I just don't know how to move on

My heart bleeds for you. I once faced losing my son to cancer when he was 9. He is my only child, and I was sure I would not be able to go on without him. I talked with my mom about it and she assured me that my son would not want me to consider what she knew I was considering.

I was spared having to make that choice as cancer did not win. I haven’t been able to even think about what I might have chosen if it did.

I have no words that will lessen your pain. I doubt those words exist. I just want to say you are in my prayers and I am so very sorry.

I have no words…I cannot imagine your grief.

I cannot recommend this enough! Griefshare is a wonderful program and it will help you immensely!

Really Red. I bet you can find something online. And you’re right grief share is for any kind of loss.

ETA - First thing, you are totally normal and everything you are feeling is okay. There is nothing wrong with you; you are grieving, and you want to protect your daughters and their grief. This is the kind of loss that changes you and affects you forever. 

To me, "moving on" somehow implies that you leave someone or something behind, and that isn’t your goal. "Moving forward" is a better way to think of it. You carry your grief and your love along with you. It is the term used in some of the newer grief groups and writing.

I haven’t lost a child, though a good friend of mine lost her daughter to leukemia at age 20. We freely talk about Becky, and I think that’s important.

My husband died 3.5 years ago. I read the book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine and I found it really good. I also did her writing program online, Writing Your Grief. She runs it several times a year. There were several people in my “group” who had lost children. Some people wrote and posted every day for the 30 days and some just read or wrote but didn’t choose to post in the private group.

I also did some grief groups through the hospice. In one of those there were just three of us, all widows. Both of them had lost their husbands several months before mine died, and they were both not quite to the year mark and felt they were going backwards. We bonded and have been in touch since. Once COVID restrictions loosened and we were all vaccinated, we resumed getting together once a month. We spend the whole day together, talking and eating. We don’t talk all the time about our losses and grief, but we can talk about anything and that is probably the biggest help to me. We are all feeling "ready" to see each other by the time the next monthly date comes up. We can talk about our husbands and say whatever we need to and not feel like we are being judged or having someone jump to conclusions like complicated grief or depression or being stuck or not wanting to enjoy life.

I personally found year two as difficult or more so than the first year. Yes, reality sets in and you realize what it all means and the permanence of this devastating change. I describe my feeling as profound sadness. Sometimes it is one of despair. That does NOT mean that I can’t laugh and do things and enjoy experiences. You can feel more than one thing at a time - and it’s okay.

Finding "your people" - the ones who get it, the ones who won’t judge or avoid mentioning your son - that’s the best thing I can recommend for helping you through life.

Really Red, if you are struggling to find a group with experiences close to your own, maybe it would be worth while asking the Funeral Home if they have any contact details or suggestions?

Sending big hugs. I cannot even imagine the grief you’re going through and I hope you can find some peace.

If you are looking for support that is more secular, you may want to join a FB group called Grief Beyond Belief that is geared toward atheists and agnostics. It has been a great source of support for me. I joined after my mother died, but there are many bereaved parents in this group, too. I believe there may also be an offshoot group for bereaved parents of older children.

My heart goes out to you and all of our peas who have experienced this unfathomable tragedy.

I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I'm so very sorry.

One thing I've learned about grief is that it never goes away, BUT, you can learn to live with it. I'm going to echo what others have said and say that 'moving on' isn't how it should be phrased. You are never going to move on from your grief, you'll just learn to live in conjunction with it. Easier said than done, I know, but for me, just allowing myself to be with my grief made it easier to cope.

Much love to you!

My words are inadequate, but I am so sorry.

Or it terrifies them because they do know how sad you are and feel helpless to ease your pain. 

I'm so sorry. Making it through your DS's birthday, your birthday and the anniversary of his death so quickly, one after the other gives you no room to breath and stand again. Is there any way you can be with one of your daughters next month? Or have them be with you?

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.

I am so sorry. No advice, just hugs.

I am so very sorry for your loss and the despair you are experiencing. I would not wish such pain on my worst enemy. I hope you are able to find comfort and peace soon, as you continue to put one foot in front of the other.

Warmest of hugs to you.