mamapeaah
Full Member
Posts: 326
Sept 30, 2021 4:39:02 GMT
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Post by mamapeaah on Nov 7, 2022 2:55:34 GMT
I have been on a growth and self improvement kick lately.
It started with the revelation (by a pea) of they mother being a narcissist.
I went down that rabbit hole and things make sense now, and I feel I can better manage this.
I also have taken a few courses from The Daily OM, such as reparenting the inner child, a year of writing to uncover the authentic self, and one about money.
I signed up for Audible and came across 6 habits of growth which I found interesting and have started implementing these ideas.
So far, I am feeling better and I have a roadmap which gives me a little more time to PLAN rather than REACT.
What self improvement, growth, self help, organization, etc things have you tried lately, and what was your experience like.
Were they helpful? Cumbersome? etc?
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Post by mom on Nov 7, 2022 3:14:05 GMT
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Nov 7, 2022 3:31:36 GMT
I just posted this book on another thread, but will share it here as well.
Healing from toxic relationships, by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis.
I recently borrowed this from the Library (e-book). I knew from the first chapter, that I was going to buy it.
I like how she explained the various behaviors, listed the characteristics and description of various behaviors, gave an example story-scenario of the behavior, advice on how to deal with someone else's toxic behavior, questions for the reader to answer-ask oneself., etc...
I've read many Psychology-self help books over the years, and this one was really beneficial for me.
I plan to read some of her other books as well.
In addition to resources, self care is necessary.
Everyone's self care needs are different.
My self care needs are:
Making myself a priority.
Hydrating. Drinking enough water.
Getting enough sleep.
Hydrating and nourishing my skin. Foot lotion, hand lotion, eye cream, face cream, deep conditioner on my hair.
Making choices that are best for me.
Making better food choices.
Doing things that make me happy and make me feel better. >>Scrapbooking, reading, walking.
Having quiet time.
Having alone time.
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Post by cindytred on Nov 7, 2022 3:51:14 GMT
The thing that helps me the most is this quote: "If you are living in the past you are depressed. If you are living in the future you are anxious. Live in the present for peace." I'm paraphrasing the quote - but that's the gist of it.
I lost my peace for the past few days and I was feeling very depressed and overwhelmed. I had a chat with my BFF tonight and she reminded me of the above mentioned quote - and immediately I felt better. LIVE IN THE PRESENT!!
Cindy
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Nov 7, 2022 3:56:21 GMT
The thing that helps me the most is this quote: "If you are living in the past you are depressed. If you are living in the future you are anxious. Live in the present for peace." I'm paraphrasing the quote - but that's the gist of it. I lost my peace for the past few days and I was feeling very depressed and overwhelmed. I had a chat with my BFF tonight and she reminded me of the above mentioned quote - and immediately I felt better. LIVE IN THE PRESENT!! Cindy Thinking of you ❤️ |
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kokomo37
Full Member
Posts: 216
Apr 17, 2022 21:03:36 GMT
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Post by kokomo37 on Nov 7, 2022 5:32:39 GMT
On this same idea, I would like something to read that makes me feel more positive. Four years ago we moved so that my MIL could live with us . It’s not a complete in-law suite as we share a kitchen. She does not cook much but does come up stairs multiple times a day.
Before this I saw her maybe 3 to 4 times a year.
We have nothing in common. She has no friends. She does go out every day to Walmart or the dollar store. I am in such a funk about this . I stay upstairs in my bedroom or craft room all the time when I am home . I work 2 days a week and do go out frequently to friends houses, crafting ,shopping etc. My husband and I go out often .At times my husband will lie to her about where we are going because he feels bad for her. When we first moved in together I tried to get her to join some local senior activities, offered to go with her until she felt comfortable ,but it was a no go.
I now find myself so negative at times and hate the life I am living sometimes It’s not an option to move again as the housing and renting is sky high. The reality is , which I understand is that I need to change my outlook. I am bitter and I don’t like it. That’s on me not her.
So if you have any suggestions on self help books that might help, I am open to ideas . Ideas on how to cope but not how to include her in my personal life.
Thanks
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snugglebutter
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,566 
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Post by snugglebutter on Nov 7, 2022 5:48:11 GMT
I love this book so much! The author, Nedra Tawwab, is a great IG follow as well.
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Post by lisapea on Nov 7, 2022 9:36:06 GMT
My favorite self improvement self help book is Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver. www.amazon.com/Soulful-Simplicity-Living-Less-Lead-ebook/dp/B06XZJFDWJ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38VDK4Z2MJCWX&keywords=soulful+simplicity&qid=1667813112&sprefix=soulful+simplicity%2Caps%2C203&sr=8-1When she was diagnosed with MS she made many positive changes to her lifestyle, which we all know isn't easy to do. Her approach to incorporating better habits for a happier life when facing a crisis is really gentle and there's so much good advice. I find myself re-reading this every other year or so when I start feeling unmanageable stress creeping back in. She also has a blog called Be More With Less - visiting this is like a little calming escape in a chaotic world sometimes. If you sign up there to receive emails, she sends one out every Saturday morning - I can't remember exactly what the email newsletter is called but it's full of just little snippets of positivity, peace, fun - like a healthy new recipe, a book review, playlist, positive affirmation, cute little video to make you smile, things like that. The book itself has really helped me to incorporate healthier habits and reduce some of the stress in my world. |
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mamapeaah
Full Member
Posts: 326
Sept 30, 2021 4:39:02 GMT
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Post by mamapeaah on Nov 7, 2022 11:46:48 GMT
On this same idea, I would like something to read that makes me feel more positive. Four years ago we moved so that my MIL could live with us . It’s not a complete in-law suite as we share a kitchen. She does not cook much but does come up stairs multiple times a day. Before this I saw her maybe 3 to 4 times a year. We have nothing in common. She has no friends. She does go out every day to Walmart or the dollar store. I am in such a funk about this . I stay upstairs in my bedroom or craft room all the time when I am home . I work 2 days a week and do go out frequently to friends houses, crafting ,shopping etc. My husband and I go out often .At times my husband will lie to her about where we are going because he feels bad for her. When we first moved in together I tried to get her to join some local senior activities, offered to go with her until she felt comfortable ,but it was a no go. I now find myself so negative at times and hate the life I am living sometimes It’s not an option to move again as the housing and renting is sky high. The reality is , which I understand is that I need to change my outlook. I am bitter and I don’t like it. That’s on me not her. So if you have any suggestions on self help books that might help, I am open to ideas . Ideas on how to cope but not how to include her in my personal life. Thanks So I am not a therapist but they can sometimes help you sort through your feelings. I have watched a lot of youtube, so you want to zero in on exactly what about the situation is making you feel bitter. Is it because you feel trapped upstairs while MIL is freeroaming your kitchen? Or do you feel somehow you might end up like her? The suggestions I gave are based on what I think I would feel, so don't take them personally. I would just brainstorm and try to figure out exactly what part of it bothers you. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:35:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2022 12:04:04 GMT
The thing that helps me the most is this quote: "If you are living in the past you are depressed. If you are living in the future you are anxious. Live in the present for peace." I'm paraphrasing the quote - but that's the gist of it. I lost my peace for the past few days and I was feeling very depressed and overwhelmed. I had a chat with my BFF tonight and she reminded me of the above mentioned quote - and immediately I felt better. LIVE IN THE PRESENT!! Cindy I’ve had a difficult week as well, and this quote is one I’ll keep in mind. Tfs |
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Post by Lexica on Nov 7, 2022 12:36:53 GMT
I just posted this book on another thread, but will share it here as well. Healing from toxic relationships, by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis. I recently borrowed this from the Library (e-book). I knew from the first chapter, that I was going to buy it. I like how she explained the various behaviors, listed the characteristics and description of various behaviors, gave an example story-scenario of the behavior, advice on how to deal with someone else's toxic behavior, questions for the reader to answer-ask oneself., etc... I've read many Psychology-self help books over the years, and this one was really beneficial for me. I plan to read some of her other books as well. In addition to resources, self care is necessary. Everyone's self care needs are different.
My self care needs are:
Making myself a priority.
Hydrating. Drinking enough water.
Getting enough sleep.
Hydrating and nourishing my skin. Foot lotion, hand lotion, eye cream, face cream, deep conditioner on my hair.
Making choices that are best for me.
Making better food choices.
Doing things that make me happy and make me feel better. >>Scrapbooking, reading, walking.
Having quiet time.
Having alone time.
I can totally identify with your list and am going to blatantly steal it. |
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Post by Lexica on Nov 7, 2022 15:02:31 GMT
mamapeaah, are there any positives to your MIL living with you? Is she giving you any monthly rent that you could put aside to go on a fabulous vacation with your husband? For me, that would make her being there more tolerable. Is her being there making your husband happy? That would also make it easier for me to have her in my home, knowing that my husband felt better and that by doing all I could to make the situation as easy as possible on him would make me very happy. If she isn't contributing financially to your household, I'm afraid I just made the situation a lot worse for you by giving you more to resent. 
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 7, 2022 15:59:14 GMT
Therapy is my number one way to practice self care. With a narcissistic parent we learn to express their feelings and not our own. They live vicariously through us and use us to make themselves relevant. It's a lot to process and separate and therapy is the best tool for that. I would recommend starting there. mom recommended Co-Dependent No More. Really good read and so helpful. It will teach you boundary setting for others and yourself. Knowing that someone is there to listen and has the ability to give you tools to live a good life is a huge help. |
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melanieg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,611
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Post by melanieg on Nov 7, 2022 22:10:03 GMT
I have been trying to read one self improvement book a month this year. I took this one out of the library in January. It was awesome for me. Just whaaat I needed to start the year off. I actually took it out again over the summer. untetheredsoul.com/untethered-soul |
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