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Post by Lori McMud on Jul 17, 2022 20:11:19 GMT
Do I get to eat only the meat I bring? Or do I have to share my meat? You eat your own meat, and you also bring a side to share. gar It’s close family. basketdiva No dietary restrictions for anyone. Then they are cheapskates like my Sister in Law. Bring your own meat, a dish to share, and your own beverages, along with chairs. Next year I am staying home to eat and then going to her house.
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Post by Really Red on Jul 17, 2022 20:27:13 GMT
We did this a lot in Europe and it never bothered me. I think it's a little odd here in the US, but it depends on the size of the family. If this family always hosts and really wanted to have a party, then I get that they ask people to bring their own meat and a side, but if this is a one-in-a-while thing, then I think it's a little odd.
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Post by stampinfraulein on Jul 17, 2022 20:40:17 GMT
So you have to bring your own meal (main and a side) and cook it also. I'm pretty easygoing but even I think that sounds cheap and ungracious. I'd rather just stay home if I have to provide all the food and do all the work too!
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
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Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Jul 17, 2022 20:50:44 GMT
It sounds pretty harsh to be calling an 80 year old woman a cheapskate.
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Post by cade387 on Jul 17, 2022 20:53:49 GMT
Do I get to eat only the meat I bring? Or do I have to share my meat? You eat your own meat, and you also bring a side to share. gar It’s close family. basketdiva No dietary restrictions for anyone. The one I was invited to was supposed to be that way but once the meat was on the grill all the burgers looked the same, same as steaks and dogs. We got food we did not bring and was annoyed. Good in theory but cheap out by hosts unless they have a specific way they promise you get what you bring.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 17, 2022 21:05:49 GMT
Honest opinion- kinda weird and cheap.
Do I bring my meat precooked? Am I cooking my meat there? Will the host have multiple sets of plates & utensils to keep meat juices/germs/etc separate?
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Jul 17, 2022 21:12:51 GMT
Hmmm, I can’t do a blanket vote because it depends on the people I think 😊 There are some people I don't mind because they serve good food. Others go cheap and I would prefer to bring my own.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 17, 2022 21:14:04 GMT
We had a pool in the house I grew up in. My parents had an open pool policy on Saturday afternoon. Anyone who wanted to swim was welcome to just show up. People were asked to bring whatever type of meat they wanted to eat and their own towel.
My parents provided cases and cases of various types of soda, waters, and dozens of large bags of different kinds of chips. Mom would make up huge bowls of several kinds of salads and a huge slow cooker of baked beans.
If anyone wanted alcohol, they had to bring their own.
Some Saturdays there would be only a dozen people show up and other Saturdays we would easily have 50 people. Fortunately the backyard was huge because the man that built the house purchased two lots so our yard was extra big.
When it was a small gathering, we would be eating salad and baked beans for days. Most people went ahead and brought some type of side salad in addition to their choice of meat and a few brought desserts as well.
It was all very low key and relaxing. The only thing that bugged my mom was when people forgot to bring a towel. When we would give them one, half the time it went home with them because their kids were wet and they didn’t want them sitting in the car with wet suits. Then some would forget to return the towels. There was one family that Mom just started telling to go home and get their towels because they had taken ours too many times without bringing them back.
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Post by grammadee on Jul 17, 2022 21:18:11 GMT
I like it b/c with food sensitivities it gives me a choice.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 17, 2022 21:21:54 GMT
How does it work logistically? I mean someone might bring something that takes a while and someone else brings hotdogs - do people just eat whenever by themselves - with too many people, grill space seems like it would be an issue, and if it's not a lot of people, seems weird to me.
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Jul 17, 2022 21:53:39 GMT
It would be really weird with my friends and family. The logistics would throw me off, as well as having to cook my own food. Do families each get a turn at the grill? It sounds confusing. I like to plan a menu when I host, so I'd never do that.
But for people who do this regularly, I'm sure you've worked out the kinks and it runs smoothly and you have a great time. That's the important part.
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MorningPerson
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Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Jul 17, 2022 22:03:47 GMT
We used to do this quite regularly 30 years ago when we and all our friends were young and money was tight. It made it much less of a burden on anyone and it allowed us to get together more often. I wouldn’t be comfortable hosting something like this now, but if invited I think I’d be good with it. Although Gennifer in your case it really seems like they’re just being cheap.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 17, 2022 22:12:14 GMT
I'm in the minority, and voted that I think it's okay. I have annual get together with friends on the first Friday of December. For years it's been a Fish & Chip night, where we all put in money for our own order. But due to heart and other health issues for some people, we changed it to a BYO meat BBQ last year. My friend is kind enough to host it at her house every year, and that includes having to do a clean up the next morning. If she supplied the meat for the 16 - 24 people who regularly attend, it would cost her an absolute fortune. I had no problem at all supplying my own meat, and I also took a dessert. I remember a thread here a while ago, and the Pea asked whether it was okay to supply just hamburger and hotdogs to the guests at a BBQ. My reply was that I would be so disappointed if I went to a BBQ and there was only hamburgers and hotdogs. I would much prefer to supply my own meat! If I was worried that someone might take my fillet steak and I end up with a piece of rump, I would take one of those little flags on a toothpick and stick it in mine!
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Post by lisae on Jul 17, 2022 22:33:30 GMT
Cheapskate. I've never been invited to any event that I had to bring the entree. I've been to many potlucks where some people brought meat and I can see assigning people entree, vegetable, dessert, etc so you get some of everything, but what is the point of everyone bringing meat? Are the hosts providing everything else?
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Jul 17, 2022 22:59:01 GMT
It sounds pretty harsh to be calling an 80 year old woman a cheapskate. It’s not my MIL. The party is for her, and it’s being hosted by my BIL and SIL. My MIL is not a cheapskate… she usually sends us some money after we host parties, because we provide the majority of the food. We won’t ever take it from her, so she’s learned to put cash in an envelope and mail it to us so we can’t refuse.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 17, 2022 23:31:31 GMT
I think it is a pretty smart way to go. Yes, it could look like you are cheap (maybe you are), but if the host is providing all of the sides and drinks, it isn't going to be cheap.
For me, bringing a piece of meat that I want to eat rather than make sides sounds perfect. I am pretty burger/hot dogged out right now for BBQs.
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Gennifer
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Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Jul 17, 2022 23:33:34 GMT
I think it is a pretty smart way to go. Yes, it could look like you are cheap (maybe you are), but if the host is providing all of the sides and drinks, it isn't going to be cheap. For me, bringing a piece of meat that I want to eat rather than make sides sounds perfect. I am pretty burger/hot dogged out right now for BBQs. Host is not providing the sides/drinks. We all bring our own meat and drinks, plus a side to share. We are also bringing the paper goods, ice, etc. Host is providing the venue and Root Beer Floats for dessert, plus their own family’s meat.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 17, 2022 23:38:25 GMT
I think it is a pretty smart way to go. Yes, it could look like you are cheap (maybe you are), but if the host is providing all of the sides and drinks, it isn't going to be cheap. For me, bringing a piece of meat that I want to eat rather than make sides sounds perfect. I am pretty burger/hot dogged out right now for BBQs. Host is not providing the sides/drinks. We all bring our own meat and drinks, plus a side to share. We are also bringing the paper goods, ice, etc. Host is providing the venue and Root Beer Floats for dessert, plus their own family’s meat. I went back and read that. Sounds like the hosts aren't that into this BBQ for sure. So maybe not cheap but forced into providing a party they aren't wanting to do? We've had 2 BBQ this summer and easily spent $900 on the two of them. It isn't cheap. That is for sure.
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Post by Bobomommy on Jul 18, 2022 1:33:30 GMT
My family does this all the time, so i said it’s ok.
If it were a big party where it would be difficult to know who brought what, then I’d change my vote.
I went to one such event where some brought burgers and others brought steaks. When my husband went to get his steak there were only burgers left.
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twinsmomfla99
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Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Jul 18, 2022 2:05:40 GMT
I don’t mind providing the meat when I host, and it’s usually a combination of pulled pork, hamburgers, and hot dogs.
What I hate is when people suck at the RSVPs, and I end up with a lot of leftover meats.
My mom and dad used to host a big cookout every summer for my brother’s birthday (which is on the level of a national holiday for him LOL). At one point there were about 100 on the invite list between family and church members. Mom stuck to hotdogs only, and we actually had a bonfire so everyone could roast their own. Mom provided all the sides, desserts, and drinks as well. It took us all day to set it up, and all the food except hot dogs and buns was homemade, so this was a big deal.
As the invitees aged, the list began to shrink and we stopped doing the bonfire and just grilled instead. For years, people offered to bring sides and desserts, but Mom never caved until a few years ago. She agreed anyone could bring a dish if they wanted, but she still does the hot dogs and the basics—potato salad, baked beans, and a couple of cakes. She was always hesitant to make it potluck because it wasn’t “proper” for a birthday party.
BTW, no one brings gifts, and they haven’t since the first couple of years (started in the 1980s). He gets so nervous about opening gifts—he has anxiety about it at Christmas, too. Everyone that knows him knows not to bring a gift. He is okay with family gifts, but he has a specific list of who gives what. I’m only allowed to get him “little pants” (shorts LOL) and a tank top or t-shirt. One of my brothers has to get him notebook paper. He has a list for Christmas, too, and DH and I are on the hook for electric toothbrush refills, bathroom cups, and ACT mouthwash.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 18, 2022 2:22:01 GMT
That just seems super odd to me. Do you grill your own meat too? So it’s not necessarily a bbq it’s more of a grill out? I can definitely see pros to the situation but I wouldn’t do it and I’ve never been invited to anything like that. I think the whole “we supply the meat, you bring the sides” is much more common.
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Post by catmom on Jul 18, 2022 2:28:27 GMT
That’s how my family does it. Everyone likes different things, plus we’re a large family and one person providing food for everyone would be a financial burden for many members of my family.
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Post by angieh1996 on Jul 18, 2022 2:32:54 GMT
We do this with our family quite often. Whoever is hosting usually does burgers and hot dogs and If you want something else you bring your own meat and a dish to share.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 18, 2022 3:40:17 GMT
I don't mind bring something. Meat or something else.
With todays prices, I'm not surprised by the request to bring your own meat.
The barbeques, that I usually attend.....side dishes, desserts, appetizers, beverages, are usually what the guests bring and the host provides the meat (usually hamburger, hot dogs, chicken) and the paper products-plastic utensils.
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luckyjune
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Post by luckyjune on Jul 18, 2022 4:30:40 GMT
I wouldn't be offended by this at all. Sounds really practical to me.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 18, 2022 7:03:50 GMT
Thanks for all the input! It’s my BIL and SIL hosting, and money is definitely not an issue. He is notoriously cheap, neither of them cooks, and they’ve always done it this way. (I remember once when we were newlyweds, and we took steaks. I, naively, assumed they’d have something for seasoning, but they didn’t even have salt & pepper.) Hosting usually falls to either our house or theirs, and we always provide the food when it’s at our house, with others (if they offer) bringing sides to share. And it’s not a big deal, but it’s just irks me a little. We’ll go, take our whatever meat, and have fun, I’ll just roll my eyes internally when I’m buying my stuff. 😂 Obviously you know the situation better than us, but it always bothers me when people assume that “money is not an issue” for us. That does not obligate us to feed our entire family regularly, pay for restaurant meals, or pay for other group activities. Yes, we have more money than other family members. We work hard and have been very fortunate. But we also have more obligations and try hard to live debt free. We support our DD in college and DH’s elderly parents. So that’s 4 households. In our younger years, we lived in some very expensive areas (NYC burbs, LA) and paid out of pocket for fertility treatments. We weren’t putting as much money away as we should have in those early years, so we are played catch up for a lot of years.
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Post by gramasue on Jul 18, 2022 12:30:59 GMT
I voted cheapskate because I have never heard of this practice. If you are hosting a party, you usually provide the main part of the meal and ask others to bring salads or desserts to share. As your event is only family, I don't think there should be a problem with not knowing about any food allergies or restrictions. My other concern with putting out the money for my own meat, is who is doing the grilling? There is an art to a good barbequed steak, and I'd hate to see it ruined by someone who doesn't know what they're doing.
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Gennifer
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Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Jul 18, 2022 13:19:46 GMT
Obviously you know the situation better than us, but it always bothers me when people assume that “money is not an issue” for us. That does not obligate us to feed our entire family regularly, pay for restaurant meals, or pay for other group activities. I’m extremely comfortable in saying money is not an issue for them but I am curious about what you would define as “regularly.” The last time they hosted was over a year ago. There are 6 siblings: This BIL and we are the usual hosts, one does occasionally (like once in the last 10 years) and none of the others do. I guess I just sort of feel like if you offer to host (which they did, they weren’t obligated) then food is part of it. When we go out to restaurants (rarely, I can think of once in the last 15 years) everyone pays for themselves, and we don’t do other activities together.
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Post by peasapie on Jul 18, 2022 13:23:36 GMT
We do this with our neighborhood gatherings and also with family gatherings. I’m just happy people will host a party and think it’s fine to help by bringing the most expensive item for ourselves.
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smartypants71
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Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Jul 18, 2022 13:28:32 GMT
This situation seems odd to me. In my family it is normal to bring a side OR drinks OR paper products, and the host does the main meat dish. It seems easier that way just because I would worry about grill space + some meats take a long time and others are done in a few minutes. I'd rather just host it myself and ask the family to bring the sides/dessert.
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