Uncle passed away, what's the appropriate condolence gesture

Often my siblings and I have gone together and send a large plant, rather than flowers.

If you know where the family will gather for a meal, it might be nice to see if some place near the location would deliver the food for you.

For my family customs it depends on the emotional closeness to the surviving immediate family of the deceased. Not the name relationship (like uncle) but whether or not I feel a sense of  closeness to the aunt/cousins still living.  It ranges from a smaller floral arrangement sent to the funeral home prior to visitation or donations to their favorite/appropriate charities; more rarely a financial gift to the family if I am aware the death was unexpected and their finances can use some help with expenses they aren't prepared for 

I’d send a plant, a floral arrangement or some sort of edible arrangement/fruit, etc.

I had no idea that it wasnt universal! Where I live, if there is a long visitation time period, there is usually food at the funeral home so the family doesnt have to leave to eat. It isnt unusual to have visitation from 2pm-9pm, so people need to eat.

The meal after the funeral is usually held at a banquet hall. In the area of TN where dh's extended family lives, when you return home after the funeral, an entire spread has been laid out for everyone.

Afterwards, a donation to the church in his name, if they do the meal.

I was thinking a donation to planned parenthood in his name. 😉

Same.

I had no idea people had food at funeral homes. I’ve never seen that.

I have never seen a visitation that long. Years ago they would sometimes be set up for 1-3 pm and then 4-7, or something like that, so the family theoretically had a break. Nowadays they are usually just set for three hours, like 4-7 pm; that’s the way it was for the one I went to a few days ago.

There was food in the family room at the one the other day. It’s for the family members or close friends who are there for most or all of the time, not for the others coming to express their condolences.

I would typically send flowers and do a donation if they have designated a recipient. I know a lot of people prefer to send a plant, thinking it is better than flowers that will die. Honestly, sometimes a plant is stressful (in my opinion), as you then feel pressure to keep it alive. I just repotted two peace lilies today, one I got when my husband died, and the other from when my mother died. 

For a relative far away, considering I won’t see their family, I might also follow up with a more personal card or something, checking in on them after all the services are done.

My uncle passed away last year. He and most of his kids/grands live in the PNW. I am not particularly close to any of them beyond sharing an interest in our family trees. I sent a card to my aunt and left it at that.

Generally, the same, but at my mother in law’s wake, the funeral home set up a room for us upstairs that had water bottles, fruit and snacks. It was very nice. 

I’ve only attended funerals in Missouri, but this is customary during the wake (not during the funeral). It’s practically all day for the immediate-ish family and the hours are long so other friends and family can come and go/fit it into their schedule. The food usually stays in the kitchen at the funeral home and is more for the immediate family than the guests that filter in.

I would also do a plant. If the family doesn’t want to take it home, I’ve seen the funeral homes donate them to local hospitals afterward.