tamra
Junior Member
Posts: 84 
|
Post by tamra on Mar 27, 2022 2:49:39 GMT
My sister’s husband died suddenly a few weeks ago. He was young and left behind 5 children ages 4-12. I live 14 hours away, so I can’t be there physically to help which is tearing me up inside.
My question is, his birthday is coming up mid April. Right now she plans to make his favorite cake and have a celebration with her kids. I think that’s lovely. I’d like to acknowledge his birthday in some way. I’m just at a loss. Any ideas are appreciated. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
Post by kiera on Mar 27, 2022 2:54:00 GMT
Maybe you could send birthday flowers or a meal delivery?
|
|
|
|
Post by grammadee on Mar 27, 2022 2:58:15 GMT
I love the idea of celebrating the deceased person's birthday. Can you bake or order his favourite cake as well and join his family on Zoom or some other video chat to share cake and memories?
|
|
tamra
Junior Member
Posts: 84
|
Post by tamra on Mar 27, 2022 3:12:01 GMT
Those are great ideas. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
Post by dewryce on Mar 27, 2022 3:19:26 GMT
Do you have some photos of him that your sister’s family doesn’t? I’m sure they’d love those and your favorite memories. It’s so hard when someone passes and everyone is afraid to bring them up, it can feel like they’ve been forgotten.
|
|
|
|
Post by ~summer~ on Mar 27, 2022 3:21:25 GMT
I would definitely send something as well as FaceTime. Did he have a favorite pizza place or Thai place? Maybe you could order some food and FaceTime them. So sorry for your loss.
|
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Mar 27, 2022 3:25:08 GMT
I am so sorry. I agree that sending a meal delivery sounds like a good idea.
|
|
|
|
Post by destined2bmom on Mar 27, 2022 4:03:09 GMT
I am so sorry for the loss of your BIL.
Like someone else suggested, I would find pictures that you have that you could put in a frame or frames to send to your sister and to each of her children. And I would ask your sister what kind of dinner that she would like you to order for them. I would also Zoom in and have a candle that you can blow out after the song. Try to remember some great stories of him, that you can share to brighten their celebration.
|
|
|
|
Post by KelleeM on Mar 27, 2022 9:21:33 GMT
I would send your sister a card. Write her a note about good memories you have of BIL, tell her that you’re there for her, reassure her that she’s doing a great job…I’m a widow but my husband was older and we didn’t have children together.
Food is always a good choice. Depending on her situation, a grocery store gift card could be a huge blessing. Flowers always make me feel better.
Please don’t tell her that she’s strong unless you really believe that would be beneficial to her. At this point she’s probably barely managing to do what is necessary to get through each day.
|
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Mar 27, 2022 10:29:27 GMT
Just acknowledging his birthday will be meaningful to her and her children. You are a good sister!
|
|
|
|
Post by atomicdog on Mar 27, 2022 11:35:43 GMT
How about sending a donation to his favorite charity in his honor?
|
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 27, 2022 11:40:39 GMT
I think the photos of him and stories about him are the way to go. I’d save the food delivery for another day she’s feeling overwhelmed and needs the help.
How sad for those children to lose their father so young.
|
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Mar 27, 2022 12:00:20 GMT
You have received several good suggestions. I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss.
Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul and all the souls of the faithful departed Rest In Peace.
|
|
edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,117
|
Post by edie3 on Mar 27, 2022 12:55:46 GMT
I think some sort of outdoor plant that blooms. As time passes they can look at the plant and remember the good memories.
|
|
compeateropeator
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,898
Member is Online
|
Post by compeateropeator on Mar 27, 2022 13:20:10 GMT
I really have no ideas but wanted to offer you and your family my sincere condolences. I am so sorry your sister and nieces and nephews (along with family and friends) are going through this. Sending hugs and healing thoughts.
I do agree with maybe a bush, tree, or something they can plant and watch grow, as long as they have a place to plant it where it will remain close to the family.
|
|
|
|
Post by KelleeM on Mar 27, 2022 14:16:16 GMT
I think some sort of outdoor plant that blooms. As time passes they can look at the plant and remember the good memories. An outdoor plant or tree would be nice if she owns her home and plans to stay there long term. I have received house plants when there has been a death in my family. This may not be a common feeling but I really don’t think a grieving person wants to put forth the effort to keep any other things alive besides what is absolutely necessary. I felt horrible when I’d forget to water the plants, got overwhelmed when I needed to divide up a dish garden and just generally found plants to be one more thing to make my life more difficult. |
|
|
|
Post by flanz on Mar 27, 2022 14:28:07 GMT
I am so sorry for the loss of your BIL. Like someone else suggested, I would find pictures that you have that you could put in a frame or frames to send to your sister and to each of her children. And I would ask your sister what kind of dinner that she would like you to order for them. I would also Zoom in and have a candle that you can blow out after the song. Try to remember some great stories of him, that you can share to brighten their celebration. This seems perfect!!! |
|
MZF
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,517
Location: No. CA
|
Post by MZF on Mar 27, 2022 15:42:51 GMT
No suggestions to add, just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.
|
|
peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390
|
Post by peaname on Mar 27, 2022 17:01:20 GMT
If it was my sister I’d plan a trip to spend some time with them and as part of it take the kids off her hands for as much as I could, fill their freezer with meals they enjoy, help with laundry, etc the burden of grief is mental but with four kids also very much physical too. If there was a task he always took care of such as mowing the lawn and I could afford it I’d pay for a lawn service to remove that from her plate.
|
|
