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Post by sunnyd on Nov 25, 2014 7:23:52 GMT
I'm pretty sure the answer is no but need confirmation from the peas.  My grandmother died 10 years ago. I got her wedding ring because my sister didn't want it. We are the only two granddaughters & it was offered to both of us. I've had it all this time & cherished having it. I decided last year that my sister should have it because she is the oldest grand daughter. Sister's dd (my niece) is grandma's oldest great grandchild & sister's granddaughter (niece's daughter) is grandma's oldest great great grandchild. So I gave the ring to my sister & told her she should have it. My niece didn't want to use the ring as her engagement/wedding ring when she got married a few years ago. I offered it to her then. Now MY dd would like to have grandma's ring to use as her engagement/wedding ring when she gets married. Dd is sentimental & loves vintage things. The ring has very little monetary value, maybe $200. I know my sister would give it to my dd in a heartbeat but I don't really want to ask for it back. I should have just kept it until dd was a little older to see if she would want it or not.  So peas, please confirm that it is not appropriate to ask for or offer to buy a family heirloom in someone else's possession.  |
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Nov 25, 2014 7:43:50 GMT
If she isn't using it, I would explain that your DD would like to have it. Tell your sister to think about it and let you know. I don't see anything wrong with asking, you never know what she'll say.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by M in Carolina on Nov 25, 2014 8:24:20 GMT
I don't see any harm in asking either.
My SIL inherited her grandmother's rings, but she didn't use them for her wedding set either. she wears them on her right hand.
I figure if the other granddaughter isn't going to wear the ring, why not give it to someone who will.
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Post by pjaye on Nov 25, 2014 8:39:10 GMT
If it's just sitting in a jewelery box and no-one ever wears it - then I think it is absolutely OK to tactfully ask for it for your daughter. Only if it is worn by someone in your sister's family regularly (even if not as a wedding ring) then it wouldn't be appropriate.
She might still say no and I think you'd have to handle it with grace if she does...after all, you did offer it of your own free will.
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Post by gar on Nov 25, 2014 8:45:43 GMT
If your relationship is good, if the ring isn't one someone's finger daily, if your DD really would wear it and treasure it then I see no harm in asking either.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
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Posts: 7,412
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 25, 2014 10:26:13 GMT
You could ask, but since you insisted that she have it previously, she might be puzzled.
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Post by bluepoprocks on Nov 25, 2014 10:36:52 GMT
I would ask but make sure she knows it's entirely up to her and that you won't be angry if she says no.
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Post by penny on Nov 25, 2014 11:27:43 GMT
I don't think there's any harm in asking... You're asking for a specific reason that would mean a lot to someone else and keep it in the family... If I were your sister I'd want to be asked in a situation like that... You could mention that your DD was talking about the ring or how special something like that would be, and say to your sister that you wanted her to know but that the decision would be hers/hers and your daughter's...
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Post by smokey2471 on Nov 25, 2014 11:56:10 GMT
I would ask. I often wonder at families that can't ask each other things. I know dynamics are different but I could ask mine anything. Anytime. $20 ask away. family heirloom ask me, kidney..no problem. I love my crazy family. We're crazy but we are all super close.
Op call her tell her DD is interested in Grandmas ring. Then have a good laugh over the journey it's taken between you two!! I have my step moms rings and if her granddaughter wants them she knows I have them and can have them anytime. I only have them because my dad flew to Arizona to have them custom made for her. It was so out of character for him and really shocked us all. For me it is a reminder of who he really was deep down. I would love for someone to wear it.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:09:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2014 12:14:38 GMT
I would have your DD's fiancé ask your sister for it. How sweet would that be? Then it is more of a gesture than a "We want it back". |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:09:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2014 12:15:59 GMT
I don't see the harm in asking. BUT you freely gave it up so don't be surprised if the answer is no. My grandmother's ring is something I would never wear but would cherish having so don't be surprised if one of the great granddaughters wants to keep it even if she doesn't wear it... after all you did give it to her.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 4,209
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Post by peppermintpatty on Nov 25, 2014 12:21:35 GMT
Since you have not given any compelling evidence as to why you shouldn't ask for it back, do it. I don't really understand how it is in poor taste to ask for something that is not being used and there isn't any bad blood between you guys and your DD wants to put it to good use.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 25, 2014 13:44:31 GMT
I'm in the ask camp, if no one is wearing it and there is someone who'd like to wear it then it makes sense that she should have it.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Nov 25, 2014 15:27:14 GMT
If I had given it to her I would not ask for it back. If no one is wearing it and your DD would like to, I'd have her ask her aunt for it.
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Post by eebud on Nov 25, 2014 15:29:39 GMT
I would have your DD's fiancé ask your sister for it. How sweet would that be? Then it is more of a gesture than a "We want it back". I like this idea! OP, is your DD about to be engaged? |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 25, 2014 15:51:59 GMT
If you're all on good terms, I would ask and just tell her that you didn't realize when you gave it to her that she wouldn't be into it all that much and your DD would really love it. It can't hurt, right?
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Post by shanni on Nov 25, 2014 16:04:44 GMT
I agree with everyone. It sounds like the ring doesn't hold much sentimental value to your sister. I understand why you felt you should give it to your sister, but it honestly doesn't sound like it was very important to her to have it. I think that you can approach it tactfully, making sure she understands that it is hers now to do what she pleases, but that your daughter would love to have it if she is willing to part with it.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:09:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2014 16:19:26 GMT
You could ask, but since you insisted that she have it previously, she might be puzzled. I don't think you should've given the ring to her in the first place. She didn't want it. You did...and treasured it...but after years felt she should have it. But she didn't want it. And now you want it back?
It can't hurt to ask...
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 25, 2014 19:24:17 GMT
I wouldn't ask for it back.
Too awkward and too much chance of hurt feelings and bad blood.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Nov 25, 2014 19:37:00 GMT
I'd ask for it back. But I wouldn't say can I have it back. I'd say - sister, since you're not that interested, do you mine if my dd wears it
It sounds like a ring that will make rounds. Perhaps your dd won't wear it forever. In that case it will have such a beautiful history. I'd ask for it.
P.
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Post by LAM88 on Nov 25, 2014 19:39:34 GMT
I would ask but make sure she knows it's entirely up to her and that you won't be angry if she says no. This. I'm sure if your sister isn't using it that she would be delighted to see someone in the family enjoying it. |
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Post by moveablefeast on Nov 25, 2014 19:46:07 GMT
"Gosh, Kate and I were just reminiscing about grandma the other day. Can't believe how long it's been. Listen, I was wondering how you felt about her ring. Is it really special for you to have it as a keepsake? Kate was saying how she would have loved to have had a chance to wear it, and I was curious how you would feel about giving it to her. Thing is she doesn't actually know I'm asking you about it so you don't have to worry she will be upset if you feel like you would really like to have it yourself. Me neither. You just don't know unless you ask. What do you think?"
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Post by hennybutton on Nov 25, 2014 19:58:23 GMT
Why can't DD talk to her aunt about it? I think that would go better.
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Southern Side eyed Pea 
