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Post by floridagirl on Jul 26, 2022 14:37:12 GMT
For my second marriage, and this sounds incredibly selfish and childish, but I looked for someone who would treasure me. I knew I could make it would out a man financially. I wanted someone who saw me as valuable and precious. I thought if he did that then he would be a good step daddy and example to my boys. I totally agree with this. My second hubby does. We just got this picture back from our daughters recent wedding. I love the look on his face. He said "I love to kiss you"    (ughhh...can't get pic to attach) |
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,276 
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 26, 2022 14:38:57 GMT
I also think I thought I could change the things he needed changed  When I was about 16, someone very wise told me Men go into a relationship/marriage thinking the Woman will never change. Women go into the relationship/marriage thinking they can change the Man. Neither one will happen. That really made an impact on me. I wasn't keen on marriage as a young person, so I wasn't looking for a husband. But when my DH proposed, I accepted, because I knew he was someone I could live with the rest of my life and not want to change. |
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,370
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Jul 26, 2022 14:40:20 GMT
Well I was 16 when we first met so I wasn't looking at much beyond he looks good, is kind of weird in a good way, and is pretty smart. Turns out that was all I needed. đ Same here. We were 17. I was just looking for someone to date and we married young. We are opposites in so many ways and he probably wouldn't have been what I was looking for if I had been older. But it worked out wonderfully. |
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Post by tealpaperowl on Jul 26, 2022 15:00:31 GMT
When I was dating after my divorce I had a long list of criteria. The big ones were career oriented - I didn't care what he did as long as he had a career and wasn't a bum. Caring, had to love kids (cause I have 2), and be romantic.
The big no no's for me were : No smoking, No drugs, No baby mama drama, No addictions, No criminal history.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 26, 2022 16:57:09 GMT
I was 15 when I met dh. We dated for a bit and then he broke up w/me. We were sort of on and off and at 21 we got back together for good. When he wasn't even a consideration I made a list of what I wanted in a great guy. I wanted someone who had a lot of common sense, was educated, worked hard, came from a good family, was kind, funny and articulate. Well, dh popped back into my life and he checked all of my boxes. I'm very happy and grateful for him.
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 26, 2022 17:14:53 GMT
I didn't get married until I was 29 and I had some pretty definite things I was looking for:
Someone w/ a stable career who was careful, but not stingy, w/ his money.
Someone who wanted to have kids.
Someone w/ a great sense of humor and fun.
Someone who got along well w/ my friends and family.
My husband checked all those boxes. After 32 years of marriage, we've had our ups and downs, but he still checks all the boxes and I love him a lot.
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,262
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Post by huskergal on Jul 26, 2022 20:56:18 GMT
When I was younger, good looking and romantic.
What I found more important, someone who was kind and was a friend first.
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Post by catmom on Jul 27, 2022 0:39:53 GMT
I met DH when I was 23. After an abusive relationship, and at the suggestion of a therapist, I had a list of must haves and canât haves.
Had to be a practicing Christian, hard working and able to earn a decent living, kind and respectful to women, smart, kids not a priority, willing to put up with my complete lack of housekeeping ability, and someone who wouldnât push/challenge me. The last one sounds odd but I was in a complementarian (aka misogynistic) church where men were encouraged to challenge/guide their wives on their tv watching, reading, prayer life.
My DH is awesome and the love of my life. Weâve both grown and changed so much, but weâve done it together. But yeah, there have been ramifications to choosing someone who doesnât push or challenge me.
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Post by FrozenPea on Jul 27, 2022 1:54:55 GMT
Well I was 16 when we first met so I wasn't looking at much beyond he looks good, is kind of weird in a good way, and is pretty smart. Turns out that was all I needed. đ Same. Only I was 17!Going on 38 years together! â€ïž |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 6:36:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2022 2:27:00 GMT
Cute, kind. Non threatening. Intelligent. Funny. We are 26 years in. A lot has changed in this world but I still think he's cute and he still always is nice to me (and others). So I feel very lucky because people do change sometimes or life breaks them.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 27, 2022 3:13:07 GMT
I looked for someone who would treasure me. I love this! I was actually gonna include "Someone who is thrilled to be with me" in my response to this question. It's actually NOT something I was looking for consciously, but now that I have it, I value it. I'm still in the learning phase of a 2 year relationship, and I frequently see 'revelations' of what I value as the days go by with him. RESPECT is a big one-- him for me, me for him. I realized in my 50's that I have issues respecting men way more than respecting women. So, finding a mate that I respect is a big deal. And such a relief on so many levels-- I trust his judgement, and know he's got my back quite capably. I didn't realize I'd value that sense of "I can relax and he'll handle things" feeling. He's funny, smart, adorable... I appreciate his integrity so much. Respect is a huge thing for me too. Growing up, it was obvious that my parents had a huge amount of respect for each other and that was something I looked for too. I have siblings that are a lot older than I am. I could see a big lack of respect in many of their relationships and knew that just wouldnât fly with me. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 27, 2022 3:16:06 GMT
Oh dear, I was 18 when we met and didn't have a list.
Thankfully I picked a good guy.
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