needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Nov 11, 2021 13:24:42 GMT
Throwaway account
While you all should know who I am, I won't come up on a search with my regular username.
Ok here goes. We own our home. It has appreciated in value quite a bit. I don't make nearly as much as dh does, but I want to keep my home.
Loan is in dh's name. We paid down his debt so that we could qualify for the loan. The down-payment came from my family.
I know this is stupid, but I want my home and am desperate to keep it.
So technically I've never owned a home before since it is in dh's name. We also live in a rural area.
Where do I start looking for someone to give me a loan to buy my own damn house?
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 11, 2021 13:33:54 GMT
How you feel is never stupid. So, get over that!
I don't know what the laws are in your area, but I am really concerned that your name is not on the deed, even though your family gave you the money for the down payment. You need to discuss that with your lawyer, asap.
Next, take a look at your income. Think of the situation as that of a dear friend. Can you really afford a mortgage, taxes, insurance, and upkeep of this house? What would you tell your friend in this situation?
If you want to proceed, make an appointment where you bank to see if you will qualify for a mortgage. If you do, shop around for the best rates. Do you have a friend who is a realtor? They might have a referral for a reputable mortgage broker who will find you the best deal.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,441 
Location: Lost in my supplies...
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Post by kelly8875 on Nov 11, 2021 13:42:09 GMT
Talk to your lawyer. Lawyers see this all the time, and can help you understand the law in your state.
Also, just talk to a banker, they see this all the time. Start the paperwork process to get some pre approval on a loan, just like buying a house if you’re searching the market for the first time.
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Post by elaine on Nov 11, 2021 14:02:02 GMT
How you feel is never stupid. So, get over that! I don't know what the laws are in your area, but I am really concerned that your name is not on the deed, even though your family gave you the money for the down payment. You need to discuss that with your lawyer, asap.Next, take a look at your income. Think of the situation as that of a dear friend. Can you really afford a mortgage, taxes, insurance, and upkeep of this house? What would you tell your friend in this situation? If you want to proceed, make an appointment where you bank to see if you will qualify for a mortgage. If you do, shop around for the best rates. Do you have a friend who is a realtor? They might have a referral for a reputable mortgage broker who will find you the best deal. I agree with this. Please talk to a lawyer ASAP about this. It seems that your state doesn’t have common property laws, but equitable property laws where the spouse who earns more money gets a bigger slice of the pie in a divorce. That said, because you bought the property after the marriage, even though only his name is on the deed, it *should* be considered joint property. But, he would be entitled to a bigger piece of it in a contentious divorce because he earns more. At least that is my understanding of the law in your state. Please talk with a lawyer! I hope that your lawyer is able to negotiate with his for you to get to keep the house. My heart continues to hurt for you. (((Hugs))) I know that it has been a stressful year for you in your work and now this. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 11, 2021 14:05:44 GMT
I don't have good advice for you as I haven't walked your walk. But in our house, I hold the mortgage but my husband and I are both on the deed. So this is a possibility. In a divorce situation I'm sure he would have a legal right to half our home value even though his name is not on the mortgage.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 11, 2021 14:37:22 GMT
But in our house, I hold the mortgage but my husband and I are both on the deed. So this is a possibility. We're the opposite. The mortgage is in my husband's name, but we are both on the deed. Definitely consult your divorce attorney about your wishes on this asap. There may be a lot of steps you'll need to take to be ready at the time of the divorce decree. My ex was insistent on keeping our home. He refinanced to buy me out. While it made him happy because he thought he 'won' that point, it really was not a smart decision for him. Over ten years later, he's stuck in a 5 bedroom, 3.5 bath house all by himself. The reason I post this being -- you are going to have to separate your emotions from what's the smartest business choice over and over and over as you negotiate through all the decisions associated with a divorce. Be sure *why* you are making the decision to keep your home. It may or may not really be in your best interest. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Nov 11, 2021 15:01:42 GMT
Did you acquire the house while together?
If so, some states (like CA) have community property laws snd it doesn’t matter whose name is on what, anything acquired during marriage (including retirement accounts) are split 50/50. To buy him out, you literally just have the house appraised and you have to buy out half. But your state could be very different I believe.
Eta - also the down payment would also be considered “community property” unless you had documentation that it was solely yours as the result of an inheritance or from the sale of another house. Again…varies by state.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 11, 2021 15:02:51 GMT
Was the down payment a gift to both of you or just you? Is it documented in writing?
Good luck.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 11, 2021 15:06:44 GMT
I don't have good advice for you as I haven't walked your walk. But in our house, I hold the mortgage but my husband and I are both on the deed. So this is a possibility. In a divorce situation I'm sure he would have a legal right to half our home value even though his name is not on the mortgage. This is our situation too and I’m on the title but not on the loan. Definitely get with a lawyer to see what the law reads for your specific situation in your specific state. |
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,621
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Post by julie5 on Nov 11, 2021 15:07:03 GMT
Talk to your lawyer. Lawyers see this all the time, and can help you understand the law in your state. Also, just talk to a banker, they see this all the time. Start the paperwork process to get some pre approval on a loan, just like buying a house if you’re searching the market for the first time. Yes your lawyer should be able to help guide you. I hope you can get it sorted out to keep your home. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Nov 11, 2021 15:24:58 GMT
Also one way spouses are sometimes able to keep the house (when one spouse earns a lot more) - is when one spouse has to give the other one half their retirement accounts from the marriage - the other spouse can then use that to buy out the house. In community property states….
Eta - my first step would be to go to lunch with a friend or two that has gone through this. Get some names of divorce attorneys and talk to a couple. I think many will do a 15 minute consultation with you to give you preliminary info and you can see if it is a good fit.
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Nov 11, 2021 15:29:20 GMT
Also one way spouses are sometimes able to keep the house (when one spouse earns a lot more) - is when one spouse has to give the other one half their retirement accounts from the marriage - the other spouse can then use that to buy out the house. In community property states…. Eta - my first step would be to go to lunch with a friend or two that has gone through this. Get some names of divorce attorneys and talk to a couple. I think many will do a 15 minute consultation with you to give you preliminary info and you can see if it is a good fit. this is what I may do |
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Post by katlady on Nov 11, 2021 16:01:25 GMT
I don’t know your soon to be ex, but is he the type to fight you for everything you want? He may be willing to give you the house in exchange for something else. He may not want the house. But be prepared to pay him at the current appraised value of your home, not what you bought it for. As others have suggested, talk to a lawyer. I wish you good luck and lots of hugs as you go through this.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,861
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Post by scrapngranny on Nov 11, 2021 16:08:37 GMT
Do you live in a community property state? If you do, all the who paid for what goes out the window. All property is split 50/50, you will have to negotiate with your ex for the house. Coming up with money to buy him out is the easiest way. Otherwise, you will have to give up other assets to equal his half.
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 11, 2021 16:15:31 GMT
My heart is just breaking for you. I can hear how blindsided you feel. Though it's new and scary you will build a good life. I would encourage you to read some of the older threads from women who have been in your shoes. Even one year later they're thriving and so will you. ((((HUGS)))).
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 11, 2021 16:15:46 GMT
CO is NOT a community property state, so a lot of the advice on this thread is not applicable. You need a lawyer - CO is not particularly friendly to spouses with lower income when it comes to assets - even those acquired during marriage.
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Post by leannec on Nov 11, 2021 16:19:54 GMT
Next, take a look at your income. Think of the situation as that of a dear friend. Can you really afford a mortgage, taxes, insurance, and upkeep of this house? What would you tell your friend in this situation? I agree with this ... I have been paying the entire mortgage, taxes, utilities and insurance for my big house for two years now ... I had to shovel snow for the first time ... it sucked so I'm paying someone to do it this year  Luckily, my ex mowed the lawn and raked the leaves ... We are now renovating so that we can sell in the Spring ... I will downsize to a condo with no outside work ... I'm going to be sad to leave my house because I've been here for more than 20 years but I have to be realistic  |
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Post by pixiechick on Nov 12, 2021 22:23:44 GMT
Throwaway account While you all should know who I am, I won't come up on a search with my regular username. Ok here goes. We own our home. It has appreciated in value quite a bit. I don't make nearly as much as dh does, but I want to keep my home. Loan is in dh's name. We paid down his debt so that we could qualify for the loan. The down-payment came from my family. I know this is stupid, but I want my home and am desperate to keep it. So technically I've never owned a home before since it is in dh's name. We also live in a rural area. Where do I start looking for someone to give me a loan to buy my own damn house? Just a little heads up, if your regular pea name comes up in a search, that may get whoever is looking here to look at other titles like this one and your D list title. I'd give them titles less likely to cause someone to look into the thread. Anyone who wants to follow can bookmark the thread. I'm really sorry you're going through this. |
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