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Post by LAM88 on Nov 26, 2014 15:08:13 GMT
In the UVA Rolling Stone article, I was stunned and saddened that young women today would not rally around someone who has been sexually assaulted. My thinking that woman have a stronger voice today and would come to the aid of their sisters was shattered. I agree that the lack of support she got from her friends, especially other women, was shocking. |
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Post by rainangel on Nov 26, 2014 15:11:01 GMT
I'm a bit surprised at how many women have never given explicit consent to sex. You've never said, "Hey, let's go have sex"? Nobody has ever asked if you wanted to have sex and you've never replied, "Hell yes!"? Huh. Actually, when I think about it, there was this one time a man said to me 'I just want to take you home and rip your clothes off' and I said 'Then let's do that!' Does that qualify  But the two hours leading up to that comment involed a lot of physical contact and kissing, so it wasn't out of the blue. So I guess I HAVE given explicit consent at least once  |
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Post by pretzels on Nov 26, 2014 15:12:01 GMT
I do think explicit consent is ridiculous. Having sex with someone who is unconscious is already illegal due to incapacity. No one needs the concept of explicit consent to protect them from that situation. But if the victim isn't unconscious but blitzed out of her mind? There's a lot of grey area where a jury would have to make a judgement call and, typically, that judgement call is made in favour of the rapist.
From what I've been reading, it appears that states that have implemented the affirmative consent requirement only do so for college students which, to me, is odd.
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. |
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Nov 26, 2014 15:19:06 GMT
But if the victim isn't unconscious but blitzed out of her mind? There's a lot of grey area where a jury would have to make a judgement call and, typically, that judgement call is made in favour of the rapist.
From what I've been reading, it appears that states that have implemented the affirmative consent requirement only do so for college students which, to me, is odd.
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. Any impairment? No. There are a lot of impaired hook-ups that are legally consensual, I would hazard to say most. |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856 
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Nov 26, 2014 15:19:10 GMT
I'm thinking what it's starting to come down to is both parties need to sign a contract they agree to sex AND have to tape the whole thing because you know someone could come back and say "well after I signed the contract he/she forced sex on me after I said changed my mind and said no". There is legitimate cases of people saying no and that's rape. Then you have cases like what's described (again I don't know the whole story just going by what is posted!) that to me isn't rape!
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,412
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 26, 2014 15:28:11 GMT
She's ridiculous. She didn't say no. She participated. So what's she trying to get out of this? Just publicity? Public sympathy? Revenge? Money. |
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Post by pretzels on Nov 26, 2014 15:29:02 GMT
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. Any impairment? No. There are a lot of impaired hook-ups that are legally consensual, I would hazard to say most. In my state, if sex occurs and the actor knows that his or her partner is unaware of what is going on, it is considered rape. Now, do most women who have sex under those circumstances consider it rape? Probably not, but if someone is so blitzed out of his or her mind that he or she is not aware of what is actually going on, he or she could consider it rape. |
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,963
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Nov 26, 2014 15:42:15 GMT
I guess a good rule of thumb would be to not allow yourself to get so inebriated that you don't know what's happening. Yes, we've all the occasion where it happened, but I'm referring to those who get to that point consistently. My BFF used to do it when we'd go out. I can't tell you the number of times I forcefully pulled her out of a nightclub and piled her in the car to keep her from leaving with some random dude she just met. It was exhausting and eventually I got to the point that I refuse to go out with her anymore.
I definitely don't mean to sound like I'm victim blaming anyone who's had that happen, but to a certain extent you need to be responsible for your own behavior and safety.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Nov 26, 2014 15:45:51 GMT
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. Does that count in a man's defense too? If they are both impaired does it fall in the woman's favor that she couldn't give consent? Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. But it never has been man's way. |
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Dalai Mama
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La Pea Boheme
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Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Nov 26, 2014 15:49:12 GMT
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. Does that count in a man's defense too? If they are both impaired does it fall in the woman's favor that she couldn't give consent? Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. But it never has been man's way. Rape occurs inside of marriage as well as outside.
And, yes, consent should work both ways.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:55:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 15:50:30 GMT
Was she in a lower position than this guy? Meaning being scared she would be fired, demoted, black listed, and there was the chance of ruining her career. I don't know. Just a thought.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Nov 26, 2014 15:52:23 GMT
Any impairment? No. There are a lot of impaired hook-ups that are legally consensual, I would hazard to say most. In my state, if sex occurs and the actor knows that his or her partner is unaware of what is going on, it is considered rape. Now, do most women who have sex under those circumstances consider it rape? Probably not, but if someone is so blitzed out of his or her mind that he or she is not aware of what is actually going on, he or she could consider it rape. This to me is why affirmative consent is important in situations where alcohol is involved. It takes away the 'guess work' that arises from impairment. Is he/she aware of what is going on? Does he/she consent to sex? Don't guess, ask. |
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Post by pretzels on Nov 26, 2014 15:56:49 GMT
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. Does that count in a man's defense too? If they are both impaired does it fall in the woman's favor that she couldn't give consent? Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. But it never has been man's way. I guess that's where the tricky legal maneuvering begins. My state says that the actor has to KNOW that his or her partner is impaired. I guess if he or she were also so intoxicated that he or she was unable to determine impairment, then that would be to his or her benefit in the legal case. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:55:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 15:58:59 GMT
I think the legal standard is that if you are impaired in any way, you cannot consent. Does that count in a man's defense too? If they are both impaired does it fall in the woman's favor that she couldn't give consent? Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. But it never has been man's way. Rape happens in marriage too. |
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Post by jumperhop on Nov 26, 2014 16:13:52 GMT
I feel sorry for guys just trying to get laid they do everything right and still get in trouble. Someone needs to make a sex contract app. That would make it easy to get the consent.
Jen
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 26, 2014 16:30:04 GMT
Not to be a smart ass, but if I was famous in any way (politician, professional athlete, on television), I would not bed anyone who hadn't signed a sexual consent form & had it notarized.
I'm only half kidding.
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Post by Sparki on Nov 26, 2014 16:32:16 GMT
I don't think I've ever given explicit consent, either.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:55:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 16:32:17 GMT
There was a university a few years ago that tried to institute a policy about asking in order to decrease the incidents of rape.
Before two students kissed, one had to ask "may I kiss you" and the other had to respond with yes or no. And so on and so forth.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,963
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Nov 26, 2014 16:42:52 GMT
If we learn nothing else from this thread, perhaps it should be that maybe the Duggars are onto something and they could start renting themselves out as chaperones. Completely kidding.  |
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Post by jumperhop on Nov 26, 2014 16:48:00 GMT
I googled it. There is a consenting adult app.
You want to have sex with someone? It will send you a code. You enter the code. Sounds simple. Worth the protection.
Jen
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Nov 26, 2014 16:49:05 GMT
If we learn nothing else from this thread, perhaps it should be that maybe the Duggars are onto something and they could start renting themselves out as chaperones. Completely kidding. Haha best post on this thread! |
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 26, 2014 16:49:57 GMT
I feel sorry for guys just trying to get laid they do everything right and still get in trouble. Someone needs to make a sex contract app. That would make it easy to get the consent. Jen At least one app has already been tried. Good2Go was developed locally, so made the news here when released. It lasted about a week before Apple pulled it. |
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Post by gar on Nov 26, 2014 16:53:35 GMT
Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. According to who? |
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,083
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Post by happymomma on Nov 26, 2014 16:54:48 GMT
I feel sorry for guys just trying to get laid they do everything right and still get in trouble. Someone needs to make a sex contract app. That would make it easy to get the consent. Jen Oh yes! Get this idea to Shark Tank, girl! |
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 26, 2014 18:00:04 GMT
I've had sex after drinking. My choice. To say I didn't consent or couldn't consent is ridiculous.
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Post by pretzels on Nov 26, 2014 18:04:48 GMT
I've had sex after drinking. My choice. To say I didn't consent or couldn't consent is ridiculous. There's a difference between having sex after drinking, and having sex after drinking so much you barely know what is going on. Two different things. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:55:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 18:10:57 GMT
I've had sex after drinking. My choice. To say I didn't consent or couldn't consent is ridiculous. There's a difference between having sex after drinking, and having sex after drinking so much you barely know what is going on. Two different things. Exactly. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:55:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 18:16:13 GMT
So people who never get married shouldn't have sex?
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Nov 26, 2014 21:19:14 GMT
Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. But it never has been man's way. That's a ridiculous idea. Sex is not just for marriage. I am so tired of that outdated concept. And people in marriages aren't completely safe from non-consensual sex. If you think marriage is some kind of protection from rape, then you're seriously misguided. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:55:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 22:06:49 GMT
Wish folks would keep sex where it belongs. In marriage. But it never has been man's way. Non consensual sex is rape even within marriage. Surely the days of being sexually submissive to your spouse have long gone in a civilized society. |
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