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Post by vspindler on Nov 29, 2014 4:08:46 GMT
Are your parents in the name drawing too?
Several years ago my dh's brothers, their wives, dh and I decided to draw names between us so we did not feel obligated to buy gifts for each of the brothers/sisters in law. Yesterday I got an email from my MIL and she things that she and FIL should be included in the name exchange this year. I don't know if they are doing it thinking that they would then not have to buy gifts for everyone or if they just want to be a part of it. My mom and dad are part of the name drawing on my side of the family, but we "kids" still end up giving gifts to mom and dad, and them to us. The name exchange is more of a fun thing there. But this thing with my MIL and FIL feels different, maybe because my ILs tend to be weird about money. We are all getting together for Thanksgiving this weekend and will be talking about it at that point.
I was just curious how it is for others.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 29, 2014 4:16:31 GMT
No, parents aren't included. I think if the ILs want to be in on it though, they should be allowed. Maybe money is tight?
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Post by vspindler on Nov 29, 2014 4:22:23 GMT
They travel and do all sorts of stuff that they don't seem to be concerned about spending money on. But then they get really cheap about other things, so I could see them thinking of this as a way to save money. Which is why it feels odd to me.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Nov 29, 2014 4:31:07 GMT
Our name exchange is siblings and their spouses and neices/nephews once they turn 18 or are out of school. We all gift our parents and they gift all of us too. My mom loves Christmas and giving gifts so she would hate being limited!
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akathy
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Nov 29, 2014 4:43:35 GMT
They travel and do all sorts of stuff that they don't seem to be concerned about spending money on. But then they get really cheap about other things, so I could see them thinking of this as a way to save money. Which is why it feels odd to me. I quit buying gifts for my DDs and their DHs awhile ago. It's not really even about money it just got pointless when they could afford for themselves what I could buy them. Then there's the stress of buying the right gift, the right size, etc. etc. Blah! I do other things for them during the year but gift giving is not any of our love language. I now use my Christmas money to buy gifts for little ones on an angel tree, donate to Toys for Tots, participate in Operation Christmas Child and do other things for those down on their luck or less fortunate than we are. Both my DDs are totally on board with this. A couple of years I donated surgeries in their names through the Smile Train. I still go on trips and live comfortably I'm just not into gifts. Maybe your ILs feel like I do. I'm saying this as gently as I can and no snark intended but why are you concerned about your ILs finances or how they spend their money? I would hate to be judged on how I handled my own money. |
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azredhead
Drama Llama
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Post by azredhead on Nov 29, 2014 5:04:37 GMT
No parents are not included. There are 7 of us. We have started doing it a 'families' as their families have grown.. Not all my siblings have kids, but we set a budget that everyone is okay with and that makes it easier. We've always gotten things separate for my parents.
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Post by kckckc on Nov 29, 2014 5:45:53 GMT
We no longer draw names, but when we did my parents were included. My parents also bought each couple a gift, but they asked that we not buy them anything, unless we drew their name.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by AllieC on Nov 29, 2014 7:32:31 GMT
We are doing a draw this year with my family for the first time which includes siblings, parents and all the kids (ages from 12-25). One of the main reasons is so that my parents don't have to buy for everyone anymore. Mum is 77 and Dad 85 and it is all too hard and expensive for them these days. We are a happy about it - gifts aren't really important to any of us really. We would rather have a relaxed and stress free Christmas for everyone  Mum still loves to do something so is going to bake some homemade treats for us all. My parents are adamant that we are not to buy them anything so we are doing a family photo on the day which I'll get framed. OP I don't think it is a big deal for the parents to be involved in the draw and not buy individual presents. The emphasis should be on getting together and not on who buys what for whom. I find it a bit odd that adults who can buy whatever they want themselves to still expect gifts. |
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Post by leslie132 on Nov 29, 2014 13:33:34 GMT
My Mom is in the grab bag gift exchange. She buys for 12 grandchildren, and her grab bag person. We all still buy for her which gets her upset,but honestly she is worth being spoiled . |
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Post by giatocj on Nov 29, 2014 13:45:01 GMT
No, our mom is not included in the draw. We usually buy her a gift from the 3 of us (this year a "Family" necklace) and then we each give her a little something else to open (this year I bought all her greeting cards for the year).
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gloryjoy
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Post by gloryjoy on Nov 29, 2014 14:01:00 GMT
My Mom is in the grab bag gift exchange. She buys for 12 grandchildren, and her grab bag person. We all still buy for her which gets her upset,but honestly she is worth being spoiled . This is kind of like us. My mom puts her name in but she also buys for the grandchildren, even though her grandchildren are all 19 and older and go in the draw as well. And the 5 of us kids all buy a gift for our Mother. If I got her name in the draw she would get 2 gifts from me. One for the draw, one from my husband and I. My dad passed away 14 years ago and he was Mr. Christmas, he loved everything about Christmas. He always spoiled my Mom. We have all just picked up where he left off. |
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Post by Linda on Nov 29, 2014 18:01:06 GMT
Is it possible that your ILs see the appeal of not getting a ton of gifts at Christmas? Maybe they have reached a stage in life where they are starting to downsize/declutter and they would rather just get the one gift than a gift from each child?
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Post by cmpeter on Nov 29, 2014 18:04:02 GMT
We draw names with the adults on DH's side of the family. His parents are included in the name draw.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Nov 29, 2014 18:47:45 GMT
On my DH side, his parents are included in the draw, but I really don't know why. We get them each something every year.
It think it would be odd of all of a sudden they want to be in the draw, when they didn't used to, or vice versa.
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Post by Karene on Nov 29, 2014 20:22:31 GMT
We pick one name each on my husband's side. We do not include his parents. We all buy for them and they usually give us all money now that they don't know what anyone wants and are not really in a position to go shopping either. My side we used to have 2 names each (bigger family) but then went to just the kids. My parents weren't include either. Now my mom is gone and my dad is in a nursing home with alzheimer's so he doesn't need anything.
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Nov 29, 2014 22:42:34 GMT
We do this on both sides of the family and the parents are included in each.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Nov 29, 2014 23:15:27 GMT
It is just my Dad and yes he is included always has been, we have done this since I can remember.
We all chip in and buy Dad a gift. He gets all of his kids and grand kids gift cards. As hard as we try to get him to stop buying.. he won't.
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leeny
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Post by leeny on Nov 30, 2014 2:34:10 GMT
My mom wouldn't adhere to the name drawing, she had to buy for everyone. Now we have limited it to those under 18 years old. But then we usually buy mom and dad something small (mom earrings, dad a book). We are all at a point if we want something we will go buy it.
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Post by OntarioScrapper on Nov 30, 2014 4:05:20 GMT
I have two siblings and my husband one sibling. We exchange with them except my older sibling. She flakes which confuses things. The one time she flaked I just didn't bother the following year. She confronted me about no present! so a few years ago I said lets just don't bother and just get for our kids. She was cool with that.
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Post by jackie on Nov 30, 2014 15:45:31 GMT
When all the kids are grown and therefore everyone is adults, I'm not sure why the parents would be excluded. In my family, once the kids were all grown we ALL, my parents included, were in the drawing. We all bought for the little kids, although we recently changed and now do a separate kid drawing for them. I love it because it really does keep Christmas shopping less stressful. I can't imagine having to buy for all my siblings, their spouses, and their kids.
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Mum still loves to do something so is going to bake some homemade treats for us all. 
