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Post by cannmom on Feb 17, 2022 0:23:34 GMT
What do you consider self love? I had a moment of truth lately while taking an exercise class. The instructor said “ self love and care isn’t always a bubble bath.Sometimes self love is getting up and doing the hard things. “ Truth moment for me. I don’t mind loving myself with the cupcake or the bubble bath, but sometimes I need to love myself enough to show up and do the hard work. Set goals, push my boundaries, and do the things that will enable me to live the life I want. I know I need and want to lose weight, but I don’t make it the priority that I could. So, today, I loved myself enough to fix a healthy breakfast and lunch and took it to work. I loved myself to workout after work instead just sitting on the couch.
Right now, I need to push. I also firmly believe that sometimes self care is not pushing. Sometimes, it’s taking the nap, going on the vacation, or binging a show on Netflix. I guess it’s more about where you are right now. I know what I really need now is the push more than the treat.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Feb 17, 2022 0:27:03 GMT
Kudos on healthy choices today! I am in exactly the same boat these days > I need to love myself enough to show up and do the hard work. Set goals, push my boundaries, and do the things that will enable me to live the life I want. I know I need and want to lose weight, but I don’t make it the priority that I could.
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Post by gizzy on Feb 17, 2022 1:09:16 GMT
Interesting. I hadn't thought of self love in that respect before. That actually speaks more to me than most of the self love suggestions I've heard.
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Post by pmm on Feb 17, 2022 1:21:28 GMT
Thanks for sharing her perspective. I really needed to hear that today. I too need to lose weight, but I haven't been putting in the hard work.
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Post by mom on Feb 17, 2022 1:30:11 GMT
What do you consider self love? I had a moment of truth lately while taking an exercise class. The instructor said “ self love and care isn’t always a bubble bath.Sometimes self love is getting up and doing the hard things. “ Truth moment for me. I don’t mind loving myself with the cupcake or the bubble bath, but sometimes I need to love myself enough to show up and do the hard work. Set goals, push my boundaries, and do the things that will enable me to live the life I want. I know I need and want to lose weight, but I don’t make it the priority that I could. So, today, I loved myself enough to fix a healthy breakfast and lunch and took it to work. I loved myself to workout after work instead just sitting on the couch. Right now, I need to push. I also firmly believe that sometimes self care is not pushing. Sometimes, it’s taking the nap, going on the vacation, or binging a show on Netflix. I guess it’s more about where you are right now. I know what I really need now is the push more than the treat. Well, this week self love looks like asking for anxiety/depression medicine. I've done everything I can do myself to pull me out of this hole and its just not working. Not happy about it, at all. Its been a decade, almost, since my last real deep depression and I thought I was done with it. Apparently not. My Dr assures me anxiety can look and feel like depression, so we are treating the depression. But self care also looks like buying a ridiculously expensive purse, because damn it. I have to take depression meds then I at least want a cute purse to carry the pill bottle in. Im ridiculous like that.
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Post by cannmom on Feb 17, 2022 1:54:08 GMT
What do you consider self love? I had a moment of truth lately while taking an exercise class. The instructor said “ self love and care isn’t always a bubble bath.Sometimes self love is getting up and doing the hard things. “ Truth moment for me. I don’t mind loving myself with the cupcake or the bubble bath, but sometimes I need to love myself enough to show up and do the hard work. Set goals, push my boundaries, and do the things that will enable me to live the life I want. I know I need and want to lose weight, but I don’t make it the priority that I could. So, today, I loved myself enough to fix a healthy breakfast and lunch and took it to work. I loved myself to workout after work instead just sitting on the couch. Right now, I need to push. I also firmly believe that sometimes self care is not pushing. Sometimes, it’s taking the nap, going on the vacation, or binging a show on Netflix. I guess it’s more about where you are right now. I know what I really need now is the push more than the treat. Well, this week self love looks like asking for anxiety/depression medicine. I've done everything I can do myself to pull me out of this hole and its just not working. Not happy about it, at all. Its been a decade, almost, since my last real deep depression and I thought I was done with it. Apparently not. My Dr assures me anxiety can look and feel like depression, so we are treating the depression. But self care also looks like buying a ridiculously expensive purse, because damn it. I have to take depression meds then I at least want a cute purse to carry the pill bottle in. Im ridiculous like that. That definitely fits the definition of self love. One of the worst and ultimately probably best days of my life was the day I sobbed uncontrollably in my Dr’s office and walked out with a prescription for an anti-depressant. Changed my life. You go for the ridiculously expensive purse. I think you deserve it. Actually a new purse is the reward I picked for running a 5k in the Spring! 😁👜
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Post by Neisey on Feb 17, 2022 2:10:13 GMT
I like your perspective!
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keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
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Jun 29, 2014 3:29:30 GMT
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Feb 17, 2022 2:10:42 GMT
Self love for me is making things as easy as possible. I do a lot of things to set up my week/day to function well and as easy as possible(set coffee maker to start automatically, put out my pre-arranged vitamins/meds, meal prep). I also commit to my minimum baseline every day. Move for at least 15 minutes, shower and get dressed every day (even if I have the day off), clean the kitchen before I go to bed.
I have found that taking a little extra time at various points during the week to set myself up for success is a huge form of self love.
I also never tell myself that I can't, that I don't have time, etc. I always have a choice. I may not like the choices, or the consequences of the choices, but I always have a choice no matter the circumstance
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Post by Merge on Feb 17, 2022 2:17:35 GMT
… anyone else think this thread was going to be more Steph-related? 😂😂😂
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luckyexwife
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Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Feb 17, 2022 2:26:51 GMT
Thank you for asking this question. I have really been struggling with this.
I've been losing weight, and I want to continue, and I've been seeing a trainer at my gym. Because of my recent struggles, I'm had a really hard time getting out of bed to go before work. I keep trying to change my thinking and tell myself I get to get up early, not that I have to get up early. I need to do this because I want to better myself.
I'll be reading this thread with interest, to hear other perspectives as well. I need to learn how how to be alone, and I don't know how to do that.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Feb 17, 2022 2:41:13 GMT
I call it "taking care of my wellbeing".
The easy stuff:
Getting enough sleep.
Drinking enough water.
Nurturing my heart and soul.
Putting myself and my wellbeing first.
Doing the things I love to do.
______________________________________________
The hard stuff:
Having and enforcing boundaries.
Say NO! or no thank you.
Going to the gym. Not my favorite thing thing to do(with the exception of walking), but it's necessary.
Standing up for myself, against people who are bullies or come across as bullies, or twist my words trying to make me look bad or difficult or into something other than I am. Thankfully, I can easily let things go in one ear and out the other or I scroll on by and not engage on message boards and social media.
Communicationing honestly. Communication is everything.For the most part, no one knows what I am thinking or feeling, unless I communicate it to them.
Making better food choices. Not snacking as much.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Feb 17, 2022 3:09:41 GMT
I needed to hear this today. Thanks.
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 17, 2022 3:54:09 GMT
I like this perspective.
For me self love involves getting enough sleep, eating right and exercising and not over scheduling myself.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Feb 17, 2022 4:10:27 GMT
I definitely agree with that. Some days self-care is relaxing and watching tv or reading a book. Other days self-care is getting up and being productive. It depends on what you need that day and what will help you to feel refreshed and ready to keep going with life.
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Feb 17, 2022 10:46:30 GMT
I totally agree with this expression. I also take care of myself by making my mammogram, dental, and physical appointments.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Posts: 6,899
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Feb 17, 2022 11:25:11 GMT
You know what? You're right. My oncologists/doctors keep telling me to rest if I need to rest, but when I'm exhausted physically and surrounded by mess, it also exhausts me mentally. So even though cleaning up makes me hurt physically during and afterwards, my mind feels cleaner and more alert.
On my To Do list today is to make a slow cooker beef stew and a batch of bread, and to put away the dry laundry, and change and wash the bedding. My oncologist is calling this afternoon. I'm not sure I'll get it all done.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 17, 2022 11:36:11 GMT
Standing up for myself, against people who are bullies or come across as bullies, or twist my words trying to make me look bad or difficult or into something other than I am. Thankfully, I can easily let things go in one ear and out the other or I scroll on by and not engage on message boards and social media. Communicationing honestly. Communication is everything.For the most part, no one knows what I am thinking or feeling, unless I communicate it These two were the hardest for me, but I’ve worked on it in therapy. I was good at standing up for my loved ones but had to learn to stand up for myself. I’d grown up in a home with no role models in this regard and had to learn from a friend (who modeled it for me with others) what that looks like. It was too easy for me to let things go when I needed to address them instead. Another side to that coin was in identifying how I felt about things. For years I ignored my feelings in the service of others and thought it was honorable. My shrink taught me the importance of being self-ish and both understanding and articulating my feelings.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 17:26:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2022 12:04:35 GMT
I consider self love to be taking care of yourself. That includes making your health a priority.
I get body positivity and loving the body you have. I don't agree with the constant dieting and "gotta be skinny" mantra that's pushed as well. If you're not happy with your body, then you shouldn't force yourself to "love the body you have." You should decide for yourself what will make you feel better, not some influencer. If a healthier diet will do it, then that's self love. If finding a new workout routine does it, then that's self love.
At the same time, taking time for yourself for a bubble bath and a glass of wine is also self love. We - both men and women - need to understand that self love is more than wanting a few quiet moments to ourselves. It is simply taking care of ourselves first, physically and mentally. All too often, people focus on the physical part and not enough on the mental part.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 17, 2022 12:17:53 GMT
What do you consider self love? I had a moment of truth lately while taking an exercise class. The instructor said “ self love and care isn’t always a bubble bath.Sometimes self love is getting up and doing the hard things. “ Truth moment for me. I don’t mind loving myself with the cupcake or the bubble bath, but sometimes I need to love myself enough to show up and do the hard work. Set goals, push my boundaries, and do the things that will enable me to live the life I want. I know I need and want to lose weight, but I don’t make it the priority that I could. So, today, I loved myself enough to fix a healthy breakfast and lunch and took it to work. I loved myself to workout after work instead just sitting on the couch. Right now, I need to push. I also firmly believe that sometimes self care is not pushing. Sometimes, it’s taking the nap, going on the vacation, or binging a show on Netflix. I guess it’s more about where you are right now. I know what I really need now is the push more than the treat. Well, this week self love looks like asking for anxiety/depression medicine. I've done everything I can do myself to pull me out of this hole and its just not working. Not happy about it, at all. Its been a decade, almost, since my last real deep depression and I thought I was done with it. Apparently not. My Dr assures me anxiety can look and feel like depression, so we are treating the depression. But self care also looks like buying a ridiculously expensive purse, because damn it. I have to take depression meds then I at least want a cute purse to carry the pill bottle in. Im ridiculous like that. Yes that is an act of love. And you deserve some peace. And everyone deserves not to feel depressed. Depression is an ugly thing. And please don't feel bad about taking meds. They are a tool. Maybe in your case, not a forever one either. ❤️
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mamapeaah
Full Member
Posts: 326
Sept 30, 2021 4:39:02 GMT
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Post by mamapeaah on Feb 17, 2022 12:45:02 GMT
Not to sound cliché but when I think of self love, I imagine my inner child.
Because the things a child needs, or that you would do for your child is a form of self love.
Things like making your bed (so you feel tucked in at night), exercising, providing proper food, but also yes, the bubble baths, painting, dancing and "fun things"
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 17, 2022 12:59:59 GMT
You know what? You're right. My oncologists/doctors keep telling me to rest if I need to rest, but when I'm exhausted physically and surrounded by mess, it also exhausts me mentally. So even though cleaning up makes me hurt physically during and afterwards, my mind feels cleaner and more alert. On my To Do list today is to make a slow cooker beef stew and a batch of bread, and to put away the dry laundry, and change and wash the bedding. My oncologist is calling this afternoon. I'm not sure I'll get it all done. I bet you have friends who ask what can I do? You know which ones mean it. Call them and say please come wash my sheets and make my bed. If one of my friends asked me that, I'd be all over it. Hugs, dear Pea.
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 17, 2022 13:02:41 GMT
As my DH was becoming more and more frail, I realized I was not taking care of myself. I started making sure I ate better.
Another issue I have had was feeling I needed to do everything for everyone. I have worked on that a lot over the last year. I read a great book, The Joy of Being Selfish. I never read self-help books, but this one is amazing. It's very conversational and an easy read.
Right now I have a lot to do around my house and in dealing with paperwork associated with death. I am forcing myself to stop midafternoon and do something relaxing. I picked up some actual books (instead of ebooks) at B&N, so I am curling up and reading.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 17, 2022 13:19:13 GMT
I read this post last night and I needed time to really process and think about it. I woke up this morning at 5 am and read all the responses. Self-love to me is both action and attitude. I listened yesterday to Brene Brown's latest Unlocking Us podcast where she interviewed Jason Reynolds. He made a statement that he is both masterpiece and mess. This really resonated with me because this is exactly the way I feel about myself. Confidence in yourself is such a huge thing and embracing your weaknesses and trying to figure out the puzzle of them is key. As with anyone, I do fall into a pattern where I beat myself up sometimes over my weaknesses. It really takes me sometimes working through them in my head in order for me to get to a place of acceptance. Sometimes I find talking things out with a therapist is key to understanding and sometimes I think talking through things with the peas helps me. This is why sometimes I put out there general questions (like my how you spend your time post from last week) and just wait to hear the responses. I love listening to everyone's take on the topic and it helps me sort through my own thoughts on it. And I think even if you've had therapy in the past and thought that you had worked out your issues, when you have life change or stressful situation present itself, it's totally normal to feel set back and then that's when you have to do the hard work again of figuring out what direction you want to go in. I am not surprised lately to read some of the topics on this board as of late because I think a lot of us came together years ago when our children were small and now our children are starting to fly the nest and all of us in this position are now figuring out our new direction. So I think confidence to take a good look at your weaknesses and figure out a plan to address them is definitely a key to self-love. This is what I mean about attitude. It isn't until we can definitively "see" the path and embrace what needs to be done that we can take the necessary actions to make it happen. I think action flows from attitude. Like with my example last week of the time question, after talking with all of you, I realized that I needed to adjust my attitude about productivity as a virtue. So in my case, inaction is acceptable and part of loving myself is giving myself the grace to know that it's OK that I have more time on my hands now that my kids are grown and flown and that I don't have to keep busy all the damn time. I also embrace the fact that I am a rapid cycling bipolar person. My mood and my needs aren't consistent from day to day (I have had this acceptance for a very long time now). It is hard for me to make a plan that requires daily commitment because I sometimes face a mood where I've got to pivot my self-care. And that's alright too. This is also a part of attitude. With that said, I can see the things that are good for me, mentally. One of those things is exercise. Exercise is my total nemesis because it's so hard to get myself going when I feel bad, but such a mood booster that I know if I can get myself going, I absolutely will reap the benefits. And that's what I've got to tell myself. Every single day. I can live with extra weight without it negatively impacting my thoughts about myself. But mental stability is something I need to consciously work on every single day and exercise is a huge part of that. And this was just to give you an example of action I feel I need to take for my own wellness. I, like keithurbanlovinpea, take the minimum baseline approach to action. Because of my mood disorder, I set my minimum baseline every single day. I don't long term goal plan for personal things because I know it will end up with me disappointed in myself. So knowing yourself is key, IMO. While I will agree with the statement that self-love is doing hard things, I am square with the idea that for some people (me), long term goals are probably setting myself up for disappointment and would be contrary to generating the type of confidence that I think is necessary to maintain a loving attitude toward myself. So each day, I wake up, have a couple of cups of coffee and then assess how I feel this day is going to go and I set my minimum baseline goals for the day. And this works for me. It makes me feel confident and accomplished. And some days, I go way beyond that minimum because my mood can change on a dime. Some days I really have to push for that minimum. I accept that I'm never going to run a marathon because that is too big a goal for me and requires a commitment that my mood disorder just won't support. But if I can get out there three times a week and run a mile or two, well then I'm willing to call myself a success. And I don't feel disappointed in myself, I don't beat myself up over this. Again, attitude about your action. Anyway, I'm sorry this has been such a long response.
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
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Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Feb 17, 2022 13:22:09 GMT
I definitely think this is true.
I went from self-loathing, being overweight and very sedentary to changing my way of life 6 weeks ago and losing 14lbs (so far, many more to go).
Now I'm feeling proud of myself and motivated to get healthy, feel better and change my life. I love myself now for what I'm doing for myself.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Feb 17, 2022 14:20:42 GMT
… anyone else think this thread was going to be more Steph-related? 😂😂😂 I was thinking there is a 50/50 chance it would be Steph-related. Sounds like sometimes we need to do a little tough love with ourselves. I now I need to be a bit more serious about a few things that woud make me feel so much better.
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MorningPerson
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Posts: 2,543
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Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Feb 17, 2022 15:16:24 GMT
What a great thread. cannmom, what your instructor said really resonated with me and made me think. Like others have said, I think what self love is changes from person to person, from life stage to life stage, and from day to day. The idea of bubble baths and a glass of wine doesn't really do it for me at this stage in my life. In fact, quitting drinking a few years ago has turned out to be one of the biggest and best things I've done to show love to myself. One thing I'm working on now is caring for myself by being better about my diet. I've never had to worry too much about my weight, which has contributed to me being very lax about what kind of foods I'm putting in my body. Unfortunately it's catching up with me in the form of high cholesterol and sugar levels that are inching up. I don't want to do that to myself any more. So much food for thought (no pun intended) in this discussion.
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Mystie
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Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Feb 17, 2022 15:33:13 GMT
mom I hope the meds AND the purse both do you a world of good. I think both are good examples of self-love.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Feb 17, 2022 15:37:18 GMT
As my DH was becoming more and more frail, I realized I was not taking care of myself. I started making sure I ate better. Another issue I have had was feeling I needed to do everything for everyone. I have worked on that a lot over the last year. I read a great book, The Joy of Being Selfish. I never read self-help books, but this one is amazing. It's very conversational and an easy read. Right now I have a lot to do around my house and in dealing with paperwork associated with death. I am forcing myself to stop midafternoon and do something relaxing. I picked up some actual books (instead of ebooks) at B&N, so I am curling up and reading. So much paperwork. My mom was swamped when Dad died. I hope you have a lovely reading afternoon. I've been trying to be more intentional about putting reading time into my schedule the past few weeks and it's been great. Glad you're going to take some time for a break!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Feb 17, 2022 15:47:10 GMT
You know what? You're right. My oncologists/doctors keep telling me to rest if I need to rest, but when I'm exhausted physically and surrounded by mess, it also exhausts me mentally. So even though cleaning up makes me hurt physically during and afterwards, my mind feels cleaner and more alert. On my To Do list today is to make a slow cooker beef stew and a batch of bread, and to put away the dry laundry, and change and wash the bedding. My oncologist is calling this afternoon. I'm not sure I'll get it all done. When I went through cancer treatment in 2020, they told me to rest but also told me to try tobe as active as I felt able. 😄 How does one manage that?? Lol. Do you have anyone who can help you with some of those tasks that feel like a lot but also make you feel better about your surroundings? I went through chemo at the first height of covid, so we were isolating and perhaps you are, too, but if you feel safe, I'm sure a friend would love to come help. Wishing you strength and healing.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 17:26:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2022 16:08:07 GMT
… anyone else think this thread was going to be more Steph-related? 😂😂😂 Yup because that's straight where my mind goes when I see the phrase 'self love'.
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