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Post by miranda on May 6, 2022 13:40:27 GMT
I've decided that I need to take this approach to a few things going on in my life. It's been a stressful year, some is stuff that's just plain stressful and we (dh/I) are working on those things (no stress between us, it's just life crap.)
The not my circus, not my monkeys stress is adult kid stuff that is beyond our control. It's friend stuff that is stressful. Things that I need to let go and not be involved in. So I can say the words, but I need to feel the not my circus thing! How do I put it out of my mind. What tips, tricks do you have to stop thinking about things that you just need to let go of?
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Post by elaine on May 6, 2022 13:46:40 GMT
Get myself very busy in other stuff. Throw myself into a project around the house or something else I want to do, like a hobby.
Right now, I am so busy with school and work that I don’t have time to think of much beyond that.
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Post by dewryce on May 6, 2022 13:57:45 GMT
I agree with what elaine said. Also, keep repeating your mantra to yourself when you start to think about it and get upset; and especially when you consider getting involved. Come vent to us. Remind yourself that they need to learn from their own mistakes. Remind yourself that you raised them well and that whatever they do now is on them. Remind yourself that they are adults and it’s actually none of your business how they handle their affairs. That sounds harsh and I apologize for that, it isn’t meant to be, I just don’t know how else to word it. Depending on your relationship with your children, and the type of people they are, they might appreciate you offering your opinion…once. I know I do, when it isn’t worded in a way that could be considered bossing me around or judging what I’m doing. I value my mom’s an in-laws opinion. But if they keep repeating it (my mom), or state it in a way that sounds like an order or like I am an idiot for doing it my way (my MIL) then I’ll just get upset. When it’s stated in a caring manor, and make it obvious it comes because they are concerned (my BFF) and as a suggestion, I am much more likely to hear what they have to say. I think it’s great that you recognize this though. |
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Post by 950nancy on May 6, 2022 14:05:11 GMT
Have an exit strategy when others try to get you involved. Have your planned responses tucked in the forefront of your memory. Use them. When you go to think about your family/friends' issues, change your course of thought immediately and replace it with something funny or fun. Get out and do something that makes you think about something else.
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Post by gramasue on May 6, 2022 14:13:32 GMT
Do they talk to you about their problems? If so, it's a perfect opportunity for you to say your mantra out loud. To them. If they are offended, then say that it is stressful and upsetting to you, and unless they want your advice, to keep it to themselves.
One of my DDs used to complain about her DH all the time. How he treated her, what he said to her, etc. Then, after she wasn't mad at him anymore, would say to me "But I don't want you to think badly of him". I bluntly told her that she shouldn't be telling me things about him that upset her, because then they upset me, too. She stopped her bitching about him and pretty much handled it on her own from then on.
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Post by miranda on May 6, 2022 14:50:13 GMT
I agree with what elaine said. Also, keep repeating your mantra to yourself when you start to think about it and get upset; and especially when you consider getting involved. Come vent to us. Remind yourself that they need to learn from their own mistakes. Remind yourself that you raised them well and that whatever they do now is on them. Remind yourself that they are adults and it’s actually none of your business how they handle their affairs. That sounds harsh and I apologize for that, it isn’t meant to be, I just don’t know how else to word it. Depending on your relationship with your children, and the type of people they are, they might appreciate you offering your opinion…once. I know I do, when it isn’t worded in a way that could be considered bossing me around or judging what I’m doing. I value my mom’s an in-laws opinion. But if they keep repeating it (my mom), or state it in a way that sounds like an order or like I am an idiot for doing it my way (my MIL) then I’ll just get upset. When it’s stated in a caring manor, and make it obvious it comes because they are concerned (my BFF) and as a suggestion, I am much more likely to hear what they have to say. I think it’s great that you recognize this though. It doesn't sound harsh at all. I know and try to remind myself of these things, but it doesn't always make you stop thinking about them. I need to get busy, get some more strategies for getting others issues out of my mind and not letting them stress me. Ideas so far are great! |
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,791
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on May 6, 2022 15:16:59 GMT
I think this is a perfect time for journaling. Write down how you're thinking and reacting now, and then practice some new ways to think and act. When something seems like a good fit, add it to your list of useful things. For some reason, when I write things down, it takes it out of my brain and I don't think about it as much.
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Post by scrapcat on May 6, 2022 16:39:42 GMT
I give myself time limits.
So if I find myself consumed by some thought/feeling/story/concern I tell myself I will let it wrestle with me for the next hour, evening, day, whatever, then I make a point at which it's being let go. And the letting go usually involves a prayer of some sort with the best intentions being put into the universe for the situation/person.
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Post by lisae on May 6, 2022 20:46:53 GMT
Would you want these people to tell you how to ___ whatever? Put the shoe on the other foot and see if they were trying to involve themselves in your circus, would you appreciate their help?
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Post by littlemama on May 6, 2022 20:58:03 GMT
Compartmentalize and when you think of those things, visualize puttting them back in their compartment and closing the door
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Post by peano on May 7, 2022 1:35:50 GMT
I got a puppy. All I do is take her outside...all.day.long.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:28:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2022 1:50:44 GMT
For the entire year of 2021 and probably even before that, I had no choice but to ignore things I didn't want to hear, people I couldn't engage with, and most of all, the News. Nope. I had my battles to choose and I chose using my energy to fight for DH's health and life. It took up almost all of my energy. Everything else seemed so small and unimportant.
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Post by miranda on May 7, 2022 11:20:22 GMT
I got a puppy. All I do is take her outside...all.day.long. That seems drastic  We lost one of our precious dogs a year ago and I sometimes consider getting another, but omg the outside all day long and the adjustment kind of stop me in my tracks! Enjoy the pup, nothing better than a dog! For the entire year of 2021 and probably even before that, I had no choice but to ignore things I didn't want to hear, people I couldn't engage with, and most of all, the News. Nope. I had my battles to choose and I chose using my energy to fight for DH's health and life. It took up almost all of my energy. Everything else seemed so small and unimportant. You bring up some good points, when you don't have time for it it's not even a consideration to spend much time thinking about. I tune the news out because it depresses me. I need to consider better ways to not engage with the parts that drain my energy. This is all mainly small and unimportant and i'm giving it a bigger space than I should |
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:28:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2022 16:35:20 GMT
miranda : I didn't intend to make you feel like your issues aren't important. If you're feeling them and reaching out to see how other people handled situations like yours, it's important enough. I hope that you're able to ignore what irks you so much. I DO agree that not watching the news has made things easier for me, even now. I like to know what's going on, but I don't find the need to sit through hours of cable news to do that anymore. Best of luck to you. xo
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Post by miranda on May 8, 2022 10:43:09 GMT
miranda : I didn't intend to make you feel like your issues aren't important. If you're feeling them and reaching out to see how other people handled situations like yours, it's important enough. I hope that you're able to ignore what irks you so much. I DO agree that not watching the news has made things easier for me, even now. I like to know what's going on, but I don't find the need to sit through hours of cable news to do that anymore. Best of luck to you. xo All is good, your post was very helpful. Like you mentioned i'm looking for ways other are handling things and you've reminded me that I used to faithfully watch the news until I realized it really depressed me and made a change. Hopefully with a few new changes, I can be a little less stressed. |
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 3:28:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2022 21:32:36 GMT
miranda : Huge hugs to you. I'm glad I was helpful! I hope your stress can be lessened and that your changes will continue to make you your best self. xo
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We lost one of our precious dogs a year ago and I sometimes consider getting another, but omg the outside all day long and the adjustment kind of stop me in my tracks! Enjoy the pup, nothing better than a dog!