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Post by aljack on Dec 19, 2021 19:01:45 GMT
Ugh…it’s my third friend going through this now and I am just beyond sad for all she is experiencing. 25 years together.
She’s struggling to find a rental local since he said the house needs to be sold ASAP. He’s moved out. She doesn’t know where to go. Back home, stay, new state? She’s on permanent disability with a fixed income and some inheritance to live off of.
It got me thinking…where is a safe, friendly, and affordable home for a single mom? She’s looked in Florida and market is tight.
Do the peas have any suggestions? She prefers warmer weather and wants to be able to connect with people in her new community. She has two kids in high school for reference.
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Post by Lexica on Dec 19, 2021 19:32:08 GMT
What state is she in now? Does she have relatives that she wants to move closer to? Or farther away from? If any of her kids are under 18, she is probably going to be limited to where she can move them at first. My son was an infant and I was required to stay within 7 counties from where we lived when we divorced.
I am moving to the Willamette Valley area in Oregon when I can get my house boxed up and a few repairs made. It does snow there, but not very often and doesn't stay on the ground too long from what I have read. I have been comparing the temps to where I live now in Southern California and it is usually about 10 degrees difference. And for me, if I have to choose between being hot or being cold, I prefer it to be a little cold. I hate the heat and needing to run the air conditioner. I don't mind throwing on a sweater or even putting a fire in the fireplace to be comfortable.
She will need to decide the kind of life she wants, what she can afford, how far away she is allowed to move from their dad, and probably the political climate of where she is moving to. When she relocates, she can look into what the local Meetup groups are that appeal to her. She can join those and start meeting new people to get to know. Maybe she can do some volunteering in an area that appeals to her too.
I wish her the best of luck!
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Post by librarylady on Dec 19, 2021 20:00:23 GMT
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Post by librarylady on Dec 19, 2021 20:01:25 GMT
Some divorce decrees will limit how far she can move from the other parent (until the children are of age).
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 19, 2021 20:11:05 GMT
Why does he get to decide the house needs to be sold asap? She needs some legal advice
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Post by MichyM on Dec 19, 2021 20:17:07 GMT
Why does he get to decide the house needs to be sold asap? She needs some legal advice Exactly. HE doesn’t get to decide ANYTHING on his own. |
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snickle
Junior Member
Posts: 65 
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Post by snickle on Dec 19, 2021 21:21:23 GMT
I would think she would want to stay in the area so her kids could finish High School? Frankly I would not want the expense and responsibility of home ownership at that point. I would either rent an affordable home or condo.
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 19, 2021 21:26:35 GMT
I would think she would want to stay in the area so her kids could finish High School? Frankly I would not want the expense and responsibility of home ownership at that point. I would either rent an affordable home or condo. I agree. Unless there is a specific reason to move a HS aged student, I vote to stay in the school district. The kids have had enough change. That would give your friend time to plan and find a good place to go. |
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Post by refugeepea on Dec 19, 2021 23:20:09 GMT
She’s struggling to find a rental local since he said the house needs to be sold ASAP. He’s moved out. She doesn’t know where to go. Back home, stay, new state? She’s on permanent disability with a fixed income and some inheritance to live off of. Depending on the state, it is considered abandonment of the home if one of the spouses move out. I really hope that is true in her case. I don't know what her permanent disability is, but I would try to live near really good hospitals. Of course, that will probably increase the cost of living.
Where her kids are older, the restrictions might not be as limited. My cousin was older than twelve and he had more options of choosing to have visitation with his dad or not. Again, I hope she can get an awesome lawyer.
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Post by hop2 on Dec 19, 2021 23:32:07 GMT
I would think she would want to stay in the area so her kids could finish High School? Frankly I would not want the expense and responsibility of home ownership at that point. I would either rent an affordable home or condo. I agree. Unless there is a specific reason to move a HS aged student, I vote to stay in the school district. The kids have had enough change. That would give your friend time to plan and find a good place to go. That is not always a possibility. There were very few rentals in my kids school district I could afford. I just happen to luck out on getting one at the right time. But I couldn’t afford it without my alimony. That’s why I’m glad the court is finally disallowing towns to ‘trade’ their low income housing requirements with a nearby ( lower income ) town. Won’t help me but maybe some single parents in the future will have a better choice rather than taking their kids from the district. I knew one family where one parent died and the single parent just couldn’t afford this town. And my town is a pretty middle of the rd town on affordability. Rentals are just pretty high. |
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Post by voltagain on Dec 19, 2021 23:49:31 GMT
Ugh…it’s my third friend going through this now and I am just beyond sad for all she is experiencing. 25 years together. She’s struggling to find a rental local since he said the house needs to be sold ASAP. He’s moved out. She doesn’t know where to go. Back home, stay, new state? She’s on permanent disability with a fixed income and some inheritance to live off of. It got me thinking…where is a safe, friendly, and affordable home for a single mom? She’s looked in Florida and market is tight. Do the peas have any suggestions? She prefers warmer weather and wants to be able to connect with people in her new community. She has two kids in high school for reference. With kids under the age of 18 the state will have a lot to say about where she can move to. She needs to talk to her lawyer about what limitations the law puts on her before getting into looking too hard. And with kids in high school changing schools and specially changing states can cause problems. They may end up needing a lot of extra credits to take to graduate from a different state. We knew we were due to move (military) During my daughter's senior year of high school. She worked her posterior off to be able to graduate at the end of her junior year. So she/we wouldn't have to deal with the issues of moving in the middle of the senior year. Military ended up moving us during her jr year. The school in Hawaii did not to to honor the schedule set up for her to be a graduating junior. Even though she had Virginia State history as a freshman in a department of defense American school while we lived in Italy, New York made her take New York state history. Hawaii was going to make her attend high school for another year and take Hawaiian State History which is required to graduate from a Hawaiian public school. Moving kids in high school can really mess up their graduation, especially once the freshman year is done. Depending on her level of disability she may want to also consider what help she might need from extended family or friends. Moving to a new place as an adult is HARD to make new friends. Even if the resident population is friendly. Most of them are settled into friendship circles and aren't taking on new friends. Not to be a downer but it is a real issue that needs a realistic look. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 20, 2021 10:45:57 GMT
I agree. Unless there is a specific reason to move a HS aged student, I vote to stay in the school district. The kids have had enough change. That would give your friend time to plan and find a good place to go. That is not always a possibility. There were very few rentals in my kids school district I could afford. I just happen to luck out on getting one at the right time. But I couldn’t afford it without my alimony. That’s why I’m glad the court is finally disallowing towns to ‘trade’ their low income housing requirements with a nearby ( lower income ) town. Won’t help me but maybe some single parents in the future will have a better choice rather than taking their kids from the district. I knew one family where one parent died and the single parent just couldn’t afford this town. And my town is a pretty middle of the rd town on affordability. Rentals are just pretty high. This is a good point. Finances determine much of what can be done. And it's a good example of why someone may want to fight for alimony, although that may not be the choice for everyone. |
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snickle
Junior Member
Posts: 65
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Post by snickle on Dec 20, 2021 12:22:08 GMT
If she has a disability, how able is she to care for a home and all the upkeep? That needs to be part of the equation when selecting somewhere to live. If she can manage the home, she might be able to stay in the current home with the kids and him paying his share of the mortgage.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,024
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Dec 20, 2021 12:36:51 GMT
Divorce is especially hard on kids so would not on top of everything make them move far away from their father and their friends.
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Post by peasapie on Dec 20, 2021 12:58:23 GMT
Please encourage her to a- speak with her lawyer about this demand that she move out. Her disability could work on her behalf. And b- call social services to find out how to apply for housing in a low or moderate housing development. We got my brother (disabled emotionally) into reduced housing based on income. He pays $350/mo for an apartment that would be $1,000 more per month in a very nice area.
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Post by peace on Dec 20, 2021 14:10:31 GMT
Is she over 55? If she wants to live in Florida the cheapest route is a mobile home park for 55+. There are many but prices are going up there as well.
She definitely needs advice about moving. I did move while going through my divorce. Ex "allowed" it. Which in hindsight shocks me as it lessened his control. But the house sold and I had to move.
Good luck to your friend. If she gets serious about moving to Florida, I'd be happy to give her the 411. As much as I know.
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Post by elaine on Dec 20, 2021 14:20:27 GMT
Is she over 55? If she wants to live in Florida the cheapest route is a mobile home park for 55+. There are many but prices are going up there as well. She definitely needs advice about moving. I did move while going through my divorce. Ex "allowed" it. Which in hindsight shocks me as it lessened his control. But the house sold and I had to move. Good luck to your friend. If she gets serious about moving to Florida, I'd be happy to give her the 411. As much as I know. She can’t move into a 55+ community with school-aged (albeit older school-aged) children living with her. |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 20, 2021 14:54:34 GMT
Why does he get to decide the house needs to be sold asap? She needs some legal advice Yes! He should have to help pay the mortgage until the kids graduate. |
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Post by peace on Dec 20, 2021 16:31:07 GMT
Is she over 55? If she wants to live in Florida the cheapest route is a mobile home park for 55+. There are many but prices are going up there as well. She definitely needs advice about moving. I did move while going through my divorce. Ex "allowed" it. Which in hindsight shocks me as it lessened his control. But the house sold and I had to move. Good luck to your friend. If she gets serious about moving to Florida, I'd be happy to give her the 411. As much as I know. She can’t move into a 55+ community with school-aged (albeit older school-aged) children living with her. true. I must've missed that little tidbit |
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Post by marysue63 on Dec 20, 2021 18:33:33 GMT
I am moving to the Willamette Valley area in Oregon Not to hijack but welcome! I love the Willamette Valley, born, raised, and still living here! |
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Post by papersilly on Dec 20, 2021 18:52:29 GMT
I am moving to the Willamette Valley area in Oregon Not to hijack but welcome! I love the Willamette Valley, born, raised, and still living here! We're moving here too! we are a few years away but we are already scoping out the areas we might want to be in. right now, Happy Valley, Sherwood, and Wilsonville are leading the pack. |
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,784
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 20, 2021 18:56:54 GMT
She needs to hire a lawyer yesterday.
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Post by aljack on Dec 20, 2021 19:34:17 GMT
So many follow ups….
He isn’t seeing the kids for long periods as he states he has no space for them in his new place. He visits them at the house when he wants. He has said he is fine if she decides to move back to her home state, NJ, but she isn’t sure she can afford to or wants to.
She won’t hire an attorney, I have tried to talk to her. Trust me. I wish it were different.
I think she’s just trying to keep her head above water in the game of life since her entire adult life has just been shattered. This is her high school sweetheart. She’s never lived alone.
In many ways, I think she just wants an entirely new life away from people who knew her as his wife. No reminders.
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,785
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Dec 20, 2021 21:06:02 GMT
In many ways, I think she just wants an entirely new life away from people who knew her as his wife. No reminders. When I got divorced, I moved from DC to the Dallas area because most of my family, including my big sister lived here. I had planned to move back to Seattle which is where I was born and raised but after visiting Dallas (where I had no history) and knowing that I would have the support I needed, decided to move down here. I like that I had a fresh start- no memories associated with my ex or my life 'before.' I don't have to worry about running into him and haven't seen him in 4 years so for me, it was great to have a clean slate. My DS is grown and lives in DC so I do have some 'flashbacks' from our few years there when I go back to visit DS but it's not bad and it doesn't really trigger me. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Dec 20, 2021 21:09:38 GMT
I can understand wanting a fresh start but I think she should think about:
- where she already has some friends and family
- where she likes the climate (political and non)
- where she can afford
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