Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,896
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
|
Post by Tearisci on Apr 13, 2022 20:20:15 GMT
For sure- it was never officially confirmed just very strongly suspected so I'm having to deal with the reality now and the fact that they are still together. it's definitely reopening old wounds. For me, that healing process involved dreaming about it in the beginning, which happened less and less over time. There was something comforting about knowing that my brain was working through it even as I slept. My amazing therapist assured me that those dreams were a healthy sign. I imagine you may now be able to have some degree of inner resolution regarding this aspect of your divorce that you hadn’t yet been able to find. I had a horrible nightmare about it last night which has stayed with me throughout the day. I remember when I first suspected now so vividly and all of those feelings are back. For those who have mentioned it is PTSD, I totally agree. I hope I can move on quickly as it is not great to feel back in the mix of things again.
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on Apr 13, 2022 20:31:31 GMT
I'm sorry. I have so SO moved on from my ex, but last summer I was asking him a question which he misunderstood (he had a stroke a few years ago). He told me he had an affair right when we were married. Like in the year after with someone I knew. I felt like I had been sucker punched. I do not have feelings for my ex, but I had no idea - none - that he cheated on me so early on. It felt like a betrayal of everything. It was just awful. Even today, one year later, I don't like thinking about it.
It sucks that WE should feel bad for something like this. The cheater, like others have said, should bear complete blame. It just makes me sad that I never realized.
I hope you can work through your feelings and then accept that your ex is a jerk. Cheaters really suck.
ETA: We had been divorced 10 years when he told me.
|
|
nursema
Full Member
Posts: 352
Mar 1, 2022 10:14:32 GMT
|
Post by nursema on Apr 13, 2022 20:36:42 GMT
I’m sorry, I know this is awful stuff. I agree 100% about it being PTSD. It is a massive trauma even without confirmation - in large part because when we “know”, we KNOW. It does make sense that this confirmation is kicking up some dust.
Someone mentioned how vividly we remember what we were wearing, the time of year/time of day, the weather, certain scents, etc - all of it is imprinted in our brains. Trauma leaves so many imprints.
It’s good that you’re here and have friends with whom you can discuss it. I know it’s jarring and upsetting to be experiencing these feelings again, but I hope you don’t feel like this will mean you’re back at zero. I’m praying that this feeling is short-lived and you will feel that you are well on your way to the other side of it very soon.
Do you have a therapist or counselor you can talk to when you head home? I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish this type of pain on my worst enemy. Nobody deserves this and the fact that he did this means he didn’t deserve YOU!
|
|
|
Post by mom on Apr 13, 2022 20:43:16 GMT
I am just so sorry.
|
|
Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,896
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
|
Post by Tearisci on Apr 13, 2022 21:17:26 GMT
I’m sorry, I know this is awful stuff. I agree 100% about it being PTSD. It is a massive trauma even without confirmation - in large part because when we “know”, we KNOW. It does make sense that this confirmation is kicking up some dust. Someone mentioned how vividly we remember what we were wearing, the time of year/time of day, the weather, certain scents, etc - all of it is imprinted in our brains. Trauma leaves so many imprints. Yeah, I think now that I KNOW for sure, it's like I can't unsee it. That and the fact that I knew her and now that they are still together, even though I wouldn't change my life now, is very hard to deal with.
|
|
|
Post by jovifan on Apr 13, 2022 21:24:16 GMT
Regarding the PTSD, within the last year I have done EMDR therapy and it has been so helpful to me. There were things, even after 10 years, I couldn't move on from. Something to consider. It really has helped me.
|
|
tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
|
Post by tanya2 on Apr 13, 2022 21:35:35 GMT
Ugh that does suck! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this again
|
|
Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,896
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
|
Post by Tearisci on Apr 14, 2022 1:12:11 GMT
Thanks all. I do feel much better this evening and am giving myself some grace instead of beating myself up about it.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Apr 14, 2022 3:26:43 GMT
Thanks all. I do feel much better this evening and am giving myself some grace instead of beating myself up about it. glad you are feeling better. I'm sure the double betrayal makes it worse and that it just hit you out of nowhere. Can you get some sleeping meds from your pcp for a little while?
|
|