Ugh dd lost her first classmate

Legacygirl said this and I think this is a good explanation:



I have been through 4 suicide attempts with my own DD. And this is the answer. It is going to sound cold, but I don't mean it to be. I would suffer from the loss of my DD just like any parent would if I lost her. However, I have made peace with the suicide angle and I think a lot of people don't understand unless they are mentally ill themselves. I suffer from bipolar disorder. There have been many times when I wanted to take my own life. I have never attempted, but I've been tempted. I have thought for many years (up until my own child attempted) that suicide would be the way I died. Because I thought eventually, the depression and the impulsivity would get me. The last time my child was hospitalized with a suicide attempt was the worst attempt so far. I prayed and prayed to God. Not for saving, but for peace. That if my child was going to survive, that God would give her the strength to be able to find some kind of peace. And that if she was never going to find peace, I would understand if she never woke up.

I realize that my reaction doesn't sound typical to people who are brain neutral. They can only seem to focus on a life cut short. What they can't seem to wrap their brains around is living a life that is so tortured, that death seems like the only option to stop the misery. From my own angle, I don't understand why as a society, we can understand the idea of someone who has cancer and is suffering, death brings peace for them. But we can't see the same for suicide. And I say this as a person who is very educated about mental health, has incredibly good health insurance coverage and access to mental health services, intervened with my children very early (the DD that has attempted has been under treatment since 13), and still works to advocate for and educated my children about the possibilities that they have in regard to mental health care. I am living proof for them that there are options for control. I am a role model for how to have a successful life with mental health treatment and despite everything I've listed above, I still cannot stop my own child from attempting suicide. I also cannot stop my own depression at times which make me want to attempt suicide myself. I think this is very key for people to understand.

Especially people who have not dealt with mental health issues need to know that it's forgivable if you don't see it coming as a parent. Because despite all my experience, there have been times when I did not see it coming either. The underlying risk is constant there for my child. I fully accept that it may happen again. But only by accepting that it's not under my control can I sleep at night and not move around this world with extreme anxiety and worry.

So I would be very careful about the sentiments you express to your DD or to the loved ones of this boy. They are all most likely grappling with the why and they really shouldn't be. It just makes their pain so much harder to deal with. I would treat this the same way you would if the boy had been dying of cancer. Because that is the way I choose to look at it with my own child. This depression is a cancer. It is an ongoing, pervasive illness that we may never get a hold of. Or even if we do for a time, it may come back and rear it's ugly head again. I can't control my child's mental health. There are times when I can't control my own. And I refuse to take on the extra burden of guilt, shame, devastation or (insert the common feelings brain neutral people have about death by suicide) because a suicide death is really no different than a cancer death.

I understand, too, that if you haven't experienced this yourself that this may seem foreign to you. Or that my response may seem cold. I promise you it's not cold and it hasn't distanced me from my children and it hasn't stopped me from advocating for their mental health. It's just that I've accepted that this may happen and it was not my fault. Nor would it be unexpected.

How tragic   I'm so sorry.

((( Laurie ))) As always, Jeremysgirl said it with a lot of heartfelt, knowledgeable information.

At this horrible, devastating point - you and the other parents must focus on your own children right now. As young people, they are not totally capable of coping with all of this right now - are we ever ? It’s a normal reaction to be questioning the why. No one will ever, unfortunately, know that answer. The affected students need extra special TLC and understanding.

God Bless Us All. ❤️