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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 7, 2021 21:29:03 GMT
I like the idea of inviting people and letting them know that you will email them a list of hotels. It's an easy way to throw in the fact taht you're not hosting sleepover guests. I would hate having more than one or 2 guests. I am not into providing 24/7 entertainment.
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Post by librarylady on Nov 7, 2021 22:01:48 GMT
If everyone thinks they want to spend so much time together--
Look for a large home that rents space through Air B&B or similar arrangements.
Rent that 6 bedroom home (or whatever the number is) for the long weekend.
Bonus is that you are not feeding everyone for several days. Everyone splits the cost of the huge home.
Give each family unit a meal to provide: Various ones provide the breakfasts for the group.
If you are OK with Thanksgiving meal, you provide that and others pick up the other meals.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 7, 2021 22:05:28 GMT
Not rude. You've gotten lots of nice suggestions for what to say. Good for you for sticking to what feels right to you.
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Post by cecilia on Nov 7, 2021 23:02:46 GMT
As someone who doesn't like family sleeping over, I say not rude.
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Post by ~summer~ on Nov 7, 2021 23:45:56 GMT
12 people sleeping on couches and aero beds? Sharing 2 bathrooms? Nope.
Are you in an area that has Vrbo rentals? A nice 3 bedroom rental might be perfect.
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Post by lisae on Nov 8, 2021 2:00:31 GMT
It is rude for people to assume they can just come to your house and crash. They aren't college kids crashing for the weekend. We only have one spare room and I have no problem telling people I simply don't have space for more than 2 guests that can climb stairs and both sleep in that one bed.
Why do people want to sleep on someone's couch anyway?
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,648 
Location: The Grand Canyon
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Nov 8, 2021 2:06:25 GMT
Especially since your husband doesn't want them to stay either, just say no. You are all adults and if they get pissy, well, that's on them. And I think most of the women here know who's going to end up doing all the work.
But actually, my first thought was, are they vaccinated? Oh, the times we live in.
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luckyjune
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,687
Location: In the rainy, rainy WA
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Post by luckyjune on Nov 8, 2021 2:59:26 GMT
I haven't read all of the responses, but what about renting a giant Air bnb and having Thanksgiving there? My girlfriends and I rent one twice a year (big monsters, that sleep like 20 people). That way, there will be enough space, usually there are big dining tables and pretty spectacular kitchens. Plus, you can get your own room and hide out in there when you need time away. Write an email to everyone and say your place is too small, but you still want to gather everyone, so how about if everyone chips in for a house for the night?
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Post by Merge on Nov 8, 2021 3:04:25 GMT
Especially since your husband doesn't want them to stay either, just say no. You are all adults and if they get pissy, well, that's on them. And I think most of the women here know who's going to end up doing all the work. But actually, my first thought was, are they vaccinated? Oh, the times we live in. Fortunately, yes. That’s not a concern with his side of the family. Mine would be another story. 🙄 |
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 8, 2021 12:26:30 GMT
It is rude for people to assume they can just come to your house and crash. They aren't college kids crashing for the weekend. We only have one spare room and I have no problem telling people I simply don't have space for more than 2 guests that can climb stairs and both sleep in that one bed. Why do people want to sleep on someone's couch anyway? These were my thoughts, exactly. You are not rude. Who knows, maybe your DH's family would really rather stay at a hotel and are afraid of offending him? We always stay at a hotel when we visit DH's sister. Like Merge, I need some space and quiet time. |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 8, 2021 12:43:52 GMT
Not rude at all! There's no way i'd want people around 24/7 and camped out in my living room. And it's not rude at all to tell people that your house doesn't accommodate that many people and give them the number for a local hotel/motel.
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Post by maryland on Nov 8, 2021 13:55:37 GMT
I don't think it's rude at all (as they can afford a hotel). I always prefer to stay at a hotel over staying in peoples homes no matter how much we enjoy them. To me, hotels are much easier for us and the hosts. But we always stay with family as they would get offended if we didn't. But I don't enjoy being away from home (except our beach vacation).
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 8, 2021 13:59:05 GMT
Why don't YOU get the hotel room and let everyone else stay at the house!  I hope this was sarcasm otherwise this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Leave my house, pay for a hotel and let “strangers” have full run of my house. INSANE. I would have happily done this when my husband's family decided that 16 people could sleep in a one bedroom apartment. He was having surgery and his family needed to be there. Ugh. Years later for graduation, we had 26 people sleeping in the house. We had three bedrooms (two were used for other things so no-one could sleep in them). I don't get the need to be together for 24/7. This happened when we went to visit his mother too. I hated those trips. |
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Post by CardBoxer on Nov 8, 2021 14:16:20 GMT
When doing clicker training with our cats, the behaviorist we’re virtually working with advises to “always give them a choice.” Cats don’t like feeling backed into a corner. They can feel uneasy, panicked, defensive. I think people are similar.
So perhaps give your people a choice too, as in, “Since we can only accommodate mom in our little house, we’ll give you a list of nearby hotels, or can look for an Air B&B you can all rent together. Or we can try both. Which would you prefer? Luckily we’ll only be apart at night, and are so looking forward to seeing you all.”
Pushback will happen, and I’d just repeat in a friendly, firm manner. Repetition is part of training.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,785
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Nov 8, 2021 16:27:33 GMT
I don't have this problem. However if I did, I'm not sure what I'd do. I have a small house 3br, 2bth, 1200sq ft. It's just DS and I and if I needed to, I could accommodate a few people for the holiday but I'm talking 2-3 days not a full week and it would drive me NUTS.
My cousin has a studio condo at Hampton beach with 1 bathroom. We've done 4 adults, 3 teens in there for a week at a time. Granted we're really only there to sleep but it's tough, especially if you need to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night. It's like playing Tetris with people. I don't stay the full week, I typically max out on day 4 and head home (earlier if it rains). I love them to death but being with/on top of each other 24/7 wears on you fast.
I think you and DH need to come up with a plan you are both comfortable with then communicate it to the family.
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Post by papersilly on Nov 8, 2021 19:06:53 GMT
people already know they cant stay at our house because we converted the other two bedrooms into home offices. and no, you can't sleep on my couches or a blow up bed.
to answer your question, no it's not rude to tell people they can't stay.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Nov 8, 2021 21:07:37 GMT
I'm with you. Totally.
My family is "We'll get a hotel; we'll swing by in the morning with bagels and coffee and hang around all day, but we'll order out or pick up meals and let's just spend time together and have fun - but then we'll have our own place to stay."
Dh's family is "just give me a pillow and a blanket and I can sleep anywhere. Did you make the coffee? What's for breakfast? What's for second breakfast? What's for dinner? Don't mind that smell in the bathroom. Here's the dish I just ate off." Nice people, but they would also want to spend all day just sitting around kibbitzing. And I absolutely need my down time.
I don't like to stay at other people's houses either. Frankly, when I need to poop, I don't want to do it in someone else's home.
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