peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 26, 2022 16:08:33 GMT
I failed mine the first time. I did a rolling stop through a stop sign - automatic failure.
She needed more time - now she's got it and she'll be a much better driver for it.
I'm sorry she made you feel badly - we often react poorly and lash out at the easiest target when we are embarrassed and frustrated.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 26, 2022 16:13:34 GMT
It happens. You should not feel guilty.. this is no difference between taking a social studies test or a math test or a test to get a job. She has to know what she is doing and not have mom feeling the blame. It will happen, it's not that big of a deal. She knows what to expect and should learn from it. All part of growing up.
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,677
Jun 26, 2014 2:04:55 GMT
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Post by Elsabelle on Apr 26, 2022 17:13:27 GMT
Older DD failed her first test. She was so upset. Then she started asking her friends about it and most of them said they failed the written or behind the wheel test the first time. That made her feel better. So when it was younger DD’s turn we were hopeful but told her it would be fine if she had to do it again. No big deal. She passed both the first time. She also drove a car she wasn’t familiar with at the last minute and had trouble finding the lights, e brake, etc. Hopefully this is something you can laugh about later. Or at least shrug off because she’s obviously not the only one to fail on her first try.
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Post by Zee on Apr 26, 2022 19:24:01 GMT
No reason for you to feel bad, if she was easily flustered then she's not quite ready.
DS failed the first two times. First guy was very rude and sarcastic and DS got flustered and tapped the cone when attempting to parallel park. He was so upset with himself but, again, it was a learning experience.
Second time was maybe partly my fault...I taught him to pull partway into the intersection when turning left on green, for better visibility. Just like I learned in Drivers Ed and have done all my life. That combined with something else fairly minor equaled a fail.
Third time was the charm. This was in PA where driving school is not really a thing (it's private and pretty expensive for what you get), your parents teach you. DD passed the first time but she got to take the test with her driving school teacher in IA (driving school next to the high school, quite reasonably priced). Back in my day in IL we took it as a class in school and if your classroom grade was good your teacher could sign you off, no driving test required.
Tell her we said it's OK not to pass your first time! It happens and doesn't mean she won't be a great driver!
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Post by hop2 on Apr 26, 2022 19:36:09 GMT
No, they weren't. She's not practiced and/or skilled enough at driving yet if simple things got her flustered and unable to perform. She needs to be able to responsibly and safely handle a car even if something didn't go her way. Lives depend on it. Driving can be stressful and being able to handle that stress and any external stresses and still drive safely is part of being a safe driver. Even for new drivers. Lastly, everything that happens behind the wheel when she is driving his HER responsibility. She'd better understand that before she's driving independently. Getting in an accident because your mommy was mad at you isn't an excuse. What busy said. Plus… you not specifically going over something, anything is not on you. Learning what is expected of a driver in your state ( or anywhere one is driving ) is on her. And learning where necessary things in a car are should be done prior to putting the car in gear. Let her use this as a learning moment for the next time she is driving a less than familiar vehicle - take a few moment before putting the vehicle in gear to learn where the necessary things are.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,408
Member is Online
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Apr 26, 2022 22:20:54 GMT
My youngest kid failed his driving test the 1st time by making a really dumb mistake. He retook the test the following week and did great. We still kinda joke about his mistake. It's one he'll never make again lol.
As parents we never want our kids to fail. But we can't control everything. Chalk it up to a learning experience for both of you.
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Apr 26, 2022 22:34:26 GMT
I failed mine the first time. I did a rolling stop through a stop sign - automatic failure. She needed more time - now she's got it and she'll be a much better driver for it. I'm sorry she made you feel badly - we often react poorly and lash out at the easiest target when we are embarrassed and frustrated. Iearned what a California stop was. Apparently I hadn't learned to stop and creep up to look around the huge hedge to see traffic. I still force myself to make that little jerk to feel the stop, just need to remember to do it sooner. 🤦♀️ I refuse to get a ticket for this.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 26, 2022 23:16:29 GMT
I failed my first time - when I rolled in at the end I hit the curb lol
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Post by peasapie on Apr 26, 2022 23:19:04 GMT
No, they weren't. She's not practiced and/or skilled enough at driving yet if simple things got her flustered and unable to perform. She needs to be able to responsibly and safely handle a car even if something didn't go her way. Lives depend on it. Driving can be stressful and being able to handle that stress and any external stresses and still drive safely is part of being a safe driver. Even for new drivers. Lastly, everything that happens behind the wheel when she is driving his HER responsibility. She'd better understand that before she's driving independently. Getting in an accident because your mommy was mad at you isn't an excuse. I agree with you 100%. She will need to deal with unexpected changes, emergencies, etc. Blaming mom is not the way to learn that, and she should practice now for unexpected events.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,087
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Apr 27, 2022 2:11:39 GMT
I failed my test twice and yet still became a functioning adult with a pretty good driving record over the past 42 years.
It happens. Tell her to chill, treat her to something special, and let her read all the experiences listed in this thread. She will be fine. ❤️
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,082
Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Apr 27, 2022 3:06:29 GMT
I failed my driver's license test the first time, also.
Failure is a part of life. Don't beat yourself up over it. Use it as a learning experience.
For the record, I'm now 62 and have never taken another drivers license test again.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 27, 2022 3:18:15 GMT
The highway patrol officer read off the list of things she failed for me so we could work on them, some of them were she was clearly flustered/nervous, some were my fault- I didn't know they asked so we didn't go over it. I know it has been covered, but none of this is your fault. My son failed his written test to get his learners permit (age 14). He was so cock-sure that he wouldn't have any trouble passing it. I had picked up the book for him to read over before the test, but nope. He'd been driving since he was a little shaver, he didn't need to study. I sat there and watched him melt at the DMV as he took the test on the computer. boop - boop - boop - he turned around and looked at me in disbelief as the computer told him, "nope, sonny, you indeed do not know it all!" ... LOL He studied the book and passed it easily the second time, but he had to do the walk of shame going back, because his sisters passed it with flying colors when they took it. OMG, I could have written this almost word for word about DS (except he wasn't driving before getting his permit). It was a great humbling moment for him.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390
Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Apr 27, 2022 11:01:44 GMT
Your DH sounds wise maybe he can teach her what she needs to know before she retakes the test. I think you are accepting blame to make this easier on her and that makes you a very kind and caring mom. It’s time to let her grow and become responsible for herself.
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,791
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Apr 27, 2022 12:09:30 GMT
So, years ago in Massachusetts, state troopers gave the driving tests (it's since changed.) A friend of mine who is a state trooper did a stint proctoring driving tests early on in his career. He told me that in the absence of an egregious mistake, like running a red light or something that would automatically disqualify you, he looked for the driver to be comfortable and familiar behind the wheel. If not, he'd fail them.
Your daughter needs to have that familiarity with driving, and that comes with more practice.
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Post by paulao on Apr 27, 2022 12:42:53 GMT
Why do YOU feel guilty? Did you sabotage the car? Did you tell shatter your daughter’s self confidence? No you didn’t. Not everyone succeeds the first time. Not everyone gets a gold star or a blue ribbon. Stop with the guilt.
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