Updated again! I just wanted to say thank you! An update.
Apr 29, 2022 11:51:01 GMT
**GypsyGirl**, scraphappy0501, and 158 more like this
Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 29, 2022 11:51:01 GMT
Updated: I got an interview! I just got notified that I have an interview on Wednesday! Woo Hoo!
Original Post:
Thank you for every bit of support you have offered me over the past couple of weeks. Whether it be the kind words, the generous donations, the cards (OMG! The number of cards coming in has been wonderful), the listening, the great advice.
I'm doing alright. I've had two manic/mixed episodes the past two weeks, but given the stress, I expected it. I saw both my therapist and my psychiatrist on Tuesday and both of them said that everything I'm feeling right now, how I'm reacting, is normal. It's just grief and not my bipolar working overtime. For now, we've held steady on my medication as it was working fine before this. I have a rescue med for times when my bipolar rears up and I know how to take care of myself. I've applied for intermittent FMLA. My psychiatrist wrote all the supporting documentation. So I feel a bit better knowing that my job won't be in jeopardy if I have another episode and I need to take time off work.
I collected Esther's ashes yesterday. I held it together pretty well until Chloe came over. Then we had a good cry together and remembered all the good stuff about Esther. She's feeling a bit of guilt because her last interaction with Esther was very arguing sibling-ish. But I assured her that guilt was normal and she had nothing to feel guilty about. Esther knew she cared deeply about her.
My therapist said that probably the best thing for me right now would be if I got the job I applied for. I posted a few weeks ago about whether or not I should apply. As you know, my job at work is a bit on the boring side and she said that really gives my mind time to wander. And maybe a new challenge would be exactly what I need to stay a bit more focused at work and make this transition smoother with something new to look forward to. The posting closed a week ago and I'm sure they are reviewing resumes right now before scheduling interviews. So keep your fingers crossed that I get an interview. That really would be a positive change for me.
I see Esther's sweet face in my mind 24/7. I am very certain that she is at peace given some of the dreams I've had lately. I ordered some lovely rainbow yarn. I thought it was very fitting for Esther. Of those who knew of her secret that she was transgender, many donations were made to the Trevor Project in her name and I'm grateful if they help other LGBTQ youth survive their adolescence/early adulthood. I even was gifted a lovely pattern by a pea (jop) and I can't wait to get started once my crafty mojo returns. Currently it's MIA.
It really does help coming here. I am spending a lot of time on the GS board and avoiding some of the more negative and stressful threads, but reading the easy, noncontroversial ones is helping.
Anyway, I don't want this post to talk about my grief anymore. I want to keep my interaction here light and superficial for a while. I'm just going to use this place as a happy place and a nice distraction. I just wanted to say thank you. There are so many of you who have shown me kindness the past couple of weeks, I cannot thank you enough. When I'm having a moment, I go back and read my last two threads and feel your love and kindness. I also read my Facebook post too to feel all my friends' love and kindness too. So many people have surrounded me with care right now, it is crazy. I never thought I'd have so many people come out to offer support. There were so many people at Esther's funeral many had to stand. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. There is so much beauty in the world, I refuse to feel like it's raining all the time. I can, and am, moving forward.
Love to all!
Original Post:
Thank you for every bit of support you have offered me over the past couple of weeks. Whether it be the kind words, the generous donations, the cards (OMG! The number of cards coming in has been wonderful), the listening, the great advice.
I'm doing alright. I've had two manic/mixed episodes the past two weeks, but given the stress, I expected it. I saw both my therapist and my psychiatrist on Tuesday and both of them said that everything I'm feeling right now, how I'm reacting, is normal. It's just grief and not my bipolar working overtime. For now, we've held steady on my medication as it was working fine before this. I have a rescue med for times when my bipolar rears up and I know how to take care of myself. I've applied for intermittent FMLA. My psychiatrist wrote all the supporting documentation. So I feel a bit better knowing that my job won't be in jeopardy if I have another episode and I need to take time off work.
I collected Esther's ashes yesterday. I held it together pretty well until Chloe came over. Then we had a good cry together and remembered all the good stuff about Esther. She's feeling a bit of guilt because her last interaction with Esther was very arguing sibling-ish. But I assured her that guilt was normal and she had nothing to feel guilty about. Esther knew she cared deeply about her.
My therapist said that probably the best thing for me right now would be if I got the job I applied for. I posted a few weeks ago about whether or not I should apply. As you know, my job at work is a bit on the boring side and she said that really gives my mind time to wander. And maybe a new challenge would be exactly what I need to stay a bit more focused at work and make this transition smoother with something new to look forward to. The posting closed a week ago and I'm sure they are reviewing resumes right now before scheduling interviews. So keep your fingers crossed that I get an interview. That really would be a positive change for me.
I see Esther's sweet face in my mind 24/7. I am very certain that she is at peace given some of the dreams I've had lately. I ordered some lovely rainbow yarn. I thought it was very fitting for Esther. Of those who knew of her secret that she was transgender, many donations were made to the Trevor Project in her name and I'm grateful if they help other LGBTQ youth survive their adolescence/early adulthood. I even was gifted a lovely pattern by a pea (jop) and I can't wait to get started once my crafty mojo returns. Currently it's MIA.
It really does help coming here. I am spending a lot of time on the GS board and avoiding some of the more negative and stressful threads, but reading the easy, noncontroversial ones is helping.
Anyway, I don't want this post to talk about my grief anymore. I want to keep my interaction here light and superficial for a while. I'm just going to use this place as a happy place and a nice distraction. I just wanted to say thank you. There are so many of you who have shown me kindness the past couple of weeks, I cannot thank you enough. When I'm having a moment, I go back and read my last two threads and feel your love and kindness. I also read my Facebook post too to feel all my friends' love and kindness too. So many people have surrounded me with care right now, it is crazy. I never thought I'd have so many people come out to offer support. There were so many people at Esther's funeral many had to stand. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. There is so much beauty in the world, I refuse to feel like it's raining all the time. I can, and am, moving forward.
Love to all!