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Post by AN on Jul 3, 2014 3:46:34 GMT
I'm at a big crossroads in my career and personal life. I'd love to hear from people who've taken both paths, and I find personal stories really valuable. I also find typing out the story also sometimes help me clarify my own thoughts. Please be kind, this is a very personal topic for me.
Current Career: I've been with the same company 8 years and love it, have done really well there, love the boss I work for. I'm in marketing but report up through a sales structure. Worked out of the office for 5 years and then when I met my DH they let me go remote since he lived far away (which is freaking SWEET and allows me really great work-life balance). I make about 15% more than my DH does, BUT - we purposely only live on his income and are comfortable that way. Mine has gone straight to savings until now and is now going straight to paying off the mortgage (estimated payoff of 2 years). I've always wanted to maintain the option to be a stay at home mom or for one of us to just say "F this" if a job goes sideways.
Personal Life: I'm 29, DH and I have been married 15 months, love keeping a peaceful home and definitely have a bit of a homemaker gene in me. DH and I went into marriage being sort of 50/50 on kids, wasn't sure if we wanted them or not.
Some things are being shaken up at work and I have the opportunity after 8 years to really step up and take a larger (and harder/more stressful/more scrutinized) role within the company. That's exciting and scary all at the same time.
Well, to complicate matters (in a good way), I think DH is very close to deciding yes, he does want kids (which I am on board with as long as he wants them, but I'm also not a biological ticking time bomb or anything). I am, however, of the mind that once you know you want them, you should just take the leap and do it. I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be having kids after 35 or 36.
I have NO idea what I want for a career once we have kids. Part of me says, "You can hire a full-time nanny with your income, stay engaged in the workforce, fund retirement and some extras for the family, and to some degree have the best of both worlds since you work out of a home office - so you could go nurse & play at lunch, but not lose career time." The other part of me says, "You really value having a calm, peaceful home life and have pretty strong opinions about how kids should be raised. Why have them if you are going to outsource that job for a big chunk of the day?" (Not that there is anything wrong with nannys and daycare, I don't think there is, but I just think would I regret not doing it myself?)
A lot of my personal identity is wrapped up in my career, for good or for bad. A colleague performed our wedding ceremony. The people I work with TRULY are like family to me and even if the company folded tomorrow, I can guarantee you we'd all stay tight and probably would mostly all follow each other to a different company.
So, I have 3 career options in front of me:
1. The Big Job with the Great Boss. I'd be going down a sales management path. Jumping tracks from marketing to sales is very substantial in my company. This would be about a 60% raise with the possibility of more, it's substantial. Money isn't a main motivator for me, contribution is, and this would be a really substantial contribution to the company. It would be shaping the future of the sales force and how we can grow from our current state to a much larger state. I'd still report to my current boss (awesome). Not awesome - I'd need to travel 2 long days (4 AM - 11 PM)/1 overnight a week pretty consistently, rest of the time in my home office. I'd be in control of my travel schedule, but it would be a demanding job. Work travel is stressful on me.
So Big Job sounds really appealing... but if we're going to try to start a family in the next year, is that really the path I should go down? Maybe I should because it would be at least a year until there is a baby even if we decided today, so I might as well give it a year and not prematurely make decisions. As long as I give this job a full year and do well in it, even if I wanted to scale back later, there would definitely be places for me within the company to do any sort of work I want, contract/part-time/full-time but less demanding.
2. The Medium Job with the Crazy Boss. I could step up to a national marketing role, this is a somewhat unknown, to-be-created role. Pay would be probably about the same as I make now. The big problem with this job is that the boss (a C-level executive) is totally unpredictable. He hired me and I work closely with him now, so I know him well. He has a crazy personality and loves to create crises and then solve crises and present himself as a hero. I like to prevent crises altogether. I don't know what travel would be like in this job, but it would be at the boss's whims, and he tends to like to travel randomly. He called me a few months ago and was like "Can you be in Sweden next week?" This isn't unusual for him. His team also has a tendency to get sucked into crazy projects and not stay focused on what they were supposed to be doing.
I made job 2 sound awful, but it does have an upside - I'd be in a more prominent role in the company without probably traveling much. I'd probably get to keep a pretty good day-to-day lifestyle in my home office, as long as I could corral the boss and not have him calling me 14x a day.
3. Stay in my Current Job. My (good) boss did present this as an option, which surprised me. I could stay in my current job and basically help execute on the needs of Job #1 & Job #2 which would be filled by other people. He thinks I'd burn out in the job and not feel very fulfilled, which is likely true. But, I'd have a low-travel role and keep my sweet arrangement, I can basically do it in my sleep. I think I'd stay at my current pay, but to be honest, I'm not sure they can justify it with the direction the role is going. I feel like staying in my current role starts to put a nail in the coffin of my career because if you don't take the awesome options when they come up, they might not offer them next time. You're seen as "comfortable."
I don't know, writing it out it seems obvious to me that I should take Job #1. Lean In and all that. But I just worry, because ultimately, even though I love my job and company as much as I anyone I know, what really matters at the end of the decade/era/lifetime? Am I setting myself up to get hung up on the career at the expense of my home life and possible family? Even without kids, having a peaceful home life is important to me.
Thoughts? The tough thing is I need to make a career decision in the next couple of weeks, and DH is not a very decisive person, so I don't think he's going to say "Let's try for a baby next spring" -- um... EVER - let alone in the next few weeks. He just isn't wired that way, even if I explain to him the importance and the need for his input on my career. He will listen to me talk about it but he isn't really one to provide advice/counsel/help me make the decision. He is okay with me traveling 2 days a week, FWIW.
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Post by shevy on Jul 3, 2014 3:56:10 GMT
When you write about them, you make #1 sound the best. Tells me you really want this. There will never be a prefect plan for kids, but if you want them, you can fit them into your life. Good luck!
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 3, 2014 3:57:24 GMT
Question: why no kids after 35 or 36? Because you don't want to be an "old" mom or because 35 is when they start sticking "advanced maternal age" on your chart and certain risk factors go up?
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Post by Belia on Jul 3, 2014 3:57:22 GMT
I hate being the first to respond to these long posts, but here goes:
Take Job 1. You have no idea how long it will take you to conceive a child, once you decide to pull the trigger. It may happen immediately, it may not. Honestly, I would leave the baby part completely OUT of the decision right now. Cross that bridge once you get there.
The truth is, none of us know what the future holds anyway. A million things could happen that might make this decision tough. You could win the lottery, you or DH could get sick or injured or disabled, there could be a zombie apocalypse. You just don't know. Leave the "What Ifs", including your future babies, in the future.
So just looking at it from a career perspective- #1 seems pretty clear to me. I would avoid #2 like the plague.
P.S. I'm coming from a home in which my father travelled probably 50% of the time, so being gone one day a week sounds like NOTHING. YMMV.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 3, 2014 3:58:01 GMT
No question take the big job. You can always scale back. And big jobs are often very flexible and often more flexible than smaller jobs.
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Post by AN on Jul 3, 2014 4:01:45 GMT
Question: why no kids after 35 or 36? Because you don't want to be an "old" mom or because 35 is when they start sticking "advanced maternal age" on your chart and certain risk factors go up? I don't want to be an old mom, and if we have kids, I'd probably like to have a few. I don't really want an only child or even only two, I find the "big family" lifestyle appealing. My mom had me at 22 and I LOVE having young parents (DH's mom was 40 when she had him, so he doesn't quite get it). If I'd been able to waive a magic wand, I'd really have preferred to have met my DH earlier and have started having kids by 25, but, if I had that magic wand I'd be independently wealthy and this wouldn't be a question  I've always kind of said in my head that I wanted to start my family by 30, if I was going to have one, just to give me time to have a few at decent spacing. I'm not a person that OMG MUST HAVE KIDS. I think I'd be a good mom but I also think I'd be okay if I didn't have kids too. |
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,091
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 3, 2014 4:03:11 GMT
1
Your bias is obvious.
There is no perfect time to have kids. Have them when you want them. You can adjust your career later if needed.
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Post by keknj on Jul 3, 2014 4:03:28 GMT
You really make job 1 sound like the best fit for you. I agree with the above poster, don't worry about future babies right now. Whatever you think you want right now in regards to them can change. When I got pregnant with my oldest I was determined to go back to work. I even had a private daycare provider lined up and spent the first 5 weeks of his life saying I was going back to work. Then the fact that I was going to be leaving him hit and I couldn't do it. I ended up being a SAHM for over 10 years and now only work part time in a totally different field. So, all of that to say best laid plans change!
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 11:27:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 4:04:20 GMT
I would go with job #1. I agree with berekleymom - big jobs are often very flexible. They want to keep you, so they give you the flexibility you need (while, of course, expecting you to deliver a lot to justify that flexibility). However, I would advise against working from home when the child is very young. As an unaware infant, it would probably be fine. But once the child was old enough to know you were still in the house, but unavailable to them, it would be hard until they were old enough to really understand *why* you weren't available to them and respect that. Even with a nanny there - it would be really hard on a toddler (not to mention you and the nanny). My DS was able to get that at about 5. I worked from home on occasion before that, but did it a lot more after. I moved full-time home-based around the time he turned 6. Each evening, we have a chat about my schedule the next day, so he knows when there can be zero interruptions, and when it's ok for him to hang in the office and draw or read quietly . He's very respectful about it all, but developmentally, it's a lot to expect from a kid much younger than him.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 3, 2014 4:09:40 GMT
First of all, you will never be able to manage crazy boss or make him predictable. You will get phone calls, day and night and you will be asked to fly to the other side of the world in 5 hours. A nice, cozy wahm situation could easily become a stressful situation where you start to hate your job. KWIM? He's going to be a huge pain in the ass to work for and he will drive you crazy.
As far as the sales job, you don't have kids, yet. Sounds like you're getting close to choosing that path, but not there quite yet. It could be a great experience, perhaps you could pay off your mortgage even faster. After you have a baby you can then choose to scale back work or stay home, altogether. You'd be buying yourself the option to stay home, because you'll have a paid off house. For now, go with your intuition on this. You are very wise and I think that you will do the best thing for your now and future family. Could be fun to take the sales job and be a bigwig for a while.
As for baby, I was older when I had my kids and I am glad I waited. We had all of our ducks in a row, had our home and we were truly ready. I'm glad I waited, cause I have lots more patience at my age then I did when I was young. Also, I truly have lived and can be a better life coach to my kids. Do what's right for your situation. You're young, smart and it sounds like your dh is very supportive. You have time, so do what you really want and enjoy every minute. You'll rock this decision, AN. You've got this.
ETA: I see up above that you wanted to have a larger family. I was typing while you were typing. However, I'll leave in my paragraph about babies for your consideration.
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Post by AN on Jul 3, 2014 4:09:49 GMT
I would go with job #1. I agree with berekleymom - big jobs are often very flexible. They want to keep you, so they give you the flexibility you need (while, of course, expecting you to deliver a lot to justify that flexibility). However, I would advise against working from home when the child is very young. As an unaware infant, it would probably be fine. But once the child was old enough to know you were still in the house, but unavailable to them, it would be hard until they were old enough to really understand *why* you weren't available to them and respect that. Even with a nanny there - it would be really hard on a toddler (not to mention you and the nanny). My DS was able to get that at about 5. I worked from home on occasion before that, but did it a lot more after. I moved full-time home-based around the time he turned 6. Each evening, we have a chat about my schedule the next day, so he knows when there can be zero interruptions, and when it's ok for him to hang in the office and draw or read quietly . He's very respectful about it all, but developmentally, it's a lot to expect from a kid much younger than him. I really appreciate everyone's advice, and of course, busypea, you know I have a special respect and appreciation for you!! This is good advice and definitely a reality check given the layout of our house. We don't have an office in the city I live in, so I'd have to get an office sharing or something, but that can be worked out later. I think what I really appreciate about this advice is that you didn't say "Don't worry about the future or the possible babies, things can change." While I understand why people say that (and definitely still appreciate the advice of all who said that), the reality is I'm not wired that way. I can't NOT think about it. I can't NOT have Backup Plan B, C, D, and E in my head. It is just built into me. So, thinking about the reality of taking Job 1 AND the different possibilities if I do end up having kids too is helpful for my personality. Thanks everyone. While I do have a Bias for Job 1 because of who I would report to and the exciting nature of it, I have to say it certainly has its downsides. Business travel is hard on me. I think that I could get used to this because it would be a routine (I'd probably travel every Monday and Tuesday), which is easier for me than random travel. It will also be a highly scrutinized role. |
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Post by AN on Jul 3, 2014 4:10:48 GMT
First of all, you will never be able to manage crazy boss or make him predictable. You will get phone calls, day and night and you will be asked to fly to the other side of the world in 5 hours. A nice, cozy wahm situation could easily become a stressful situation where you start to hate your job. KWIM? He's going to be a huge pain in the ass to work for and he will drive you crazy. So freaking true. So true. Your whole post rocks. Thank you. Interestingly, Crazy Boss was Great Boss's immediate manager & mentor/champion within the company for 7 years. Crazy Boss managed both me and Great Boss the first year I was at the company. It's fascinating how they can be so different. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 3, 2014 4:11:15 GMT
Question: why no kids after 35 or 36? Because you don't want to be an "old" mom or because 35 is when they start sticking "advanced maternal age" on your chart and certain risk factors go up? I don't want to be an old mom, and if we have kids, I'd probably like to have a few. I don't really want an only child or even only two, I find the "big family" lifestyle appealing. My mom had me at 22 and I LOVE having young parents (DH's mom was 40 when she had him, so he doesn't quite get it). If I'd been able to waive a magic wand, I'd really have preferred to have met my DH earlier and have started having kids by 25, but, if I had that magic wand I'd be independently wealthy and this wouldn't be a question I've always kind of said in my head that I wanted to start my family by 30, if I was going to have one, just to give me time to have a few at decent spacing. I'm not a person that OMG MUST HAVE KIDS. I think I'd be a good mom but I also think I'd be okay if I didn't have kids too. Thanks-- this way I won't tell you stories about people I know having kids at 35+.  I think you probably need to sit down and have a good long talk with your husband about your family plans, and see if that informs on your decision at all. If he doesn't want to start now or doesn't have a timeframe in mind, or is at all ambivalent or ambiguous, I think you need to make your decision based on your life now, not on what you think/hope it will be a year or two years or five years from now. And it sounds like, based on now, you want to take option number one. |
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 11:27:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 4:13:05 GMT
To me, what really matters at the end of the decade era/era/lifetime is that you are happy and fulfilled within yourself and that, whether or not you accomplished all of your dreams, you at least chased some of them. For some people (and this includes me, so that you know my biases), this self fulfillment includes a career aspect. For others, it does not. In describing yourself above, it appears to me that career and intellectual fulfillment are important to your personal sense of well-being. Job #1 seems as if it would challenge and engage you. The travel/home office arrangement seems very balanced and not overbearing (as long as you like to travel some - otherwise, not so much). The money sounds like a huge windfall to the family and would pay off the mortgage as just soon, or maybe even faster.
On the timing of the potential children, I would say that not everything in life can be planned out to to the month. As you present it, you guys are likely 18 months away (at the earliest) from actually welcoming a new member to the family - plenty of time to try this new career role on for size before making those work/life/nanny decisions. Besides, I think most (if not all) Peas would agree that it would be an amazing blessing to not have a mortgage when you start having kids.
Job 2 with the crazy boss sounds exactly like the kind of drama you are trying to avoid.
Job 3 I think you have already subconciously eliminated, but only sounds like the thing to do if you are deciding now to wind down and move out of the workforce.
Finally - and personally I always hate being told this myself because it's always correct - you already know what you should do. Listen to yourself.
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mom2paige
Junior Member
Posts: 82
Jun 25, 2014 23:59:17 GMT
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Post by mom2paige on Jul 3, 2014 4:13:06 GMT
I'm going to go with option #1 for a few reasons:
- you don't have children 'yet'. Cross that bridge when you come to it. It sounds like you could pay off your mortgage and sack away a ton of money, even if this ends up being your job for 1-3 years. If you do end up deciding to have kids- you'll have brought in 60% more income per year (while you decide)
-I fully believe the saying 'people don't quit jobs, they quit people'. Having said that, I'd trade a great boss with a bit more stress, than a shitty boss with less stress.
- for now, it sounds like you really value working full time, and that you identify yourself that way. I think it's good to stay true to those feelings and own them. Knowing that how you identify yourself may/may not change in the future.
When I'm stressed about big life choices, I try to remind myself that I'm grateful for the opportunity of *having* a choice, AND that there are few choices that are forever choices. This isn't a forever choice to me; this is more of a 'what-works-for-right-now' choice. Go with your gut while fully allowing yourself the understanding that you can reevaluate in a year.
*to be fully transparent. I work full time as well as my husband (we have two children 8,11) I like working and it took me a long time to admit to myself that I worked because I LIKE IT, and not because 'I have to'. Life's about choices and for me owning them is just as important.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 3, 2014 4:14:32 GMT
FYI-your avatar is absolutely true about you. Don't ever doubt that!
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 11:27:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 4:16:49 GMT
Take the potential babies out of the equation. Cross the baby bridge when it comes. It really isn't on the road just yet. First you have a dh that needs to decide yes. While he is leaning that way he can make a sudden reversal. Also, pregnancy doesn't always come when you plan it. Infertility does happen to healthy people. You don't want to bypass a promotion for babies only to not have the babies later. If the babies come and you want to be a sahm you can resign the job at that time. Or you may decide for the dh to be the stay at home parent. Or his job may make a radical change that lets you both enjoy careers without having to give the babies up to a sitter.
Which job do you want? Even if none are ideal which one has the greatest likelihood to move you up to what you do want later? From what you write it sounds like you want #1 the most.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 11:27:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 4:21:10 GMT
Well, the reality of sales is that it is highly scrutinized and things can change very quickly. As you well know, if you don't hit your numbers, you can be unceremoniously dumped pretty damn fast. You are obviously a hard worker, but are you comfortable with that inherent level of risk? Of course, the flip side, is if you (and your team) do consistently hit your numbers, you are generally golden.
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Post by CarolT on Jul 3, 2014 4:21:31 GMT
I have been in your shoes. I took "the big job" when dh and I were at the point of deciding to start a family. For me, I felt that choosing the path my career would take and the path my family plans would take were independent decisions.
A few things to consider:
* if you decide to have children, you have no way of knowing IF or WHEN it will happen. Don't build your career plans around a child/children that don't yet exist.
* if you do have kids, you can make the career choices that make sense for you at that time. In my case, once my twins were born, I was able to continue working for the same company, but in a different role, on a part-time basis. It kept my hand in things, kept me on the radar at work, and once my kids were in school, I was able to move into a new role that was a good career choice for me.
* if you pass on a career opportunity that you want to pursue because of future children, that you may or may not have, I can't imagine that you won't feel some regret, regardless of what ultimately happens with your family.
* if you have a year or more in "the big job", even if you decide to be a SAHM, that is still a good thing.
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nyla
Shy Member
Posts: 23
Jun 28, 2014 20:15:34 GMT
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Post by nyla on Jul 3, 2014 4:33:09 GMT
How happy is your dh in his job? Is he interested in being a SAHD when/if you have children?
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Post by AN on Jul 3, 2014 4:50:05 GMT
Headed to bed now, but since two people have asked - no, DH won't be a SAHD. (Unless there were some huge medical or career-related calamity, just speaking under normal circumstances.) He really likes working and neither of us would want that. He's in a stable field with lots of options for good-paying jobs.
Thanks again for all the (FAST!! Holy cow this board is faster than Two Peas was the last few years) advice. I'm sure more will roll in and I'll read it and reply as possible. BIL, SIL, and MIL plus 3 month old baby nephew are in town the next few days. 3 month old nephew is probably a contributing factor to this discussion, haha.
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Post by rebelyelle on Jul 3, 2014 5:26:48 GMT
I would caution you not to consider who your boss could be (at the present moment) when weight these different opportunities - especially because as your post suggests, your company is going through a period of flux/growth/change at the moment, and seemingly for the next couple of years. I have been with my current company about four years, and having been through 3 bosses. Things can change in a heartbeat. The position that supervises mine is an executive/senior staff level, so while it's a job one might *think* is relatively known/stable, you just never know. My first boss (who I adored - best. boss. ever.) was let go during a restructure. Boss #2 supervised me for a year, and then left for a better opportunity (truly a good opportunity). Boss #3 was promoted from within. All three have been completely different, and both my day-to-day and overall responsibilities have changed drastically with each change. Some good changes, some overwhelming changes, and some obnoxious changes - but nothing I could have predicted. Like you, I've been alb to shape my job to an extent because (a) I've been been with the company since they made a huge operating transition and (b) I pretty much created and grew my department into what it is today. But, I still have a boss to report to, and she still calls the shots at the end of the day. As for the three opportunities, I honestly don't know what to tell you. #1 sounds risky, #2 sounds different but dependable, and #3 sounds, well, just dependable but boring. Each have their peaks and valleys, which is what I'm sure you're struggling with. I honestly don't know which I'd pick, but I'm kinda leaning towards #2 - to me, it sounds like it strikes the balance between "new challenge" and "known devil" that you might want/need when thinking about changing up things in your personal life, but still need the independence and satiety of having a career that's moving forward. Does #2 have significant growth potential? As for throwing a baby into the mix...I can tell you from personal experience that I had a completely, out-of-the-blue, holy-crap-we're-doing-this, surprise! pregnancy…and it all turned out fine. I had literally just given notice from my current position, and didn't have another job lined up - I was fed up with my field and needed and change. And three days later found out I was pregnant. THAT was fun
Anyway, kids change things, but not as much as you might expect. You learn to juggle and you learn to adapt, but the logistics are so totally family-specific that it's hard to know which job dynamic above would suite your family's needs best. Neither DH nor I have traditional work schedules - my field demands a lot of nights and weekends. DH is a photographer, which sounds great on paper (make your own hours!) but he works ALL the time. He also took on a new position last December as an editor for a large stock agency, and it's really thrown us all for a loop. Like boss #2 in your scenario above, I've received many a texts from him regarding last-minute travel ("Hey babe, I need to be in Canada in two days" or in Boston the NEXT day, and so on). It's unpredictable, but we make it work because we've both created created careers that have Flexibility as the top of the list. Which brings me to my next question…how does your DH feel about the travel and potential crazy schedules? If his job is a rigid, M-F, 9 AM - 5 PM gig, it might be really, really tough for him to be the rock at home when you need to travel. Kids get sick, schools get canceled for snow, nanny's call out, etc. Just something to think about, to see if his work flow can maintain a partner who needs to travel a little or a lot. Travel wasn't something we anticipated with DH's new job, so that bit of it has been interesting, to say the least. Also - I will reiterste what Busypea said about not having a home office if your child is home all day. DH is living this special place in hell right now, since DS is out of school for the summer and with a nanny all day, and it isn't pretty |
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Post by kristi on Jul 3, 2014 5:30:28 GMT
#1
Even if you do have kids, that is likely 12-24 months out. Take the job. The financial increase even for a short period of time will help you with your mortgage goals.
If you are amazing in the role, they will be more likely to work with you while you transition to having children.
If you don't love it, you gave it a your all & have no regrets when you move on to something that is a better fit.
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Post by rebelyelle on Jul 3, 2014 5:50:43 GMT
Ah, I misread the OP a bit - I admit, I kinda skimmed until the job descriptions - and thought you said you WERE trying now. In that case, I revise my opinion so that I'm torn between #1 and #2. I'd personally go for #2 if motherhood were looming, but #1 has both challenge, and the opportunity to scale back if/when child(ren) come along. |
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095 
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Post by raindancer on Jul 3, 2014 6:02:46 GMT
I say go with number 1. And the reason I say that is because you remind me a lot of myself, and I can tell you that while I love my children, the decade I spent being a stay at home mom was just not for me. I was not happy. At all. I was stagnant and sad and lonely, and while I don't necessarily "regret" staying home (it was the deal dh and I made when we decided after 6 years of marriage to have kids) I do regret how much of "me" I lost in all of it. And while I know 3 isn't exactly being a SAHM, it's sort of the same thing, stagnant and not very exciting for you.
I think that being happy, in your own personal situation is just as important as any other factor.
Additionally, my dh took on a lot of work responsibility and took large promotions in those ten years, and that has really benefited us in the long term allowing for me to attend full time school while he has the flexibility to help with the kids. He is the one the school calls when they are sick, etc. and he can leave and go home. He can stay home and work in his office if they are sick all night, etc. which gives me the ability to make it to class, take exams, study, etc. without worry. His employer wants to keep him, and they really do a lot to make it easy for us so he will stay. You may find that to be the case for you. And while hopefully you can just have a baby when you feel like it, that is often not the case and it could be a couple of years or longer before you have a child.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 3, 2014 6:23:23 GMT
I vote for Job #1 as well.
Take the job, do your best and make a name for yourself. Then if/when you do decide to have children you can reassess then. Even if you did decide to have kids and become a SAHM for a short or long time, you will have earned another feather in your cap for when you want to resume your career.
Good luck making your decision!!
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
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Post by cycworker on Jul 3, 2014 6:44:29 GMT
I do not like risk, so I would take option 3. I am not one to walk away from something that works. I like dependable and boring and stable. That said, if you definitely have a way back to a stable job if 1 doesn't work out, it might be worth it. In that scenario, it's not so much a risk.
I don't have kids because logically it never made sense for me. I will always have a hole in my life due to that never happening. So whatever you do, I'd make sure you do it in a way that gives you room to have kids. I just think it's important to have that legacy, and I do see raising a family as part of the reason to get married.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 11:27:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 13:20:34 GMT
I was in a fast track job when I got pregnant with twin girls. Because I had proven my value (especially while on bedrest, I proved I could work from home, get the done and keep up with the work), I was able to pretty much write my own hours/ticket. I was able to work from home part of the time (and will admit I had no extra childcare but my employer did not require it like most do now). It really sounds like you are valued and could almost write your ticket. The one part that concerned me was the travel. Would DH be okay with that? And dealing with 100% of the baby rearing that much? Maybe I am an old generation and while my DH helped, he only had the twins by himself overnight once (I was having gallbladder surgery when they were 4 wks old) and it overwhelmed him to do it alone.
No matter what decision you make, you might change your mind once you hold a little newborn baby. My one bit of advice is to stay in your field somehow even if it is part-time or contract. Because I have way too many friends who are now wanting to get back into the workforce, have a college degree and some experience prior to kids but can't find a job because they have no current relevant work experience. I went back to work fulltime when my youngest started kindergarten and worked the same hours he was at school. The only part that stunk was summertime when they were off and I was not.
eta: I would avoid #2 like the plague...DH had that kind of boss and finally just changed jobs to a whole new company to get away from the crazy. A bad boss can turn a great job into a nightmare very easily. And honestly #3 would not appeal to me unless I already had a child(ren) and wanted a slowdown in my job/career. But if I you do that, it might affect your career forever (no chance to move back up in the ranks) |
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Post by Merge on Jul 3, 2014 13:41:01 GMT
You've gotten lots of good advice on the job front.
I'd just like to throw out there that IME being a WOHM is not compatible with a peaceful home OR work life, which you've said repeatedly is important to you. I'm not knocking working moms - I am one and have been for years - I just think it's worth considering that bringing kids into the mix is an upheaval by itself. Trying to manage all your house and kid responsibilities in the few hours between work and bedtime each day is anything but peaceful, particularly when kids are old enough to have piano lessons, soccer practice, tutoring, etc.
Maybe it's not very feminist of me, but I made a conscious decision to move to a job where the schedule is more compatible with my kids' schedules, even though it's less pay and less fulfillment than what I planned to do before. Unlike you, though, I have to work (and you may find that the expense of kids stretches your husband's salary more than you expect). In a perfect world, a full time nanny/housekeeper would make things a lot more peaceful for us - but it's not financially feasible. If you can make that work, I would seriously consider it.
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Post by twistedscissors on Jul 3, 2014 13:43:22 GMT
Take job #1. Kids will fit in. You can scale back if necessary.
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