College, parents, and letting go

Are you surprised that the kid couldn't figure it out herself when the mom couldn't either?  

I get it though, my kids are still young but it is really frustrating to see parents trying to change people/situations around their kids instead of giving tools to their kids on how to deal with it themselves. My oldest is in middle school and I've found those parents are straight up PITAs themselves needing a ton of hand holding and assurance. I don't vibe with them.

But see, I definitely understand that. Heck, we've all been there, where something even miniscule is just that last straw. But you helped her grow. You had empathy but still helped her figure out what needed to happen, got her to take a deep breath and get some verbal hugs from you, and made her go and do it. That's the good parenting version!

My oldest had to figure out a lot for himself in college because the 25 years between our college experience and DS's college experience things had changed significantly. And it was the same University. We had to prod him a lot, because he's a procrastinator. But, in the end, he did almost all of it on his own. We only stepped in when he asked us to. And usually we had to figure it out too.

We are now in that boat with our second. We are helping him a little more because he has had to deal with issues his brother hasn't that has made him grow in other ways. He did 2 years of online and is starting in person at the main campus next week. But he's spent the last two summers living on his own out of state for a summer job, so he has basic sustenance life skills figured out for the most part.

I like to think I can be a soft place for my kids to fall as they are moving into independent adulthood. I want to be able to pick them up, smooth their feathers, let them steady themselves on the branch, then push them off again. As many times as it takes.