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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 8, 2022 13:27:46 GMT
Goodness I have been good friends with a gal for over 20 years.
Until recently I never noticed this until about six months ago or a year. I don't think she notices it. But she has been driving me NUTS with her driving.. either her driving OR being a 'backseat' driver. lol.
We go to the SAME place every Friday evening for over a year. A bunch of us get together and have dinner, play games and maybe drinks. It's been great. We take turns driving, usually every other week.
When I drive, she will under her breath tell me where to turn. Then I noticed it's everywhere we go.. EVEN when we went out of town to Florida she was giving my sister directions to her OWN house. My sister's house. It sounds like this "yeah, turn here, turn left up there, etc." I'm like KAREN (her real name), I know where I am going you don't have to tell me. OYE... I warned my sister this might happen and she was like.. "surely not where I live"... SURE enough.. there she goes with 'giving' directions to my sister to her own house. Love my friend but goodness.
She also has this habit to treat me like I have never been out in the world. Like she is mothering me. We go to a fancy dinner and she is one step from ordering my dinner and putting a napkin in my lap. She talks to the server like I'm a child. I know she doesn't mean anything bad (by either thing, driving or whatnot).. but sometimes I want to say.. I'm a big girl and been around the world.. I can handle myself. lol. While her travels have never been further than NC or FL. (Not that means anything)
Not driving Friday night.. phew.. a week off. lol
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,849 
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Sept 8, 2022 13:33:27 GMT
Couldn’t stand it - I would just let her drive!
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,673
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Sept 8, 2022 13:35:12 GMT
Yea, that's annoying it would be hard for me not to say "you can take over the driving".
although I did laugh at KAREN (her real name).
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 8, 2022 13:50:40 GMT
Yea, that's annoying it would be hard for me not to say "you can take over the driving". although I did laugh at KAREN (her real name). She is a very good sport about her name.. she loves that she is a KAREN.... little does she know I am muttering KAREN in a bad way sometimes. My sister was at her wits end. I am so glad I gave her the heads up... she would have been so confused. Oh when she drives.. to the SAME place week after week..she fiddles with her phone.. turning the map on and off and who knows what. I am like STOP messing with your phone and drive. but I would rather drive than squeezing my eyes shut thinking I am in death's way... it's always the map. I'm like how is it possible you can't get from point A to point B without help. We have done this same drive at least 100 times. |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Sept 8, 2022 14:01:49 GMT
Couldn’t stand it - I would just let her drive! I couldn't stand it, either, but I wouldn't let her drive... I'd probably end up yelling at her. I mean, really- giving your sister directions, to her OWN HOUSE? Just stop! |
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Post by arielsmom on Sept 8, 2022 14:05:39 GMT
My mil started doing this right before being diagnosed with some cognitive issues.
Drove us bonkers.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,579
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Sept 8, 2022 14:14:00 GMT
I think what would bother me more than her giving driving directions would be the superiority she shows when you go out to dinner.
She wasn’t like this until this past year? I’d definitely have a conversation with her.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 8, 2022 15:02:00 GMT
I think what would bother me more than her giving driving directions would be the superiority she shows when you go out to dinner. She wasn’t like this until this past year? I’d definitely have a conversation with her. I didn't notice until this past year... but we have been hanging out much more lately than before. Our kids are grown and our times have opened up to hang out more often. So she might have been doing this all along but it went over my head. (I'm thinking it has been going on and I totally ignored it.. I feel like when I look back I can see it)...Most of the time it isn't there all the time. She is very giving and thoughtful and that overrides her issues. She has my back and that is what counts. But sometimes I just want to take a rubber bat and hit her over the head.. hahaha. Thankfully the dinner thing and superiority doesn't happen much.. we typically go to your standard chain place if we are just being casual. Apparently I can hold my own there.. heehee |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,145
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Post by Just T on Sept 8, 2022 15:07:22 GMT
Yeah, that would drive me nuts. I could probably ignore it though if I really enjoyed everything else about her.  But telling your sister how to get to her own house...that is just so weird. LOL I'm surprised your sister didn't say something like, "I think I know how to get to my own house!" |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Sept 8, 2022 15:15:22 GMT
I wonder if she is having memory issues and this is so she doesn't get lost? my FIL would lose his way even with the roads he took millions of times before he was diagnosed with dimentia.
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Post by malibou on Sept 8, 2022 15:23:57 GMT
Sounds like she is declining in her mental health and my guess is that getting lost is scaring her. I would not let her drive if she is fiddling with her phone maps, or I would suggest to her that she set her map up before you start your drive.
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Post by femalebusiness on Sept 8, 2022 15:28:32 GMT
I would have to say “No coaching” every time she said something. Honestly I could not stand that and would have to tell her very nicely but strongly that she was driving me nuts and to please knock it off.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 8, 2022 15:30:57 GMT
I wonder if she is having memory issues and this is so she doesn't get lost? my FIL would lose his way even with the roads he took millions of times before he was diagnosed with dimentia. I thought of that, but nothing else seems to be a problem.. but maybe that is a start?? Maybe she just isn't the best driver to begin with and showing her power by giving directions. Who knows. It's sucks though.. (there are three of us).. usually I have the best vehicle to drive us around but it is a gas hog. My other friend has an electric car which is great but if we don't know what our plans are for the day (Saturdays we might go thrifting, antique shopping, IKEA, just running around) , she only has like 140 miles before she has to recharge. So that leaves us with Karen as the driver. |
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Post by lisae on Sept 8, 2022 15:58:45 GMT
That does sound annoying. I hope it isn't a long trip on Fridays. It does sound really fun though that you all get together each week.
I went on a business trip with a woman once who read every sign by the road as I was driving. It really got annoying fast. I had to drive because my name was on the rental car.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Sept 8, 2022 17:52:38 GMT
My mother started doing this 4 or 5 years ago, and I think she might be worse than your friend. It's not just directions of where to go, but how to drive. "Go ahead and get in the left lane while you have a chance...don't try to make this light if it turns yellow; there are lots of accidents here!...take the long way because lots of kids play outside on this road...." and so on. She always wants me to take longer, more convoluted routes, in order to avoid having to take the interstate, too.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 8, 2022 18:34:25 GMT
My mother started doing this 4 or 5 years ago, and I think she might be worse than your friend. It's not just directions of where to go, but how to drive. "Go ahead and get in the left lane while you have a chance...don't try to make this light if it turns yellow; there are lots of accidents here!...take the long way because lots of kids play outside on this road...." and so on. She always wants me to take longer, more convoluted routes, in order to avoid having to take the interstate, too. Oh my mom is another story.. we never ever fight or disagree.. but when it comes to driving.. that sends me over the edge. Mom: "Turn left here.. oh watch your speed, Butch got a warning here once for speeding. They sit here and watch for you.".. Me: "Okay mom, that is now the 20th time you have warned me since it happened in 2010" Mom: "Well I just don't want you to get a ticket." Me: "I'm fine". Mom driving... speed up and slam on brakes, speed up again and slam the breaks. It's like whiplash. I once almost had her stop because I was so car sick. And I am being totally honest. Me driving... mom is white knuckled with her hand on the door handle. Her foot pressed up against the floor. Mind you, there can be someone breaking ahead like a MILE ahead and she starts twitching. So whenever we go on little trips.. I drive and let her worry about dying in a fiery car crash.. lol.. I don't complain like I would my friend.. She has always been a worry wart about driving and I'm used to it. My sister and I have weekly chats about it.. haha.. Poor mamma. |
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Post by Lexica on Sept 8, 2022 20:05:40 GMT
Your sister is a good sport for not going off on her. I am the type of person that I would have purposefully gone another way into my neighborhood. In most neighborhoods, there is more than one way to enter and I would have ignored her directions and gone a different way just to show her up and hopefully make her realize that what she is doing is quite annoying.
She might have a high level of anxiety in the car and calling the directions out loud is calming to her. Ddo you think she would be responsive to you mentioning how off-putting it is?
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Post by Really Red on Sept 8, 2022 23:09:01 GMT
It sounds like anxiety to me. The things you say are things maybe one might say to oneself, but she sounds like she's trying to remain in control - not in a bad way - sort of like control of herself. I would be gentle with her.
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