Have you been to a wake? UPDATE

I've never been to a home wake but I know it was more common in my grandparents time and an online friend of mine did a home wake for her baby

I know this is a tradition from the past but I haven't seen a body outside of a funeral home or church. Back in the day, the body would be laid out in a parlor/living room. I can't image having people go into a bedroom to pay their respects.

I can't imagine a dead body in the house. 

I have not been to a home wake (my initial reaction was the same as finsup), but, along with natural (unembalmed) burials, they are becoming of interest to people again. There seems to be a motion toward family caring for the body of a loved one and away from the "funeral industry" doing all the care.

I have not. I have been to open-casket funerals and viewings but never anything like you describe.

I could not tell if this was why you were asking, but my opinion personally is that you can pay your respects without seeing the body, if that is not what you want to do.

The exact same thoughts ran thru my head

Never been to a wake, or a viewing or a funeral with the body present.
I’ve only been to memorial services.

I grew up Catholic and am Métis (Cree/French) so yes I have been to a few wakes many years ago. Still an “unusual” experience if you’ve not been.

Typically the wake would last days but most visitors would just come and go and only immediate family or out of town family would stay the entire length of the wake.

One wake I went to was about 4 hours out of town for us, I was quite young and I remember we stayed with the family the whole time (very close family friends was my “uncle” that passed). I remember sleeping in their spare room knowing a dead man was upstairs, I was a little scared to be honest. I was about 6 and it’s one very clear memory that has stayed with me. However I also remember all the singing and stories and laughter.

Another wake was close to home, great aunt, and we stayed for a few hours only. So really you can go pay your respects and visit as long or as short of time as you’d like from my recollection and knowledge.

My older family calls visiting hours a wake. This seems to be a generational term in my family. In many of my older relatives, there are visiting hours at the funeral home one day. There will be snacks and such provided because people tend to stay awhile and the body is in an open casket. The next morning, everyone meets at the Catholic church where there is a mass and the body is present. Then following mass, the body is driven to the cemetery for burial. Then there is a restaurant meal.

For Esther's funeral, we simply had visitation for four hours at the funeral home. I did insist that there was a viewing. It was mostly for my own sense of closure. I needed to see her one more time. We served sandwiches and things all catered by the funeral home during this time and in a separate reception room. Once the four hours had passed, a pastor came in and gave her service which was short and I know would have been her preference. I got up when he was done and said a few things. Then everyone left and I stayed to say my goodbyes. Esther was cremated.

I must say that visitation was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I felt like I was hosting the world's worst party. greeting everyone. Thanking everyone. Hugging everyone. Every time I looked at her in the casket I cried. So I tried so hard not to look until after everyone had left. I think had it been longer than 4 hours, I wouldn't have survived it.

It sounds like a nice way to honor the deceased-in her familiar surroundings, with comfort food, not rushed to fit in to a funeral homes hours, places to sit and talk and reminisce.

We have family in Mexico and I have been to several funerals there and some still hold the wakes in their home. They have a casket that has a glass where you can look down to see the deceased. I assumed it was because they where not embalmed cause they also had their nose and ears plugged with something as well. All meals are held at the home and they are constantly vigiled all thru the night. Someone is always with them. When my DH Nana died, he happened to be at the house when the "mortuary" came by to get her ready. My husband was asked to put her in her casket. My poor DH was traumatized as he didn't grow up in Mexico and didn't know this is how things where done.

We also all walked behind the casket on foot to the cemetery. And the plot has been dug out by the family themselves and the lowering and everything is handled by the family. This may just be how it's done in the small town they live in and could be due to financial circumstances. But there is no funeral home handling everything. I will say it was pretty traumatic when the plywood broke that was placed on top of the casket in the grave as cement was being poured into it.... cause grave robbers and all that.

It has all been a very eye opening experience attending those funerals on my DH side of the family in Mexico because even though I am Mexican, I am several generations out of Mexico.

I've never been to a wake as described, nor a visitation. It's very unusual to see the body in any way in Australia, thank goodness. I've only seen a body at a funeral once in my life, at a Greek funeral, where they had an open casket.

In fact, people seem to be moving away from even having the casket at the funeral service. Two of the most recent funerals I've been to were private cremations prior to the service, so there was no casket. That's what I want for my funeral.

I cannot imagine actually asking to have my body put in my bed and have people coming into my bedroom to see me. No way no how.

My Papaw died in the summer of 1972. They lived way out in the country in southwest VA. I was about 8 years old. His wake, or visitation, was held in the farmhouse he and my Mamaw lived in. The coffin was in Papaw and Mamaw's bedroom. The bedroom had a door that led to the front porch. So many people came and visited. His body stayed there until the funeral and burial. Our family, like many in that part of the state, has a family graveyard and that is where he was buried.

I have family in Leon and in Guadalajara in Mexico. Large cities. Some members of our family have been totally taken care of by a mortuary service, they don't call them funeral homes, and some have been buried in the traditional way. 

My uncle was shot and passed in the hospital. The body was released to his family. He was not embalmed.  I was like WHAT??  My mom told me that he was still part of the family and ours.  He was not embalmed and was laid to rest in his casket in the living room. It was a full open casket but it had a plexi glass covering him. His mom cleaned and dressed him. She placed the shroud on his face. There was a mortuary business that assisted. There was family in the room for 48 hrs praying, talking, drinking and eating. Flowers galore. On the 3rd day he was taken by the mortuary service to the church and there his kids stood attendance or guard around his casket, from the morning to the time of the service. 

He was taken to a family grave site in a cemetery. The way Mexico does it was different to me. The family site only has  2 graves, but nameplates on a cement pad on top. They removed the pad, the cemetery people cracked the cement over the casket then opened the casket. They collected the bones of an aunt who passed close to 20 yrs ago and the bones of another relative that was a bag and put them in a bag at the foot of my uncle. 
The casket top was placed and then was lowered by my uncles brothers, cement was placed on top then the rest of the dirt was done by family members. It was a layer of dirt, then flowers, dirt then flowers. The next person that passes will be put in the other grave plot. 

My mom is a first generation here so tons of customs are still done with us. Thank goodness my mom believes in funeral homes because I do not think that I could handle having to take care of her after death like I saw my uncle being taken care of by his mom. 

My dh is from a Creole background. When he went to Mexico with my mom and I this was not unusual to him, but he thought only his family did it this way. 

Jennifer