bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,623
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Jun 27, 2022 18:34:18 GMT
I think sometimes the only wedding a mom gets the way she wants it is when her kids get married because she didn't have the wedding she wanted, she had the wedding her mom wanted. And so on and so on. This was certainly true for me- and my mom backed it up by saying I'm writing the check therefore I get to decide. EVERY decision was a fight. When my kids get married I intend to say here's x amount of money (for both of them) and I ask that you do a couple of things - and if need be I'll pay for them. that's it. Otherwise it's your deal. DH has twin brothers, I clearly remember the discussion when one of them got married, and the other one wasn't the best man. His family was aghast. As an only child I was sitting there going look they're not close and the woman twin 1 is marrying actively dislikes twin 2 (it's been over 20 years and they still don't like each other). Why put either brother in that position? Certain members of the family threw a fit and the brother was asked. there was definite tension.
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Gem Girl
Pearl Clutcher
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Posts: 2,682
Jun 29, 2014 19:29:52 GMT
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Post by Gem Girl on Jun 27, 2022 18:41:34 GMT
I've always been amazed at how weddings bring out the "rules expert" side of so many people. If they cared more about making the day special for the marrying couple than pecking orders & appearances, there would be much less stress to the event.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 27, 2022 19:00:49 GMT
I think that mom should realize she's already had her wedding the way she wanted and should let her son do the same. I think sometimes the only wedding a mom gets the way she wants it is when her kids get married because she didn't have the wedding she wanted, she had the wedding her mom wanted. And so on and so on. In my family there was never pressure or an expectation that the bride & groom's siblings be included in the wedding party. I was a bridesmaid for 2 sisters. DH was his brother's best man and a groomsman for his sis. None of them were in our wedding party. We each had one person stand up with us. The only ones bitterly disappointed at the time were three nieces expecting to be flower girls and/or junior bridesmaids. The disappointed junior bridesmaid definitely got over it and had our kids in her wedding party. My mom planned mine. I picked the groom and the dress. I was fine with it, but I didn't have any desire to dictate to my kids. I also had the grooms, so that is a big difference too. One was married on top of a mountain in city park and the other in our back yard. My mom might have had an issue with their desire to be outside of a church. I was glad to just sit back and ask if they needed any help.
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Jun 27, 2022 19:43:02 GMT
Apparently I was expected to have a flower girl and ring bearer. I made a person mad, but if it wasn't that then it would have been something else. I didn't have kids at my very small wedding. I wasn't able to logistically do exactly what I wanted to do so I wasn't compromising on other things. Ha ha. I asked someone to be my flower girl. I then got a call from someone else in my husband's family telling me that her daughter was going to be my flower girl and that she had already bought her excited daughter a dress. Oh my! So you had 2? Haha. Don't leave us hanging!
By the time I was married, I had seen my friends get divorced. That was a lot of money spent for a single moment in time. I am not a planner of parties. Neither of us love being in the spotlight. I wanted things as simple as they could be, yet I did make some things complicated due to this. We celebrated 23 years this year so I'm good with the plan we had. The older I get, the less I worry about weddings. Large weddings don't fit our introverted lifestyles and we wouldn't have enjoyed ourselves as much.
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Jun 27, 2022 19:56:53 GMT
Absolutely not! On your wedding day, those people standing beside you should be people you trust and who will uplift you. If your sibling(s) doesn't meet that description - or you just plain don't want them with you like that - you should absolutely not feel obligated, and NO ONE should pressure you about it.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,068
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Jun 28, 2022 0:22:14 GMT
Only one of my DDs is married. She has 4 sisters because her dad & I both remarried and had 2 more daughters with our next spouse.
Dd said it made it easy because she really didn’t have to choose between her friends.
I was in both my sisters’ weddings. They both were in my 1st. My 2nd was just dh & I. The minister of tourism was my bridesmaid/witness. The limo driver was the best man.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 28, 2022 0:38:35 GMT
Ha ha. I asked someone to be my flower girl. I then got a call from someone else in my husband's family telling me that her daughter was going to be my flower girl and that she had already bought her excited daughter a dress. Oh my! So you had 2? Haha. Don't leave us hanging!
By the time I was married, I had seen my friends get divorced. That was a lot of money spent for a single moment in time. I am not a planner of parties. Neither of us love being in the spotlight. I wanted things as simple as they could be, yet I did make some things complicated due to this. We celebrated 23 years this year so I'm good with the plan we had. The older I get, the less I worry about weddings. Large weddings don't fit our introverted lifestyles and we wouldn't have enjoyed ourselves as much. Yes! I ended up with two. I think I met her daughter at my wedding!
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Jun 28, 2022 0:45:30 GMT
Oh my! So you had 2? Haha. Don't leave us hanging!
By the time I was married, I had seen my friends get divorced. That was a lot of money spent for a single moment in time. I am not a planner of parties. Neither of us love being in the spotlight. I wanted things as simple as they could be, yet I did make some things complicated due to this. We celebrated 23 years this year so I'm good with the plan we had. The older I get, the less I worry about weddings. Large weddings don't fit our introverted lifestyles and we wouldn't have enjoyed ourselves as much. Yes! I ended up with two. I think I met her daughter at my wedding! I'm glad it worked out!
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Post by gizzy on Jun 28, 2022 3:32:31 GMT
Way back when I got married, it was assumed siblings would be in the wedding party. At least in our relatively small area. Good thing we were all close.
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Post by MorellisCupcake on Jun 28, 2022 13:59:22 GMT
I have two sisters (I'm the oldest) and both were in my wedding. My youngest sister was MOH and we had some kind of plan where we would take turns being MOH for each other.
DH has one brother and one sister, both older than him. Neither came to our wedding because it was a "what's the point, it will never last" vibe from them.
If anyone is keeping score, they're both divorced and I've been married to DH for just over 29 years.
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