The mellow thread

I just get more mellow with time. It's funny because I think before my bipolar meds I could rage about things. Not to the point of violence or abuse. I've never been that sort. But I could be aggressive in a political discussion. Or I could be ragey on the road. Or I could be wicked with my tongue when I felt like someone had wronged me.

Now I'm just trying to drive safely from one place to another. I don't want to risk an accident.

I have learned in therapy that people's behavior is much less about me and much more about them. I have learned that empathy is usually the way to go. For instance, my sister is very verbally aggressive. And I know that is born out of her untreated anxiety and she's trying to control things. So I just don't engage with her whereas when we were kids or in our twenties I might have.

I have adjusted my expectations of people too. And I've adjusted my expectations of myself. Things that used to be a big deal to me just aren't anymore. Like having a clean house. My house isn't disgusting or anything. But I hired a cleaning lady. And my house is spotless when she comes and then I allow it to get dirty again before she does and I feel no guilt about it. I just try to pick up the clutter before she comes so she can get to the disinfecting. Because that's the part I don't want to do.

My BFF suffers from depression and so do I at times. I've accepted that sometimes she cancels plans with me because she isn't feeling well. And I've no longer carried guilt when I do the same. We text nearly daily so we stay up on each other's lives.

I think part of my mellow though is the bipolar meds. Part of my mellow is aging. Part of my mellow is that I've just accepted myself for who I am. Part of my mellow is that I'm trying to treat people with the tenderness I want to be treated with and I've found that it does come back to me. Part of my mellow is that my DH, who is super laid back, just doesn't care about a lot of things that would normally stress a person out. So he's easy to please and in turn, he pleases me too. We just aren't interested in pushing each other and we are content to just enjoy each other. My ex-husband I feel like I was always disappointed in him. Some justified and some just me being nitpicky.

Anyway, I'm picking and choosing what I'm allowing myself to get upset over because really, it impacts me when I get upset. When I allow myself to be annoyed, it's me who suffers. I see it as giving myself a break from unnecessary negative emotions.

I am pretty mellow when it comes to dealing with other people.

I don't care that you do something differently than me, I don't think there is a *right* way to do anything.

My DH gets endlessly irritated with me not doing things *his way* like it is the only way to do something. I don't load the dishwasher *right*. Are they clean? Then it doesn't matter. After 17 years of me telling him that I am not concerned with the specifics of how he wants things done, I would think that he would get over it.

I don't care about spelling or typos at all. Did I understand what you meant? Yep, we're all good.

Exception: I get irritated with people who are irritated by spelling and typos and obnoxiously point them out to people

I am pretty mellow and always have been. Most things people vent their annoyance about here wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. Not much bothers me when I am driving either. I don't get annoyed by little old ladies who take too long in the checkout lane. I also don't mind commercials in general, but a few annoy me. Like the Charmin "enjoy the go" ones. LOL

The things that do annoy me usually have to do with people treating other people poorly. Otherwise, I try to not sweat the small stuff.

Unexpected phone calls or knocks at the door. I don't even mind unexpected visitors usually and that seems to get a lot of people's knickers in a twist 

I don't care how anyone else in my house does chores. DH cleans up the kitchen after dinner and always misses a few things. I very happily take care of those things without any comment or complaint. Sometimes I fold clothes while he cleans dishes, and sometimes I just go upstairs and put on my jammies and brush my teeth (yes, at 7:00!)

My mom and MIL always hounded people about what they were doing wrong, and I find it much more relaxing to enjoy what gets done.

Mellow is great. I've always been concerned though about the point at which "I don't mind" becomes "I don't care"

Pretty mellow about what I own. I don't know how many sets of sheets, towels, dish towels, and all matter of household items are in my possession. I have a place to put them. When it's too full, I throw things away.

Also with said items, nothing really matches. If a plate breaks or I run low on silverware for some reason, I buy replacements at the thrift store.

I'm definitely mellow on religion. Do or don't believe. I don't care. As long as people don't try to impose their own beliefs on others and try to force others to live that way.

I think a few venture into the danger area. It’s the old question of just because something isn’t dangerous/a concern for someone doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous for someone else. But I agree most things mentioned are just annoyances. 

with the advent of the DVR, demand, streaming services, premium channels, our commercial watching has all but been eliminated.  i hate commercials and love the ability to FF through them or not have them at all.  

I’m more mellow about the books I read. I used to mainly read nonfiction. I read books I enjoyed, but I felt I needed to always learn something from the books I read. I still enjoy nonfiction, but I also allow myself to enjoy popular novels that have no purpose other than entertainment.

A lot of people on here seem to hate it if I remember correctly!

I had to learn to mellow out on my daily commute to/from work or I was going to have a stroke. Now, I just shake my head at aggressive drivers.

I have also learned patience as I have gotten older. I had to wait 30 minutes to check out at a store recently. I could see the poor clerk was alone. She had to accept a delivery and process a return, plus place an online order. When I was younger, I probably would have left. This time, eh, it's fine. What can you do?