakup.
Now, I’m not saying this will happen to you, but the person from this relationship passed away suddenly last year (non-Covid). I am so thankful I have the times we spent together documented. It’s helped me reframe my thinking a bit, instead of remembering the sadness, I can remember the happiness. It took me a very long time to get here, but I’m happy for it.
As someone else suggested, perhaps putting those pages you’ve done away for a time, until you aren’t as hurt. If you never find yourself in a place where you want to take them out, that’s fine. But if you do decide you want to have a remembrance of your time together, they will be there.
Hugs.
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Post by scrappyem on Jul 16, 2021 17:17:51 GMT
I'm so sorry. It does suck. I have a similar experience. Almost all of my scrapbooks, except 2020 & 2021, include my ex-boyfriend. We were together 10 years. They are on the shelf, but I haven't gone back to look at them. I decided they tell my story, and for good and bad, he was a big part of it for a long time, so I'm keeping them. That said, I'm missing a bunch of pages from 2018 & 2019. I've decided just to let that go and not go back and fill in the those pages. I have the photos & journaling, so I can if I want to down the line, but I have no plans to do so. I also had some supplies set aside with photos printed for some "special" memories (also in an Iris case) and when I did a big purge recently, I and just let all those supplies go. I knew I'd remember what I'd meant to use them on, so I didn't want to put them on a new layout. It felt good to let them go. But I'm also firmly in the camp, if you want to toss the albums/pages, you have every right to do so. As other mentioned, boxing them up, and seeing how you feel later is a good intermediate choice, but if you just want him and his energy out of your space, go for it. Burn them if it makes you feel better. You deserve the best and to have your space and your stories how you want them now. Love sleepingbooty's ideas for scrap lifting and reworking the pages. Big hugs. I hope things get better. It did for me and I'm so happy to have moved on, despite it being devastating at the time. |
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jediannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,081
Jun 30, 2014 3:19:06 GMT
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Post by jediannie on Jul 16, 2021 18:17:18 GMT
My situation isn't the same but I had a huge falling out with a friend group (they outed themselves as unapologetic racists/trumper conspiracy theorists plus some other things) and any of the pages I scrapbooked I actually tossed. Seeing their faces still makes me angry so for me it was easier to just pitch the pages and have no regrets. It also helped that these pages are from when I first scrapbooked back in 1999-2001 so they're not my best work and I wasn't sad to see those pages go. I would definitely scraplift those pages you like or maybe you can somehow take the photo off and put a different one in the spot? If there's journaling that might not work as well. Whenever I look at those pictures though, I’m immediately angry at the pain and hurt she caused my family through her selfishness. That anger makes me sad too because I want to look at my Gram and Uncle Rick without feeling that way. I have a layout I really like with a group of people in it and there's one person I would prefer not to see, so I put a clown sticker over their face. I know it's petty but now the photo makes me laugh and I don't mind looking at it anymore. |
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Post by tc on Jul 16, 2021 20:11:44 GMT
I was in the middle of redoing my wedding album when my first husband and I decided to divorce. (I didn't know what I was doing with the first album - used rubber cement and some drugstore notebook as the album; therefore I was redoing it with acid free materials). It took a little while, but I finished it anyway. It may not be a fair comparison to your situation because both my husband and I were in the same emotional space at the same time when we decided to divorce. We were both just done. We'd tried. We did our best. It didn't work out. We both moved on. But I figured the marriage was part of my history so I finished the album despite the divorce. It sits on the shelf with my other albums. I rarely pull it down and look at it - usually if I just want to confirm a memory or remind myself about something. Looking at a photo of him is sort of eerie to me now as we didn't have children together so we don't speak - ever. I don't even know where he is. It's like pictures of me married to a stranger now. It took a few years to get to that emotional distance space though.
On a slightly different note - I have an Iris case full of supplies and I think photos and journaling ready to go as a tribute album for my father. I pulled the stuff together just after his death in 2005. I haven't been able to even open the Iris case since then. It's still sitting there - kind of like a time capsule - unopened because I just can't get past my grief far enough to put the album together - even 16 years later. It can continue to sit there. It's not hurting anything. And it's stashed away in a stack of other cases so I don't notice it most of the time.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,980
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jul 16, 2021 21:56:48 GMT
A friend, who was having difficulty enjoying an album, elected to simply put cardstock on the outside of page protectors covering the person in photos (punched circle over the face or rectangle covering the entire body) & any journaling that she found painful. She removed the cardstock as she felt comfortable seeing & reading about the person.
Also, consider changing your perspective/view on the album (which I realize is easier said than done.) Rather than your ex-boyfriend’s presence in the album, focus on you & try to appreciate your documented memories & the fun experiences in your past.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,393
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Post by artbabe on Jul 16, 2021 23:58:26 GMT
It has been a couple of years so this isn't a fresh thing. Getting rid of the photos/pages is not an option. I used to be a painter. Twenty years ago when a guy I wasn't even into that much dumped me I threw out his photos and a painting of him in a fit of rage. And while I was at it I threw out paintings/photos of the two guys before him, too. I regret that- with that much time elapsing I would like a photo of them, and it sucks that I don't have some of my paintings- I used to be pretty good. I won't make that mistake again. And yes, I've had quite a few boyfriends in my life- I'm 55. But the last one was "the one". Sigh.... I can't really rework the pages because they revolve around hobbies that I don't do without him- drumming, growing/canning vegetables, making beer. I can't exactly repurpose a page on pickling peppers.  And on another note, my favorite painting I did is at his house. I had a dream once that he threw it out so I texted him. He assured me that it was still hanging up and why would I think he would throw it away? Uh, a few reasons... (insert rolling eye emoji). I can get it back any time but that would just hurt me all over again. Maybe in a few years I'll get it. Anyways, that is an abridged version of my life story. So I just bury his pages/photos under the rest of my stuff. What can you do? (Boy, this site really needs a rolling eye emoji and a shrug emoji.) I liked reading everyone else's experiences. Evidently it is a common problem. |
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,393
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Post by artbabe on Jul 17, 2021 0:07:17 GMT
In case you are curious, here is the painting. Also, this reminds me that my easel is over at his house, too. But I got the easel from another boyfriend 28 years ago, so…. My goodness, What a life.  |
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Post by scrappyem on Jul 17, 2021 1:20:23 GMT
Lovely painting!
It was nice to read your story and hear everyone's experiences. I love hearing everyone's stories. I suppose that's why we are all memory keepers at the end of the day. Hugs.
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Post by riversong1963 on Jul 17, 2021 2:28:10 GMT
I think that if it makes you unhappy to see those pages and pictures, you should box them up and put them in a closet or under your bed, or someplace else where you won't see them. Since you've already said that throwing them away or getting rid of them isn't an option, I think this would be the best alternative.
I have a mini album that I made when my brother-in-law married his first wife. My daughter was their flower girl, and the pictures of her are priceless. I know it's not the same thing, but I have no intentions of getting rid of that album. I don't look at it, but someday I might want to.
I'm not an expert in this sort of thing, but I do believe that every experience and relationship that we have shapes who we are. We are the sum of all our experiences. Some of those are unhappy, or even too terrible and painful to think about. But it is owning them that helps us survive and move forward. I hope you find a solution that works for you and gives you peace.
I wouldn't worry too much about those pages being your best work either. Your best is yet to come. You'll make better pages that will make you happy again, and they will bring you joy. Hugs and peace to you.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 17, 2021 3:49:45 GMT
I started scrapbooking, when I was in the final stages of marriage, and had very few photos because some of the time I didn't own a camera, then it was the video/camcorder phase/decade. That first scrapbook is never looked at, I only keep it, because it has other people and stuff in it as well.
I shredded almost all of my wedding photos from that horrific abusive marriage, as a part of my healing and therapy.
My ex-boyfriend/long term relationship. We parted amicably, and those years were good chapters of my life. Those pages are in my scrapbooks, because they are chapters of my life that I look back on with fondness.
All the pages and all the chapters, make up the story of life.
I let the shitty chapter get covered with dust, and sit in the furthest spot on the shelf. Not to be looked at again.
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Post by cupcakepeddler on Jul 19, 2021 3:12:28 GMT
I have a wedding album that I started but abandoned pretty soon afterwards due to being overwhelmed and angry with some of the things that happened at our wedding and afterwards. We have just celebrated 10 years of marriage and I am thinking that it is time to tackle that album.
I am no longer friends with one of the girls who was in my bridal party, I made the choice that after what happened surrounding my wedding and some things afterwards that she was not a good fit for my life anymore and I did not need her dramas and negativity in my life. She is in so many of the photos of my wedding but I made the call a while back that she was there, she was part of that event and I can not change that. I will include all the professional bridal group photos that I think are the best but any of the other photos from the night taken from guests I will crop her out if I can. Obviously I would love if I could just not have her in the photos but she is a part of the story of who I was and a time in my life, she was there for a reason. I still have pages about her and with her in them in my albums and I have chosen to keep them in the albums.
When I first started scrapbooking it was after the ending of my first serious relationship. Scrapbooking helped me so much as it was a massive time killer and the creativity helped me heal. At that time I turned all of my ex's photos around in my photo albums but after a few years and a whole lot of growing up I turned his photos around and he even started popping up in certain pages in my life story album. Fun fact, we reconnected and actually became good friends a few years after we broke up and if it were not for him I would never have met my now husband.
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,687
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Post by Elsabelle on Jul 19, 2021 16:34:36 GMT
I'm sorry. What a tough thing to deal with such an important relationship ending. One of my family members had a relationship end and they said it's ok to leave the layouts as they are. Social media pictures, too. They said it happened and tossing the pictures won't change that. Over a year has passed and they still don't really want to see the pictures but maybe someday they will.
My advice is to put them away where you don't have to see them until you think you've gone from hurt to nostalgic about them.
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Post by ebbie on Jul 19, 2021 17:00:08 GMT
Although I went through a pretty bad divorce, I continued to scrapbook photos of my ex. This book is for my child, and I wouldn't want to deny or destroy him photographs of our family, pre-divorce. In a few months time, I should finally finish scrapping all of these photos, and then the photos will be of our family (with zero photos of ex), post-divorce. I didn't think of anything when scrapping these photos; I just tried to match the photos with the pattern paper and embellishments etc... Life happens, both good and bad.
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Post by don on Jul 20, 2021 5:32:01 GMT
It's history. If you are journaling your life, it's a part.
I started scrapping 20 years ago at age 60. Some of my albums I made for people I will never know, but thru the pictures and journaling, they can know of The Queen & I.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 21, 2021 22:47:14 GMT
I'd do that vacation over with people I love and just change out the pictures. It could be done!
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Post by myboysnme on Jul 22, 2021 12:40:57 GMT
I am so very sorry. It does suck. As for me, i scrapped my previous relationships pretty much as I would have if I did them at the time. I also scrapped my son's girlfriends.
He can toss those someday if he wants, but I feel like it is just part of our lives.
I would suggest seeing if you can remove photos of just him and keep the ones with you in them.
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Post by magoosangel on Jul 22, 2021 18:44:31 GMT
I had 18 years worth. Over time I have decided to scan and get rid of them. They were falling apart and what not. I have the digital versions if I ever want to go back. I feel it has been very good to go thru and dispose of them as if a weight is lifted off me.
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Post by don on Jul 22, 2021 21:23:00 GMT
I had 18 years worth. Over time I have decided to scan and get rid of them. They were falling apart and what not. I have the digital versions if I ever want to go back. I feel it has been very good to go thru and dispose of them as if a weight is lifted off me. I remember reading somewhere, "though a picture may be worth a thousand words, a picture without words is a million questions." |
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