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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 15:51:18 GMT
I guess someone can mark this as politics if they'd like, but I don't intend it as a political discussion.
My father died six months ago. Since he died, my mother has become an avid viewer of Fox News. This has been very out-of-character for her; she has never been a huge news watcher, and she has always been pretty liberal. Since she has been watching it, her world perspective has changed dramatically. She is extremely paranoid and thinks everyone is trying to scam her or steal from her. She thinks that everywhere is extremely dangerous. She has started saying a lot of weird conspiratorial political things as well (Joe Biden is actually completely ravaged by dementia, and is being used as a puppet so the government can loot hard-working people), although it's less that her political views have changed substantively than that the character they have taken on is persecution and conspiracy.
Obviously, since my father died, and my mother had been married to him (a lousy marriage, but that was her situation) for almost sixty years, I can't say that this is 100% from watching Fox, but, every time I try to follow up with her about why she has said this out-of-character thing, she says she heard it on Fox.
I know I'm not the only person who has dealt with this. It's really hard. Now, when a small thing happens like my youngest accidentally leaves her jacket at school, my mother starts literally yelling about how "those other kids" (with exactly the implications that sounds like) took it; when the jacket of course is right where she left it the next day, it's because "those kids" got caught and put it back. She is paying her rent in an envelop of cash because otherwise her landlord might drain her bank account with a direct deposit arrangement; she goes physically into Verizon to pay her cellphone bill because she won't pay it online or even over the phone.
I don't think there is any solution here -- I've obviously suggested she, you know, stop watching Fox News, but she insists that she "likes the personalities on there" and so is going to keep watching. I think I'm just looking for other people who have experienced the same thing with friends or relatives -- this is really, really weird.
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Post by Merge on Nov 17, 2022 16:13:54 GMT
Part of the allure there is that it gives people who are lonely a sense of community. Even if it’s just an unseen community of people who also “enjoy the personalities.” Kind of like a fan community for a TV show (think Trekkies). Problem is that it’s a dangerous fandom. TV fandoms don’t convince you that everyone who doesn’t look and think like you is out to scam you in some way, but that’s part of the canon of the Fox fandom.
Can you encourage her to get out more and join some in-person groups for hobbies or volunteering or whatever she’s interested in?She needs a new fandom.
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Post by bluebird71 on Nov 17, 2022 16:24:41 GMT
I think she is beyond just watching Faux News. She may be experiencing early dementia. Has she been assessed by a mental health professional? Bc what you are saying is just not normal.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 16:30:56 GMT
I think she is beyond just watching Faux News. She may be experiencing early dementia. Has she been assessed by a mental health professional? Bc what you are saying is just not normal. It's definitely possible. It has been really sudden. She won't see a doctor; that is a lifetime issue (she has probably seen a doctor two or three times in my lifetime).
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 16:33:01 GMT
Part of the allure there is that it gives people who are lonely a sense of community. Even if it’s just an unseen community of people who also “enjoy the personalities.” Kind of like a fan community for a TV show (think Trekkies). Problem is that it’s a dangerous fandom. TV fandoms don’t convince you that everyone who doesn’t look and think like you is out to scam you in some way, but that’s part of the canon of the Fox fandom. Can you encourage her to get out more and join some in-person groups for hobbies or volunteering or whatever she’s interested in?She needs a new fandom. I've tried to connect her to groups and activities but she won't do any of it (she claims to be too busy). She has never had any friends so that part is not new; the only person other than me she ever speaks to is one of her sisters, and the two of them, as I predicted, had a blowup a few months ago at a third sister's funeral and aren't speaking.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Nov 17, 2022 16:36:30 GMT
My MIL watches that channel too. Sorry! I have no help for you. But be glad that she doesn't watch the shopping channels...with her credit card at the ready.
I honestly believe it's the 24 hour companionship. As their world gets smaller they identify these live TV people as friends.
ETA: she also watches the View and the daily talk shows. That's why I think it's a friend thing.
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Nov 17, 2022 16:45:14 GMT
So sorry your mom is experiencing bizarre behaviour. I too believe it is dementia. I've know others that have had same symptoms as you describe such as the paranoia. A former colleague was finally admited to a memory care facility after she drove her car, wrecked it and didn't know who or where she was. We had tried to get her help for a year and no one would help her get the help she needed. Human services visted her several times and nothing. I hope you can get her some help. Big Hugs!
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Post by workingclassdog on Nov 17, 2022 16:45:27 GMT
I don't think it is necessarily Fox News (I mean she could be watching CNN and have the same thing going on just a different way). My friend's dad died a few years ago. Her mom started gambling more. They gambled a lot while he was alive and she is continuing (even moreso) and really can't afford it. But she claims she is fine. I think as our parents are aging and spouses are dying they are just finding anything to fill a gap.
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Post by denda on Nov 17, 2022 16:48:19 GMT
We don't like that my Mom only watches CNN. I don't believe it is good for anyone to get ALL of their news from just one source, not ALL Fox or ALL CNN. Just my opinion.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Nov 17, 2022 16:52:11 GMT
Have you talked to her about the changes you are noticing and concerns you have in that regard? Rather than just saying that it is Fox or trying to turn her against the "personalities" put it in terms of the personality changes that you are seeing and that it isn't healthy.
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Post by shessoaverage on Nov 17, 2022 16:57:04 GMT
Sixty years is a long time. Sometimes profound grief can manifest as other mental issues, but if she won't see a doctor or a therapist, I'm not sure how you'd know if that's the case.
It has to be hard to watch. I'm very sorry for her and your struggles.
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 17, 2022 17:18:28 GMT
As much as I loathe Fox, I don’t think it’s necessarily that either. It’s similar to what I’ve seen with my mom and Facebook. She’s grasped onto all the unhealthy posts directed at and meant to scare elderly people, especially those alone.
She won’t make an online purchase (but is fine paying us and having us use our credit cards to order things for her). She is afraid of everything and everyone, because someone’s waiting under her car to slash her ankles, everyone is looking to steal her purse/break into her house/give her the wrong medicine, etc.
It’s exhausting and sad. I’m sorry.
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Nov 17, 2022 17:31:43 GMT
My mom was a lifelong conservative until the last fifteen years or so, and she is fairly liberal now, but I also notice she really struggles with some of those long-term biases/systemic racism/sexism---she isn't really "woke" just not sleeping anymore, so when she does end up on Fox or seeing a lot of conservative biases on social media, I see her attitude get more negative, old biases come out and more paranoid/judgy statements occur.
I don't think it is dementia "yet", but she has been a widow for four years. Much like your mother, she has no friend network, and I honestly think that if she didn't talk to me and my leftist ways every day, she could easily go in that same fox news direction. She is 75 and I think there is a "slight natural" level of mental deterioration that starts for the majority at that age, but pair that with loneliness, lack of a social and mental stimulation-- at any age, and it think it can do funky things in the brain.
I am sorry you are dealing with this....I can see how my mom could go that way too.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 17:39:44 GMT
I honestly believe it's the 24 hour companionship. As their world gets smaller they identify these live TV people as friends. ETA: she also watches the View and the daily talk shows. That's why I think it's a friend thing. I do think that is some of it, possibly. When I was a kid, the TV was on 24/7 and usually tuned into daytime talk shows. I feel like I got to know Phil Donahue really quite well. I probably see my mother 2-3 times a week on average, and I'm the only person she sees.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 17:40:31 GMT
As much as I loathe Fox, I don’t think it’s necessarily that either. It’s similar to what I’ve seen with my mom and Facebook. She’s grasped onto all the unhealthy posts directed at and meant to scare elderly people, especially those alone. She won’t make an online purchase (but is fine paying us and having us use our credit cards to order things for her). She is afraid of everything and everyone, because someone’s waiting under her car to slash her ankles, everyone is looking to steal her purse/break into her house/give her the wrong medicine, etc. It’s exhausting and sad. I’m sorry. I cannot tell you how glad I am that my mother does not have Facebook.
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Post by papersilly on Nov 17, 2022 17:45:11 GMT
i think the sense of community see feels and the familiarity of faces gives her some sort of comfort. i don't see any true harm in it unless she starts writing fat checks to whomever they are pushing in whatever election.
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Nov 17, 2022 19:54:22 GMT
I honestly believe it's the 24 hour companionship. As their world gets smaller they identify these live TV people as friends. ETA: she also watches the View and the daily talk shows. That's why I think it's a friend thing. I do think that is some of it, possibly. When I was a kid, the TV was on 24/7 and usually tuned into daytime talk shows. I feel like I got to know Phil Donahue really quite well. I probably see my mother 2-3 times a week on average, and I'm the only person she sees. I think we have a lot in common here. My mom might have a quick conversation with some neighbors as they walk by (and the guy next door checks in with her at least once a week), and she does talk to my SIL a couple times a week on the phone (it used to be once a week max, but my SIL has started to call more...by brother rarely calls). They visit about once a month to six weeks on average. She talks to her sister/brother/BIL maybe once a month and they see each other about three times a year. I talk to her on the phone daily and see her 2-3 times a week, (usually with one or more of my kids and my DH)...otherwise, she is on her own. Luckily she mostly watches the Hallmark channel/streaming services/primetime network shows and her main news source is NBC and she only watches Fox in the morning and it is a local show (Jason...and he is gay...she makes sure to state that he is a "gay guy" often). She does have FB, but she also has a coloring app and reads some too, ---and in the summer she gardens but it is getting really hard for her to do so, but it all helps. She is lonely, but she also never felt she needed or could make or deserved (not sure which or all) friends, so here we are.
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mimima
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Post by mimima on Nov 17, 2022 19:57:58 GMT
I agree that it is seeking friendship and connection. When you watch TV news (of any type) it's also loud and hyper which is attractive as well. Hugs to you.
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Post by flanz on Nov 17, 2022 20:33:40 GMT
I think she is beyond just watching Faux News. She may be experiencing early dementia. Has she been assessed by a mental health professional? Bc what you are saying is just not normal. My BFF's parents were wonderful people, and while both were living she said they completed one another. One was physically healthy, the other was mentally healthy. So the one with good cognition told the physically healthy one step by step what to do and together they managed life. I'm wondering if it's possible that your father was doing some things that masked some signs of dementia in your mom? (I also believe Faux news is addictive and very damaging.) You have my sympathy. ((( hugs )))
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 20:35:06 GMT
I think she is beyond just watching Faux News. She may be experiencing early dementia. Has she been assessed by a mental health professional? Bc what you are saying is just not normal. My BFF's parents were wonderful people, and while both were living she said they completed one another. One was physically healthy, the other was mentally healthy. So the one with good cognition told the physically healthy one step by step what to do and together they managed life. I'm wondering if it's possible that your father was doing some things that masked some signs of dementia in your mom? (I also believe Faux news is addictive and very damaging.) You have my sympathy. ((( hugs ))) It's possible, but my father was 90 and had been largely deaf/blind for a decade; my mother is 78 and did everything for both of them.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Nov 17, 2022 21:35:33 GMT
It really could be the onset of dementia - particularly the paranoia. That was my first thought.
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Post by Cupcake on Nov 17, 2022 21:48:09 GMT
The onset of dementia was my immediate thought as well. Often people can sort of hide/compensate when their spouse is still with them but once they are no longer, the symptoms come to the forefront. This sounds very much like my mom, who has Alzheimer’s. The change in personality and paranoia are concerning. Although I am not a fan of FOX news, to me this looks like a symptom and not the cause.
If you can convince mom to go to someone for an evaluation, or even just a quick doctors visit, they can help, but it sounds like that will be the first challenge. Sending a hug to you.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2022 21:51:46 GMT
The onset of dementia was my immediate thought as well. Often people can sort of hide/compensate when their spouse is still with them but once they are no longer, the symptoms come to the forefront. This sounds very much like my mom, who has Alzheimer’s. The change in personality and paranoia are concerning. Although I am not a fan of FOX news, to me this looks like a symptom and not the cause. If you can convince mom to go to someone for an evaluation, or even just a quick doctors visit, they can help, but it sounds like that will be the first challenge. Sending a hug to you. I am currently in therapy because the couple of months of dealing with my parents while my dad was in hospice were some of the worst months of my life (and then I found out my father had an entire secret family my parents never told me about). The hospice workers threatened to call APS because my father was refusing care and my mother was trying to fire the hospice workers and nurses because she considered them intrusive for providing care. It was miserable. I've never met anyone as averse to medicine as my mother.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 17, 2022 22:13:58 GMT
Your mom has experienced a huge lifestyle shift with your dad gone. It’s especially bad since she doesn’t have other friends or family besides you to help fill that void. Honestly, the thing that would help her most would be for her to spend more time with other people in real life.
For my mom that meant volunteering at church and in the community while she was able. When her dementia got worse, we set her up to go to an adult day care a few days a week to give my brother a break. When even that wasn’t enough, we moved her to an assisted living/ memory care home and that actually helped a LOT more than we expected. It really opened up her world because the staff encouraged the residents to participate in the various activities. It made her last year much more enjoyable for her than the previous 5-6 when she was just living with my brother with visits from the rest of us.
If she won’t go to a doctor, I would look into having a social worker or someone similar come to her to do a home assessment. Your county should have an office or department on aging that would have resources to help. We did that with my mom and it was eye opening to see just how much worse she was than we had realized. After that assessment we knew we couldn’t leave her home alone at all anymore. Hugs, it’s really a tough situation to be in.
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Post by flanz on Nov 17, 2022 23:55:42 GMT
The onset of dementia was my immediate thought as well. Often people can sort of hide/compensate when their spouse is still with them but once they are no longer, the symptoms come to the forefront. This sounds very much like my mom, who has Alzheimer’s. The change in personality and paranoia are concerning. Although I am not a fan of FOX news, to me this looks like a symptom and not the cause. If you can convince mom to go to someone for an evaluation, or even just a quick doctors visit, they can help, but it sounds like that will be the first challenge. Sending a hug to you. I am currently in therapy because the couple of months of dealing with my parents while my dad was in hospice were some of the worst months of my life (and then I found out my father had an entire secret family my parents never told me about). The hospice workers threatened to call APS because my father was refusing care and my mother was trying to fire the hospice workers and nurses because she considered them intrusive for providing care. It was miserable. I've never met anyone as averse to medicine as my mother. I'm so very sorry. You have been through so very much. ((((( HUGS ))))) I'm not a therapist but I'm wondering if you need some time and space away from your mom, for your own health.
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Post by elaine on Nov 17, 2022 23:59:51 GMT
I think she is beyond just watching Faux News. She may be experiencing early dementia. Has she been assessed by a mental health professional? Bc what you are saying is just not normal. It's definitely possible. It has been really sudden. She won't see a doctor; that is a lifetime issue (she has probably seen a doctor two or three times in my lifetime). My MIL was experiencing Alzheimers, but we didn't really know about it until my FIL died. Once he was gone, she descended quickly into paranoia and also not being able to do daily living things like operate the thermostat, the various television remotes, etc. Keep an eye out for your mother’s ability to do various daily living tasks.
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Post by gramasue on Nov 18, 2022 0:11:52 GMT
I have no advice - you have received lots of good opinions here already, but just want to say I'm so sorry that you're having to experience this, especially after what you went through with your Dad's ill health and death. I hope you can find a resolution for this sad and worrying situation.
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maryannscraps
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Post by maryannscraps on Nov 18, 2022 14:11:48 GMT
I guess someone can mark this as politics if they'd like, but I don't intend it as a political discussion. My father died six months ago. Since he died, my mother has become an avid viewer of Fox News. This has been very out-of-character for her; she has never been a huge news watcher, and she has always been pretty liberal. Since she has been watching it, her world perspective has changed dramatically. She is extremely paranoid and thinks everyone is trying to scam her or steal from her. She thinks that everywhere is extremely dangerous. She has started saying a lot of weird conspiratorial political things as well (Joe Biden is actually completely ravaged by dementia, and is being used as a puppet so the government can loot hard-working people), although it's less that her political views have changed substantively than that the character they have taken on is persecution and conspiracy. Obviously, since my father died, and my mother had been married to him (a lousy marriage, but that was her situation) for almost sixty years, I can't say that this is 100% from watching Fox, but, every time I try to follow up with her about why she has said this out-of-character thing, she says she heard it on Fox. I know I'm not the only person who has dealt with this. It's really hard. Now, when a small thing happens like my youngest accidentally leaves her jacket at school, my mother starts literally yelling about how "those other kids" (with exactly the implications that sounds like) took it; when the jacket of course is right where she left it the next day, it's because "those kids" got caught and put it back. She is paying her rent in an envelop of cash because otherwise her landlord might drain her bank account with a direct deposit arrangement; she goes physically into Verizon to pay her cellphone bill because she won't pay it online or even over the phone. I don't think there is any solution here -- I've obviously suggested she, you know, stop watching Fox News, but she insists that she "likes the personalities on there" and so is going to keep watching. I think I'm just looking for other people who have experienced the same thing with friends or relatives -- this is really, really weird. You are probably right, but at least you can come to some understanding on why it's happened. And that may help you process your own feelings and thoughts and responses, even if it doesn't change a thing with your mom. If she doesn't feel that she needs to change, then there isn't much you can do. I'm really sorry you've gone through all this with your mom and dad. It's been a really tough year for you.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 18, 2022 14:16:47 GMT
I think she is beyond just watching Faux News. She may be experiencing early dementia. Has she been assessed by a mental health professional? Bc what you are saying is just not normal. It's definitely possible. It has been really sudden. She won't see a doctor; that is a lifetime issue (she has probably seen a doctor two or three times in my lifetime). My mother’s dementia seemed to come on suddenly after my father died. Imo partly the shock of the loss of my dad and partly that he was masking or compensating for some of the dementia symptom behaviors. Any way you can point her towards a less toxic crutch than faux news? Good lord, hallmark movies would be better. A pet she could care for? Can she do volunteer work? Anything she can fill time with that isn’t as fear mongering. Good luck & hugs
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Nov 18, 2022 16:30:16 GMT
It's possible, but my father was 90 and had been largely deaf/blind for a decade; my mother is 78 and did everything for both of them. sounds like your mother is at a place where she's not 'needed' any more... my mother was the same way- she took care of my dad for years (he was also 10 years older than her) so when he died, she didn't have anything to 'do' so to speak. They had been married for 63 years, and she never really recovered from his death. The only thing she said she wanted was to be with him... My sister and her husband sold their house and basically moved in with Mom to take care of her for the last year+ of her life (she had multiple health issues she had let go for too long), but they, too, were pretty much the only people she saw on a regular basis. Does your mother belong to a church? Or is there a senior citizens service of some sort in her town? Someone you could find to come in for an hour or two and talk with her, play cards, etc.? Or as some kind of 'caregiver' who would check on her, chat, etc.? My mom had fallen away from the church, so wouldn't even allow the pastor to visit. My sister finally got Mom to agree to have a caregiver come in a couple times a week for a few hours, so she could get a break and run her own errands... (mom had gotten to the point she was pretty frail and we didn't want her left alone) and that actually helped mom out, I think- she had someone different to talk to, and a 'break' in the normal / monotonous routine. ETA: or maybe the library? Does your mom drive at all? My mom was an avid reader-- I'm not sure if she would go out to the library (the pandemic messed with mom's mental health a lot, I think), but if she didn't go out to the library, my sister would go to the library and pick books up for her. Mom and Judy also did a lot of jigsaw puzzles; they got easier as mom's health deteriorated, but she still liked doing them.
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