my kid failed her drivers test

If she has driven your car, she should know where all those items were anyway.

Sounds like an already stressful situation was exacerbated by having to change cars. Some days are just like that. One thing is off, then sets all kinds of other things in motion. You don't need to feel guilty any more than she needs to feel like a failure. Make some hot chocolate and sit down and laugh about the "dumpster fire" of a day. Perhaps share other times when your own day has turned into a dumpster fire.

Then, hand her the reins and let her deal.

No, they weren't. She's not practiced and/or skilled enough at driving yet if simple things got her flustered and unable to perform. She needs to be able to responsibly and safely handle a car even if something didn't go her way. Lives depend on it.

Driving can be stressful and being able to handle that stress and any external stresses and still drive safely is part of being a safe driver. Even for new drivers.

Lastly, everything that happens behind the wheel when she is driving his HER responsibility. She'd better understand that before she's driving independently. Getting in an accident because your mommy was mad at you isn't an excuse.

I agree with this 100%. Driving is stressful. If you’re not able to handle stress while driving, you are not yet comfortable enough driving to be licensed. It is hard, but it really sounds to me like she needs more practice.

I failed my first driving test. I passed the parallel parking part (the part I was worried about) and failed the regular driving part.

So I practiced more, waited a few months, took the test again, and passed.

It has had no effect on the rest of my life. You know that. She'll be fine.

It is not your fault- this is totally her responsibility. I know it is so tempting to make everything easy for kids but it really does them no favors. Sometimes failure is the best teacher. She'll get something from this experience- the knowledge that sometimes things don't go well the first time and that is okay. She has to learn to pick herself up and try again.

I'll just agree with everything that busy said. If changing cars last minute threw her off that badly, then she's not ready to drive solo. That's not the end of the world, as teens become ready at different times.

Don't know if they are available but you might consider a session with a driving school. Those are professionals who know what to teach and how to teach it to new drivers.

Around here it is super common to fail the first time. Just means she wasn’t quite ready.

I flunked the first time too and it actually was my mom’s fault because she never let me drive her car to practice. Well, maybe she let me drive it once in the six months I had my permit. Every other time I had the rare chance to practice driving it was in somebody else’s vehicle so there was no consistency at all. I did great when I had my on the road instruction so it was purely a lack of practice. I passed the second time around because DH (then BF) found a $500 beater car for me that I bought, and had me practice driving a lot with him in that car.

HOWEVER, he stressed me out so much that I told him if we ever had a kid, I would be the one doing the practice driving sessions because he’s too loud and yells too much!

Here’s the thing, hopefully it’s teaching her what all drivers go through and have to figure out, new to us cars require a little investigation and thought before getting in and just driving away. Think about the last new car you bought and the challenge of figuring out where everything is.

I regularly drive two different cars. They are the same make, but different models and 5 years difference in age. After driving one for a few weeks, it takes time to get used to the other car and where all the buttons gauges are. They have fuel doors on different sides, so I always have to check before I pull up to the pump.

I had to move a vehicle at work last week. It’s a suburban and I am unfamiliar with the ins and outs. I spent at least 2 minutes looking at the dash and steering wheel trying to figure out how to get the windshield washer and wipers to work.

'my kid failed her drivers test'
Read your subject line again and again!

SHE failed the test, not you. She needs practice. How is she going the handle a road closure, an accident in front of her or any other disruption while she is driving?

She will survive!!

did she take drivers training? because it's usually their job to make sure she knows what areas they will test on. Having a different car can definitely throw her a bit though especially when she was already really nervous

my dd failed her first test too, before she had even left the parking lot. Unfortunately upon arriving she had to park in a weird spot so she ended up running over a curb pulling out (which with more experience she could have avoided but oh well). She was so upset, she cried the whole way home. We immediately rescheduled though and she did just fine on the next test

You both thought she was ready, but it sounds like she needs a bit more practice. There's no need to blame anyone or feel guilty. It happens all the time. You both know what needs to be done -- practice what to do when something unexpected comes up.

It's probably worth throwing things out at her while she's driving along, or even while you're driving along -- What do you think that driver is going to do next? What's the speed limit on this road? How would you handle a dog running out in front of you here? What if that car starts backing out on the road? Give her plenty of practice in handling those types of questions and situations and she'll be ready soon enough.

Sorry for your daughter and sorry for you that she took her frustration out on you. I remember with each of my kids totally stressing out for them before their tests. Two of them failed the written portion on the first try (one failed twice and one let his permit expire which was a nightmare in itself).

That being said I had a friend in high school who failed the drive test on her first shot. The ironic thing was this girl had been driving alone without a license (her family was pretty loose on rules and she started driving her new car alone pretty much the moment she got her permit) for almost a year with no issues.

My son failed his written test to get his learners permit (age 14).

He was so cock-sure that he wouldn't have any trouble passing it. I had picked up the book for him to read over before the test, but nope. He'd been driving since he was a little shaver, he didn't need to study.

I sat there and watched him melt at the DMV as he took the test on the computer. boop - boop - boop - he turned around and looked at me in disbelief as the computer told him, "nope, sonny, you indeed do not know it all!" ... LOL

He studied the book and passed it easily the second time, but he had to do the walk of shame going back, because his sisters passed it with flying colors when they took it.

Luckily all my kids took drivers Ed the summer between 8th grade and freshman year and had their school permits in time to drive to school as freshmen.

They are all great drivers, but I had them behind the wheel all the time after they got there learner permit at 14. I never drove anywhere - they drove me. Every weather condition, day and night. They had a lot of experience behind the wheel before they were 14, but that was mostly off-road.

They could all back a pickup up to the trailer and hook onto a 5th-wheel and get it ready to go, as soon as they could reach the pedal. Farm life is good for learning early!