julie5
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Post by julie5 on Nov 26, 2021 15:33:53 GMT
It’s so hard to even think of that. But I’ve been having issues again at home and that makes me shop and it is starting to show. I have a lot of stuff. I have even more scrapbook stuff. Making mini albums makes me so happy but right now it’s hard to look at my supplies without feeling Shame about the money I’ve spent. (Yes my husband called us freeloaders again recently. Us being mevand my kids). I’m so incredibly heartbroken right now but it makes my son happy to see me craft. So I thought about just using what I have for the next year and printing off all the digital papers I’ve bought through the years. My thinking is maybe I’ll appreciate it more if I have less?
Idk. We’re working through the hurtful stuff said and he knows he really effed up. But it really put a dark cloud over my memory keeping. I currently sub to multiple subs at cocoa daisy. I love the kits so much. Every month my eyes pop out if my head with how gorgeous they are.
I just needed a safe place yo vent. The non scrapping board tells me to leave and right now that’s not a real option. Even if I had the means to, I do not have the energy.
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Post by riversong1963 on Nov 26, 2021 15:56:31 GMT
First, I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I won't presume to give you advice on that end, because I'm not a professional counselor. I do hope you consider speaking to a professional to help you make the best decisions for you and your children.
As for the crafting supplies, I think you will enjoy your hobby just as much if you unsubscribe to everything. Be kind to yourself, and enjoy all the wonderful supplies you probably have already.
Hugs to you and your children.
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Post by justjac on Nov 26, 2021 16:09:14 GMT
I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time.
I don't have any subscriptions, but I have been shopping way too much. Even though I'm scrapping a lot and making cards I just don't have room for more stuff. I've decided to try to be frozen (although I do have to admit I thaw occasionally.) I am enjoying using what I already have. If you can reframe stopping your subscriptions in a positive way, I say do it. If it makes you sad or feels like punishment, then maybe try and just cut back? Pick your favourite and keep it?
Sending hugs.
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Post by scrappypeanut on Nov 26, 2021 16:27:39 GMT
It’s so hard to even think of that. But I’ve been having issues again at home and that makes me shop and it is starting to show. I have a lot of stuff. I have even more scrapbook stuff. Making mini albums makes me so happy but right now it’s hard to look at my supplies without feeling Shame about the money I’ve spent. (Yes my husband called us freeloaders again recently. Us being mevand my kids). I’m so incredibly heartbroken right now but it makes my son happy to see me craft. So I thought about just using what I have for the next year and printing off all the digital papers I’ve bought through the years. My thinking is maybe I’ll appreciate it more if I have less? Idk. We’re working through the hurtful stuff said and he knows he really effed up. But it really put a dark cloud over my memory keeping. I currently sub to multiple subs at cocoa daisy. I love the kits so much. Every month my eyes pop out if my head with how gorgeous they are. I just needed a safe place yo vent. The non scrapping board tells me to leave and right now that’s not a real option. Even if I had the means to, I do not have the energy. I am sorry. I do understand you staying (in the same boat so I totally understand your thoughts and decisions). Maybe go down to 1 Kit? You still get your joy and memory keeping but less guilt and $$$. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on Nov 26, 2021 16:58:26 GMT
Sorry you're in this situation again.
If you're experiencing shame (and possibly guilt) over your subscriptions, it may be time to let them go. Scrapbooking doesn't require new stuff coming in monthly to be done or enjoyable although I understand the fun of it. However, it sounds like this kind of escapism isn't really working for you right now and your immediate priorities have shifted. It's a good moment to use up your stash as you navigate the difficulties in your relationship and home life. It'll be one less financial worry and mental burden. Perhaps unsubscribe or create a direct-to-trash filter on your email account for the brands you're taking a break from to avoid feeling FOMO? It could also be the source for experiencing extra resentment towards your spouse for putting you in this situation so I'd suggest stepping back from keeping up with their monthly release if you let go of the subs.
I hope you have a plan in mind to squirrel away some emergency cash just in case. It's important even if you don't actively plan on leaving. The security of that little bit of money that you can count on is a great relief and helps feeling less pressure when things go extra awry at home. It's a mental comfort blanket.
Hugs and best of luck. ❤️ It sucks, especially with the holidays on the doorstep.
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jediannie
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Jun 30, 2014 3:19:06 GMT
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Post by jediannie on Nov 26, 2021 21:21:40 GMT
You've gotten some great advice so I don't have really anything to add. Just wanted to send you lots of love and peace with your decision.
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Post by elegantsufficiency on Nov 26, 2021 21:28:57 GMT
 Just adding my hugs and a bucketload of good wishes to you and your children. |
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Chinagirl828
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Melbourne, Australia
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Jun 28, 2014 6:28:53 GMT
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Post by Chinagirl828 on Nov 26, 2021 22:45:54 GMT
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I think you've already received some great advice, and I would have said the same things: either cancel and enjoy the things you already have in your stash, or reduce your subs to just your favourite, and enjoy the little bit of happy mail each month.
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cbscrapper
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Post by cbscrapper on Nov 27, 2021 3:50:44 GMT
I’m so sorry to hear this. Hugs.
I think the suggestion of canceling and using your stash, while putting the money you would have spent away into your own account, is a very good one. That will give you some security and independence, should you need it.
I hope you can find some joy in using your stash and time with your kids.
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Post by refugeepea on Nov 27, 2021 4:53:04 GMT
I'm sorry. I understand. Especially being in the right frame of mind to scrap. I look at all the black Friday deals and figure why bother? My pages are full of photos and a couple of journal cards. I can easily fit 2 years in one album. I'm not finding much joy in scrapping my life right now because I'm limited in what I can do and my kids are older.
I'm going to make more of an effort to do projects that aren't related to people. Things like books read, favorite movies, shows, quotes, etc... Things that don't deplete my emotions. Fluff projects that keep me busy.
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Post by grammadee on Nov 27, 2021 5:00:00 GMT
Sorry to hear this, julie5. I know the excitement of receiving that box full of crafty goodness in the mail. But I find that I am actually less likely to use tools and supplies that come from kits, and they tend to pile up, taking up space and not giving me as much joy as I thought they would. I am now down to one scrapbooking kit I am committed to, and the others I purchase only if I really like the collection or supplies. Can you choose just one of your subscriptions to keep? One that brings you the most fun for your money? Then let the others go. A bit of advice from a spendster--don't even LOOK at their emails for a few months until you are used to not getting the kits on a regular basis. I like the suggestion above that you figure out how much you are saving each month by not taking the cancelled kits and put it away in a separate place. If you don't need it for necessities, you may get an opportunity to attend a crop, or visit a scrappy warehouse sale at some time in the future, and you will have the cash to splurge then. |
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oaksong
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Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Nov 27, 2021 6:51:29 GMT
Sorry about your struggles. I had a bad marriage and can relate to burying myself in memory keeping and supplies. I was able to leave a year ago, and am coming to grips with all of the stuff I accumulated to cope with my misery.
After subscribing to several CD kits since 2017, I finally freed myself earlier this year. It’s a tough one, because the stickers or paper or washi you like best are always in the other kit that you didn’t get, right? I tried just doing TN for a while, but I couldn’t take the FOMO and decided to quit completely. Looking back, it wasn’t a healthy relationship!
CD always has such beautiful graphics. I organized my old kits (in a completely OCD over-the-top way, made my own 8x8 folders, spent an entire weekend doing it) because I hated digging through the bags and I had to keep each month together. For 2021, I kept reusing the kits in my planner, made cards, and each month seemed new. There’s still plenty left for 2022, and I don’t mind using it all over again. I still look at the new kits, but they’re always sold out by the time they’re released, and I’m ok with that.
Just wanted to say I feel your pain. New scrapbook supplies make me happy, but too much of it becomes burden. We’re here for you, whatever you decide to do!
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Post by scrappyem on Nov 27, 2021 16:32:33 GMT
Hugs. I hope things workout in a way that is best for you and your kids. Another supportive voice to squirrel away some cash in your own separate account. Even if you never need it, knowing it's there will give peace of mind and the ability to bail if you ever need it.
Coco Daisy kits are lovely. I can only manage one sub and it still feels like tons and tons of product so maybe dropping down to one will still bring some joy and give you enough pretties to play with. Another option is Just Jaimee who sells digitals @ the-lilypad is the designer for most of the kits so you can always go back and get similar paper and cards if you cancel and really love something later. A lot of times she has similar designs, usually in a different color pallet, about a month after the physical product is released. I sometimes scoop up the digitals, recolor in photoshop to match they physical kits and print them out.
I hope it works out. Wishing you peace and clarity this holiday weekend.
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julie5
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Post by julie5 on Nov 27, 2021 16:49:56 GMT
Thank you for listening everyone. oaksong I think you hit the nail on the head. I’m buying stuff to bury how bad and empty I feel. I’m almost obsessed with memory keeping because I can focus on the good that way-the happy times. Which is mostly with my kids My husband is Avery negative person. The kind that thinks the world is out to get him. That bad stuff only happens to him. He’s also a victim of generational trauma from his father. But I don’t buy that excuse because a) his siblings aren’t like him and b) I was fucking molested while my mom just let it happen. We have these cycles where he explodes and then feels guilty. They used to come often. But it’s been better for awhile but I still knew the tension was boiling underneath. The volcano isn’t dead. And this one was a bad one. And it’s hard to get out of bed. He hasn’t went to work in months. He says it’s because of his kidneys (he just has surgery) but that’s not true either. Basically he sleeps all day every day. It’s depressing. It’s hard to do anything with him here. I hide myself just to keep from pissing him off. I’ve started over before and I don’t know which would be worse this time. Having a home, food, and the ability to pay for college for my kids is a pretty big thing. I’m the type of person that won’t take anything if I leave him. I won’t be accused of only being here to get his money. So if I’m here, I have a net worth. If I’m not, I have nothing. Anyways he feels pretty bad too. I told him his screaming at me when he’s promised to stop before is a betrayal. He knows what I’ve had to endure in life and it’s traumatizing to go through that. It’s akin to me cheating on him. I think that made him realize the seriousness. I said what if I said “I can’t help it. It was an accident. It didn’t mean anything”. Does that make it ok for me to sleep with another man? No? Then stop treating me and my kids like free loaders out to get your money. We are your family that you promised to take care of. You promised my daughter help with college even when she never asked for it so throwing it in her or my face is wrong plain and simple. You don’t get to tell her to call for any thing or any money, then yell later when she does. That’s ridiculous. His dad called his kids free loaders too and that’s just shitty. His dad is going fast from Alzheimer’s now and I think that stirs up a lot of emotions. His dad had no business having a family. Period. Anyways thanks for listening. I have no where to vent to. And I hate therapists plus o already know what they’re going to tell me. |
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Deleted
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Nov 15, 2024 15:48:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2021 17:03:39 GMT
Sorry, julie5. Hoping the situation improves for you all. |
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scrapnnana
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Post by scrapnnana on Nov 28, 2021 1:59:35 GMT
I’m sorry. You are obviously in a very difficult situation. I really think you should stop the subs for awhile, and unsubscribe from their emails so you aren’t tempted. If your DH isn’t working (not sure if you are), I hope he is getting disability or has enough in the bank for you to survive, but it would still be wise to cut expenses where you can.
My DH had back surgery, then just as he was about to go back to work, he had a widow maker heart attack. He has needed a lot of sleep as part of his recovery. Normally my DH is patient and kind. After he got out of the hospital, he was short tempered and grumpy. He’s his sweet, patient self again, thankfully, but he still needs a lot of sleep, and it’s been 8 months.
You said your DH claimed that he had some kidney issue, and it sounds like he hasn’t been working, that he sleeps all day. That makes me suspect that he is either in pain, or experiencing severe depression, or maybe both, and he’s taking it out on you. It doesn’t excuse how he treats you, but it may help explain it. Unfortunately, people who are miserable often vent their anger over their situation on their loved ones. If he resents your buying “unnecessary” stuff, (since he isn’t working), that’s probably not helping.
Our income has dropped significantly because my DH is on disability. We don’t have the disposable income that we used to have. I don’t have any subscriptions, but if I did, I’d get rid of them. The cost of one may not be that much, but it all adds up. Several could really hurt the budget, especially when they are a recurring expense every month.
I hope things improve for you.
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Deleted
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Nov 15, 2024 15:48:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2021 3:25:27 GMT
Forgive me as I will sound like an ass. But I've btdt. It sounds like he is controlling you with money. If you are not going to leave him, then spend all the money you want on your hobby. Because YOU DESERVE IT!!!
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Post by hop2 on Nov 28, 2021 14:41:56 GMT
Hugs julie5 I hope you can work thru this in a way that is best for you. AND @foxy is right, do not feel any guilt at all. If he has time to wallow in bed it is because of all the things you do fit the family - do not discount your contributions ( or allow him to ) Hugs |
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julie5
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Post by julie5 on Nov 28, 2021 16:56:56 GMT
@scrapnana my husbands had kidney stones for several years but only just recently decided to do something about it. Both kidneys had a stone that took up the entire kidney. So that might have been causing this. We won’t know unless he tries to work again.
He owns a business where he sells on contract so even if he’s home, he still collects. But that’s not realistic for long term as he needs to sell on a continual basis amd the customers he is collecting from would like service. He pays me as an employee of the company and the taxes he pays for me to stay home amd “work” is crazy. I’ve offered numerous times to get a job but he always refuses my offers of help to take some stress off him. We also have investment properties that make us money.
It’s just that when he’s home, he expects all spending to stop. And that’s not realistic. He thinks of he’s sleeping, nothing is happening.
We both take multiple medications for depression. I take an antipsychotic myself. He often blames his medication but we’ve adjusted numerous times. Sometimes it isn’t the meds, you’re just an asshole. I’ve been a mom for 23 years and sometimes life sucks and you just have pull yourself together for your kids.
I don’t wear makeup, dress up, do my nails, or get my hair professionally done. I like Vera Bradley bags (on sale only) and scrapbook stuff. I don’t have any jewelry and the last time he set foot in. Store for me was to buy my engagement ring 6 years ago.
Anyways I’m just sad and venting. There’s been some other stuff going on in the background and I think I’m just having a breakdown from everything.
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Post by 0612 on Nov 28, 2021 17:18:21 GMT
I’m sorry you are going through this. Prayers for you and your family. Words are always hurtful even if you know that they don’t mean it. Once said it is always out there.
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Post by kmage on Nov 29, 2021 3:11:11 GMT
I am sorry you are going through this. Money problems and depression go hand in hand. (((hugs))) I don't like subs, because I like to shop and pick my own stuff. Would it be possible to discuss it together, how much each person gets for their hobby, or as DH and I call it, "free money" every month? We have a set amount we each get after the bills are paid, and that is ours to do what we like with. When the kids were little, it was only 20 dollars per month each, but still, it was mine and mine alone. I could either choose to blow my 20 bucks, or save up. Thats how I got my NaNavigator bag, 24 years ago, with 2 months of savings and a JA coupon!  And I'll be darned, but that thing has seen some use, and still looks brand new. I hope that you both can come together and make some decisions. |
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scrapnnana
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Post by scrapnnana on Nov 29, 2021 20:03:55 GMT
@scrapnana my husbands had kidney stones for several years but only just recently decided to do something about it. Both kidneys had a stone that took up the entire kidney. So that might have been causing this. We won’t know unless he tries to work again. He owns a business where he sells on contract so even if he’s home, he still collects. But that’s not realistic for long term as he needs to sell on a continual basis amd the customers he is collecting from would like service. He pays me as an employee of the company and the taxes he pays for me to stay home amd “work” is crazy. I’ve offered numerous times to get a job but he always refuses my offers of help to take some stress off him. We also have investment properties that make us money. It’s just that when he’s home, he expects all spending to stop. And that’s not realistic. He thinks of he’s sleeping, nothing is happening. We both take multiple medications for depression. I take an antipsychotic myself. He often blames his medication but we’ve adjusted numerous times. Sometimes it isn’t the meds, you’re just an asshole. I’ve been a mom for 23 years and sometimes life sucks and you just have pull yourself together for your kids. I don’t wear makeup, dress up, do my nails, or get my hair professionally done. I like Vera Bradley bags (on sale only) and scrapbook stuff. I don’t have any jewelry and the last time he set foot in. Store for me was to buy my engagement ring 6 years ago. Anyways I’m just sad and venting. There’s been some other stuff going on in the background and I think I’m just having a breakdown from everything. Thank you for clarifying. You may have given some of this info on the NSBR board, but I haven’t been there in quite awhile. Based on what you said here in this thread, it sounds like your husband is being incredibly unrealistic and unreasonable. He also sounds controlling. I am so sorry you are in such a miserable situation. I definitely think that if you are doing work as an employee for his business, then you at least have every right to spend that money the way you see fit, but I also hope that you put some of it into an account that is yours alone. If he isn’t giving you a check or cash, he should be, especially if he is claiming on his taxes that he is paying you. Providing for you and your kids as the main bread winner isn’t the same as your receiving a paycheck for your work, that you can use as you see fit. If your husband spends all his time in bed, and you are his main care giver, that is a very demanding role. That may give you some “leverage.” My first response was based on what you posted here, when you asked if you should give up your subscriptions. I thought you were at least somewhat in the same situation that I am (although my DH is recovering, and at least he tells me that he appreciates all that I do for him as his care giver). I have voluntarily cut back on my crafty spending, but that is because I am the one who tracks and arranges payment for the bills (with DH’s money), and I know just how much our income has dropped with him on disability. I also have a craft room that has plenty to keep me busy, no matter what I want to do, so I feel guilty spending money for more crafts, when I have so much still waiting to be used. I don’t blame you for being sad and depressed. Retail therapy does give a temporary fix, but it is temporary. If you came here looking for reasons to keep your subs, we tend to be serious enablers. If deep down you feel guilty about your subs (or feel that your shopping gives your not-so-dh additional reasons to berate you), and if you don’t really use them enough to justify spending the money, then only you can decide if you should cut back or eliminate them. If you use the products and know that you can afford them, especially if you are using your own hard earned money, then don’t let your husband manipulate you into giving up something you enjoy. If you left him, he would presumably need to pay for a care giver. My point is that he is not the only one providing. His business and investments may earn income, but if you work for his business and do the care giving for his needs, you aren’t a freeloader by any possible interpretation, and he is an absolute jerk for calling you that. Maybe you should find out what on site care givers charge and be prepared to hand him a bill for your services if he gets snotty again. I sincerely hope things improve for you. |
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And I'll be darned, but that thing has seen some use, and still looks brand new.