Good update on my situation
Dec 29, 2021 12:22:07 GMT
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peajays, RosieKat, and 120 more like this
Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 29, 2021 12:22:07 GMT
A couple of months ago I was in a really dark place and struggling so much with my kids. I was having a rough time just dealing with all the stress and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know what to do with all my feelings. I came here and vented and all of you just really rallied around me. So many nice posts on my thread, messages sent through PMs, cards sent in the mail, and a group of you sent me some lovely care packages. And I will tell you that from the bottom of my heart, I appreciated every kindness shown to me.
I thought I would update you guys on what has been going on with me and my kids. It is a good update.
I was able to get a referral from my retiring therapist to a new one. I've had 6 sessions with her and I feel like she has helped me right the ship. She has guided me on how to put some boundaries in place and let go of taking responsibility for the actions of my kids that aren't my burden to bear. For now, I feel like I am in a good place and I will not see her anymore unless or until I feel like I need a refresher on how to handle things again.
My oldest DD spent some time in an inpatient facility. She had been so opposed to them but when she had the psychotic break, the police took her in and she had no choice but to go. She came away from that experience feeling like it was a positive thing. A reset button, if you will. She has been seeing her psychiatrist regularly. I think she is not yet on the right medication. I am encouraging her to share her experiences with him. She has had a couple of meltdowns since that experience but nothing that rivaled the week leading up to her hospitalization. She got a good job and she has been working steadily. She has always been a hard worker. Her boyfriend proposed to her this Christmas. I don't think they are the best match. I would love to see her with someone who is a little more laid back. But she is happy, she thinks it's going to be a long engagement (which I think is a good thing), and he does care about her. I have put some boundaries in place with her. I am not taking her on during her meltdowns. And I think that has improved our relationship. She is not blaming me for everything. And we have been able to spend quality time together lately.
My younger DDs mood has been better. She has been having a long distance relationship with a guy who lives quite far from us. She announced that she is leaving in February to go live with him in Illinois. The anticipation seems to have lifted her mood considerably. She has saved up money and she is ready to go. My initial reaction was fear that she would be away from me and I wouldn't be able to help her if she sunk into a depression. But, I think she's young and she deserves an adventure. She deserves to experience love with a person her age. I think being home she was just languishing. So I'm choosing to put my worry aside and support her in this adventure. And of course I have reiterated a million times that my door is always open to her if she needs to come back.
We had a really nice Christmas. Everything is currently going well. I am no longer feeling despair. I am optimistic that both my kids are moving in the right direction...for them. I've accepted it's not my place to write their stories. And my therapist has helped me realize yet again that they are adults and I'm not responsible for them and their actions. They must find their way on their own. And she gently reminds all the time that I was 26 when I finally saw a therapist and 27 when I started taking meds. So it took me time to mature and take care of myself too. And I turned out ok. That thought brings me comfort. They still have time to figure things out. And she has shown me that maybe my expectations of my kids are unrealistic too. Just because I intervened early, doesn't mean they have the maturity to understand it all. Meaning...it took me 20 years to get where I am. I can't expect that from 20 and 21 year olds. But if I choose my moments wisely, I can still offer them advice and guidance. But I definitely need to take a step back and let them try to handle things on their own.
Anyway I just wanted to let all of you kind people know that I feel like myself again. I feel fortified to meet the challenges I will certainly meet again. I think I have a better handle on what my role is. And I'm watching my kids make some progress.
I feel like 2022 is going to be a better year for us all. I will never forget the kindness you all showed me. And I will do my best to pay it forward for peas that need my support too.
I thought I would update you guys on what has been going on with me and my kids. It is a good update.
I was able to get a referral from my retiring therapist to a new one. I've had 6 sessions with her and I feel like she has helped me right the ship. She has guided me on how to put some boundaries in place and let go of taking responsibility for the actions of my kids that aren't my burden to bear. For now, I feel like I am in a good place and I will not see her anymore unless or until I feel like I need a refresher on how to handle things again.
My oldest DD spent some time in an inpatient facility. She had been so opposed to them but when she had the psychotic break, the police took her in and she had no choice but to go. She came away from that experience feeling like it was a positive thing. A reset button, if you will. She has been seeing her psychiatrist regularly. I think she is not yet on the right medication. I am encouraging her to share her experiences with him. She has had a couple of meltdowns since that experience but nothing that rivaled the week leading up to her hospitalization. She got a good job and she has been working steadily. She has always been a hard worker. Her boyfriend proposed to her this Christmas. I don't think they are the best match. I would love to see her with someone who is a little more laid back. But she is happy, she thinks it's going to be a long engagement (which I think is a good thing), and he does care about her. I have put some boundaries in place with her. I am not taking her on during her meltdowns. And I think that has improved our relationship. She is not blaming me for everything. And we have been able to spend quality time together lately.
My younger DDs mood has been better. She has been having a long distance relationship with a guy who lives quite far from us. She announced that she is leaving in February to go live with him in Illinois. The anticipation seems to have lifted her mood considerably. She has saved up money and she is ready to go. My initial reaction was fear that she would be away from me and I wouldn't be able to help her if she sunk into a depression. But, I think she's young and she deserves an adventure. She deserves to experience love with a person her age. I think being home she was just languishing. So I'm choosing to put my worry aside and support her in this adventure. And of course I have reiterated a million times that my door is always open to her if she needs to come back.
We had a really nice Christmas. Everything is currently going well. I am no longer feeling despair. I am optimistic that both my kids are moving in the right direction...for them. I've accepted it's not my place to write their stories. And my therapist has helped me realize yet again that they are adults and I'm not responsible for them and their actions. They must find their way on their own. And she gently reminds all the time that I was 26 when I finally saw a therapist and 27 when I started taking meds. So it took me time to mature and take care of myself too. And I turned out ok. That thought brings me comfort. They still have time to figure things out. And she has shown me that maybe my expectations of my kids are unrealistic too. Just because I intervened early, doesn't mean they have the maturity to understand it all. Meaning...it took me 20 years to get where I am. I can't expect that from 20 and 21 year olds. But if I choose my moments wisely, I can still offer them advice and guidance. But I definitely need to take a step back and let them try to handle things on their own.
Anyway I just wanted to let all of you kind people know that I feel like myself again. I feel fortified to meet the challenges I will certainly meet again. I think I have a better handle on what my role is. And I'm watching my kids make some progress.
I feel like 2022 is going to be a better year for us all. I will never forget the kindness you all showed me. And I will do my best to pay it forward for peas that need my support too.
